Brownwood: A Long Goodbye

"Nathan, my father wasn't a nice man. I've told you some of what he was like. He was an alcoholic and extremely abusive. He was so bad that he drove my mother away. Unfortunately she didn't take my two brothers and me with her.

"These last four years the only thing he's remembered was my mother and how he chased her away. Finally he's at rest, although I doubt that he's at peace. To be honest I've been fighting a little guilt. I hadn't expected myself to be so relieved at his passing."

Nathan nodded.

"Allie, I do understand. More than most might. I understand impossible, painful situations and I can only guess the relief one experiences when they pass."

She smiled warmly at him.

"I know you do and that's why I'm here today. Over the last six months we've become good friends, so I knew you'd be here on your anniversary."

He stared down at the tiny tree he held. After a few moments she continued.

"Is that an anniversary gift?"

"Yes. They tell me it might be very therapeutic for her because she'll have to tend to it frequently. I even brought all the tiny tools she'll need as well."

He looked up at her with a forlorn face and tears started to form in his eyes.

"But it's more than that. This time it's a farewell gift as well. I filed for a divorce this morning."

She gently placed her hand on his arm.

"Oh Nathan, I'm so sorry."

"I... I know she doesn't know what she's doing but I can't sit by and watch her give her love to another man. My only other option is to stop coming here but that would be like abandoning her. Of course, what I'm doing feels like I'm doing that anyway."

"What'll happen now?"

His face became stern and she saw him set his jaw as if bracing himself against the inevitable oncoming storm.

"Well, first the courts will appoint someone to represent Eva, to look out for her best interests. It'll most likely be either Marcus or Tony. I hope it'll be Tony. He's had the hardest time with my decision. I know he understands what I'm doing, but he doesn't fully support it like Angela and Marcus do, perhaps it's because he's still not married.

"Tony would be the best choice. He's always been very protective of his mother. Of course, I won't be trying to deny her anything. Eva's future care will be the main focus for all of us."

Nathan became very quiet and stared down at the wedding ring he absently turned again and again on his finger.

"After the divorce is granted," he hoarsely whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "After the divorce is granted, I'll apply for an annulment."

He was silent for a moment and Allie could tell he was fighting with his shame.

"I feel like such a hypocrite. How can I or anyone else for that matter, act like a thirty-two year marriage never existed?"

"I'm sorry, I wish there was something I could say to take the pain away."

He smiled weakly.

"You being here helps me more than you know, Allison."

She looked at him with an arched eyebrow.

"Allie," he said softly with a sad smile.

His words brought a warm smile from his female companion. Her eyes danced and her entire countenance changed from quiet and consoling to one full of life.

"Have I ever told you what brought me to Brownwood?"

He smiled, recognizing her gentle attempt to distract him.

"You've told me pieces of your story, but I would be honored to hear the rest."

She smiled warmly at her now captive audience.

"Well since you probably know most of it," she chuckled and winked at him. "I'll keep it short.

"Like Eva, I fell in love when I was eighteen. Unfortunately, she gave her heart to a good man who loved her back and I fell for the local bad boy who got me pregnant. At least he married me but four years later he ran off with his secretary, leaving me broke with two small children.

"That's what brought me to Brownwood. I got a job in the battery plant where I met my second husband, Phil Morgan. We were married for fifteen years before he died of cancer. Since then I've dated, looking for that special someone to spend the rest of my life with."

Nathan grinned. After so many years of dealing with vague clients and slippery contractors, he found her directness refreshing. Allison Morgan seemed to know what she wanted and could no doubt be tenacious in striving for it.

"I knew your late husband. He was a good man. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. He was good man. Now he's gone but I know he'd want me to continue living my life."

She gently smiled at him.

"Nathan, from what you've told me I have to believe the old Eva would want the same for you."

His mind drifted to the pleas of his daughter months ago.

"Papa please," Angela had begged. "Stop doing this to yourself. You go day after day and watch her with him. It's killing you! Papa please, Mama would understand."

He'd felt the sting of her words. He knew she'd meant well, she was only looking out for him. What had upset him was that he knew she was right, Eva would understand. She'd even made him promise to go on with his life when the time came years ago. His mind would try to honor that promise even if his heart couldn't bear the thought of it.

"She does," Nathan said softly, his mind now focusing upon the attractive woman sitting beside him. "Or at least she did. She made me promise to keep living after she was gone... mentally."

"And?" Allie said gently.

"I'm finding it hard to keep that promise. I know she's not in her right mind anymore and that takes the edge off the pain I feel. But there's no way to describe what it feels like watching someone you've loved all your life giving her love to another. It's... it's almost unbearable."

"I'm so sorry you're forced to live through this. But Nathan, youaregoing to live through this and someday you'll love again. I can speak from experience."

"Allie, I want to thank you. You've been a godsend to me by allowing me to lean upon you. I need you to know how special that is to me. I also must confess my feelings aren't completely honorable towards you.

Her face lit up and her smile spread from ear to ear.

"Nathan," she chuckled. "I would've been somewhat offended if they had been."

He paused and silently stared. She cleared her throat and met his gaze.

"I think of you as a good and honorable man, as someone I'd like to get to know better than just as a friend. My second husband was a very good man as well, but he wasn't what I would call a proper gentleman. You, Nathan Cordova, are the epitome of an honorable Spanish gentleman. I would be lying if I didn't say that intrigues me."

