Big Dirk Allen and the Tiny Blonde

Of course he was good looking. In fact, 'good looking' was an understatement. 6'4" and 240 lbs of muscle clad in tight blue jeans and an equally tight red t-shirt, he was intimidatingly gorgeous. Dirk Allen made his living as a male model, so Tina had expected intimidatingly gorgeous. Good thing for her she wasn't easily intimidated.

If he hadn't been her assignment, she would've entertained the thought of seducing him. Sometimes, when global safety was at stake, seduction was part of her assignment, so she had that skill set. Tina knew how to accidentally position herself in a man's line of vision and show her figure at the best angle. She could purposefully make the random eye contact that somehow lead to the chance connection. She knew how to suggest he come back to her place in such a way that it was obvious she'd "never done this sort of thing before." And she knew how to ride a cock. She would have been more than happy to prove that to male model Dirk Allen.

Tina could picture him sprawled naked on her living room floor. In that picture she was straddling him, impaling herself on his engorged manhood, rocking her hips to a rhythm that made him whimper. She could almost feel his silky, raven black hair as she fisted it and pulled him up into a sitting position, encouraging him to suck and bite her breasts. Oh God, her breasts ached for the touch of his full, pouty lips.

"Keep on mission, Agent Blondel," an authoritative voice chirped from the small communicator tucked behind Tina's ear.

"Stay out of my bio readings, Fac-Tel," she snapped.

Generally it was helpful to have an artificial intelligence with access to every database in the world at Tina's beck and call. Usually it was a good thing Fac-Tel monitored her vital signs, making sure she hadn't been poisoned or wasn't bleeding internally. But at that moment, when Tina's nipples were so stiff they cast shadows on her silk blouse, Fac-Tel's omniscient omnipresence wasn't helpful or a good thing.

"This is why I don't like working with biologicals," Fac-Tel muttered. "You all get distracted by the mere thought of reproduction."

"Target is heading west on Spruce," Tina said as Dirk Allen disappeared from view. "Possible destinations?"

"I don't know," Fac-Tel groaned. "There's like 80 coffee shops between here and 22nd Street. He's probably going to one of those."

"You're a big help. Thanks." Tina casually slid around the corner onto Spruce Street, catching sight of her target almost immediately. With his broad shoulders and tight ass, he stood out in a crowd.

"He's not good breeding material," Fac-Tel warned her. "Sure he's got perfect DNA, but all my research indicates he's a mama's boy."

"Not looking to breed," she said while she slipped through the lunch crowd lining up at a sidewalk hot-dog cart.

"Do you really want Delia Villa-Allen as your mother-in-law?" the AI asked. "She is kind of evil."

"We haven't proved that yet," Tina reminded him. "And I'm not in the market for a mother-in-law... or husband, for that matter."

Love wasn't a luxury she could afford. As the number one agent for the SWSO, Tina Blondel didn't have time for date nights or boyfriends. All her time was spent protecting the public from people like Delia Villa-Allen, CEO of Villa Pharmaceuticals. If reports could be trusted, Villa-Allen had developed the formula for Delectiovenenum and was planning to use it to enslave the human race.

It was Tina's mission to infiltrate Villa Pharmaceuticals, find out if those reports were true and, if they were, stop the fiendish plot before it could be completed. She hoped hunky Dirk Allen was, in fact, a mama's boy. If he was the sort of son who diligently listened while his mother complained about her workday then perhaps he knew a thing or two about Villa Pharmaceuticals' alleged illegal experiments and maybe, just maybe, Tina could trick him into giving up those secrets and helping her save the world.

For the last block and a half, Tina had stealthily followed Dirk. She noted his every move, never taking her eyes off of him. But she did have to blink and it was in that half second of blinking that she lost sight of him. One moment he was there, the next he wasn't.

"Fac-Tel," Tina gasped. "Where'd he go?"

"I... um... ehhh..." the AI stammered.

"Hack into the surveillance cameras on the neighboring buildings," she ordered. "There's got to be something. He was just here."

"Maybe that alleyway," Fac-Tel suggested, but Tina could tell from the tone of his mechanical voice he had nothing.

Sure enough, the ally was a dead end. There wasn't a single male underwear model hiding behind the dumpster. Tina sighed with frustration. If the human race was enslaved it would all be her fault, hers and her stupid, blinking eyes.

