Change - More Change

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This is all fiction. I mention a few well known places and persons - but it's still all fiction. Not much sex in this continuation of "Change."
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It has been three years since I came home from Afghanistan the second time.

And a lot has changed in my life since I went to Afghanistan the first time. And I have changed a lot as well, in some surprising ways.

Right this moment I am not real happy. I am feeling sad that my second marriage is now failing, apparently, and in a way too much like my first. I am sitting on my covered and screened in deck watching the sun going down on the green hills around me, and the Tennessee River Nickajack Lake in front of me. Trying to figure some stuff out.

We all think we are one of the "good guys" or gals. We are also all the stars of our own lives, at least partly. Of course things don't always go just our way - as we want them to or wish them to. Even in, or especially in, our romantic relationships.

I know I am - or was - a quiet guy. Maybe too quiet. And I never liked arguments or drama. I never thought of myself as an actually passive or weak man, though. You can't be a foreman for other very masculine, if not macho, heavy equipment operators being "weak" - or even seeming to be. I handled that fine since I was actually 23 or so, often "bossing" other men 10 or 20 years older and getting the jobs always done.

And no one ever hit on my first wife, Darlene, while I was around. Nor were there ever any hints that ever happened when I wasn't around. And Darlene was always a pretty woman and just pleasant to be around for everyone socially. Women like that attract male attention and Darlene had her admirers but always - as far as I knew - polite ones. Of course, most of our socializing back then was just family and a few close and trusted friends. And I admit I spent far more time on just work and family then. To me the family stuff was all the "fun" I needed. And I thought Darlene always felt the same.

What Tina told me about Darlene bothered me. "Seeing" other men just two weeks after I was gone? I just couldn't see that, not really. More likely Tina was just trying to assert her own power - or something - with some hurtful lies. But Darlene sure did end up in love with Archie, no doubt about that. And Archie didn't know me, at all. And probably didn't bother inquiring. That Archie apparently escaped unscathed might have surprised most of the men that really knew me. Still waters run deep, ya' know? And it turned out Archie did not escape unscathed, after all...

Not being weak but also still mighty quiet might have been the major problem with my mother-in-law, Crazy Irma. After my last eye-opening talk with Darlene I could only think of her as "Crazy Irma" now. You see, I hardly ever gave in to Irma when she tried to run my life with Darlene and Tina, just directly. I didn't argue back - just said "no" to things I didn't like and "no" stayed the answer.

Her own husband Herb never said "no" to her, I'm guessing now. And she always got her way with him. She was Queen Bee and that was that. Except not with me. But now I also know how that caromed around and landed back on Darlene and Tina. Poor Darlene was caught in the middle, and I didn't even know it. Irma never gave up. And it looked like she "won" in the end.

One thing I struggled with is how do you fight someone like that? I couldn't see a way, even now, without just maybe "disappearing" her. Except that's illegal and I'm allergic to prisons, and I am not some super-smart criminal type. And Darlene was a lost cause, anyway, by the time I even learned the battle was joined. Irma could have stopped Darlene from that nonsense with Archie - just with a word. And I also hated that fact, now. That Darlene was that weak, our marriage was so weak, and Irma had that kind of influence. And now she had the same hold or power on my daughter Tina, and would soon have it over little Krystal. I wasn't giving up on Tina and Krystal yet, but I felt like I needed some inspiration to even begin to effectively counter Irma's wickedness.

I felt pretty comfortable that I would at least outlive Irma. Herb had already died. I think he just gave up. Irma's total dominance just wore him down. Or maybe she witched him away, somehow.

Anyway, I was being a tad patient and working on myself in many ways while being patient. That's what a lot of my own socialization was about. I had time, some money, and more and more friends as developing assets to help me, I was thinking.

I also thought Cindy might be a real help to me, sooner rather than later - as Cindy was so nice and steady and sanely logical. I really wanted Tina and Todd and Krystal to meet her and hopefully somehow have a relationship.

But maybe not. Cindy was gone and I was mad and sad. No longer all cool and calm Joe.

So, what happened?

