Climbing Up The Bank

Watching the exhaled smoke twist be forced from their mouth and then dance between them as they spoke. The way it moved was enchanting and it was exactly like what her mum did. It was there at that moment sitting surrounded by smokers that she finally contemplated and a few minutes later determined that she was truly missing out.

Eventually the overly beered up Craig turned and whilst smiling looked at her. He was equally drunk, his hands attempted affection but practically slapped her skinny thighs before he flipped open his Marlboro Red pack. Then as was almost a teasing customary, with a wry smile on his face, briefly lifted and glanced the open pack in her direction.

It was at that moment she fluttered her eyes lids at him and smiled sweetly externally as internally her stomach churned. She finally snapped, Lauren's dainty hand went forward and retrieved the filter between her freshly pink painted nails.

"You okay babes?" Craig asked over the chatter in confusion taking in his extraordinary pretty girlfriend who now sat there in her customary short skirt almost tantalising flashing her knickers with an unlit cigarette between her fingers.

Lauren confidently grinned back "Yeah, thought I should try one?" She smiled sweetly before her hands gave her away as they shook as she placed the filter between her lips.

Craig's mouth beamed. "Told you, you look fucking hot babe!" He slurred as he flicked his lighter.

Lauren glanced her eyes towards Craig, and then back to the strange white protruding cylinder between lips as the hot flame migrated far too quickly towards it.

Messing about as young teenagers, Lauren had tried weed, once or twice. Their friend Bobby's older brother got some. She knew what to do. She was no novice.

BUT...

"Ughhhhh!" She exclaimed before instantly screwing her face into knots whilst coughing her guts up. It should not have been that difficult. Having watched her mum, having watched Craig, having watched everyone. She knew how to pull the smoke into her lungs. Lauren had done an excellent drag and inhale.

Unfortunately, her lungs were not prepared for the smoke, even though she was surrounded by the toxic smoke.

Screwing her face up she instantly handed the cigarette back to Craig and downed her Martini and Coke to wash her mouth and throat. She was instantly embarrassed to have made a fool of herself in front of his mates. Not that anyone had taken any notice. They were too busy in their own conversations.

"You okay babes?" Craig asked with genuine concern.

"No!" She glared licking her lips of coke. "That was utterly foul and rubbish." She grizzled and stuck her tongue out as she looked down at her empty glass.

"Do you want to finish this babe?" He offered her back the burning cigarette. The smoke swirling in the space between them, her red lipstick imprinted on the filter.

"Fuck no!" She glared and coughed again as the swirling smoke drifted up her nose.

Craig whilst chuckling gently stubbed out the cigarette for her. He smoked it himself a little later but not before complaining to Lauren about covering the filter in the red lipstick.

A Week Later

Tension in the air within the Fitzgerald house was ratcheting up. Lauren was creating most of it single handed. She had spent most of the week studying for her final exams that we weeks away, she was but avoiding the books below her, because there was a more important, closer reward than passing the exams. She was looking forward to seeing Craig again on Friday night. On her mother's insistence, they had grudgingly agreed to skip Wednesday meet up. Friday was the highlight of the week, her treat to herself for being good all week. Her plan was to be as "wickedly bad" as possible with Craig all night long.

Clarissa had made it more than openly aware that she completely disapproved of Craig. She saw him as far too rough, and below her standards for her beautifully turned-out darling daughter. Lauren knew from the not so unsubtle hints that her mum thought she could do far better than him. But the exciting thing for Lauren was that Craig was that little bit older, far more experienced with girls, and was just so much fun to be around. And importantly to her. He was incredibly sexy.

As the front door slammed and the house vibrated announcing that Lauren had left the house and it again fell quiet.

The Friday night cuddles in on the sofa together had not become a thing. They had quickly migrated to Friday nights out seeing his mates. Getting home from college to redo her makeup and get dressed up for weekend nights out on the town with Craigs mates had become a thing. Even though he reluctantly still had to throw her out of the house as he got up on Saturday morning to go to work. The new routine was there. Lauren had done her makeup and hair and was looking hot but was again stuck in the corner in the same wooden seat as the week before. The positive were the several delightful double Martini and cokes that Craig had helpfully bought were again flowing through her body. It was like Groundhog Day. Nothing was different to the last week.

