Blending Love

They walked ahead of us towards the skate park and Tom slowed his paces. He told me he was jealous of our girls running off to dance class hand in hand and he desperately wanted to hold my hand but didn't think it was right in front of the boys. I asked Tom what his favourite sandwich filling was and he told me he ate anything. I promised him mustard braised beef tongue sandwiches for lunch on Wednesday and he told me he would happily eat them. We arrived at the skate park and I overheard Alex tell Edwin that Tom was my friend who's a boy, not my boyfriend.

"So what does your Mum do?" I heard Alex ask Edwin and I wanted to stop the world right there and turn back time and explain to Alex that he shouldn't ask questions like that. Tom placed his hand on mine and said "It's ok."

"She was a doctor, but she died when I was 4." Edwin said very matter of factly.

"That sucks." Was Alex's almost 11-year-old response and I suppose it was apt because it did indeed suck.

"Your Mum sounds like she was an amazing women," I said sipping my coffee, "I'd love to hear more about her sometime."

Edwin looked at me and smiled. "Yeah, Dad can tell you more because he probably remembers more."

I left it and the boys conversation went in different ways. Soon it was time to walk back to dance class. The boys walked ahead of us again and Tom at one stage did grab my hand for a bit, stroking my palm with his thumb. "You said the right things to Edwin," Tom told me, "He hates it when people tell him they're sorry."

"That's what I said to you and it probably wasn't helpful."

"I'll forgive you, but we do talk about Georgie a bit and I don't want the kids to forget who their Mum was."

"I couldn't imagine it any other way." I replied truthfully.

Dance class had finished when we arrived back at the hall. The girls were outside still showing each other moves they had practiced in class. Some of the other parents were mingling around still.

"Mummy, Mummy, can Georgia come for a playdate sometime? Please? Please Mummy?" Charlotte pleaded.

Both girls were looking at me with big eyes. I heard Edwin sigh and say "typical" in the same manner I had heard a thousand times from Alex.

I looked over at Tom, but I could not read his expression at all.

"Sure girls, that sounds like fun," I offered.

There was something bothering Edwin.

"You know, Ruth, if you wanted to take the girls now that might work well because Edwin has been at me all holidays to go to the Go Karts and Georgia has not been keen at all. Actually, Alex, do you want to come with us?"

"Can I, Mum?" Alex pleaded.

It all seemed to be working well.

"How about I drop Alex home after lunch?" Tom offered.

I told Tom I would text my address and we left with a smile towards each other. I grabbed Georgia's booster seat to put in my car and we waved goodbye to the boys.

"Are we going shopping, Mummy?" Charlotte asked. She knew the routine- I usually did the grocery shopping straight after dance class. I said that I had planned that, but I also thought we might stop in at Fairy Land for a look. I always discouraged gender stereotyping from my children and yet Charlotte loved dancing and fairies and Alex loved soccer and gaming.

Fairy Land was a shop at the local centre and was basically an oasis for young girls to look at all the pretty things. If Charlotte was going to a birthday party, she liked to buy gifts from Fairy Land. I did appreciate that the owners also included science activities and other games in their store, and it was not the stereotype it could have been. Some new wands had arrived, and I told the girls I would buy a new wand for each of them and some bubbles for them to play with at home. They were thrilled and cast spells on the other shoppers as we went up and down the aisles in the supermarket. It was lovely to see both girls getting on so well.

When we got home both girls amused themselves until lunchtime and were thrilled with the grazing platter I had prepared with chopped up vegetables, rolled meats, bits of bread and dips and cheese cubes.

Over lunch the girls carried on their conversations.

"I wish Shannon would give us lunch like this!" Georgia exclaimed at one point.

"Is Shannon your step-Mum?" Charlotte enquired.

"No, Shannon's our babysitter. My Mummy died." Georgia said as she bit into a carrot stick.

"My Dad has lots of girlfriends," Charlotte offered. I started to stop her but the conversation just flowed.

"My Dad doesn't have a girlfriend because he misses my Mum." Georgia replied so matter of factly.

I knew then I would have to take things very slow with Tom and wondered if perhaps we might be better staying friends for our children's sake.

"So what does Shannon give you for lunch, does she like to cook?" I knew I was fishing, but I was also not prepared for the answer.