Cindy and I got married 10 months ago. The wedding reception was a fantastic party with LOTS of dancing, of course, with all the Southern Nights there PLUS other clogging friends I now knew. Bill and his family came, and some of my other friends from my hometown. Even my recluse Dad showed up with Bill.

They weren't real close because basically my Dad just wasn't close to anyone, not even me. Uncle Bill was my Mom's brother. Mom died from meningitis when I was ten years old. Just one of those things. It came on sudden and her doctors at the hospital just missed it until it was too late - or that might not have made any difference anyway. Maybe the good news was that I was ten and pretty independent already. The bad news was that I was only ten and geez, MY MOM DIED!

I still needed her for so much, and so did my Dad - but she was gone and all we had was each other. Maybe that's why I grew up so serious and so fast and now I am kind of living my life backwards. Instead of all that socializing and fun and partying when I was a kid and through high school and college. I was just...quiet...and serious and pretty much just worked.

But now I was pretty much retired at but 44 years old with more than a million in the bank plus my house and property more than half paid for. And I was having fun and partying more and more. Mostly a real good kind of partying. Clogging for fun and for performing, and then drinking and socializing afterwards with fun and interesting friends. Responsible drinking mostly always - and just clean fun. With maybe the not-so-clean fun had by a few sometimes, but very discreetly.

Several times a year many of us - and sometimes the whole team - would go to a long weekend clogging convention. This would include lots of instruction classes, learning new steps and routines, then just fun stuff.

Southern Nights was also getting bigger with some new blood. Frank and Terri, Tom and Jean were two couples that joined up. Frank was from Ohio originally, but now worked for a large office supply company as an installer and repair person for large accounts. Terri lived with him and was desperately in-love with him, though Frank seemed more casual about their live together relationship. Frank was about 32 and Terri younger, 27 maybe.

Tom was a little older, more my age, and was also semi-retired. He had developed and then sold his own small business and now just did the occasional business consulting work. Jean was his longtime girlfriend and though they maintained separate residences slept together more than they did apart, seemed like. Jean was another quietly pretty and serious type woman like my Cindy. The kind of woman the more you are around them, the more attractive they get, whereas one might hardly notice them at first.

None of these four knew how to clog but wanted to learn and were in our very first Adult Education class offering. We rented space in a local high school for our practices, and to get a better rental rate we offered a class. Every semester anywhere from 5 to 15 people would sign up. The very best we then recruited onto our team. I soon ended up being the major teacher for the basics. It was fun and I enjoyed it. Quiet me now a teacher of strangers - and liking it!

These four were quite talented enough dancers for our team plus they had more than the minimal attractiveness to be performers for paying audiences. Most of our paid performances were for corporations and/or industry organizations holding meetings or their own educational/business conferences. These were the only kind of gigs that Judy occasionally "forgot" all her costume. And I'll bet with hindsight she always had a look at the audience first - only the predominately male and trending younger crowds experienced her sans culottes (well, sans proper color coordinated tights).

These kinds of performances mostly came through Cindy's business - that booking agency where she worked - and generally we got rave reviews afterwards. This made up about 40% of our shows. Another 40% was public parades and general festivals - often outdoors and during daylight hours and Judy always remembered her whole costumes these times and also the other 20% of our performances - clogging festivals and competitions. Competitions were pretty intense. Winning competitions helped with future show business.

Frank was a new clog dancer but was already an accomplished bluegrass banjo player and Country Western social dancer. I mean he was good, REALLY good on his banjo. Tom was a pretty good guitarist as well. They started bringing their instruments and just jamming at some of our parties - especially the weekend clogging convention type getaways at Fontana (NC) or Hiawassee or Helen (GA). At those gatherings other musicians would also occasionally be there to jam with. Terri and Cindy would join Tom in singing along with them and they weren't Nashville pro quality but good enough to be very enjoyable to listen to.

