Celebrity Jerk-A-Thon Ch. 04

"May I have your attention please?" Ashley shouted into the microphone. She waited a few moments until the crowd began to settle and then looked behind her to see Olga and her boys make last minute adjustments to their ballet outfits as they stood patiently at the door of the tent. Having received a nod of the head from Olga that the dwarfs were ready to perform, she then looked to the orchestra conductor who also indicated that the orchestra was ready. With this visual confirmation she once more addressed the crowd. "We have come to the final performance of our show and I just want to remind you that, as promised, all of our wonderful performers are going to join those of you in the audience to provide further entertainment once our last act has ended. So don't go anywhere. We have a lot more fun coming your way." She glanced once again at the dwarfs and the conductor, just to be certain that everything was in order. Seeing that everyone was ready, she continued. "Some of you may of heard of the these marvelous ballet dancers from Russia. But for those of you who have not, let me just tell you that you are going to be captivated by their outstanding skill and agility. Mary Kate and I have not had the pleasure to see them perform in person, but we have seen their act on video and they are quite an amazing and talented troupe. So without further ado, may I present to you the one, the only, Semenov Septets!"

Seconds after her introduction the orchestra immediately began playing the "Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy" from the "Nutcracker" ballet suite by Tchaikovsky. With the utmost grace and precision, the seven dwarfs danced their way onto the stage, their royal blue leotards shimmering in the late afternoon sun. The handsome little men careened across the stage artfully performing turnouts, extensions, and the veritable ballon—all of which were executed flawlessly. Arabesques and pirouettes were handled with equal and exemplary skill and elegance. The audience responded with cheers and applause at the intriguing sight.

At the midpoint of the performance, Ashley invited seven celebrities to come on stage and join the dwarfs in the dance. This ploy had previously been arranged with Olga: a humorous diversion to add a new twist to the performance. At first Ashley and Mary Kate were surprised that the stern Russian mistress would allow such a compromise with respect to Tchaikovsky's hallowed work, but the twins soon discovered that Olga, besides harboring a fondness for the bizarre, also found such escapades funny in their own right. The fact that she did indeed have a risqué sense of humor delighted the twins to no end, and they tried to accommodate her wishes as best they could.

Instead of calling out names and thereby interrupting the performance, Ashley and Mary Kate simply pointed to women in the front row, indicating by hand gestures that they should come on stage. Those who chose to accept the invitation were Raquel Welch, Joan Collins, Britney Spears, Susan Sarandon, Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra, and Katherine McPhee. Within a few minutes seven celebrities now found themselves standing next to the twins and Olga, the latter of whom told the women that they should simply stand equally spaced along the full length of the stage and that the dwarfs would show them what to do. As the dwarfs continued to dance, the seven women took their places on the stage to the immense delight of their counterparts in the audience.

"Did Olga tell you what she has planned?" Mary Kate asked Ashley.

"Nope," Ashley replied. "I have no clue."

The dance went on for a few minutes more and then, just as the women were wondering why they had been called on stage at all, each dwarf stood in front of one of the celebrities, indicating that they should pull down the zipper on the back of their leotards. As the women did this, each dwarf stepped out of his leotard completely naked. The crowd roared its approval.

"Well," Mary Kate chuckled. "It didn't take long for Olga to reveal her intentions."

"As long as it involves big, hard cocks and lots of cum, right?"

"I hope so. But I really don't think these little guys are going to be any match for what we've seen."

"You never know. I mean who thought 'ET' was going to lose a gallon of his juice?"

"Not me!" said Mary Kate, feeling a little twinge of pain in her right arm. "My arm is still hurting."

Ashley laughed. "Maybe next time you'll take people at their word."

As the women remained standing where they were, the dwarfs danced around them in an almost ceremonial fashion, sometimes taking the women's hands and waltzing around them as though they were human maypoles, and at other times like they were objects of adoration. Sometimes the women were asked to lift the men into the air and then twirl their bodies around, which sent the audience into hysterics. As the ballet came to a close, everyone was anxious to see what would happen next. They didn't have to wait long.

