Bringer of Insanity: Fuck Me Wild!

He stays up all night. I wonder what he's doing, but I wonder what he's thinking more than anything. He's always busy he says, but always finds time to talk to people. I didn't know what to think when he got angry at me. He can be such an asshole but he's so insane. So fucked up in the head. So wrong. And yet to me…so right…in a very twisted sort of way.

I see him with his widened eyes. Dilated pupils or constricted ones like pinheads. Always more than out there. Always bathing in his own world of Chaos. His own world of desecration, madness, and utter destruction. So many personalities. So many sides. So many viewpoints. He's a walking paradox and I love it.

I am by no means in love with him, however. I am in love with his madness though. The madness of anyone like him. Funny that all this proves, as the Cheshire Cat said, "As you can see, I'm not all there myself." My dark and twisted fantasies are proof of that.

Every time he laughs it's like the world is one big joke. The world is his chessboard and he is the Chess Master. He orchestrates his life like a Chaos symphony and yet he has no control. He walks with paranoid eyes. Eyes aware and unaware. Eyes filled with rage and eyes filled with depression. Eyes filled with delight…dark delight, and eyes filled with defeat. A worn and rugged man who talked about being old when he really is just as youthful as I. Now I think I understand what he means.

And then I realized that his madness turns me on. Someone so completely disconnected from the world that has done just about every drug in the book and lived exactly how he wanted to his whole life. His insanity…his addictions…I want to fuck it all.

I want him to grab me by the hair and look at me with wide, intense eyes. Rage filled eyes. Eyes that say he wants to kill me. Or at least eyes that demand me be at his disposal.

My dark desire to go insane has left me searching in the strangest of places. I've wanted to feed off of him for so long but never understood why. Now I know. I want a piece of his insanity. I want to feel it inside me. I want to feel it dominating me. Taking me by the hair, bringing me to my knees and showing me what insanity really is. I want him to do whatever he wants. Pump me with drugs. Fuck me raw. Scream at me. Desecrate me. Tear me down.

His madness is so arousing. Ever since we first spent any sort of time together. And his duality. His sweet, cuddly side that I saw a few times over a few days. I want it to start off that way, actually. I want him to be affectionate, and then pull me to the floor by my hair. Grab me by the neck and constrict my air flow while looking with intense madness into my eyes. Then an abrupt jerk to my feet as he jams his tongue down my throat while he pulls my hair. He'll push me back and put his hand around my neck again, and when I really can't breathe, he'll let me go and I'll fall to the floor. He'll sit atop me, hold me down and kiss me again for a brief moment.

He'll abuse me. Defile me. Tie me up and fuck me. Pour hot wax on me. Inflict all of his rage upon me. Inflict all of his pain. All of his madness. All of his emotion…all at once. I'll be dripping wet the whole time…

His energy is so negative that it surpasses all of the negative energy I have ever felt, and I want to feel it. I want to feel his insanity. Maybe he'll even cut my skin slowly with razorblades, licking the blood from the wounds and kissing me as my own blood oozes into my mouth. The ultimate sadomasochistic fantasy is before my eyes. I want it badly. Everyone will think I'm crazy and maybe that's the idea.

Oh if he had any clue. Maybe he'd want me again…if he ever did. Maybe even he would think I'm crazy. I will always wonder. I will always lust for him. I'll try to forget this but it will keep coming back. I've denied it for so long, unable to understand it, but now it's crystal clear and etched in my mind. My intrigue is my delicious demise.

Fuck me, stranger. Fuck me…dare I call you Incubus? You speak of Chaos. You bring it about inside me. You make me want you and maybe you don't even know it. Maybe you do, and it wouldn't surprise me.

Bringer of Insanity: FUCK ME WILD!