"No, silly," Georgia replied laughing, "Shannon's a boy and he likes sandwiches!"

I laughed along with her, but I was really laughing at myself. I had pictured Shannon as a teenage beauty who was lusting after Tom. That will teach me for thinking in stereotypes I told myself.

The girls helped me clear away lunch and I sent them back to play promising them brownies for later. I always liked to send them to school with a treat in their lunchbox and these brownies made with sweet potatoes and apple juice concentrate almost ticked all the boxes in the school's 'healthy lunch checklist.'

I grabbed my phone and texted Tom, "I think our kids are having more dates than we are. I can report the girls are having a ball, but I do need to tell you a couple of things, oh and admit that I was jealous of your babysitter until I discovered she's a he!'

'Oops, didn't I mention that?' Sorry! We're at McDonalds (no coke I promise!) and will be at yours in about an hour if that's ok?'

I smiled and replied that that sounded perfect and that I would ensure the kettle was full. I knew I was attracted to Tom; I mean what was not to like? He was tall, incredibly handsome, kind and had the deepest blue eyes I had ever seen. But I also recognised his path to single parenting was totally different to mine. I wondered if perhaps we should simply stay colleagues for our kids sake.

The brownies were finished, and I was whipping up a banana bread with old bananas when the doorbell rang. Charlotte told me she would answer it. It was hard living in an apartment. Yes, it had three bedrooms and the kids had a room each, but there was one living area with an open plan kitchen, dining and lounge room. I lamented that we did not have a yard, but I also recognised it was one less thing for me to have to worry about on the weekends. I tried to ensure that we spent time at parks or the beach on the weekend so the kids could at least run around.

The boys were playing together on Edwin's handheld gaming device. It was the same model Alex had wanted for Christmas, but I could not afford it at the time. I had told Trevor that that was all Alex wanted and he had ignored my advice and given both of his children $100 which was not enough for Alex to purchase the only thing he wanted. The money was lost on Charlotte who told me she might buy some bubbles with it.

I made a pot of tea for Tom and I and the boys were comfortable on one of my two couches. I poured some juice for the kids and left them some brownies to eat. I took the tea and brownies for the adults to my small deck and ushered Tom outside. The deck overlooked the apartment block next door and I could see other people outside.

"Tom, I promise I was not prying over lunch, well, apart from when I asked about Shannon, I suppose," I started looking at the cup of tea I was holding, "But Charlotte asked Georgia if she had a step-mum and Georgia's response was she didn't because Daddy still loved Mummy very much."

"Ouch!" Tom took a sip of his tea, "Well, Um, Edwin asked Alex why his parents divorced, and Alex told him it was because his mum hated sex."

I spat out my mouthful of tea. I mean, how was I ever meant to respond to that? I started laughing, but the laughter turned to tears. I was upset on so many levels. I knew the only person that would have told Alex that was his father. I had simply told the kids that Mummy and Daddy had grown apart and Mummy wanted Daddy to be happy and he was not happy living with Mummy.

"That's not entirely true," I eventually responded, wiping the tears from my eyes, "But it probably would be fair to say that my marriage was built on sex and without it there was not a lot holding us together."

The timer in the kitchen buzzed and Charlotte soon appeared to tell me the banana bread was ready. I went in and took it out of the oven.

"Mummy, can Georgia come with us to the beach tomorrow?" Charlotte asked as I removed the oven mitts.

"Charlotte," I turned to see what Tom would say, "I'm sure Georgia would love to, but I need to spend time with her and Edwin tomorrow getting ready for school, perhaps next weekend if that's ok with your Mum?"

I was relieved because things were moving so quickly, and I had no idea what was happening. I was glad our kids were getting along, but I also recognised that all four kids had opinions about their parents that would see a relationship between Tom and I difficult to navigate.

Tom gathered Edwin and Georgia and prepared to leave. Without prompting from her father, Georgia thanked me for an amazing lunch and the wand and bubbles. I told her any time and said that we would try and arrange time the following weekend to catch up. Tom leant in again and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

For the rest of the weekend I planned what to pack for our lunch on Wednesday. I decided on a grazing platter similar to the one I had prepared for our girls' lunch on Saturday. I was surprised when Trevor messaged me on Tuesday evening saying he was going to take the kids this weekend. I reminded him Charlotte had dance until 10am Saturday and he said he would collect her and Alex after that and bring them home Sunday afternoon. I held off messaging this news to Tom and decided to wait until lunch the following day.