On a command from Olga, all the dwarfs began furiously masturbating themselves. The seven celebrities were then asked if they would like to take over the masturbatory chores. All seven eagerly agreed and in less than a minute each man had developed a huge erection. Once the erections had been produced the women were then instructed to leave the stage. Nobody, least of all the twins, had any idea of what was going on because as soon as the women walked off the stage the dwarfs simply stood silently and did nothing but stare out at the audience like seven mute sentinels. Only their hardened cocks were evidence of their heightened sexual state.

Then a drum roll began. This went on for about thirty seconds while the dwarfs stood by as if waiting for something to happen. People looked at each other in wonderment, mumbling to themselves that something wasn't quite right. Then, suddenly, as if from nowhere, the loud clamor of a gong startled everyone to their senses. The harsh metallic sound rose and swelled as it penetrated the air like an uninvited guest, piercing the ears of all who heard it with its discordant reverberations. And then, just as the unwelcome noise began to subside, all seven pricks, unaided by their owner's hands, twitched suddenly up and down an began to simultaneously ejaculate, sending thick jets of milky dwarf seed high up into the air and over the heads of the women standing closest to the stage. Raquel and Carmen took the brunt of the unexpected assault head on, while the rest of the women squealed and ran for cover.

"Oh my God!" Mary Kate exclaimed. "They're like Pavlov's dog!"

Ashley couldn't hold back her delight at seeing the exemplary sight. "It's the good old 'cum on command' trick! And they're not even using their hands! Fucking excellent!"

Rope after rope of sperm was launched into the audience in successive bursts that went on for a full minute, yet not one of the dwarfs was using his hand to provoke an ejaculation. The women cheered the little men on as the barrage of cum continued.

"Now I've seen it all!" Tom Murphy said to Craig and Barney.

Craig couldn't believe what he was seeing. "I thought Johnny was weird, but this! This takes the cake!"

"You got to hand it to that Russian woman," Barney said. "To train guys to come like that, without strokin' or nothin'—that's an accomplishment."

It was a sexy yet humorous sight seeing all seven cocks rear back at relatively the same time and launch their sticky seed into the leering faces of the crowd. Mary Kate and Ashley were standing in a direct line with dwarfs, and it seemed from their vantage point that each cock represented seven separate bottles of hand lotion squeezed over and over again, sending long, creamy strands of white fluid flying everywhere at once.

"I love this!" Mary Kate laughed. "Squirt! Squirt! Squirt! And from such little guys too!"

Ashley agreed. "Sometimes the little guys carry the biggest loads. Do you remember that pygmy dude from the 'Long Shots' contest last year? He almost stole the show."

"Oh yeah, I remember him. And let's not forget Joey either. He carries a big gun for a little man."

Another giant round of cumshots were launched in quick succession, thrilling the audience as the heavy man cream arced out toward the startled spectators in every direction. All during this time the dwarfs remained stationary, only their cocks and scrotums moving every now and then of their own accord with each new release of sperm.

"This is fantastic!" Mary Kate exclaimed. "Ropes and ropes and ropes! I fucking love it!"

As she finished speaking she and everyone else was rewarded with the sight of all seven cocks firing off simultaneously, sperm being jettisoned at an incredible rate, as the audience was held spellbound.

"Look out!" Jessica Alba cried out as she and several other women tried to dodge the errant blasts of cum that were suddenly, inexplicably, reaching them where they stood—a good twenty feet away from the proscenium.

A few of the women did indeed get hit with the dwarfs' generous supply of semen, but most of them managed to avoid the onslaught by keeping well out of the way. Those who did find themselves baptized with sperm were teased mercilessly by their friends, while those who remained unscathed cheered the dancers on with incessant jibes and slurs. It was pandemonium.

Standing directly behind the dwarfs stood Olga, her face set in a permanent grin as she measured the reactions of the crowd. She knew that her little men would be a hit here in America, but she was also glad that they had obeyed her wishes not to ejaculate for at least a week, thus providing each man with all the sperm he would need. Now, as she watched the slick ball sauce shoot out like cannon fire high up into the air and into the appreciative crowd, she felt pride in her and her protégés' achievements. To have such success in America would be well looked upon by her friends in Russia.

"She looks pretty happy to me," Mary Kate said to Ashley as another volley of semen flew into the audience.

"She should be," Ashley replied. "Oh! Look at that!"

