Breaking Barriers Ch. 02

Kip put his knees on the stone edge around the fountain and leaned back in to scoop up his soggy hearing aids. He shook them to get the excess water off, but he knew it would already be too late. He whirled on the guy who had knocked him over and with fiery eyes, shoved the hearing aids at him. The guy ran his slender fingers through his thick hair while he looked down into Kip's diminutive hands grasping the ruined hearing aids, but a look of confusion crossed his face. Kip looked at his friend just in time to catch most of what he said, between lip reading and what little residual hearing he had left, but it wasn't easy.

"Dude, you just knocked over a disabled kid," the red-head said, although it sounded like he was talking from beyond a heavy door. Kip glared at him.

"I'm twenty-two, and I'm more abled than you. But I do need to get my hearing aids replaced," Kip said, turning back to his main assailant. He saw the shock in his hazel eyes at knowing Kip's true age, which he was used to, but there was more.

"Hearing aids? But didn't you just hear Kent?" the guy said, and Kip sighed with exasperation.

"I lip-read, which I'm going to have to start doing more because there's no way I can afford to replace these." Kip's look of fury melted into sadness at that realization. He truly couldn't afford to replace them, not if he wished to keep paying down his student debt and have a place to live. What was he going to do about work? He stuffed the hearing aids into his pocket and picked up his briefcase where it had clattered just outside of the fountain when he had lost his grip. At least it wouldn't be dripping wet, like himself, he thought bitterly. The cool water had been a nice reprieve from the weather, but he wasn't able to enjoy it as a shock, and now that his clothes were gripping him in a wet and itchy way, he knew the walk home would be even more miserable.

"Again, I'm so sorry. My name is Vale, by the way," the guy said as he reached out a hand. Kip reluctantly shook it, but when he made eye contact, he thought he saw true repentance, and maybe something else. Was this stranger really better than any of the jerks he was used to? His hand relaxed in Vale's warm grip, and Vale smiled. "Can I call you a cab or something? I'll try to make it up to you. I do feel quite bad about having ruined your hearing aids."

"I'm Kip. I doubt a cab would take me like this," Kip said. Vale looked confused for a moment, and asked him to repeat it again. Kip sighed, but then did so, then Vale nodded.

"Sorry, you were talking rather low," Vale said. Kip blushed. He was vaguely aware that he often didn't put a lot of effort into talking, especially when he couldn't hear himself, and he never strove to since he considered that wasted effort. It was hard to maintain a public speaking voice, but for Vale, he suddenly felt like he wanted to.

"It's okay. I have to get home and change. It's only a few blocks away. No worries." Kip released his hand after an embarrassing realization that he still held it for a few beats too long. Although he was still cold from the water, something warm was spreading within him.

"Here," Vale said while he rummaged through his messenger bag and took out a scrap sheet of paper and a pen. He fervently scribbled something on it, not wanting to keep the poor boy waiting, and then handed the paper to Kip. "Here's my number. Text me and I'll see what I can do about replacing your hearing aids." Kip looked at the number incredulously, not remembering the last time he had a hot guy's phone number. Oh wait, it was never. "It's not going to bite you. Oh, please tell me I didn't trash your phone too," Vale said as his eyes rushed to the pockets of the short, cute guy standing in front of him. He didn't see any bulge from a phone, but his eyes did rest on a different bulge. Kip looked immediately uncomfortable, and Vale's friend, Kent, was trying to hide a smirk rather unsuccessfully.

"No, it's in my briefcase, thankfully. I'll text you later. Thank you." He rushed past him, a blush spreading throughout his face. He couldn't help it. He had followed his eyes to where Vale's went, and he wasn't used to that sort of scrutiny. Being invisible in a crowd was his specialty, and it helped him feel safe. Still, he hadn't exactly seen disapproval in his eyes.

Was it possible that Vale had been looking at him with desire? He squashed that thought immediately. He remembered the last time he had let his feelings get out of hand. He usually ended up making a fool of himself, thinking that every kind gesture was a hint at something more. No, he told himself. Not this time. That guy just wanted to fix what he ruined, and then he would be on his way, and Kip would still be alone. He just had to accept that.

He might not even text him, but he couldn't help but grip that bit of paper tightly as he walked.