However, for Lauren it was fun, she was out with her darling and amazing Craig. She did not really have any time for his tattoo covered friends. She sat there just wanting Craig to herself.

Lauren had always craved attention. She needed to be hugged and loved. Craig now showed her that love. When he was not focused on his mates or his own cigarettes.

The group surrounding her obviously loved their cigarettes, they all permanently had one lit. Their focus was on the cigarette rather than her.

The smoke was like a curtain surrounding her, she felt trapped in the smoke-filled corner. Desperation came over her. She had spent all week at home both studying the books as well as her mother. Cigarette after cigarette. It could not be that hard. Smoke went in, smoke came out. Simple.

It was then when she shuffled back to her seat, tugging at the hem of her dress after yet another toilet visit, and got herself settled. She thanks Craig for yet another drink that was sitting in front of her, then she took the offered cigarette from him.

It was disgusting, and foul but with gulps of her drink, she persevered. She had smoked the whole of her second cigarette.

Half an hour later she laughed at him when he offered her a third before putting the filter between her lips.

"You look fucking hot babes!" He chuckled as her eyes sparkled at the compliment; he smiled back as both eyes lit up as he flicked the lighter.

Lauren just had to agree.

A Month Later

There was now a long wait between the last lying-in bed cigarette with Craig on a Saturday morning to the jumping in the car light up on a Wednesday afternoon. The delay had not been helped her agitation. Craig was exceptionally good on Friday night and Wednesday afternoon to keep up his habit of liberally offering her a cigarette after cigarette. Now that Lauren had persevered and mastered inhaling the smoke, and enjoying the idea of smoking a cigarette, she would always accept. She had got it. Exactly what everyone else was doing. She enjoyed the buzz from the copious quantities of cigarettes that he gave her. She really enjoyed it. She enjoyed having a cigarette on her person.

What made her feel even more special was that Craig spread amazing compliment after enthusiastic complement each time she had a lit cigarette between her fingers.

"Your fucking sexy babes!" He would say after looking her up and down, as well as "The cigarette suits you!" along with, "You're sexy as babes with that fag."

Every single cigarette she lit in his company and subsequent plentiful complements he made almost immediately afterwards made her feel special. She was Craigs. Her cigarettes were Craigs. Together they were one. She loved smoking with and for Craig.

As time had moved on there had been a small spanner in the works. Craig now had started staying late with work on Saturday evenings so could not really see her.

The days in between her time with Craig were long, the excitement and anticipation built. Even if she only saw Craig on a Wednesday evening for a drive. She could not wait for him to offer her a cigarette before they drove off. Window down, wind in her hair cigarette after cigarette between her fingers. It was bliss. Even if they only had sex in a carpark somewhere. Life was still naughty and fun.

The now rather pleasant cigarette or more often two after sex was her just reward.

She had her sexy Craig.

***

It was sitting at home alone one afternoon Lauren had a problem. She was almost staring a hole in the pack of her mum's cigarettes on the coffee table. Her eyes had subconsciously drifted to focus from the television and her sole attention was on the open pack. She had for the last eighteen and half years ignored them. Or become accustom them of them being there. They were always there. Cigarette packs were part of the furniture. On the very infrequent times curiosity got the better of her and she had picked a pack of been very quickly scolded for touching them. "They are only for adults." Her mum would bark at her. "They are dangerous, and not a toy."

Even the young Lauren could work out the lighter and its heat was extremely dangerous, but never understood the physical danger from a cigarette. It was a cottonwool tube. They had wittered on about it at school.

Lauren knew that she was not addicted. She was just enjoying time with Craig and enjoying smoking her cigarettes with him. It was Craig she was truly addicted to.

Lauren sat there on a Thursday afternoon watching the end of Children's television. The highlight of the day- Neighbours was about to start. Her mum was not yet home. She had no idea where she was.

