Bored Spouses Anonymous

I guess "typical" defines at least the first twenty one years of my (Kevin Alston's) life. I was about average in everything including smarts, athleticism, size, personality, and experiences. I had really good days, and really bad days, did some noble things, and some ignoble ones, probably in a coffee creamer ratio (half-n-half). I was better looking than average, and that got me a few more sexual experiences than normal, but otherwise I was boringly typical.

When I was twenty one I met Sharon, also twenty one. I had a much different reaction to her than any other girl/woman I had ever interfaced with in my life. I guess it could be best described as butterflies populating my nether regions. I swear that my balls swelled up and my dick got hard not just at first look, but first glance. Her sparkling eyes and warm smile were intoxicating – especially since they seemed to say "Why don't you find out?"

I guess most guys would not consider Sharon drop dead gorgeous, but I sure did. She had the mysterious "it" factor that enhanced all of her physical and personality characteristics. I fell hard. Fortunately, she did too. We got married when we had both recently turned twenty two.

Relevant to this story is the fact that Sharon had a fraternal twin sister Cybil. They were the only children to Tom and Alicia Simpson. Getting the full story from the family about the circumstances surrounding Tom and Alicia's marriage was not possible for enigmatic reasons, but I did get that Alicia had Sharon and Cybil when she was only eighteen. To me Tom and Alicia seemed an odd couple. Tom was staid while Alicia was a fire cracker. Tom was only marginally good looking while Alicia was – if only one word could be used – smoking hot (I guess that's two words – sorry). There was no doubt where Sharon got her "it" factor.

Although Cybil didn't really look much like Sharon she was just as good looking although – to me anyway – she didn't have the "it" factor like Sharon (and Alicia) did. Cybil got married about six months after Sharon and I did to a guy by the name of Jeremy Thomas who was almost exactly my size and could easily pass for my brother. In fact I think that fifty percent of people who saw the four of us together and knew that there was a set of twins would think that Jeremy and I were twins, the other fifty percent Sharon and Cybil. Jeremy was not the most exciting guy in the world, but I really liked him, and I think that he liked me. We certainly never objected when our wives wanted to do things together and bring us along.

***********

The first six and one-half years of my married life were about the only thing in my life that – up until that time – wasn't typical. It was pretty exciting. Sharon and I – with and without Cybil and Jeremy or other friends – often went out dancing, kayaking, bicycling, to concerts, and to plays; plus the sex was good – really good! Then things slowly started to change.

The changes were partly due to a job that Sharon had recently gotten than required off-hours work for a Christian charity. The other part of the changes were – for reasons unexplained and inexplicable to me – because Sharon started to get really religious. While we had previously gone to church a couple of times a month, Sharon now went every Sunday – most times without me – and had bible study two nights a week, something that not only didn't appeal to me, but was torture.

Maybe because they had the "twin connection" going on, Cybil started going with Sharon to all of her religious activities, and even started working for the same charity as Sharon.

From the six-and-one-half year point in our marriage to the eight year point our quality of married life significantly deteriorated – at least as far as I was concerned. Sharon and I grew somewhat apart because our interests started to really diverge. I still loved her, and I think she loved me, but that was not coming through to my satisfaction in the bedroom. When I tried to talk with her about it I often was quoted scripture, and/or it was glossed over.

It was not just the bedroom where things were sliding – the things we always did together and with friends started to slide too unless there was some religious component to them. Jeremy was having the same problem that I was, and we often commiserated by doing things together.

Things came to a head at our joint thirtieth birthday celebration. Since I was only two months older than the twins, and Jeremy just one month younger, we decided to have a joint birthday outing for the four of us. What I thought was going to be a fun all day picnic culminating with a river cruise where there would be dancing, turned out to me more of a sales-pitch day from Sharon and Cybil's church-going friends who seemed to significantly outnumber our previous group of friends. When the minister of Sharon's church (by now I went rarely) made some comment about the type of dancing that should be done and music that should be played on the river cruise – and Sharon and Cybil went along with it – it was all that I could do not to blow up and ruin the party for everyone else the same as it had been ruined for me.