"Check architectural plans and recent building applications," she said, knowing it was hopeless, but she had to try. "Maybe there's a hidden door somewhere."

At that moment a gust of wind stirred the back of Tina's skirt, almost lifting it past her hips. She spun around and found herself not two feet away from the elusive Dirk Allen. By God, he was even better looking up close, what with his pale green eyes and chiseled jaw.

"Did my mother send you?" he asked.

Tina's face stayed deadly serious, but in her mind she smiled. She knew how to get the information she needed. It would be as easy as picking up a one night stand at a sports bar.

"She's worried about you, Dirk," Tina said, her eyes filling with concern. "We all are."

* * * * *

Of course, the cute, little blonde worked for his mother. Dirk couldn't have been more disappointed.

When he had noticed her following him three blocks back he'd hoped she was a fashion model groupie. He never actually had a groupie stalk him before, but he had heard stories and they all ended in filthy, unnatural, hate-yourself-in-the-morning sex.

There were a few things he didn't particularly like about himself, things that definitely fell under the category of "unnatural." Heck, he was going to hate himself in the morning anyway. For the past few months it had been his constant mindset. If he was going to feel like shit, Dirk might as well get laid first.

And the blonde was just his type, petite but with ample tits and ass. Dirk was a big guy and he had large hands. For him to get a satisfying handful there had to be a lot there to grab. This woman had a lot and he wanted to grab it all and squeeze.

But... she worked for his mom. Squeezing was inappropriate.

If she had been a groupie he would have grabbed her ample ass. He would've lifted her by her ass and let her wrap her legs around his hips. He'd lean her against the filthy alley wall, because that's how she liked it, filthy. Reaching up her skirt, he'd push her panties out of his way and sheath himself in her slick, hot pussy.

"Oh Dirk, Dirk," she would pant as he'd start to move inside her. "More... harder..."

The more he'd give her the more she'd beg until his thrusts made her breasts bounce so hard the buttons would pop off her shiny, purple blouse. She'd scream his name one last time before she came, her inner muscles gripping his cock and forcing him to shoot his load.

That's what probably would have happened if the blonde didn't work for his mother, but since she did she was going to do what his mother usually did; look at him like he was a big disappointment.

"... and that's why she's worried about you," the cute, little blonde said. "You don't seem to be able to focus."

"What?" Dirk asked. "I'm sorry. I wasn't listening."

"She's concerned," she said, her voice taking on a bit of an edge, "that you may have inadvertently told someone about the Delectiovenenum."

"Is that an STD?" Dirk shifted uncomfortably. "She knows I'm clean. She gets the blood and urine samples every week."

Over the past month or so he'd begun to wonder if maybe there was something wrong with his relationship with his mother. Perhaps all scientists regularly collected and studied their children's blood and urine, or gave them vitamin injections, or made them sit under the "health" lamp so their skin could absorb all the "health" rays. It was possible all the things his mother did were the actions of a normal loving parent, but Dirk was beginning to think there was some connection to the mysterious abilities he had recently developed.

Could it be that the health rays were the reason he could move so fast no one could see him? Maybe the vitamin injections were what made him so strong he could lift a car with one hand. Dirk felt a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach when he pondered whether or not his mother had performed experiments on him. Had she turned him into a monster, albeit an extremely attractive one?

"You stopped listening to me again," the petite blonde said, her cute little nose twitching with annoyance. "Didn't you?"

"No," he said with feigned confidence. "Well, maybe a little. You were talking about detective something."

"De-lec-ti-o-ven-en-um," she repeated slowly, enunciating every syllable. "It's the militarized airborne aphrodisiac Villa Pharmaceuticals was ordered not to develop."

"Was I supposed to know about that?" Dirk asked. "Sometimes I forget to listen when people talk to me, so occasionally I don't know stuff I'm supposed to know."

The woman sighed as if all hope was lost. "Either you're brilliant or unfathomably stupid."

"Let's go with brilliant," he said, "because I'm not sure what unfathomably means."

"I'll just have to figure something else out," she mumbled while she started to walk past Dirk.

"Wait a minute." He grabbed her arm as a stray thought rattled around in his head. "What is a militarized airborne aphrodisiac? Is it like a gas that makes people fall in love with the army?"

