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"Wh-Wha? Me?"
"Yes you. You speak elvish don't you?"
"Ah, y-yes. But I'm not, ah... Never mind." Sam gave in, seeing her imploring eyes. "We are uh, grateful for your help."
The elven men both looked startled. They glanced at each other, then back to Sam. "Please follow us then. We will escort you through the city. I warn you to be wary, there are some radicals in the city that will see your appearance here as an insult. Unfortunately we cannot prevent all of them from attacking if they were to chose to." The elf said, but his tone did not sound so apologetic.
With that, they headed for the gates into the city of Fraeline.
—————
Thus ends Chapter 9. I'd be interested to hear if anyone had suggestions for improving my writing, I'm very open to criticism and I take every comment into consideration. So please feel welcome to leave one. I think being able to reach out to people and discuss the story or characters or anything really, is one of the best parts about writing. I pretty much reply to everything (other than insults without constructive criticism, of course).
- COMMENTS
scream6over 6 years agoi gave it 9 chapters, but now I just can't read anymore. The mc is such a wimp and only wins through dumb luck. He has nothing likeable about him at all.
Anonymousabout 8 years agoI was reading this and gave it five stars until the last chapter which I give 4 stars. This chapter gets a one star and I won't bother with the rest. I want to at least like the main character. Sam has become totally worthless and mentally damaged to the point, well I can't find any admiration for him or any of them except maybe the wolf. Too bad, this story started out great.
Anonymousabout 8 years agoWell just remember you've asked for this;
1 - it's a good story, it'd be even better if you stuck with it and simply told the story. too much time is spent watching Sam wander off...AGAIN!...you're walking away, by yourself, into a completely unfamiliar forest where who knows what is lurking...AGAIN!...come on, the kid is not an idiot!
2 - nobody seems to grow amidst all this dramatic action. At least Darrel has a reason for being so serious and dour. Truly I tell you, in battle you learn quickly, in life and death situations the survivors are the ones who figure this out, the hesitant die quickly!
3 - writing about deep psychosis is best left to the pros. Dad was a pathetic, enabling putz, the step family crazed to Charlie Manson levels, and Sam just kept on keeping on...really. He's staying why? Do you actually KNOW anyone who has been physically, sexually, emotionally, and mentally abused like this? Then stop writing like you do.
4 - and finally, please stop the explanation at the beginning of each chapter, it is tedious beyond endurance...have mercy on your readers (we're actually on your side) stop beating on us.
THIS IS ACTUALLY A GOOD STORY! AND I'M REALLY TRYING TO SAY WITH IT, BUT YOU WRITE LIKE A PAINTER WHO CAN'T STOP MESSING WITH THE PICTURE. WRITE IT AND MOVE ON.
Anonymousover 8 years agoDon't let the negative comments get you down. This is an amazing read. It's a very refreshing change of pace to have a protagonist that isn't the standard cookie cutter alpha male or who doesn't change in to one within like 3 chapters. The more facets of Sam's broken personality you reveal, the more interesting he becomes. I greatly look forward to seeing him grow and heal. Loving the story so far, keep up the fantastic work. I'll be eagerly waiting for more chapters.
DistortedSenseover 8 years agoAuthorAh! I'm glad someone feels the same as I do in regards to that! Those comments were pretty discouraging for about a day or two, but I got over them fairly quickly. Maybe it's just because I'm the writer, but I just don't understand why they thought Sam had to be super strong, or some alpha male character. Not that I mean to disparage their opinions, but I just couldn't relate to how they felt. Sam isn't some hero, not even a little bit. He basically got thrust into this world of swords and sorcery with no prior training or anything. You can't just expect him to become a master swordsman in less than a week, it's simply unrealistic. He's a character who's still quite naive, not experienced with the sword, and has a lot of trauma/weaknesses. Maybe it's just because I know how he will develop as a character, but I feel like he needs to be given time to grow. Dammit I feel like I always end up rambling in these comments. I should probably stop cluttering the comments section with my bullshit, but I never was one to do what I probably should.
