Claiming Katy Ch. 12

-Dr Isabella Pacetti's Notes:

To recap: Katy continues to be desperate for pain and sexual release, all of which Sophie has been denying her. Meanwhile, Sophie has spent the evening making love to a woman she has just met (by which, I'm afraid, I mean me). This relatively normal experience has highlighted to Sophie how dark and demeaning her relationship is with Katy.

Once again, for personal reasons, I am compelled to assure readers that all of the participants on the following events are consenting adults: intelligent women, actively pursuing their desires.

-Sophie's Statement:

Walking alone through the night, I should have felt nervous and vulnerable, but my elation made me fearless. My body was still warm and moist, and hardly cooling at all in the warm air, and my clothes clung to me disgracefully. Wonderful images from the evening flickered in my memory, and turned me on. My favourite image was of la dottoressa in her jacket and knickers and black stockings, crawling behind me as I stripped. I didn't want her to crawl, she was too dignified, and yet... to see it was electrifying.

Every step that took me away from her house was an effort. I knew I could go back there and do it all again, right now, and Bella would eagerly welcome me. But I did have to work in the morning. And, more importantly, I wanted her to know I was strong willed.

Just as I wanted Katy to know I was strong willed.

And there was the problem: I was painfully aware that my theatrical dominance over Katy was an aspect of the same urge to control my encounter with Bella. And, of course, they both invited it, each in her own way. It felt tawdry. Katy's degradation demeaned Bella, and Bella's quiet dignity made Katy seem all the more degraded.

And in spite of my assurances, my instinct was to dominate Bella, to tease her and exploit her lack of confidence. But unlike Katy, Bella was strong and intelligent and would not be dominated the same way, which only made it more thrilling. And yet my instinct remained. I wondered, with a pang of anxiety, whether that was the only kind relationship I was capable of.

Suddenly I felt tired and weak and confused and I wondered if my feelings for Bella were just as sordid as my relationship with Katy. I arrived at Mrs Alderney's front door, unlocked it, and wearily pushed it open.

In the dark hallway I nearly tripped over Katy, who was curled up beside the mat. She flinched, shuffled away a little and arranged herself in some sort of 'worship' pose. She was wearing her t-shirt night dress.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hissed. At that moment I was annoyed by the mere thought of the girl, never mind the sight of her. My feelings of confusion transformed (with guilty familiarity) into anger.

"Waifing for you," came the meek and muffled reply. She was still wearing her fucking knickers as a gag.

"Oh Christ, you've been there all evening?"

"Moft of it."

"What's the matter with you?" I spat. "Why can't you give it a rest, hm? I've just come back from a beautiful evening with a real person. A real, beautiful, intelligent, dignified woman. And I have to come home to this nonsense."

Katy knelt up, tearful eyes gazing upwards, mouth stretched by her gag.

"I'm forry, Goddeff, I waf trying to earn..."

"Just shut up, will you? 'Goddess'? For fuck's sake. Don't you understand I don't want to play silly games with you? I could do without you altogether right now."

I expected her face to crumple into tears, but it just flushed and her fingers twisted together.

"I'm forry..."

"And take that shit out of your mouth..." I wanted to stop, but I couldn't find a shred of kindness for the pathetic creature in front of me, only anger. The whole situation felt creepy. "If you're a grown up, act like it. If you're a child, go to your room."

Katy's face looked suddenly intelligent and profoundly ashamed. She fumbled with the knot at the back of her head, and as she failed to untie it she became frantic and embarrassed and she began to cry. Not the usual abandoned sobs of submissive release, but something suppressed, frustrated and bitter. She turned and ran up the stairs, still clutching the back of her head, but no longer trying to remove her gag.

I clasped my hands to my eyes, hating myself. What had just happened? How had I let her irritate me so much by doing so little?

I heard footsteps and looked up. Mrs Alderney was descending the stairs, wrapped tightly in a dressing gown with slippers on her feet. She wore her glasses and her hair was pulled back, but was not as carefully styled as usual. Her face was still made up. The anger in me made me think 'Do you never take off your costume?'

"What's going on?" she asked. Her voice was like a knife.

I sighed. "I don't want to discuss it. I'll go and talk to her."

"No. I'll talk to her, and you will explain yourself to me. And don't try to look affronted. I warned you that I would intervene if you hurt her. The worst of it is that you knew damn well that you were hurting her."

