Black Sheep Pt. 05

"It won't."

I felt her arms close tightly around me as though, in addition to being really curious, she was also bracing herself. "Okay, you can tell me," she whispered.

"I want to be here...I...I..." I was suddenly lost for words. The truth was that I wanted to be around her more than I'd ever wanted to be around anyone else. I did not, however, know how exactly to say that to her without sounding clingy, like I was moving too fast (because we'd known each other less than two months). "I want to be here," I concluded, deciding that the truth, in its purest form, was the best I would ever be able to do.

Her arms tightened even more around me. "I want you here," she interrupted herself with a giggle. "It's crazy isn't it," she continued, "I don't even know your last name."

"I'm like Madonna, I only go by one name."

"Yeah, if you're Madonna then I'm Rihanna."

"Rihanna wishes."

She giggled again, the sweetest sound in the world. If I could hear that sound for the rest of my life I'd honestly be okay with every other shitty thing that happened in my life. But at the same time, I didn't want to make her feel like I was taking her for granted. I could very well regret it, but in the moment I decided that our talk needed to get more serious again. "Do you want to talk about what got you so angry?" I asked her.

She whispered back, "Only if you promise not to make fun of me, or think I'm silly or crazy, or yell at me again. You can't just yell at me, you know. You have a very deep voice; it's not a fair fight when you yell."

I kissed her head. "I promise not to yell."

She withdrew herself from my arms and looked straight into my eyes. "I don't want you to feel like you can own me," she said, with her voice so small and shaky that it almost sounded like she was about to start crying again.

"You're very cagy, Linc," she continued. "I know that I don't have any right to anything about your life but that doesn't mean I'm completely oblivious, either. I can tell that money isn't a big thing for you, so you're willing to just throw it at me. But at the same time, I'm not important enough to you for certain things, because it always feels like you're holding back or something. That means you're not giving me the money because you care, it means you're basically repaying me for something, most likely sex. I like to think I'm progressive but at the same time, I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with you paying me for sex..."

"I'm not paying you for sex..."

"That's what it feels like."

A strand of hair came loose and I tucked it behind her ear. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way." I wanted to tell her so much more than that yet at the same time, I was acutely aware that I couldn't do that. I guess it was exactly like she said—even when I thought I was being completely open with her, I was still holding back. "I'm sorry, my lo—" I caught myself before I finished that word. That word didn't belong in the kind of relationship we had. Smiling and moving my hand up her thigh, I asked her: "Do you forgive me?"

She immediately closed her eyes and started moaning. "Now you're trying to fuck me into forgiving you, aren't you?"

I used both my hands to slide down her panties, all the while nibbling her ear. "If you want me to stop, just say the word."

Fearing that I'd stop, she grabbed my hands and guided them back to her pussy. She was still dripping wet. "You know what I want?"

"You want my dick inside you. That's something we have in common, you know."

She giggled. Then she drew away from me, grabbed one of my fingers, and sucked her juices from it. "I want you to cum inside me again."

"You liked that, didn't you?"

"Uh huh."

"But you haven't earned it," I told her. I said the next words directly into her left ear: "You haven't let me taste your pussy in almost a week. Last night you only let me lick it once, then you wanted something bigger than my tongue inside you. No, you demanded something bigger than my tongue. But see, I was enjoying myself. I wanted you to cum inside my mouth but you denied me that. See my problem?"

"Uh huh."

"What do you have to say about it?"

"I'll let you tongue-fuck me until I cum."

"You promise?"

"Uh huh."

"You have to say it or my dick cums onto your ass again, not in your pussy."

She reached down to stroke my dick as she spoke. She knew how much I loved that, how turned on I got. I could feel pre-cum already coming off the tip. Her hands quickly undid my pants and freed my throbbing dick, then one of her hands wrapped around me and stroked back and forth a few times before she said: "I'll let you tongue-fuck me until I cum. I promise. Now please fuck me until you cum inside me."

We weren't really fans of the missionary position because as we'd discovered, my dick penetrated her deeper when we did it doggie style; but in order to ensure that every drop went straight into her, she quickly walked over to the bed and spread her legs wide for me. I followed her and found her hips already gyrating in anticipation, and her knees raised.

How could I make her wait after that? I freed myself all the way from my pants and fucked her until we were both raw. Every time I came inside her she screamed my name over and over again. "More," she whispered, until every last drop was inside her. We were so exhausted that my limp dick was still inside her when we both fell asleep.

That was how easy it could be between us, but that was seven years ago and she'd moved on. Worst of all, she'd moved on with my brother.

I wanted to turn around and ask her why she was so quick to accept Christopher's offer to move into their fancy little house, why the fuck it was so easy for her to love him the way she could never love me? I know, I know, I'm a whiny bastard who was basically trying to understand why the love of my brother's life couldn't break his heart to be with me. He didn't even fight for her and she was his. Why couldn't I be him, why couldn't I think straight, why couldn't I shake the feeling that I fucking hated my brother a little?

That was Ishtar—that was what she fucking did to my brain.

When it was happening, I didn't realize that her cute little smiles were working their way into my heart, that the way she smelled was etching itself into my brain, that those brown eyes of hers were becoming more and more like a drug to me, and her laughter...dear God that laughter, it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

Maybe I should have told her that. Maybe that was the kind of cliché stuff she wanted to hear. But I had my shot and I screwed it up. No how the fuck was I supposed to go in living without her?