Body and Mind

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Can those not born in the right body still find love?
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Disclaimer: This story touches on several sensitive subjects, such as transsexuality and sexual assault. Reader discretion is advised.

All characters are eighteen or older.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Prologue

Nearly everyone has something they dislike about their physical appearance. Something they perceive as a flaw or imperfection, or maybe just something not to their own personal liking, even if it is to someone else's. But at the very least, the majority of these people are comfortable within their own skin, confident in the gender they were born.

Marie was one of the unlucky few to be different. Born as a male, she realized from a very young age her mind did not match her body. While this could be considered unfortunate, she did have the tremendous luck to be born to loving and open parents, who understood that everyone should be able to be themselves, most of all their child.

Because of this, Marie was allowed to see psychologists and doctors at a young enough age to begin the transition process smoothly. After hormone treatments, vocal therapy, and cosmetic surgeries, she had transitioned without complications. She looked and sounded feminine, and the only giveaway that she wasn't a biological woman was the penis. That was the biggest and last step of the transition, one that had to be eased into. Regardless, Marie felt much more comfortable than she had ever felt before, and this made her and her parents happy.

She had changed schools because of the transitioning process, understanding the difficulties that could come with being openly trans in high school. Because of this, no one at her current school knew she was born a boy, and she reveled in that fact, able to carry herself as a real woman throughout her daily life.

Marie stood only 5'6", and had a slender figure. The hormone treatments had helped her grow natural breasts, even if they were only a small B-cup. Marie was still happy with them however. She grew her hair long, several inches past her shoulders, and it was a sandy shade of blonde. One of her most striking features was natural; her eyes, which shone like sapphires, bright blue and full of hope.

Though she had made a few friends at her new school, there was one thing she felt she had been missing out on, and that was love. Sure she loved her parents, and they loved her, as proven by how accepting they were of her changes, but she yearned to feel a different kind of love. Sadly, she'd always shied away from these feelings. Though she'd grown to feel comfortable with her body, she knew it wouldn't be so easy for others, and so she'd resisted advances from boys that had asked her on dates.

Marie knew that exposing her secret to any one person carried a tremendous risk. It could create a terrifying domino effect, spreading throughout the school and consuming her entire social life so that all her careful planning and changing schools wouldn't even matter in the end. She was finally a senior in high school, eighteen years old, and just a few months away from graduating. Though she felt the bite of loneliness every so often, she knew it would be safer just to keep it pent up, waiting for a better opportunity to come clean and find the love she so desperately wanted to feel.

Sometimes though, even the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

Chapter I

One of Marie's best friends was a girl named Sara, also an eighteen year old senior. She drew a stark contrast to Marie however, with short, jet black hair that hung a few inches above her shoulders, and dark brown, almost black eyes. At 5'10", she stood a few inches taller than Marie, and usually even more than that, as she had a tendency to wear heels or high heeled boots.

On this particular Friday afternoon, the two girls had decided to hang out at Marie's house for a night of movies, games, and pizza. Currently they sat side by side on the bed, playing Rocket League on Marie's PS4. Sara nearly scored a goal but Marie managed to boost at the a last second, getting a save to win the match.

"Damn! I almost had you!" Sara shouted playfully, nudging Marie's shoulder with her own.

"It's not my fault I'm so talented at rocket powered car soccer," Marie laughed.

Sara chuckled as well, putting her controller down.

"Whaddya wanna do now?"

"Wanna finish watching Firefly?" Marie asked, standing from the bed and moving to the blu-ray shelf.

"Oh hell yes! You've got me so hooked on that friggin' show," Sara said excitedly. "I hate that there's only one season. The fact that it was cancelled is a crime against humanity!"

"I agree," Marie laughed, taking the case from the shelf. She slid the disc into the PS4 and took her seat back beside Sara on the bed. The two watched the episode unfold, laughing at the various bits of humor spread throughout. Marie had seen it at least a hundred times, though it was brand new to Sara, and the former got a kick out of watching her friend react.

It came to a point where one of the characters, a woman named Inara was massaging another woman. Until that point in the show, it was assumed she was straight, but as the scene went on, it became clear she enjoyed the company of women as well, as the two shared a kiss.