Mary Kate turned her head just in time to follow her sister's gaze. A huge burst of sperm had shot out of Boris' cock, which flew up above his own head and landed behind him and on Olga's dress. The Russian woman looked surprised at first and then suddenly started laughing.

"I should have know it would have been you, Boris!" she exclaimed as she wiped the creamy residue from her dress with a napkin.

Boris was relieved that his mistress found the humor in his faux pas and continued to fire off several more rounds before he and his comrades' pricks had been fully drained of their spunk. Their performance was received with a tremendous round of applause.

"They were great!" Ashley said to Olga. "Thank you so much!"

"You are most welcome, dear Ashley," Olga replied enthusiastically. "And you too, Mary Kate! It was our pleasure!"

To the accompaniment of loud cheering and great adulation, Olga and her dwarfs took a bow and then proceeded to walk back into the tent.

"Come on ladies!" Ashley screamed into the microphone. "Let's give it up for the Semenov Septets!"

The performers were greeted with another huge round of applause and had to come back on stage to take several more bows. Then they once again retreated toward the tent where they filed through the door one by one. The show so far had been a huge success.

"Thank you everybody!" Ashley said to the crowd. "We're going to take a half hour break and then the orchestra is going to play some dance music to get the second part of our program under way. See you in a few!"

The twins immediately went into the tent to congratulate all the performers for a job well done.

"You were amazing! All of you!" Mary Kate said as she went around and shook everyone's hand. "Ash and I can't thank you enough!"

"Yes!" Ashley added. "You guys were really superb! This was even better than the 'Long Shots' contest, right Mary Kate?"

"I have to say it is," the younger twin concluded. "By a long shot!"

Her little pun made everyone laugh.

Ashley asked everyone to retreat to their own rooms within the mansion where they could change and refresh themselves before coming out to mingle with the celebrities. It took the performers fifteen minutes to make their way through the crowd, each celebrity wanting to stop and chat and offer their congratulations. The twins decided to have a bite to eat once they were back inside the mansion so that they could enjoy their food without becoming the focus of the crowd's attention. They availed themselves of the generous sampling of sandwich meats that had been laid out on the kitchen table like a giant spread. On one side of this was a platter of raw vegetables, and on the other a bowl of fruit salad. Bottles of cold iced tea and spring water sat in a cooler on the countertop.

"So," Ashley said to Mary Kate while taking two bottles of water from the cooler and placing them on the table in front of her. "What do you think so far?"

"What do I think?" Mary Kate replied, her voice echoing throughout the room. "Are you kidding me, Ash? I think we have a fucking huge success on our hands, that's what I think!" She reached for a bottle of water and took a long gulp. "Not one weak spot in the whole friggin' show! Not one! I call that a fucking bang-up job!"

At that moment, Maria entered the kitchen looking somewhat anxious. She stood there for a few moments try to find the right words to say, but only succeeded in looking sheepishly back at forth at the twins, who waited patiently for her to speak.

"Well?" Mary Kate asked. "What is it, Maria?"

The young maid cleared her throat and looked down at the floor. "I am sorry, Ms. Olsen," she began, speaking softly. "I know that I have no right to ask this of you, but I was wondering if I could...socialize a little bit with the...celebrities."

The twins looked at each other, neither wanting to be the first to speak. Finally, it was Ashley who answered. "Maria, you're supposed to be working, not socializing."

"I know, I know, Ms. Olsen," she replied hurriedly. "But if you could only allow me just a little while, a half an hour maybe, to meet some of the stars. Please, I promise I will go back to my duties as soon as the half hour is finished."

"What do you think, Mary Kate?" Ashley asked. "A half an hour sounds reasonable."

"Sure," Mary Kate said. "Why not?"

"Oh, thank you!" Maria replied happily. "Thank you both so much!"

As the maid turned to walk out Ashley called after her. "Remember, Maria. A half an hour. And you can tell Anna and the other girls that they can take a half hour too. No more!"

"I promise, Ms. Olsen! Thank you!"

Ashley sat down next to her sister and took a bite of her sandwich. "I can only imagine what's going to happen next."

"It's going to be a free-for-all. What else do you expect when those drunken bitches meet those ultra-hung guys?" She made a lewd gesture with her right hand. "All hands on cock!"