* * *

A night of seafood salad and binge watching his favorite TV shows wasn't enough to set aside his depression that had flourished from earlier. He sat on the couch with one leg propped on the marble coffee table and tried to clear his head. He couldn't get Vale out of his mind, but he knew it was pointless to think about it. He was probably with that other guy, and even if he wasn't, he wouldn't like Kip. Especially after he would inevitably find out his secret.

He hadn't had bottom surgery, and wasn't sure when or if he would want to, and he knew that was a bit of a dead giveaway. As he had blogged before with the help of anonymity, he wasn't ashamed of being Trans. He just observed that it had a time and a place. When it came to gay-centralized conferences or parties, he had been fully out and proud, but out in the straight world day-to-day, it was just safer to not mention being Trans. Besides, he passed as male more often than not, and that was the whole point of transitioning. He was male.

He was still lonely though, and all of his recommended TV shows didn't help. Having a fully populated gay category was both a blessing and a curse. He opened up his phone's app store and searched for the dating app he had deleted earlier. He hovered over the Install button, but then quickly mass-closed his apps. He grimaced as if in pain, and willed himself to be strong. He didn't need those apps, he told himself. If he did get back on there, it would just be the same guys who treated him the same way. There wouldn't be anyone or anything new. He had to believe that, and not succumb to his weakness. Perhaps he just needed a bit of courage.

Before he could change his mind, he opened his texts and composed a new message. He plucked the scrap paper that Vale had given him from his coffee table. His heart thudded as he entered the number. Should he create a contact? Probably not. It would just a waste. He had already accumulated a bunch of numbers from guys that never texted him again, and he was reluctant to delete anything, just in case. It always hurt to text a guy he'd been talking to for a few days, but after a week of no response, to finally get "Who's this?" as a final response. He didn't want to be that guy for anyone, but so far that had been an unnecessary effort.

He quickly typed in the number and then the message. Then he erased the message. Then he typed a different one. Then he erased it and bit his lip. Why was this so hard? Just get it over with, he told himself. He's just a nice guy trying to do the right thing. Let him pay for the hearing aids and then quickly get out of your life. It will be less painful that way.

Kip: Hey, Veil. This is Kip.

He breathed out while hitting send, sending it irrevocably out into the satellites. It was short, and to the point. He tried to focus on TV again without checking his phone every few seconds, but it was largely unsuccessful. He finally felt the buzz of an incoming text, he almost jumped out of his skin. Luckily, he lived alone and that embarrassment would go to his grave. He quickly opened his phone to read the text.

Vale: It's spelled 'Vale', actually. :) How are you tonight? Dry, I hope? ;)

Kip bit his lip. The guy seemed friendly, but he was embarrassed he had spelled his name wrong. He quickly swiped across the screen to enter his reply.

Kip: Sorry. That's a really unique name. I sometimes struggle lip-reading things I'm unfamiliar with. I'm well. How are you?

He hit send after a quick proof-read. Was that message too long? Was it not playful enough? Vale seemed to have a playful attitude. He hadn't expected that. He had expected him to get right to the point of how to buy new hearing aids. He was sure it was coming soon.

Vale: I'm fine, although I still feel bad about earlier. I'm too clumsy sometimes. I hope Kent didn't get to you. He can be a jerk.

Right, the red-head, Kip remembered. He had made him bristle a bit when he was called disabled, but deep down he didn't oppose the label. But that guy had used it so abrasively. That was the part that rubbed him wrong. Would Vale understand?

Kip: Nah, your boyfriend is fine. I'm not offended.

Before he could even put his phone down, Kip received a reply. His breath caught in his throat when he read it.

Vale: What makes you think I'm gay? Are you? ;)

Kip's eyes frantically darted around the room, trying to think of a good comeback. He had been presumptuous, he supposed. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't put his finger on why he thought Vale was gay. Of course he would make this mistake. Now he definitely wouldn't breathe a word of being Trans, but there was not much of a reason to lie about being gay.

Kip: Yes I am. Sorry. I tend to assume everyone I meet is gay, and if they're not, I expect them to come out to me as straight in a heartfelt moment.

He sent it. That was as good as it was going to get. He didn't have much, but humor was his shield when he needed it.