"That's kind of hot," Sara said quietly, remarking on the scene.

Marie tilted her head to look at Sara curiously. "I think so, too."

Sara remained quiet for a spell, watching the rest of the episode play out. After it was over, she paused it and sat up on the bed, crossing her legs to sit Indian-style and face Marie, folding her skirt neatly over her lap.

"We've been best friends for what, about a year now?" She asked, a sudden seriousness to her voice.

Marie crossed her legs to sit in the same position, facing her best friend. The scene appeared very Sixteen Candles, albeit on a bed rather than a table.

"Around that, yeah. You okay?"

"I want to tell you something, but you have to promise never to tell anyone, okay?" Sara said, biting her lip.

"You can tell me anything Sara, I promise," Marie agreed, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Okay here goes," Sara said, pausing to take a deep breath. She closed her eyes. "I'm...gay," she exhaled and opened her eyes, trying to gauge Marie's reaction. She was simply smiling.

"So?"

"You're okay with it?" Sara asked nervously.

"Of course I am. I'm bisexual myself. What anyone does in anyone else's pants is their own business, I say, and if someone doesn't like it they can just stay out of it."

Sara cracked a smile.

"There's...more," She said, the nervousness returning to her voice.

"What? Were you born a boy or something?" She asked in a thinly veiled attempt to gauge Sara's reaction to such a question.

"What? No, nothing like that," Sara replied, again biting her lip for a moment before continuing. "I kind of...have a thing for you."

"For...for me?" Marie asked, shocked. She and Sara had always been close, and yet she hadn't seen this coming. She felt a sudden mixture of happiness and fear. Here was someone she genuinely liked being around and spending time with, admitting their feelings, and yet she was still unsure if she could bring herself to reciprocate, even after such an intimate confession.

"You're super sweet, funny, and smart. Not to mention cute," Sara said, her voice still carrying a twinge of unease. Marie blushed.

"I'm flattered," she finally managed to reply. "You're all that too, and so much more."

Sara smiled now, feeling more confident. She leaned in slowly for a kiss.

Marie wanted to resist as she always had in these situations in the past, but found it be a suddenly impossible task. As she felt Sara's soft lips make contact with hers, her eyes fluttered and closed, and she found herself leaning into the kiss. A warm, fuzzy feeling swept over her entire body. This was her first kiss, and it felt every bit as wonderful as she'd ever dreamed. Sara parted her lips ever so slightly, and Marie followed suit. Their tongues briefly made contact, and Marie could almost swear she saw stars.

Sara broke the kiss and licked her lips with a cheeky little smile. Marie sat staring at her, speechless. There was a long, awkward moment of silence before Sara finally spoke.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah," Marie responded, finding her voice. "That was just...it was wonderful. Perfect even."

"You really think so?" Sara asked, smiling wider.

"I really do."

Sara leaned in for another kiss but this time, Marie found herself leaning away from it. Sara pouted.

"I really did like it, Sara. I just don't know if I'm ready for it...I'm really sorry," Marie whispered, staring down at her lap.

"Oh honey," Sara said, a look of concern crossing her features. She placed her fingers on Marie's chin, lifting her gaze to meet her own. "I won't go any faster than you want me to."

"Thanks," Marie managed a weak smile. This made her feel better, though deep down she still felt the terrible pang of fear, not knowing if it she could ever let this progress, no matter how much she wanted it.

"That was my first kiss," she admitted.

"Really?" Sara asked, surprised. "How does someone as good looking as you go this long without getting a smooch? That's heresy!"

Marie couldn't help but laugh now, and she leaned forward to hug Sara. Sara returned the embrace, patting her friend's back.

"Whenever you're ready for more, you just let me know," Sara whispered.

Marie shuddered at the feeling of her best friend's hot breath washing over her ear.

"I will, Sara. Thanks again...for being patient with me."

"What are homies for?" Sara said with a snicker.

-

The rest of the night progressed uneventfully. They finished watching Firefly, had pizza for dinner, and then Sara had gone home for the night. Marie felt a sudden emptiness as she watched her best friend drive away.

