Braving the Amazon

To my surprise, my old friend Tom was standing behind a large, pleasant looking, fat, woman sitting in a chair behind the counter. He was waving his hands at me, and mouthing words, like he was not happy to see me.

I could make out the words 'You don't know me' as I slowly walked up and said:

'Hey, Asshole!' I said with a big, friendly smile.

The woman behind the counter did not get up, but she did put her coffee down.

'Why did he call you that?' the pleasant looking fat woman asked Tom.

Tom looked innocently at her and shrugged.

'Could I get a pack of Cherry Cigar Lung Destroyers, mam?' I asked the pleasant looking fat woman behind the counter.

'Where do you know this guy from, Tom?' the pleasant looking fat woman asked, as she got my cancerous death sticks for me.

'Oh, i used to work with Tom.' I said, lying like a dog.

'Over at the plant?' she asked.

'Yeah, but I work somewhere else now.' I said, paying for my little cigars, still lying through my teeth.

I smiled sweetly at Tom, and waved.

'Y'all take care.' I said, in my best Tennessee accent.

'You too, sir.' said the pleasant looking fat woman.

She then started sipping on her morning coffee again. Tom seemed to melt into the background behind her, looking pale, as if death had passed over him.

I walked outside, got in the car, and cranked up some Iron Maiden. I flew home on wings of an eagle.

I got to Mom and Dads' and as soon as I walked in the door, my mom caught me.

'Are you okay, son?' Mom asked.

'Sure, Mom, I told you I would be out all night.' I said.

Why was mom up early? She wouldn't unless she was worried about something.

Red Alert.

'Well, Laura called last night, and I talked to her for a long time. I don't think she wants to go through with the divorce. She wants you to call her and talk to her.' Mom said, looking at me, as if expecting me to call right away.

I looked at Mom like she had whacked me with a cast iron pan.

I suddenly felt very tired. I only wanted to sleep, to enjoy memories of last night, and not think about the future. I sure as hell didn't want to think about being married at that moment.

I hugged my Mom.

'Good Night, Mom.' I told her.

I smiled at her.

'What do I say if Laura calls wanting to talk to you?' Mom asked.

'Tell her truth. Tell her I am exhausted from being out all night and I will call her when I get up.' I said.

And with that, I put my tired ass to bed.

The next few days, my body was sore like I had been lifting weights from fucking Diane the Amazon. I had braved the bed of an Amazon and survived. I had not defeated her, because no one man can. I had fucked an Amazon, pleasured her, and was pleasured by her, and the only metaphor that can describe the aftermath of this is:

Imagine being thrown out a car windshield while fucking and living through it to tell the tale.

I was that sore.

Was it worth it? Would I do it again?

Hell Yes!

AUTHORS NOTATION ON THIS STORY; DID ALL THIS REALLY HAPPEN?

As it is based on my early life, I can say that, yes, it did happen. All of the names have been changed, for all the important reasons, except for the state. Was their a real Diane? Yes, and she was just a fantastic in bed as described. She later ended up with a younger guy, who looked a lot like Robby. Did Robby get back together with Laura? Yes, but the marriage did not last, and the end of that relationship, is a story for a future time. Was Tom a real person? Yes, and he was real Asshole.