"I have been looking forward to these tongue sandwiches all week!" Tom exclaimed as he greeted me before clinic opened on Wednesday.

"Change of plans," I laughed and when I saw Tom look confused I added, "Only with the menu, I'm still looking forward to lunch!"

The morning flew and before long Maggie ensured I was ready to head to lunch as Tom appeared from his office for the morning.

"My Mum actually served braised beef tongue every so often and I really was looking forward to having some in sandwiches," Tom told me as we walked to the garden area near the hospital.

"Georgia seemed to love the grazing platter I prepared on Saturday and that Shannon always made sandwiches so I decided to vary it up a bit!"

"Grazing!" Tom laughed, "Now I get it! Georgia has been on at me about the grass platter you gave her for lunch and I have been very confused!"

I opened the little containers of goodies I had brought and we sat back and nibbled. Tom had switched his phone off and we enjoyed the sunshine.

"Trevor messaged me last night, he's taking the kids this weekend."

"Like for a few hours or overnight?"

"He said after dance on Saturday until Sunday."

Tom reached for his phone and switched it on. It immediately rang and he dealt with the problem then dialled a number.

"Damo, it's Tom, you know you owe me- could you please take my on-call Saturday evening because I think I have lined up a hotter than hot date!"

I laughed. When Tom hung up he again switched his phone off and told me it was sorted. He was planning on taking m to a restaurant for dinner and I could tell he was excited.

"The kids are glad to be back at school," Tom told me, "Actually Georgia loves her teacher Miss Taylor and spent all last night telling me how pretty she is and that she is a Miss not a Mrs! I did not tell her that I already had my eye on someone else, but I liked that she was thinking that I might find someone else to spend time with."

"Alex loved the go karting by the way, he's hardly stopped talking about you and Edwin."

"Ruth," Tom turned to me with a nervous look on his face, "It's not going to be easy navigating a relationship around our kids, but I hope we will both find it worth it."

I smiled and leant in and brushed my lips against Tom's. "Tom, I can't tell you I'm not nervous as all fuck, shit, I said it again." Tom was laughing and this time he leant in and brushed his lips against mine.

I packed away the small containers that had contained our lunch and we stood and smiled at each other. I knew I was falling for this man and I simply hoped in my heart that we could find a way to make it work.

We beat Tom to dancing on Saturday. Charlotte had been talking about Georgia all week. She wished they were at the same school, but I knew that Tom sent his kids to a private school and mine were at the local public school. Charlotte squealed when she saw them pull up a few minutes later. She was out of the car and she and Georgia gave each other a hug when they saw each other.

We ordered our coffees and there was no mention of coke from either of the boys and walked to the skate park. Tom told me where he had made reservations for dinner and I knew it was an upmarket restaurant. As we wandered back toward the dance studio, I saw Trevor leaning against a lovely looking sports car. Alex and Edwin had again been chatting for the morning and I had heard Alex tell Edwin he was spending the weekend with his dad. I grabbed the kids overnight bags from the boot of my car and handed them to Trevor.

There was a gorgeous young woman sitting in the passenger seat of Trevor's car. She had long blonde hair, wore a string bikini top and mini skirt and large sunglasses. The girls emerged from their class and Charlotte asked if Georgia could spend the weekend with her dad too. Tom and I both said a definite no at the same time.

"Alex, Charlotte, this is Gigi," Trevor indicated as the kids climbed into the car. I noticed he did not introduce her to me and I did not mind. I had no idea if she was indeed his girlfriend or was just someone he was using to try and make me jealous, but I was over his games.

Tom helped Georgia into her seat and came back to me as I was climbing into my car. "I'll see you at 6.30 and I really can hardly wait!" he told me.

Before grocery shopping, I called in at the boutique where we had purchased my dress for Melody's wedding. They had a sale rack out the front and I had seen a black dress on it several weeks earlier and wondered if it might still be there as I thought it would be appropriate for my date that evening. Indeed it had been sold, but the salesperson grabbed another dress and urged me to try it on. I told her it was too small for me, but she insisted.