As she crawled into bed for the night, Marie felt her mind racing a mile a minute. It was hard to process all the emotions she'd had today. Her best friend had come out to her as a lesbian, and yet Marie still found it impossible to reveal her own secret. She couldn't help but wonder if Sara would still be attracted to her if she found out, considering she still had male genitalia. She desperately wanted to come out herself for the first time in her life, to one of the only people she held dear, but the fear was just too much. She couldn't stand the thought of rejection or losing her best friend.

She could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes, and quickly wiped them away. She shut them tightly, trying to concentrate on falling asleep rather than overthinking. After a few rounds of tossing and turning, she finally managed to pass out.

Chapter II

Marie's eyes fluttered open. She groaned, realizing it was still dark out and knowing she hadn't managed to sleep through the night. She rolled over and stared at her alarm clock. The bright red numbers read 2:30. She sighed, rolling onto her back. She knew tonight wasn't going to be a good night for sleep, with all the thoughts running through her head. She just couldn't take it anymore. She felt if she didn't get it off her chest now, there would never be a better time.

Reaching for her phone, she scrolled to Sara's number and began tapping out the text 'Are you awake?'

It was only a few minutes before her phone buzzed in reply. She quickly read the screen.

'Yeah. Can't sleep.'

'Me either. Can we meet up somewhere alone?' Marie tapped out the return message.

'Sure. Give me 20, I'll meet you at the Diamond.'

Marie knew exactly what Sara meant. The Diamond was a community baseball park just about halfway between where they lived. She knew it would be deserted this time of night, the perfect place for a confession.

She crawled out of bed and quickly put on a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and a classic pair of black and white Chuck Taylors. She then slid on her Eluveitie hoodie and headed out the door. She didn't have her own car yet, so she jogged to the Diamond. She saw Sara's car in the parking lot, but saw no sign of Sara.

She walked around the fence and onto the actual field, before hearing a voice call out from the dugout.

"Batter up."

She turned to see Sara sitting on the bench, smiling. She got up and trotted up the steps, onto the field, and over to Marie.

"What's up, babe? Is everything okay?" She asked, noticing the look of concern on Marie's face.

"I...I don't know," Marie sighed. She began to walk around the base path, and Sara walked alongside her.

"You can tell me anything, Marie. You know that."

Marie bit her lip, hundreds of thoughts and scenarios racing through her head.

"I really...really really really REALLY like you too, Sara," she began.

This brought a smile to Sara's face, though it was only half-hearted, as she still knew Marie was holding something back.

"I'm sure you didn't call me out here just to tell me that."

The pair rounded first base now, on their way to second.

"I have my own confession, Sara. But if I tell you, it could change everything. It could destroy our friendship, or even my life. I want to tell you so bad, but I'm so scared."

There was a long silence as the pair slowly crossed second base on their walk, continuing on towards third. Finally Sara replied.

"Babe, you're the first person I ever came out to and you accepted it without even a second of hesitation. How bad can your secret be? Are you an axe murderer or something? Do you secretly enjoy listening to Justin Beiber? It's okay, you can tell me," Sara said, a small grin crossing her face as she tried to lighten the mood. Marie couldn't help but let out a little chuckle as they crossed over third base.

"No no...it's nothing like that," she replied quietly. Only a few feet away from home plate, she took a deep breath and finally spoke the words she feared so much. "I'm a transsexual. I was born a boy."

Sara didn't respond at first, and kept walking alongside Marie. The silence made Marie nervous, so much so that she almost started to cry. But as the pair made it to home plate, Sara stopped, turned to her, and grabbed both of her hands, interlacing their fingers.

"I bet you feel better now," she said with a soft smile.

"Y-Y-You're not...mad? You don't hate me?" Marie asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. She was trembling.

"So you were born in the wrong body. You're a woman everywhere that it counts."

Marie managed to crack a small smile now, and she pulled her hands from Sara's, wrapping her arms around her best friend and hugging her close.

"Oh Sara, you're so perfect. I love you."

"I love you too," Sara whispered back, tilting her head to press her lips to Marie's.

Marie sighed happily and melted into the kiss. All her fears evaporated in the comforting moment, and she felt happier than she had in a long time. Sara pulled her head back and looked down at home plate, which they were both standing on.