"I don't have to justify myself to you," I said, knowing this was nonsense. It was nothing more than an expression of defiance. Mrs Alderney didn't give it a moment's respect.

"Don't be stupid. The simple fact is that you were emotional and you lost your temper. You actually bullied an entirely helpless creature. For such a monstrous control freak you lose it pretty fucking easily."

I was stunned by the language and the disturbing insight.

"I mean what actually happened here? You're not going to tell me this was a considered response to her behaviour, are you? So somehow this wretched creature reduced you to spiteful bitching. Who's in charge?"

Mrs Alderney was standing rigid, with her fists clenched, eyes blazing with rage, but there was something less definable in her manner, which I was too shocked to analyse.

"Obviously I'm in charge," I said in carefully controlled tones. "It was a mistake. I'm not perfect."

"Yes you are!" Mrs Alderney shouted. "To her you're perfect! You're a Goddess, yes? Or do you think she'd lie to you? A Goddess. And you can beat her, humiliate her and command her to do the most degrading things. But in return you must be her perfect Goddess. So if she gets under your feet you trample her into the floorboards. If she speaks out of turn you gag her. Punish her brutally for the slightest mistake, or for making no mistakes But never stop being her Goddess and never tell her she's stupid for being devoted to you, because that is all she has!"

She became calmer and spoke quietly again.

"Let me be clear," she said, stepping close and fixing her green eyes on my face. "This will not happen again. I will speak to Katy now. Tomorrow you will speak to her and you will say one of two things. You will either say that you no longer own her and you will never touch her again. Or you will apologise and make it clear that she is safe and secure and that you intend to take care of her. Do you understand?"

I wanted to fight, but I had nothing. I knew Mrs Alderney was right. I scowled and nodded.

"I expect all of that was true, yes? About the 'real' woman you've met?"

"That's none of your business," I said, finding something to hang my anger on.

"Grow up. Of course it is."

"Yes, it was true. Okay? Want the details? Step-by-step, with diagrams?"

Mrs Alderney remained calm. "When I said grow up, I meant stop behaving like a spoilt teenager. Drop the bratty attitude and tell me."

I sighed, hand over my eyes again. Very tired now.

"Yes. I think it may be serious, I don't know. I'm having trouble thinking about her and Katy at the same time."

"I see," said Mrs Alderney, "Thank you."

She turned and started to climb the stairs. She looked over her shoulder at me with disdain. "Get a grip. I thought you were strong. This is a weakness in your character that renders you useless to me."

I waited until Mrs Alderney was up in Katy's room, and then opened the front door and stood on the doorstep, breathing the night air. I tried to recapture the uplifting joy I had carried home with me, but I felt only sickly, guilty anger: that all too familiar feeling. And the hatred and anger turned inwards and I curled up and began to cry.

-

When I approached Dr Pacetti's door, barely an hour had passed since I had left her nestling on her sofa. I felt cold and my stomach was a tight knot of anxiety. I hesitated for a moment, then pressed the doorbell, and as before it made no sound I could hear. After a minute I heard footsteps slowly descending the stairs and some movement behind the door. It opened and Bella stood there, fully dressed. But her hair was a delicious mess, and her eyelids were flickering as she struggled to wake up. She had clearly pulled her skirt on hurriedly to answer the door, and it was buttoned only half way.

"Sophie? I think I fell asleep. Sophie, what's wrong?"

"May I come in? I don't... please... I'm sorry to disturb you..."

She took my hand and pulled me inside. She closed the door and held my shoulders.

"What's wrong, Sophie?"

I couldn't look at her. I despised myself. It took all of my strength not to cry, and I felt compelled to bare my soul.

"I'm so sick of myself. I'm so weak."

"Oh baby..."

I allowed myself to be drawn into Bella's embrace.

"I felt so lonely, I had no-one else to go to... I've lost control and Mrs Alderney has stepped in."

"Thank you for coming to me, Sophie. I promise I will help you make it better."

-

She took me upstairs into her consulting room. All the lights were off and she didn't turn them on. We sat on the sofa and, without a word, she wrapped her arms around me and held me close.

"You can tell me anything. I promise I will keep your secrets."

"You're my doctor now?" I said, without thinking, my anger simmering near the surface all the time. I regretted the remark immediately and I expected Bella to push me away.