There beside the large glass bowl of an ashtray with the usual smattering of butts was one of her mums' packs of cigarettes. Picking up the pack and counting them there were seventeen. It was a long wait to see Craig at the weekend. Just one of mum's cigarettes would not hurt. Lauren mused holding the pack in her hand.

It was then all of sudden, she clocked that she was almost mimicking her mum. Sitting on the sofa in easy reach of the ashtray and enjoying a cigarette. She chuckled to herself. All those years of hating her mum for sitting there and doing exactly the same thing. Lauren smiled and looked down at the burning cigarette between her long delicate fingers as they grey smoke gently drifted above her red fingernails, before she again bent her arm and brought the filter to her lips. She tilted her head back a little as her chest rose and the smoke quietly filled her lungs. It was moments like this she knew why her mum did this so often. It was actually nice. It felt good. As the smoke touched all four corners of her lungs, she then let it go, forcing the cloud up and away. She sighed a little, and remaining grey mass tumbled from between her lips and Lauren rubbed them together and instantly brought the filter back to her lips once again, as she momentarily felt great.

With cigarette burning hot near the filter she, she carefully wedged the butt out in amongst the dozen others, as to not be noticed. She frantically waved her arm around a little to attempt disperse the potent smell of smoke that was obviously still lingering dangerously in the air. The late afternoon sun was glinting through the window flickering off the particulates in the air. Then took a gulp of her orange squash, just as her mum does with wine, as to wash the throat, and settled in to watch Neighbours.

***

Craig was getting increasingly difficult to get hold off. He was never in when she called. He did not have an answerphone. It was just a matter of hoping he would appear and pick her up when she expected him to.

His reliability was getting increasingly flaky. Days would go by without him ringing, or even answering the phone.

Her stress levels were increasing because of final year of college, everything was culminating and getting worse.

Lauren found comfort in the cigarettes she got from Craig. Sitting there in the car smoking with him was fun. It was the one thing to look forward too. She also found herself borrowing a one cigarette a day from her mum. Just as soon as she got home. It was something to anticipate after college. She almost hated the days when she reluctantly went over to Sandra's or any other friends. She missed out on her one moment of her pleasure. Her cigarette. Yes, it was fun to hang out, do a bit of homework, and sing and dance in the bedroom along to Kylie and Jason at the top of their voices.

At home Lauren used to chuckle and try to not tut whilst watching her mum Clarissa sporadically coughing to clear her lungs as she went about a day. There was almost always a big cough in preparation and blindly reaching for her open pack. Now she understood why. The body was clearing the way for the next cigarette. It was telling her mum it was ready. Clarissa was certainly not going to let it down. Her mum was so busy focusing on lighting her next cigarette to even seem to notice that there was one fewer in the pack.

Every evening and that bullet was dodged, it was a small fear removed, and Lauren saw that as a little victory. Lauren knew that she felt so much better after a cigarette.

The Following Months

Lauren had a problem; she was actually enjoying herself. It was fun getting drunk on a Friday evening and then sitting next to Craig his hand on her bare leg freely enjoying smoking cigarette after cigarette all night long. Then getting back to his flat and having what felt the most amazing sex ever. It was these moments everything was remarkable. Sex and the offered cigarette were divine.

However, it produced a couple of novel issues. Firstly, and rather importantly remembering to keep taking the pill every day. She had already had that conversation with her mum. "Don't ruin your life like I did..." Secondly five days and nights was a very long time. During the week, the one acquired cigarette from her mum's pack immediately after college was now no longer doing its thing. Sitting there alone, she soon wanted a second. Perched on the sofa for an hour or so before tea listening to the radio or watching television whilst reading her notes. She soon found that a cigarette helped her focus. Her mind would not drift off.

She could properly relax on Wednesday evenings, no sooner had she jumped in the car could she freely smoke with Craig. That was a godsend as they drove randomly around town. His pack was open in the centre console, and she was told that she could help herself. So, with a beaming grin Lauren proudly did! Especially as Craig looked at her so fondly every time she lit up. She felt loved with ever cigarette.