I was surprised that not only did it fit, It seemed to look good on me. I was concerned it fell just above my knees and I exited the cubicle to ask for an opinion from the salesperson.

"Wow! That looks like it was made for you!" The salesperson enthusiastically told me.

I talked of my concerns and she said that every woman needed a little black dress. She gave me plenty of ideas for accessorising the dress from pearls to colourful necklaces or simple drop earrings. I knew I had some green glass beads at home, the same colour as my eyes that my parents had given me for a birthday before they died. I purchased the dress and went and completed my grocery shopping.

It had been so long since I had been on a date. I showered early and spent time washing my hair. Despite it being a hot February evening, I dried it with the hairdryer. I thought about leaving it down, but was concerned that it was simply too hot, so I pulled it into a low ponytail. I knew it was too hot for makeup, so I applied some mascara and lip gloss. I changed my usual silver studs for some dangly green earrings that matched the beads around my neck and decided I would have to do. I had been overly critical of my body for the afternoon and tried not to compare it to Gigi that morning. I knew she was more than 10 years younger than me, but still I reminded myself that Tom had arranged to spend the evening with me and not a younger model as my children's father had done.

Tom was right on time at 6.30 and my heels clicked across the tiled floor to the door.

"Wow! You look stunning!" Tom's eyes lit up as I opened the door and he leant in for a kiss. He was a true gentleman and opened and closed the car door for me. He too looked dashing in an open neck shirt and a dark suit.

Conversation flowed over dinner. Tom spent a lot of time talking about Georgie and I did not mind at all, despite him apologising every time he brought her up. Tom told me that he had no idea what he wanted to do when he left school, so he enrolled in a science degree. He got a job in a lab and after a year decided that he wanted to try medicine. He was several years older than the other students. In his final year he met Georgina. She was a year below him, but Tom described how he was taken by her beauty. I asked him to describe her.

"She was petite. She had short blonde hair and a smile that would light up a room. I've always been taken in my smiles and that's what attracted me to you, Ruth."

Tom described their romance and it sounded sweet. She had never really had a boyfriend and Tom said he had a couple of girlfriends, but none were as serious as he was with Georgie. Her parents were both doctors and she had studied very hard to try and make sure people knew she was competent and not merely the daughter of doctors.

"We married mid-way through her intern year. Edwin was conceived on our honeymoon. She had a difficult pregnancy and Edwin was a shocker of a baby- he never slept."

"See that was Charlotte for me but go on."

"Despite us not having a lot of sex, she still managed to kiss me goodnight and appreciated the foot rubs. I also cut back to part-time to look after her and Edwin more. She returned to work and things were improving. Soon she was initiating sex more and before long she was pregnant again. This time however she miscarried early on. There was no rhyme or reason and we were advised to just try again. It took a while, but she was finally pregnant again. This was a much easier pregnancy than Edwin's. We had sex throughout and she was really horny! She was offered an ultrasound at 36 weeks, but she turned it down arguing that we overmedicalised pregnancy and childbirth and she felt the baby kick and knew she was healthy. That was a huge mistake because it would have indicated that she had placenta accreta."

I had heard of this term, but Tom explained that the placenta was embedded in the uterine wall and did not want to detach after childbirth.

"It was such an easy labour until it came time to deliver the placenta. I could see she was losing a lot of blood and the doctors were trying so hard. I was asked to wait outside with my baby and when the head obstetrician came to me an hour and a half later, I knew it was bad news."

"They had tried everything and performed CPR for 40 minutes, but my wife was dead."

I had tears rolling down my face, but Tom was used to telling his story now and although he looked sad, he was not crying. He passed me a clean white handkerchief with his initials in the corner.

"Oh Ruth, I didn't mean to upset you," Tom explained

"No, I just feel so sad for you. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship and then you had it taken away from you and I hate it when things aren't fair."

Our main courses arrived. The food was utterly delicious.

"But you keep in touch with her parents you said?"

"Yes, Georgie was a much longed for only child. Her parents are now retired and her father had a small stroke before Christmas so I hate to impose on them. We call in and visit them most weekends though."