Jeremy and I were sitting in a dark corner of the main "party" room of the river cruise boat, sulking, when Alicia – Sharon and Cybil's forty eight year old Mom – came up to us. She was half-lit, and had a glass almost full to the brim with bourbon, when she approached us, not normal behavior for her.

"Doesn't this religious crap make you want to puke?" was her rhetorical question as she plopped down next to us.

Jeremy and I smiled at each other and both chuckled. "You too Alicia?" I laughed. She never had us call her anything but "Alicia" from the first day that she met us.

"How are two intelligent, active, smart guys like you standing it? I don't even recognize those two anymore," she complained referring to her twin daughters.

We proceeded to have a raucous conversation where Alicia revealed much more to Jeremy and I than she ever had in the eight plus years that we had known her. It wasn't just her personality and thoughts that she revealed – it was also her body. Her less-than-proper-length skirt was riding up her shapely thighs, and if one made any effort to look her camel toe was in clear view since even though the corner was dark there was a light shining in from the outside that hit her in just the right place.

I was embarrassed that my balls swelled and my dick got hard, but I'm sure that Alicia didn't notice.

After we had been talking for about twenty minutes, mostly about how boring our lives had become, Alicia hit us between the eyes. Absent slurs and hiccups she said "You know, boys I've been living a boring life since the girls left for college. After about two years of it I was going to have to find something else to do, or get some young stud to fuck, so I got pro-active. I joined Bored Spouses Anonymous."

After I got over the shock of hearing my mother-in-law say "or get some young stud to fuck" I asked – quite smoothly I might add – "What's Bored Spouses Anonymous?"

"It's a club for people with boring spouses that does all sorts of things together to get the tedium out of their lives. There are events or outings about three times a week. We go to museums, to art lectures, play bocce ball, have picnics, go on bike trips, have dances, go to avant-garde plays, all of the things you two used to do before your wives had their religious conversion. Most members go to one event or outing a week, some – like me – almost all."

"What does Tom have to say about it?" Jeremy asked.

"He can come if he wants to but never does because he's the boring spouse I'm getting away from. While I'm having fun he either naps, watches TV, or does some other grossly boring thing."

"So he knows about it?" I asked, fairly incredulous.

"Hell yeah – so do Cybil and Sharon. They even came with me to two events before they met you guys." Then Alicia paused, and although I can't be sure seemed to intentionally move her legs apart so that almost all of her glorious thighs were exposed and her camel toe as pronounced and visible as any real dromedary's, said "There's nothing sexual about it. No Ashley Madison, if you know what I mean. A way to stay chaste despite a boring spouse."

Jeremy and I looked back and forth at each other and Alicia. I don't look at guys' packages but you couldn't miss Jeremy's; it was in the same shape as mine.

"Why don't you boys come with me to the next event?" Alicia asked after downing the rest of her drink.

"When?" I enthusiastically asked.

"The next one I'm going to is tomorrow while Tom is watching basketball on TV and the girls are at church. It's a country-western theme picnic and dance, from about noon until four. By the way, after the first introduction it costs $5,000 a year for a full membership, $3,000 for a limited one."

"Where do we meet?" Jeremy chuckled.

"If you want to go, meet me at Spoonbill Park between 11:45 and 12:15. Now let's get up and dance even if it is to that boring-as-hell Christian music."

***********

I wasn't sure that I would be going to meet Alicia at Spoonbill Park until the next morning. For some reason, as had been more common lately, although Sharon was in a good mood and had "just loved" one of the most boring (except for talking with Alicia) parties of my life, she didn't want to give or receive oral sex. We made "gentle love" as she called it rather than the wild monkey sex that I was after. When I woke up in the middle of the night with a hard-on to beat all hard-ons with fleeting thoughts of Alicia's thighs and camel toe in my mind, for the first time in two years I ate Sharon in the middle of the night and then fucked her while she lay on her stomach.

My pussy munching woke Sharon up; however she was partially out-of-it and just groaned and protested, clearly miffed, but she wasn't able to stop me from fucking the ever-loving-shit out of her and blasting my largest second load ever into her pussy' and by the time that I did she was clearly loving it.

When we woke up, despite how pleased she was from my middle-of-the-night activities at the time, Sharon was peeved. "Kevin, that really wasn't right what you did in the middle of the night."