Vale: LOL! I'll remember that. I was just teasing, btw. I'm gay too, but no, I'm not dating anyone. ;)

Upon reading that, Kip couldn't help but smile like a smitten schoolboy. Their texting carried on conversationally, and Kip even eased up a bit, forgetting his insecurities and anxieties in the good conversation. They talked about their work, and their families. Kip found out that Vale did illustrations for children's books, and Kip got to talk about the game he was working on. By the time he looked up again, it was getting quite late. He made a swift exit by saying that he had to get up early for work, and they said goodnight. It was hard to tell through text, but Kip felt like Vale really meant it, and it wasn't just a perfunctory saying.

Kip went to bed that night replaying the texts in his head while he curled up underneath his plush comforter. He realized something just before he drifted off to sleep. Vale hadn't brought up the final details about how to replace his hearing aids, although he had promised to follow through on it, no matter how much it cost. He had seemed just as into their conversation as Kip was, and he hadn't seemed too worried about getting out of it or moving on after his good deed. Could Kip be wrong about him?

* * *

Kip could barely concentrate on work the next day, and he knew he was behind. Luckily, he still had more than a week to catch up on his deadline before submitting the files to the next part of the team. When he was writing code though, he caught himself a few times when he had to backspace and fix something silly. Instead of brackets and macros, he was imagining Vale's repentant face when he had seen him for the first time. The sun beams behind him had made him look almost angelic, and it was a moment he replayed in his mind - something he hadn't fully appreciated at the time as he had floundered in the water.

Throughout the work day, he had been revisiting their texts from last night. It had gone on more than he was used to, and it had felt more comfortable than he had felt in a long time. He was only sad that it had an expiration date. It always did, even if Vale did seem like a person with substance, for once.

A warm hand on his shoulder made him almost jump out of his swiveling chair, and he looked up to see a boyish grin greeting him. He felt elated and anxious at the same time as Vale backed up to the door frame.

"Sorry, didn't meant to startle you. I was tapping on the door frame until I remembered you couldn't hear it," Vale said sheepishly as he slid inside the office, only thinking about it afterwards. "May I come in?"

"Sure," Kip said, gesturing to a padded chair on the opposite wall, which was only about a foot away. "How did you-" His voice trailed off as Vale shrugged.

"You told me where you worked last night, remember? Sorry to just show up uninvited. I didn't intend to, but I was out walking for lunch, and my feet just lead me here." He paused, perhaps noticing the trepidation in Kip's gaze. Was he really that intimidating? Although his frame did seem to dwarf the younger man's own stature. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude, but I wanted to give you something before you started to think that I was only stringing you along."

"No, it's okay," Kip began to say, even as he reached out for the envelope that Vale held out tentatively. "I don't mind that you're here." Actually, I craved it, he thought. No, he had to shut down that intrusive thought. He was being ridiculous, like usual, and this was the one time he couldn't afford it. "I was just surprised." He deftly opened the envelope and peeked at the check inside. Of course. He was paid, and now Vale was free. He'd done what he'd promised, and promptly.

"It's the price you mentioned last night," Vale said, after a brief, awkward cough. "I'm sorry insurance is such a bitch to not replace them."

"Yeah, it's just the state of the world," Kip said, as he tucked the envelope into his briefcase, and Vale followed his hand with his eyes. "I've tried before, but they have annual limits. The only reason I was able to get these-"

"Is because your grandmother helped you," Vale said, his eyes swinging back to Kip's face with an understanding look. "I remember from last night. When did she pass away? I meant to ask, but I didn't want to pry, if that's okay."

"It's okay. Just under a year ago, but it still feels like yesterday. She was a part of my whole life, you know?" Kip's eyes darted around, not quite able to meet Vale's at the moment. He took a deep breath. "Thank you for the check. I'm sure it'll take care of everything." Still looking down, he felt Vale's warm hand cover his own in a soft prod, and he heard a warm mumbling that reminded him he needed to look at him to lip read. "I'm sorry?"

"I said, now that the business is taken care of, I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner tomorrow night?" Vale asked with a smile as he leaned back in the chair. Color rose in Kip's boyish cheeks, but he couldn't control it. Did he say what he thought he said?