"Yes, Sophie. I am exactly that," she said in a gentle whisper. "And I felt you grow tense when you said that. You lost control and regretted it immediately. Now you want to draw away because you dislike me reading your body like this. You dislike me knowing your thoughts and feelings. You're afraid of losing control, but you need my help. You came here for comfort, but you don't know how to let down your guard."

I said nothing. I didn't move. I didn't know what to do.

"And now pride is paralysing you. What will I think of you if you withdraw? Will I think you're scared? Will I think you're hiding guilty secrets? Yes Sophie, I'm your doctor, and I can help you if you let me, and I will keep your confidences."

I felt a shiver run through my body, and I knew Bella felt it too. But something about her manner entranced me and I wanted her to take away all of my anxiety.

"Okay," I murmured. "And I'm sorry for what I just said. You don't deserve it."

"Okay," she whispered, and now her fingertips were caressing my back. "First you will undress." She chuckled when I flinched and tried to pull out of her grip. "I know. But it's just a step. A physical step that is easier than baring yourself emotionally. And you know you're naked to me already. Come on." She stood and drew me with her. I still couldn't move of my own accord. This turn of events was so unexpected, I had no response. She pushed me to arms length and her beautiful face smiled affectionately. Her eyes were dark and heavy-lidded, and she was perfectly calm.

"You're worrying that I will think less of you if you do as I ask. That my admiration and respect will be diminished. Sophie, that is within your control. Will I think you're courageous, strong and intelligent? Or will I think you're cowardly, weak and childish? That's entirely dependent on you."

I understood, but still couldn't move. Without further discussion Bella slid her hands inside my coat and pushed it off my shoulders. With dexterous fingers she unfastened my blouse and peeled it off. Her movements were fluid and swift and she radiated cool efficiency as she removed each item of clothing in turn. This quiet, gentle attention made me feel oddly attracted to her. But this only made me more vulnerable. As my bra was removed and I stood shivering in only my knickers, I found my voice.

"Bella... I don't want to do this. I'm sorry."

"The door isn't locked." Her expression was cool and pleasant.

"The door?" I snapped, "Undress or get out? You don't have anything to offer between the two?"

"I work the way I work and this is my office. Apologise or leave."

"Bella... I don't... I'm not in the mood for anything... sexual. I'm sorry, I-"

"Nor am I," she said in a calm, light voice, as she walked behind me. "Not with you, anyway." She grabbed my knickers and pulled them down in a businesslike manner. I still couldn't move. My body felt hot but my limbs were cold. The knickers were allowed to rest disregarded around my ankles.

"Not now, and not ever again if this is how you are. I would prefer you call me Doctor. And I would like you to kneel, please."

I felt myself shivering, and my joints ached with stiffness as I half turned to look at her. I knew my eyes were wide and my jaw dropping, astonished.

"Bella?"

"'Doctor'. Oh Sophie." She was gentle and sympathetic, but her eyes clearly signalled an effortless superiority. "You came here crying about your weakness. You surrendered and let me strip you naked. This isn't you. This isn't a Goddess. This isn't the woman I know."

"You don't know me," I muttered, hugging myself.

"Yes I do." She smiled warmly and stroked my hair. "I know you cannot tolerate being in someone's power. That's not so bad. But I also know you have an absurd sensitivity about it. Almost anything threatens your sense of control. And when threatened, you become angry. Like a frightened child. You can try to tell me I'm wrong, but that would only be an insult to me. And you would regret insulting me."

A terrible chill washed through my body, leaving my face burning with fear. I rallied a little aggression.

"Is that a threat?"

Bella laughed gently. "No, silly. I mean you will feel bad. And feel weaker, and hate yourself, and get angry. Please, Sophie. You are magnificent, but you are completely exposed to me. Accept that. Kneel."

"But why?" I couldn't raise my voice above a whisper.

"Because I said so. And before you state the obvious: I know you don't want to. That's the point."

Only when Bella went to sit on the sofa did I realise her hand had been resting affectionately on the back of my head. I missed it. I turned to look at her, perched on the edge of the sofa, her feet placed neatly together on the carpet. In the unlit room her stockings merged into a single dark silhouette. Her loosely fastened skirt had fallen aside a little and a small triangle of silky flesh was visible at the top of her thigh. She sighed, but then a brilliant smile enlivened her face.