"What was wrong? You used to love oral and a good monkey fuck," I shot back.

"Please don't use that language. Married people are supposed to make love, not get their rocks off like wild dogs. I'm just interested in tenderness."

We verbally thrust and parried a little more, then dropped it when we started eating breakfast. Then she hit me with "Today we have a full calendar of events at church; why don't you come with me. We'll be back by five p. m."

"When are you getting there?"

"In time for the 11 a. m. service."

"Gee – six hours," I said, trying not to sound like I was being asked to have two root canals without anesthetic. "I would Hon, but last night your Mom asked Jeremy and me to go with her to an outing for some club that she belongs to is having and we agreed."

"You mean the Highlander Club?" she sweetly replied.

Either Alicia didn't give me the real name, or didn't give it to Sharon, because "Bored Spouses Anonymous" and "Highlander Club" don't sound anything alike.

"Yes, sweetheart; they're having a country/western event and Jeremy and I want to please her. We want to be on good terms with your Mom after all," I said with the cheesiest grin I could imagine.

"OK, Kevin; I'd rather that you be with me but at least you can keep Mom out of trouble," she responded, more upbeat that I thought that she would.

As soon as Sharon went to get dressed for church I called both Jeremy and Alicia and said that I'd be there, in appropriate dress.

************

I had little in the way of cowboy gear, but did have a nice pair of jeans and a shirt that would pass for a cowboy one. On line I found a thrift store that was open 11 a. m. – 4 p. m. on Sundays and drove there and got a cowboy hat and some boots that were a little too big, but OK with two pairs of socks on.

I got to the event at 11:45. Alicia was already there and greeted me warmly, with a non-chaste hug – something I wish that she hadn't done, but since my jeans were so tight at the crotch I probably didn't completely embarrass myself. Jeremy arrived about ten minutes later and he got the same welcome. Alicia was as animated as I had ever seen her as she got us guest passes, introduced us around, thanked me for the beer I brought her from the keg at the edge of the woods, and cajoled Jeremy and me to help set up the portable dance floor.

To sum it up, I had a great time. Without exception everyone was friendly and jovial, we learned all sorts of line dances, there were prizes (Alicia won for sexiest dance moves), and in general there wasn't a sanctimonious word or deed the entire event.

I was really sorry we had to get ready to leave when at 3:30 Jeremy and I helped disassemble the portable dance floor. I had never seen Alicia in that light before. She was now no longer my mother-in-law but a fun friend.

Alicia hugged Jeremy and me goodbye as she said "Do you guys want to join Boring Spouses Anonymous?"

"I wouldn't miss it," I quickly responded.

"I'll talk to Cybil but I'm 95% of the way there," Jeremy smiled.

"Let's the three of us meet for lunch on Wednesday and talk about it," Alicia chortled. "How about noon at Alister's?" Alister's being a local casual restaurant.

"Sounds like a plan," Jeremy and I chimed in unison.

As I drove home I tried to analyze why I had had such a good time. In addition to the dancing, beer, and comradery of people aged twenty five to sixty five, it was also – I had to admit – the joy of being with a sexy, uninhibited, upbeat woman just like Sharon used to be. I quickly purged my conscious mind of that last thought, but there was no purging it from my id.

***********

At lunch on Wednesday, Alicia gave Jeremy and I a great sales pitch, including providing a list of the next twenty upcoming events, as diverse as the people who were members. I found out that the official name of the organization was The Highlander Club, but all the members referred to it as "BSA" (Bored Spouses Anonymous).

As Alicia made her sales pitch she moved her arms, neck, hair, lips, and legs in manners that I had never seen before. If I didn't know better I'd think that her movements were intentionally provocative.

Jeremy and I both signed up on the spot, electing the four quarterly installments payment plan. After Alicia hugged and pecked us on the cheeks goodbye – a new part of her Aloha – since we were parked in the opposite direction of her car Jeremy and I walked together toward our cars.

"Say dude," I said to him as we had a bro-embrace goodbye. "Does Alicia seem 'flirty' to you."

