Buffy Acid

Spoilers: ep 17, Lies My Mother Told Me

Oh, and btw, this was written really quickly. It's badfic, kind of funny.

Wood stood there, disbelieving that a Slayer who shared a common thread to his own mother, would stand there and defend the now -ensouled, yet - eternal killer.

"If you come after Spike again, he'll kill you. And I'll let him. This isn't about you. This is about the mission."

Buffy left in a huff, rubbing her thighs together and wondering how soon she could feel Spike's cock in her. It seemed strange that she had to justify killing another human being, even if she didn't wield the axe herself. But she just couldn't let Spike die, even if he was a sometimes crazed demon who was just as trigger happy with a soul as without one. In truth, she was ashamed. The only real difference between her and Faith was that Faith was honest. Her pathetic excuses for every selfish thing she did was causing all of her friends to look at her with increasing agitation. Only the Slayers in Training remained faithful in their devotion, certain that the longest-living active Slayer would lead them to victory and safety.

Suddenly, Buffy felt it splash against her face. It shocked her system so much so that she couldn't tell what it was for a bizarre, disgustingly vaudeville moment.

"Aaah!! My eyes!!" Buffy cried.

"That's it, you crazy bitch!" Andrew shouted, " you're a threat to the mission. You've become too selfish and gone crazy! The side of good doesn't need you anymore, so we have to get rid of you so you don't end up being used by evil!"

"Evil!!" Buffy shouted in a pained, horrified haze, "I'm not evil, you bastard... Oh my EYES!!"

"Sorry, Buffy, you're nuts," Xander piped up with dejected calm.

"He's right," Willow agreed, as she saw her friend's face melting away before her eyes.

She hadn't wanted killing Buffy to be this violent, but a really, really violent fell swoop* was the only way to make sure a Slayer couldn't be turned into a zombie and used by the First. Faith's death had been an unfortunate tragedy that had led them to this factual understanding of the First's modus of operandi.

"What have I done to deserve this!!" Buffy cried, as Spike bounded up the stairs from the basement, answering his mate's call.

"Oh, my god, Buffy!" Spike shouted, "I'm going to save you!"

Spike rushed to the aid of his blonde princess and, at a loss for what to do, steeled his eyes and said, "We're going to make it ok. We will, this is just temporary, luv. Just... it's tempo-"

Suddenly Spike morphed, his vampire recognizing the distinct sensation of holy water.

"Sorry, Spike, even with a soul, you are pretty self involved and evil. Sure, it might have been a demon impersonating your mother that said it, but she was right. She really should have dashed your brains out when you were a baby", Drusilla said. She had come on a declared ceasefire with Xander, Willow and Giles to see her cheating ex honey burn.

"Aaaagh!!" Spike wailed, "I'm going to kill you!"

Suddenly his mouth filled with acid holy water, and his tongue disloged and slipped out of his mouth. The water continued to burn his throat.

"Thanks for letting me be here, it was really important to me," Wood said to the Scoobies.

"No problem. It was only fitting", Giles replied, wishing he'd had the foresight to stand up to Buffy on the issue of Angel after Jenny's death.

Buffy and Spike danced around the room holding their faces in some nightmarish jerking waltz, before they were roped around by their necks and dragged into the living room, where a giant bathtub of mixed holy water and sulphuric acid lay. The water and acid had been mixed to prolong Buffy's death, since the violence in it was the only way to keep the First from reanimating her.

Giles and Dawn each held a rope, and threw Buffy and Spike into the vat, jumping back to avoid the acidic splashes.

Buffy and Spike writhed around for what seemed like hours, but were only minutes. Then they were dead.

"At least now I don't have to eat anything from the Doubleshit Palace for dinner tonight," Dawn quipped.

"What should we do?", Anya asked, not used to cleaning up messes after she had wreaked vengeance herself.

"I'll take care of it, you guys have suffered enough. It's always sad to lose a friend, but sometimes they must die. Go see a movie to take your minds off of it", Andrew replied.

When the gang had left, and taken the somewhat nonplussed potential Slayers out for a movie and ice cream, Andrew walked over to the vat. There, he undid his pants and got his last thrill out for either Buffy or Spike, and jerked off.

As his opaque seed dripped into the orange-water tub, he shed no tears.

The End?