"We're home," Sara said with a bright smile.

The two shared another warm embrace, holding each other close for a long time. Marie felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Tears welled up in her eyes not of sadness, but joy. She thought for so long that so much would go wrong if she ever confessed her history, yet here she was in her best friend's arms. She felt safe and secure, as if nothing could hurt her.

Sara took Marie's hands within her own once more and led her to the dugout. She pushed Marie down onto the bench and straddled her lap. She wrapped her arms around her neck and leaned in for another kiss. Marie returned it without hesitation, parting her lips. She felt Sara's tongue gently caress her own. Sara's body pressed against hers and she felt a warmth she'd never known.

Sara broke the kiss, but kept her forehead pressed against Marie's so that they were still only inches apart.

"Your secret is safe with me, babe. And if anyone does find out and has a problem with it, they'll have to deal with me. Ya dig?"

Marie smiled and kissed Sara again.

"Same with your secret," she replied once they'd taken a moment to breathe.

The two continued their makeout session, kissing passionately in the dugout, arms wrapped around each other. Both had found a love that only hours before each was unsure they'd ever get to experience. When they finally managed to tear away, they both went home feeling happy and fulfilled, and for the first time in a long time, Marie was excited for what the coming days would bring.

Chapter III

Thoroughly drained from the late night confession and heated makeout, Marie had no trouble falling asleep when she returned home. She slept soundly as well, not even waking up until mid afternoon that Saturday. She managed to pull herself out of bed and out into the living room, though she found it empty. Groggily rubbing her eyes, she spotted a note on the table. It read:

'Marie, we didn't want to wake you but we decided to go visit your aunt today. We'll be home late. Love you, -Mom and Dad.'

She thought about the note for a moment and had a sudden thought. The house was all hers for the next several hours. But she knew right away she didn't want to be spend that time alone. She practically ran back to her bedroom, texting Sara.

'Mom and dad are out til late. Wanna come over?'

She waited only a few seconds until a reply came through.

'I'll be right over!'

Marie shed her PJs and took a quick shower to freshen up. Afterwards, she slid on a pair of pink, bikini-cut panties, as well as a matching bra. She wanted to look her best for Sara today, and so she dug through her closet, selecting a teal bell-sleeve blouse with a lace-up pattern at the top. She then found the matching crinkle skirt, sliding it on before finishing the ensemble with a pair of matching, two-inch, cross-strap heels. She then spritzed herself with her favorite bodyspray, scented like warm vanilla sugar.

She was just finishing up with a touch of makeup when she heard a knock at the door. She had the sudden feeling of butterflies in her stomach as she walked to the door, opening it wide. Her jaw nearly dropped.

Sara had apparently also decided to dress up for the occasion. She had on a sleeveless black halter blouse, as well as a red and gray pleated skirt that went just past her thighs. Her legs were encased in sheer, black thigh high stockings, and on her feet were a pair of black, high-heeled combat boots. Her facial features were accentuated by bright red lipstick and dark eye shadow.

"Wow," Marie gasped.

"Same to you," Sara laughed, coming inside. Marie shut the door behind her and the pair moved into the living room, turning to face one another.

"So...house to ourselves, huh?" Sara asked, a devilish grin crossing her face.

"For a few hours," Marie couldn't help but return the smile.

"You have no idea how long I've dreamed about this," Sara said hungrily. She grabbed Marie's hand and trotted to her bedroom, pushing her down onto the bed. Marie's cheeks turned bright red.

Marie had never really fantasized about Sara. She'd always considered her her best friend, but it had never gone any farther than that until yesterday. To hear Sara admit to fantasizing about her gave her a much needed confidence boost.

Sara slithered onto the bed above Marie, pinning her wrists down on the bed and leaning down to kiss her passionately, before leaning up a few inches to whisper, "I never would've guessed you weren't born a woman. You're so goddamn sexy."

Marie thought if she blushed any harder her head might explode. Her cheeks felt so hot. And that wasn't the only thing that did. With Sara's body hovering above hers and the both of them clad in such sexy outfits, she felt a twitch in her panties. This however triggered a sudden realization.