Frank also had a motorcycle, a Honda Goldwing, and soon enough us four would often take some shared hiking, camping, or just excursion trips around the mountains - Asheville, Smoky Mountains Park, Gatlinburg, or Pigeon Forge. That whole "Deliverance" movie thing was just a fiction - about all the "deviants" in the Southern Appalachians. We met no one but just nice friendly people in the mountains wherever we went. But, shoot, I was pretty much a mountain man myself and knew that all along. But many big city backgrounds people like Bill and Judy really believed it, I think. They weren't about to go on the exploration trips like Frank and I and the other Southern "native" people on our team did. We chuckled at that, their nervousness.

Cindy and Terri got along real well and we all liked dancing with one another and often "showing off" a tad when out just social dancing at some Country and Western honky-tonk. Shoot, I was almost extrovert grade, by now - so much for serious, boring, and quiet.

Tom and Jean and Cindy and I didn't socialize quite as much all together - but Tom's other major hobby was rock climbing, and he talked me into trying that and got me hooked. So, on free weekends from shows or any other social obligations, Tom and I would get together and spend a day or sometimes two at one of the Southeast's many great climbing spots. Mt. Yonah in GA. (where some US Army Rangers still do their basic "mountaineering" training), Sunset Rocks on top of Lookout Mountain right in Chattanooga, Sand Rock about 40 miles south of Chattanooga but still actually on that long Lookout Mountain ridge plateau. And many other sites around the Southeast.

Cindy and I had talked about starting a family together. Cindy was still only 32 now but her clock was ticking - but we were all just having so much fun doing stuff every weekend, she just didn't want to slow down right now. We both thought there was plenty of time.

But then a slight shadow arose. Mostly my fault. Maybe.

It was at one of our highest paid private corporate performances, ever. We were there as just part of the entertainment, scheduled to do a 30 minute show in between sets of a fairly good local Country Western band.

Lisa was in the audience. My Lisa from Afghanistan. Part of our private shows like this we almost always included an "audience participation" number, where we all went out in the audience and grabbed someone to dance with us in a big round dance. As cute and attractive as all our girls were, they were the ones who often had some difficulty getting guys up. The women in most audiences would almost jump us poor males, though.

And Lisa had recognized me and jumped right into my arms, practically. She was acting mighty happy to see me again. We had not actually stayed in touch after Afghanistan. I had my problems here at home to deal with and she was heading home to be married. I assume that is what happened to her and just wished her the best.

We didn't actually clog in this audience participation dance - it was just kind of a hokey thing like the chicken dance. Step-in, step-out, roll your partner on to the next man. That kind of thing. Most of us guys would make some snap judgments on our new women partners and "yellow rock" them in the roll. That's a hug lift and twirl around. All the women seemed to like it. If that's what happy sounding squeals mean. But Travis - our surgeon MD on the team - actually DID get slapped once - he misread the grin on an older matronly and slightly overweight woman. He got red in the face and apologized profusely. It was hilarious and he got ribbed for a LONG time after that.

I only yellow rocked Lisa one time of course, but she was talking to me a mile a minute until our director/caller got us all organized and the dance started. Evidently Cindy noticed.

Later, after our performance dancing had ended we were all invited to stick around and enjoy the snacks and drinks with everyone else as the band started up again. This actually happened to us quite a bit in many of our performances.

Well, Lisa looked me up and pretty much monopolized my time the rest of the night.

"Joe, I couldn't believe that was you when I first saw your face. You just look so different and you also just looked so full of joy when dancing. You were always so serious, and even sad before..."

"Well, thanks, Lisa. I was surprised to see you too. And you really look good, yourself. Married life is good for you, I guess."

"Actually, I never did get married. Evidently my fiance dated quite a bit while I was gone - and one of his "just a date" girls ended up pregnant. I know what you and I did, as well - but I didn't get pregnant by you and I just couldn't handle the complications. I told him to marry her and be a good father. Haven't talked to him once, since. I did think about calling you, a bunch of times, but I never did..."

"Well, I've been messed up a bunch myself, anyway. My previous life fell apart and losing my daughter and grandchild was a LOT harder than losing my wife, after all the dust settled. But then I started this clogging thing and actually met my new wife doing it. Cindy and I have been married 9 months now. Let me introduce her to you..."