Her smile lit up the rest of her beautiful face as she peered into his eyes challenging him to try to look away.

"Nathan, I'm only saying this because you've taken a huge step towards moving on with your life. I realize I haven't hidden my interest in you but I would've never encouraged you until you had decided it was time to move on with your life."

"Allie, I can't say the thought of spending more time with you didn't have some influence on my decision."

"Oh no, Nathan. Please don't think that!"

He saw her pained expression and reached for her hand. She took his hand in both of her own. Sighing deeply she peered into his eyes.

"Nathan, you're a very handsome man, so I can't believe you haven't had many women show interest in you over the years. Are you telling me you never found any of them attractive?"

"No, of course not but I never acted upon those feelings."

"Exactly and you haven't with me either. There was a reason we haven't talked in several weeks. I knew you were getting close to making some heart-wrenching decisions and wanted to make sure I wasn't a factor in them.

"What you're feeling is the promise that the opposite sex still finds you attractive. It helps you get past the fears everyone feels when they begin a new chapter in their lives. If it wouldn't have been me, it would've been any of a thousand women who'd assure you that you are still desirable.

"Nathan, tell me, this morning before you filed those papers did you plan to call me up tonight and ask me for a date?"

He shook his head.

"No, all I could do was think about my marriage," he replied sadly.

"That's what you should've been thinking about. It was a huge step and all your attention should've been on it. Did you plan to call me tomorrow or later this week?"

"I... no, I... it was too soon."

She nodded.

"And how would you have called me? I've never given you my number."

He paused for minute and then remembered she owned the Allie Cat Diner over by the battery plant.

"Allie, I know you and your family run that diner. I guess, I would've tried to call you there."

She smiled warmly at him.

"Smart man, but you would've only reached a friend. I've never given you my personal number, simply because it wasn't appropriate. I've been careful not to do anything that could hurt our relationship if it ever went beyond being just friends.

"Nathan, over the coming months and even beyond, you'll feel guilty at times. And if you believe I had anything to do with you deciding to end your marriage then it could poison anything we might have.

"Please, know I'm interested in you, but only after you've grieved the loss of your marriage. That's why I haven't tried to contact you sooner. I would've stayed away longer but, as a friend, I needed to see how you were doing. That's why I'm here today."

Gently she took his face in her hands and turned his head to look directly at her. With a tender caress of his cheek she stared deeply into his soft brown eyes.

"Nathan, there is life after this. I know it may not seem like it now, but it's a life that has joy and love in it again. Whether that life includes me or not is something we'll eventually have to discover together.

"But for now, you need to grieve. Nathan, I won't contact you again until you feel ready to talk. You can call me as a friend if you need me. Anything more and you'll have to decide when. I'll wait for you for a time because I believe you're the type of man worth waiting for."

He was silent for a few seconds before a tiny smile began to play upon his lips.

"What number should I call?"

Her face lit up as she laughed. Reaching into her purse she pulled out her make-up bag. Choosing carefully, she selected some lipstick and began applying it. She struggled slightly because she kept smiling each time she looked at him. Finally, when she was satisfied with the result, she pulled out and pen and piece of paper and wrote something.

She smiled sweetly at him with mischief dancing in her eyes. Placing the piece of paper to her lips, she gave it a big kiss then handed it to him.

"Call me," she said softly with a wink.

He knew then there would be a dawn to his dark night.

****

Epilogue:

Nurse Hellen Gruenberg made her way down the quiet corridors checking on each patient. The night shift had always been challenging. It would go from silence to chaos if a patient woke up and didn't know where they were. Added to her tasks was her additional duty of playing chaperone. Some nights patients would get up and wander, sometimes even into another patient's room. Most times it was innocent, other times it wasn't.

The couple that had kept her most busy had been Martin and Eva. It was a childlike game with them. The anklets all patients now wore made it easier to keep track of them, much to Eva and Martin's disappointment.

As she approached Eva's room she heard the sounds of someone crying. Quickly she entered the room to find her patient sitting on her bed staring at a tiny tree. Tears were streaming down her once beautiful face.

Carefully Helen sat beside her and gently put her arm around her.

"Eva, what's wrong?" she whispered.

"I... I don't know. It's just when I look at this tree, I get so sad."

Helen looked down at the tree and knew the sad story behind it, all the staff did. Eva had been meticulously tending it for the past two months and it was beginning to thrive.

"Well Honey," she said softly, "would you like me to remove it?"

"No!" Eva blurted out then calmed herself. "No, I think it was a gift... but not... not from Bobby."

"Do you know who gave it to you then?"

"I don't know, but I feel like I should. There's... there's a card but it's unsigned."

Eva buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

Helen gently reached over for the small card beside the bonsai tree. Quietly she read it.

My Querida,

I'm giving you the only gift I have left to give you, your freedom.

Goodbye, mi cielo.

Gently she wrapped Eva in her arms as the confused woman wept. Soon she'd cried herself out and was exhausted. Helen tucked her in again and told her goodnight.

"Do you want me to leave the door cracked open?" Nurse Gruenberg asked softly.

Eva nodded her head.

"Yes, please."

As Helen went back to her station, Eva cradled her pillow and stared at the tiny tree's silhouette. The darkness of the room hid the fact that her tears had begun to fall again and only the shadows in her room heard her desperate whispers.

"Querido, where are you? Please don't leave me."

****