"Not exactly," she explained. "It's a chemical that, when inhaled, causes an uncontrollable need for sexual contact, a need that one would be compelled to satisfy immediately. If used as a weapon on a population, it could break the will of the people."

Dirk shifted from one foot to the other. "Part of me thinks this Delective thing is wrong." He stopped to adjust the front of his pants. "If we were to get dosed right now, you and me, I'd be okay with it. It'd be awkward later, but I'm used to awkward." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "On the other hand, if it hit while I was home with my dog... well, that would be traumatic for both of us. This sex gas needs to be stopped."

The blonde studied him for a moment. "You're not so dumb after all."

"That's what brilliant means."

"I haven't exactly been honest with you, Dirk," she said, "but I need your help so I'm going to tell you the complete truth." An angry squawking noise suddenly erupted from the woman's ear. "Shut up, Fac-Tel," she spat. "I'm doing this."

"That's a little weird," Dirk said to himself.

The woman held out her hand to him. "I'm Agent Tina Blondel with the SWSO."

"SWSO?" he asked as he shook her hand. "South West Student Organists?"

"Secret World Security Organization," she corrected. "We're concerned your mother may use Delectiovenenum on the city of Middleburg. Now, I know you don't think your mother could do something--"

"No," he interrupted. "That's totally something my mom would do. She's very sneaky and controlling in a creepy kind of way."

Tina grabbed his hand. "I need your help, Dirk. I have to get into Villa Pharmaceuticals' headquarters. You think you can get me in?"

Technically Dirk was no longer allowed at Villa Pharmaceuticals. Growing up he used to go there all the time, but when he was a teenager he'd done something which the family referred to as "The Donkey Incident" and since then he'd been banned. But he wasn't going to let that stop him from helping what's-her-name save the world.

"Sure can." He scooped the tiny blonde up in his arms. "Let's go right now." And with that he started to run.

* * * * *

Tina didn't scream. She would have liked to say it was her training that helped her keep her head, but really there hadn't been time for her brain to process what was going on and even less time for her mouth to scream. One moment she was in the alley, cradled in Dirk's strong and solid arms. There was a blast of wind and then quite suddenly she was still in Dirk's arms, but also halfway across town, in another alley next to the Villa Pharmaceuticals corporate headquarters.

"What just happened?" she asked as she rapidly blinked, trying to restore moisture to her eyes.

"Ahhhhh..." Dirk set her down on her unsteady feet. "I probably should've mentioned this before. I kind of can run really fast." He pried his fingers between a metal door and effortlessly ripped it off its hinges revealing a cement stairwell. "I'm also kind of strong. I think my mom's been experimenting on me."

"Interesting." She stepped into the stairwell and peered up. It was an emergency exit and the stairs disappeared into the dark distance above. They most likely led straight to Delia Villa-Allen's penthouse office.

"Don't trust him," Fac-Tel whispered in her ear. "He's a mama's boy."

Tina reached up her skirt and unholstered the pistol strapped to her thigh. "If it came down to helping me save the world or helping your mother control it, which side would you pick?" she asked. "And Dirk, I need you to be honest with me."

"I'll be completely honest." He held up a finger. "One, I don't remember your name and two," he held up another finger, "my relationship with my mother is complicated. Obviously, I love her. She is my mother. But I'm in my late twenties. I should have a say in whether or not I'm experimented on and given freakish superhuman powers."

"That didn't answer my question." She slipped the safety off her gun. "And you can call me Tina."

"I don't want her controlling me," he said. "I definitely don't want her controlling the world. I'll help you, Tina." He stopped for a moment to think and then added. "If you're going to kill her I may need to leave the room."

"Fair enough." Tina motioned with her head. "Can you use your powers to get me up to her office?"

"No problem. I can run you up the steps." He swept her into his arms again. "Besides the strength and speed, I also have inhuman stamina." He moved toward the stairwell, but stopped to add, "I'm not trying to brag. I'm just stating a fact."

"Duly noted." Tina patted his biceps straining against the soft, red fabric of his t-shirt. She pressed her face against his chest as a way to protect her eyes from the moisture stealing wind of his inhuman speed. There was the added benefit of surrounding her senses with his scent, an intoxicating concoction of musk and Old Spice. If things went according to plan and they were able to save the world, maybe later she'd test his stamina and find out all that Dirk Allen was capable of doing.

"Dirk, honey, what are you doing?"