This meant that on the other days when not with Craig, she just had to, ever so occasionally, started taking a second cigarette from the pack. It really helped her with the last half hour of reading. Which again, over the next few weeks, and months, nothing was said. Clarissa aways had other packs in her bag, she never moved unless she had two in there. Plus, in Lauren's defence her mum was always too focused on smoking that all important next cigarette.

It was on the run up to her final exams. Lauren was good when she was given study leave. She only spent some of the time hiding from her work with Sandra. It was good to catch up and share the stresses and strains.

As there was a major problem for Lauren at home. Not only was Craig being even more aloof than usual. Which meant more time at home. The issue was sitting in front of her open on the edge of the coffee table. It was the open pack of cigarettes. It was just like the chocolate tin at Christmas under the tree. For Lauren knowing it was there, just made it ever so tempting to take just one more little cigarette from the pack. She found taking a cigarette from the pack was pleasingly silent. Opening the Roses tin made an obvious twang of a racket.

She had tried sitting in her room, sitting outside watching the people walk up and down the street. Lauren even tried going to Sandra's. Anything to stop thinking about the open pack on the table and the important cigarettes contained within.

On a couple of days that week, her resolve was broken. Three cigarettes were taken about an hour apart from each other, almost just as required. As far as she was aware her mum did not notice. Lauren used to be critical of the forty or more cigarettes her mum would work through from her hacking cough first thing in the morning to gargling mouthwash last thing at night. So how would she really notice just three missing? Lauren was convinced that Clarissa was not really counting.

Her mum would argue that the large glass of wine they had after dinner and the subsequent gin and tonic went well with the cigarettes. When Lauren turned eighteen, she was finally allowed to have the wine and gin, but in no uncertain terms the cigarettes.

They also did not discuss the twenty cigarettes that her mum must have smoked during the day prior to dinner. They clearly just happened.

Lauren understood that desire for just one more. Just one more cigarette and everything felt so much better. Lauren was just pleased that coughing and disgust was no longer a thing. Something she had forgotten. She could just sit there and enjoy her cigarettes. She had no idea when her mum got her smokers cough, she should really ask her one day.

Sitting in the living room, of an evening meant she focused, rather than on the television, or the glass of wine, but more often on the cigarette pack. So much so in the evenings, she was now getting repetitive pangs of jealousy as her mother was casually and repetitively actually was using it. Cigarette after cigarette was lit and clearly enjoyed from 'her pack.' Over the last few weeks Lauren had almost begun to see it conveniently as her own pack. Not really something to be shared. As an only child sharing had always been a little bit of a challenge.

On a Friday night when getting ready, on Craig's insistence, she had lit a cigarette and walked into his bathroom. With looking in his broken mirror in his bathroom, with her makeup done, it was impressive how good she looked with a cigarette. The white cylinder looked great protruding from her freshly applied lips. She felt amazing strutting around his flat with a cigarette in her heels and short sexy skirts. He was right, she looked fucking stunning. It obvious to her a cigarette belonged to Lauren.

There was one advantage, living at home that after spending twenty minutes in the bathroom wiping her makeup off and washing her face. Then heading to bed, more often than not, a new open pack with a couple of cigarettes taken, would gratefully appear the following morning. Just enough taken for her one, but mostly two after college.

What did not help that her mum's questioning of what Craig was doing was also winding her up. "He is a rogue, I would not trust him as far as I could throw him." Was her man hating phrase of the moment. It was her explanation of why Lauren was at home and not off galivanting with her mates. Everything was working against her. Yes, she could have been out with Sandra, but clearly, she was not Craig. For a start she did not smoke.

All she just needed was her exams to do one, so that she could enjoy the long summer and be away from her mum and alone every night with Craig and more importantly his supply of cigarettes.

***

It was the evening after her final exam ever. Everyone from college was out. Lauren was in high spirits singing and dancing with the girls. But she had a problem. As the drinks and time progressed. Rather than her friends and the summer of fun and mischief everyone was going to do. She had begun thinking about cigarettes.