And I looked around but Cindy was absorbed in conversation with three younger "hunks" right now. Cindy wasn't any kind of a big flirt, normallyl - but like me more of an extrovert side to her personality was emerging based on the self-confidence she got - also like me - with performing and being applauded for it.

I turned back to Lisa, "I'll get her later.."

Lisa said, "Does she know about me, Joe? You know "us"? I don't want to cause you any trouble now, at all."

"I don't think I ever mentioned it since it was all in the past. I don't think I know everything about her past, either."

"Just say we knew each other in Afghanistan - like worked together. I think that would probably be best."

Well, I didn't see it as a big deal, either way. Lisa and our little fling was before I even knew Cindy.

Cindy never did get to meet Lisa. She stayed busy, talking and dancing, with many younger guys from the audience the rest of the night. Most of the Southern Nights folks did, though Terri was never very far from Frank.

We all finally left. The car ride home was a bit strained and a lot quiet. Finally Cindy said, "who was that woman you spent all night with?"

"If you hadn't been so busy yourself with all your young admirers, I would have introduced her to you. I knew her from Afghanistan. We worked together over there."

"Just worked together? That's all? She is just so beautiful. Exotic looking and different from plain Jane me. And the way she was looking at you all night was like you were her long lost lover. Not to mention the close dancing. She was riding your leg and looking like she was about to explode!"

"Ah, Cindy, don't be like that. You were dancing close with guys too. I certainly noticed that and was just being polite with Lisa. I don't think she had any real friends there. She said she had just started with this company, new on board just two weeks ago."

"So, are you going to stay in touch with her, now?"

"Not planning on it. Look, honey - I am so in love with you I don't even think about other women as anything but the most platonic of friends. Just like all the other girls on the team. And when I dance with anyone else but you, it's just a dance."

"Like Judy? The Judy that definitely has the hots for you and would screw you anytime, anywhere? Swinging Judy?"

"That's Judy's problem, if even true. Judy has been nothing but polite to me AND you since we had our very first date. Don't let what Bill said affect you at all.

"Say, Bill did proposition you once, you told me...has he been out of line with you since then?"

Cindy flushed just a little bit. "Bill is just a flirty guy. That's all. And I can handle Bill, you don't need to worry about that. You just worry about Lisa, and Judy, and we'll be fine."

If this was our first fight, the make-up sex that night made it all worthwhile, in spades. I was glad this little rough patch was past. The next three weeks we didn't have a lot of paid performances but I felt we were both acting a little more attentive to each other during our socialization with others. Especially when audience people were around.

Then came a Friday when I decided to do a little climbing at Mount Yonah. Tom wasn't available - out of town on one of his infrequent consultant jobs. Cindy couldn't come with me because she had to work that day. I had my own gear by now including a "Soloist" self-belay device for solo top-rope climbing. Well, it COULD be used for ground up climbing with crack cams and such, but that was always riskier. When I was by myself I either just free climbed low boulder problems, or just top-roped higher routes. I had a guidebook for Mount Yonah and had one favorite 5.11 route named "Stairway to Heaven." This was one of the hardest routes I could handle and was pretty difficult for an old man who got to climbing so late in life, anyway.

It was easy to set-up the top rope, using a couple of permanent pitons the Army guys had already installed. Then I just rappelled down to ground level, tied off one end of my top-rope and fed the other end thru the Soloist.

I screwed up. First, I didn't tie a big figure eight knot beneath the soloist once I got about 10 feet off the ground as a last ditch safety stop. This Soloist would only "catch" the rope when the climber was in a more or less upright position, the friction cam just couldn't engage when upside down.

Then, at the critical point in this friction climb, I lost concentration and let the rope get behind one leg, the one most of my weight was now on, all balanced on a little quartz crystal that stuck out from that solid granite wall, as I searched for the hidden flatter spot where my next step had to be. At this point in the climb good handholds were few and far between.

I slipped off the crystal and was flipped by the rope behind me. I fell about 20 feet and landed on my head on solid rock. Luckily, it wasn't totally a free fall, as the rope sliding thru the Soloist slowed me just a tad along with some friction from the cliff face which was at about an 85 degree angle instead of 90 degrees or even higher, beyond vertical, as many harder climbs are.