Tina looked up to see an attractive middle aged woman in an impeccable business suit sitting behind a large mahogany desk. Delia Villa-Allen. Even if Tina hadn't studied her case file, she would have recognized her from all the magazine covers and cable news show appearances.

Delia casually, almost too casually, turned off the monitor on her computer and shifted some papers on her desk before standing up. "Is this your way of telling me you have a girlfriend?" she asked. "She's not good enough for you."

"No," Dirk blurted out. "This is... this is... ah..." He looked at Tina, his lips curving into an equivalent of a question mark. "I've forgotten your name again."

"Tina Blondel," she reminded him as she gracefully slipped from his arms. "Dr. Villa-Allen, I have some questions I'd like to ask you."

"Yeah," Dirk said. "like why did you perform experiments on me? Why did you turn me into a freak?"

"That actually isn't one of my questions," Tina tried to say, but Delia talked right over her.

"I did no such thing." The older woman moved around the desk. Her every step was filled with an old world elegance. "I was merely studying you, trying to uncover the origins of these extraordinary abilities you've manifested."

"Do you expect me to believe that?" Dirk's hands curled into fists. "Do you really expect me to understand all the big words you just said? Do you?"

"If I could redirect the conversation," Tina spoke in a purposefully calming tone, "there is the issue of a highly potent gas."

"It's always the mother's fault, isn't it?" Delia's voice rose in volume to match her son's. "Of course you suspect me when this is exactly the sort of thing your father would do."

"Don't bring Dad into this!" Dirk yelled. "He isn't the one who made me eat Brussels sprouts!"

Tina sighed with resigned frustration. This wasn't going to end anytime soon and she hadn't worn comfortable shoes. No one noticed as she slipped behind Dr. Villa-Allen's desk and sunk down into her stylish, ergonomic chair.

"I will not apologize for being the responsible parent," Delia snapped. "Do you truly think your father loved you more simply because he let you stay up late and taught you demonic incantations?"

Tina absentmindedly balanced a pen on the back of her finger and yawned.

"No," Dirk said. "I think he loved me more because he didn't change me into a monster."

"He cast a spell on you and temporarily turned your hair into worms," Delia reminded her son.

"Yeah," Dirk retorted. "Keyword: Temporary."

"He cast a spell on you?" Tina asked. She'd been entertaining herself by folding the papers on Delia's desk into origami animals, but the spell revelation had drawn her attention back to their conversation.

Dirk nodded. "Dad's a high ranking wizard."

"Who may very well have enchanted you with superhuman abilities," Delia added.

"He would never do that." Dirk shook his head. "Dad loves me. He doesn't want to change me. He respects me as his flesh and blood."

Delia rolled her eyes. "But you're adopted."

"What?!" Dirk cried. The shocked look on his face was so pitiful, Tina couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

* * * * *

Dirk felt like the ground was shifting beneath him. He could practically feel the floor tremble.

"What was that?" Tina asked, but Dirk paid her no mind.

"I'm adopted?" he asked his mother.

"God, you really don't ever listen, do you?" she responded. "We never kept that from you, Dirk. We always told you we found you in a Korean grocery the day after it was partially destroyed by a meteor."

"My whole life has been a lie." It was like his world was turning Topsy-turvy.

The blonde stood up. "Seriously, the building just rumbled. The floor actually moved. I can't be the only one who felt that."

"It's nothing," Dirk's mother reassured her. "They're just testing the rockets before the launch tonight."

"There's a rocket launch tonight?" Tina asked.

Delia froze as if she had just been caught doing something wrong. "Yes." Her words were measured and slow as if she was carefully thinking about them before she said them. "It's a routine pharmaceutical rocket launch. Don't look at the papers on my desk."

It was at that moment that Dirk realized how intelligent Tina actually was, because she didn't fall for his mother's trick. Immediately, she snatched up the clever little origami animals and unfolded them, frantically reading the papers as soon as the writing was visible.

"There is a rocket," she said as her eyes scanned the pages. "There's a bomb!" She looked at Delia with hatred in her eyes. "You heartless, evil woman," she growled.

"That's your opinion." Delia nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I'm of the opinion I have lots of heart."

"What did you do now, Mom?"

"She built a rocket to launch a Delectiovenenum bomb over the city," Tina explained. "She's going to explode sex gas all over Middleburg."