"Yes, if I'm understanding you correctly," Kip blurted, and Vale tried to hide a small chuckle.

"You are," he said, but Kip couldn't be sure. "Do you want me to pick you up, or meet me at the restaurant?" Kip's heart skipped a beat. When had he ever been asked such a gentlemanly question? Back in high school, when he was forced to present as female to appease his parents and the school staff? Maybe once. It hadn't felt like this. As much as he wanted to be picked up like a traditional date (although it had nothing to do with any perceived gender lines), he knew what the better answer would be.

"I can meet you there." Kip's breath wavered, but Vale smiled and nodded, accepting it easily. If he were disappointed, he hid it well.

"Great. I'll text you the details tonight. I'll let you get back to work now, as my lunch break is almost over. See you tomorrow." Vale's warm, confident smile sat on Kip's heart as he watched him leave, following his raven black hair over the tops of the cubicles for as long as he could from his terrible angle. As his eyes drifted back to the work in front of him, he saw Leo's disapproving look following Vale as well as he stood near the printer out on the office floor, before drifting back to Kip, who quickly looked away. Now the heat crawling up his neck was for a new, discordant reason.

He was allowed to have visitors, as long as his work got done. What right did Leo have to judge him? He tried to focus on his code and calm himself, but his thoughts buzzed like a honeycomb between what Leo might do (probably nothing), and what Vale might do (probably everything). He shook that thought away.

Sure, he had invited him to dinner, but that didn't have to mean anything. Perhaps it was out of guilt or pity. He didn't know, for sure. There were times he had been so confident in a guy in the past, and so wrapped up in his feelings that he didn't know it was over until it was etched in stone, and had been for weeks. He had fallen hard in the past, and he wasn't sure how cushioned this fall would be. He didn't want to risk it, but Vale's smile didn't leave his thoughts for the rest of the day. Would he still be smiling if he knew Kip was Trans?

* * *

"Well, there's something I haven't seen in a while," came the abrasive voice that caused Vale's inked line to waver. Cursing under his breath, he glanced up at Kent as the freckled man leaned against his workstation.

"And what's that?" Vale said, pulling out a clean sketch. It always paid to have extras on hand, especially when they needed to be inked.

"Your smile," Kent said, fiddling with the cups of pens, pencils, and rolled up cardboard using for smudging graphite. "Is there a cute boy behind it?" Vale stopped and thought for a moment, replaying their texts in his head.

"I guess there is," he said, and Kent clapped his hands together decisively.

"So, I guess your little tirade the other day was rather silly now, wasn't it?" he asked, sporting his Cheshire cat grin as he leaned over the workstation. Vale smiled, but only because there was now a line of ink trailing down his fair-skinned friend's forearm. He would let him know before he stopped bothering him and left. Maybe.

"Not in the least," Vale argued. "I meant every word. I just have a little more hope than I did before. I finally found someone unique, and with substance. You might want to try it sometime." He rolled his eyes to punctuate his feelings as he leaned down to swipe an inked line along a curve in the sketch.

"If I get bored," Kent said, inspecting his fingernails for dramatic effect.

"Don't you have a job to get to?" Vale asked, gesturing to the door, but Kent guffawed.

"I'm a business consultant, so being out of the office is my job," he said. "I'm actually on my way to a meeting on the squash court, if you know what I mean."

"I never know what you mean," Vale said while dipping his pen back into the India ink bottle.

"That much, dear sir, is lucid," Kent said with a mischievous grin, but then he looked uncharacteristically serious. "I hope this kid is good to you."

"He's hardly a kid," Vale said, although if he had to admit it, he did enjoy his boyish looks. "I think it's more important I'm good to him. He seems guarded, like he's holding back, but when we text, I feel like I'm talking to an old friend." He looked up from his work to let the ink dry before he had to rotate it and do the other side. "I don't want to get my hopes up, but I like him. I'm actually glad I knocked him into the fountain now, although it was more expensive than buying him a drink in a bar."

"How expensive?" Kent asked.

"More expensive than you want to know," Vale said solemnly. "But I think it was worth it."

"I sure hope so."

Vale's heart echoed Kent's words as he pictured the younger man's smile.