He chuckled. "I wish; no, Freud, she's just being friendly and her enthusiastic personality is coming out now that she knows that we're looking on our wives recent conversions as skeptically as she is."

"I never thought of it like that," I mused aloud. "I guess that you're right."

*****************

Things went along relatively smoothly for the next four months. Sharon and Cybil were spending more time with church charity and church attendance activities, but since Alicia, Jeremy and I were going to two, and sometimes three, BSA activities together during the week and having a wonderful time we were resenting Sharon and Cybil's time away from us less and less; and enjoying Alicia's company more and more.

There were two disturbing things, however.

The first disturbing thing was that Sharon and I were now at odds in the bedroom; she wanted only gentle lovemaking and I wanted lovemaking sometimes and animalistic fucking others. Fortunately the frequency had increased from the pre-thirtieth birthday party level of once or twice a week to three (and sometimes even four) times a week, so I could live with waking her in the middle of the night for an animal fuck only once every fortnight.

The second disturbing thing was that when I had my once-every-two-weeks animal fuck with Sharon I was thinking of Alicia. As hard as I tried I could not purge her from my mind. It was difficult for me to believe that Sharon's forty eight year old mother acted younger and with more pizazz than thirty year old Sharon.

Then the cataclysmic event.

When the schedule for the next three months of activities for the BSA came out, Alicia had a glint in her eye when she showed it to me and Jeremy. "The event on Saturday the sixth is one you boys probably shouldn't attend – or couldn't get your wives to let you," she snickered.

"Why is that?" Jeremy, always the straight man, asked.

"Because it's our one risqué event of the year," she chuckled, "and it's the only one that's a sleepover. It's at a group of cabins in the woods in the middle of nowhere, about one hundred miles from here, and goes from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon."

"Exactly what does 'risqué' mean?" I asked with a twinkle in my eye.

"Well, we play Twister and some other adult games, have wet T-shirt and wet boxers contests, and in general people are more friendly and touchy-feely than normal. But no one is going to try and fuck you, because it's against club rules," the last statement followed by a hearty laugh. "Plus," she continued, "there's a surcharge of $100 to cover two-per-cabin rental, no mixed pairs."

We talked some more and Jeremy and I both said that we'd talk to her daughters about it. "Don't mention the risqué stuff," she warned, "Tom doesn't know anything about that and I don't want them to either."

"My lips are sealed?" I chuckled as I moved my fingers horizontally over my mouth.

Getting Cybil and Sharon to go along with the overnight was difficult until they had lunch with their mother and she gave them a real sales pitch. As Alicia related it to Jeremy and me later she told them "Look, you two have been the ones to change since you first got married. You need to have Kevin and Jeremy get out more like they used to before you became religious freaks."

"We're not religious freaks," Sharon demurred.

"We've just come to accept our savior," Cybil chimed in.

"That's great for you – but you're not the fun loving active women that Kevin and Jeremy married. If you want to save your marriages in addition to accepting your religious savior you need to let them have some of their old life back. You know that nothing bad is going to happen at a Highlander Club event – you attended a couple yourselves. I'll be there to watch over them too; now find a way to make it work." Alicia ended her spiel with a glare and crossed arms.

Alicia's talk did the trick. Cybil and Sharon made arrangements to go on a religious retreat at the same time that we were going to the BSA event, and all of us seemed happy about it.

************

I drove Alicia and Jeremy to the BSA event. Jeremy and I were bunking together in one cabin and Alicia and Susan, one of her female friends who was about her age, in another. Alicia had arranged for the cabins since she had been there before, and in view of her seniority in the club she had second choice of the cabins.

Maybe it was my imagination, but Alicia really looked provocative when we drove to the event; she sat next to me with Jeremy in the back seat, although leaning on the front seat looking at and talking to us most of the trip. He and I both had sunglasses on even though it was not that bright on the drive up. I assume that he had his on for the same reason that I had mine on, namely to ogle Alicia's thighs and cleavage without being too obvious. By then it was clear that both Jeremy and I had a real appreciation of our mother-in-law's form.

The cabin that Jeremy and I were assigned to was the most remote one in the grouping, at least fifty yards away from the next closest one. "Why did you stick us there, Alicia?" Jeremy fake groused.