Ashley could not help but repress a chuckle. "Let's face it, Mary Kate. Some of these so-called 'celebrities' are only one step above porn stars. Holly and Phoebe always thought so, and now my own suspicions have been confirmed. Did you see the way some of the women—our friends, mind you—behaved out there this afternoon? They're worse than guys!"

Mary Kate quickly swallowed the remainder of her mouthful of food. "No contest. Women can be much more perverse than guys any day. We just hide it better, that's all."

Reflecting on what she just heard, Ashley had to concur. "True, true. But look at us. Are we really any different? I mean, look at what we did today. Jerking guys off, playing with cum, you flinging handfuls of sperm into the audience..." At this point Ashley started to laugh uncontrollably. "I just realized that maybe it's the celebrities who are one step below the porn stars!"

In the middle of taking a drink of water, Mary Kate couldn't control the urge to laugh along with her sister, and in so doing, sent a jet of water flying out of her mouth and high into the air. "Look! Look! I'm coming! I'm coming!" she laughed heartily, while trying to catch her breath.

The two sisters sat laughing for a short while and then Ashley spoke. "Can you imagine if the outside world ever found out about us?"

Mary Kate shook her head. "They won't. We have security people up our ass night and day and the paparazzi don't have a chance on our own turf. And besides, our Sisterhood friends are always watching our backs when we're on the road. Don't sweat it."

"But can you imagine if somehow people, the average person on the street, or even our show biz friends, found out that you and I were really two perverts who like to throw parties like this?"

"I would imagine that our careers would probably come to an end," Mary Kate replied soberly.

Ashley sighed. "A high price to pay for our little fetish, don't you think?"

"Not as long as our secret is kept safe. And even if somebody did talk? So what? It would be their word against ours. And we do have millions and millions of dollars to help keep their mouths shut."

"Our insurance policy," Ashley said with a specious gesture of her hands.

"Exactly. But it's not going to happen, Ash. It's not going to happen."

Ashley glanced over to the kitchen counter. On it stood her valise containing a stack of invoices related to the event. "Do you know how many people we had to pay off for this one shindig alone?"

"Not really," Mary Kate replied unperturbed. "You're the one who handles all that shit."

"Okay, let me put it this way. Do you know how much money we had to spend to keep this thing quiet?"

Mary Kate shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, I'll tell you," Ashley continued. "One point five million dollars. That's a hell of a lot of money, Mary Kate."

"Yeah, but we made seven point five. So we made a profit of six million. Are you going to gripe about that?"

"I'm not griping. I just worry sometimes that all this Sisterhood stuff, this secrecy, is going to blow up in our faces someday."

"Well, if it does," Mary Kate replied wryly, "then we're going to have lots of company. I mean, come on, Ash. Look out there. Those women all have something to hide; just like us. It's called shared self-interest. They know that if one of us crashes and burns then we'll all go down in flames, and that's the last thing anyone wants. Now can we please change the subject?"

Once the girls had finished eating they saw to it that all the performers were now socializing with the celebrities outside on the lawn. The orchestra, after taking a half hour break, were once more playing some light mood music to accompany the many and varied conversations. The sun was just beginning to dip toward the horizon.

"So, tell me," Joan Collins said to Joey Balls, her halting speech the result of too much alcohol. "Do you find it difficult to get around with such...enormous testicles?"

Joey was sitting on a beach chair in the midst of small crowd of curious celebrities. He looked quite debonair in his oversize tennis shorts and white, short-sleeve shirt. His bushman hat was propped securely on his head and the perennial cigar, as yet unlit, hung from his mouth like a stump of rope. "Actually, miss...no. You see I've grown quite accustomed to 'em by now. Don't hurt me except on rare occasions."

"For instance?"

"Well, let's say I have to make a run for it tryin' to catch a bus. I'm sure you get the picture."

Joan looked puzzled. "I'm afraid I don't."

"Well, it's not hard to imagine now is it? All that jostlin' about, my two beauties smackin' into each other while I'm runnin'. Now do you understand?"

The drunken Englishwoman seemed annoyed at Joey's response and instead of answering she took a long drink from her glass and burped loudly. "What do you think about this guy's...this guy's balls?" she said to Brooke Shields, who was kneeling next to Joey staring directly at his twin monsters.