"Sophie, I'm not getting paid for this, I'm not getting any sleep... please stop wasting my time. Kneel. I won't hurt you."

Confused and nervous, I didn't know how to deal with this. But the smile was beautiful, made my heart thump with a curious pleasure, and felt like a reward. I clung to that. I wanted more of these smiles.

Kneeling was awkward and clumsy and I wondered how Katy did it so sweetly. My breasts jiggled. I slowly arranged myself in front of Bella's knees, still hugging myself. I looked up at her face, waiting for the next development, waiting for another smile.

"Sophie, if you were an ordinary client I would write a plan with agreed parameters, goals, etcetera. You would sign it and then I would probably break you a little."

I shuddered and looked away, feeling sick.

"But you are not ordinary. I do not want to break you, and I don't think you would permit me. I don't think I could face you again if you did permit me."

Without turning to face her, I muttered, "I feel like you've broken me. I feel humiliated." My face was burning.

Bella's laughter bubbled. "Oh, Sophie, I hope I get to show one of my girls really being broken. No, I promise that's not what I'm doing to you. Now, look me in the eye so we can continue."

I dragged my head around and faced her, and in turn she leaned forward until her face was just inches away. She suddenly reached forward and wrapped her hands around my throat, which was exposed by the upward tilt of my head. She didn't grip hard, but pushed her fingertips firmly against the underside of my jaw, so that we could both feel the blood pulsing in my neck. Every breath, blush and skip of my heart was transmitted directly to Bella's hands, and her eyes watched me unwaveringly. I felt utterly defenceless, and that was clearly her intention.

"Correct. You will hide nothing. You may squeeze your legs tight together and wrap your arms in front of your chest, but you are exposed. And I think... yes, I think we can agree I am more intelligent than you, yes?"

I clenched my jaw, my face blushing furiously. Bella smiled.

"Answer 'Yes' or 'No'. Whatever you think."

I felt my lips shivering as I struggled to speak.

"I... yes." I felt like I had been kicked in the belly.

"Now. Have you ever struck your slave in anger?"

I realised I was now merely a subject for study, and felt my pulse thundering against Bella's firm grasp.

"She's not my slave."

"Of course she is, you've admitted as much before. But I'm not interested in petty semantics. And I asked you a question. I expect you to answer my questions."

I wanted to argue, or at least change the subject, but I was too intimidated by her scrutiny.

"I've never... I've never done anything to her that she didn't want or enjoy."

She sighed, a little sadly. The strangely imbalanced clinch made this feel aggressive.

"That's important, I understand. But you have told me something about her. I asked about you. Please Sophie, I have asked you one question and you have already failed to answer twice. This is a poor performance by any measure. One last chance."

I wondered for a moment what would happen if I failed this time. Better, I decided, just to answer.

"Yes. From the beginning. Several times." I spoke in short breaths, and I realised I was trying to get my answers out quickly, to demonstrate a willingness to answer promptly and obediently. I should have loathed myself, but instead I searched Bella's face for signs of approval. This came in the form of a fleeting smile.

"Good. Examples please."

"I spanked her hard when she was already very sore from caning. I kicked her off the bed when she wouldn't stop... wouldn't stop... with her tongue." I closed my eyes, ashamed. I saw a flash of Katy, bent over a wash-stand, her face forced into the water, not struggling. I couldn't mention that.

I was shocked by a sudden, powerful jolt as Bella squeezed my throat and shook me. I opened my eyes and stared at her. Her face was as calm as ever.

"I will tell you when you should close your eyes. So there are other examples you are ashamed to tell. This is precisely why I break them first. But still you reveal yourself, even in the act of trying to hide. You are ashamed of things you do. Perhaps you are afraid of your own violence."

Her eyes regarded me inscrutably and it took all of my strength to return her gaze, though I was in no doubt I looked terrified.

"Yes, I think your problem is simple enough. Let's proceed. Tell me reasons. Why have you hurt her?"

Now I was trying to catch up with Bella's train of thought. What had she worked out? What answer was she expecting? What was the answer?

"She just... sometimes she tries to manipulate me. Tries to seduce me. She attempts to control a situation using sex."

She actually sneered and I tried to pull away, but I was held too tight.