Cocklust Ch. 12

"Go ahead," he said. "Pretend it's mine."

I scooped up most of the juices on my chest, brought my hand to my mouth, and licked my hand clean. It actually didn't feel as weird as I'd feared. I'd always known my cum was creamier than his-- Chad's had more of a watery consistency, and it tended to shoot further-- but the taste wasn't all that different.

Chad was basically doing the same thing. He sucked on each of his cum-covered fingers. Then he licked his lips and swallowed. "Mm," he said. "That was fucking awesome."

"You want to do that again?" I asked. "Maybe in the morning?"

"Baby," he said, "I think we're gonna have to."

And we did.

It wasn't always easy to find time together, especially with the family stuff we were juggling. A few times I just used my dildo on myself, without involving Chad. I found myself loving how it felt: it wasn't quite as intense as a real fuck, but the afterglow was pretty much the same. It still sent endorphins coursing through my blood, and it gave me that satisfying feeling of my sphincter stretched out. The lube made my ass cheeks slide past each other as I walked.

Outwardly, of course, I didn't let on at all. On Thanksgiving Day, when my aunt and uncle came over, their dog kept trying to sniff my butt. I had to wonder if he knew what was up.

"Smokey!" Uncle Todd said, and he snapped his fingers. "Come here. Don't be bothering him."

"He's okay," I said.

Smokey ran in a circle around Todd, then went to greet Amy. Meanwhile, Aunt Rachel came to give me a hug. "How have you been?" she asked.

"I'm good," I said, "same ol' same ol'...." I knew that last part was a lie, but I didn't see any way around it.

By now I'd gotten pretty adept at steering conversations in the direction I wanted. We chatted about stuff like election results, movies, and how the Bears were doing compared to the Lions. But my mind kept wandering back to Chad, and what he must be doing at that moment. I knew he was going through a lot, between his homophobic dad and his parents' marital problems. I was dying to help him somehow, but I knew my hands were tied.

After dinner, my family followed our old tradition of fighting over the TV. We eventually agreed to put on Spider-Man, but to be honest, the movie was almost incidental. We were so stuffed with turkey that most of us just needed a nap.

The Green Goblin had just finished attacking Times Square when my phone buzzed. At first I thought it was Chad, but then I saw it was Johan.

I heard ur in town, Johan wrote. Want to meet up sometime?

I debated what to tell him. I held my phone close so no one else could see it. Can't, I wrote. I have a boyfriend now.

Johan took a few minutes to respond. Congrats. Then, a minute later, he added: That's cool.

Thx, I wrote, though I could tell he was disappointed. I knew Johan had his share of hangups. I assumed he was still doing Grindr hookups, though it wasn't my business anymore. As far as I knew, he'd never had a boyfriend of his own, at least not a serious one.

Then it occurred to me: how did Johan know I was there? I assumed Amy must've told him, but that raised a bunch more questions. How did I come up in the conversation? Did the two of them talk a lot? Did she know Johan was gay? And most importantly, did he tell her anything he shouldn't have?

"I don't see his appeal," Mom said.

I looked up from my phone. I realized she was talking about the movie.

"It's Tobey Maguire," Rachel said. "You saw him shirtless earlier--"

"Andrew Garfield is more my type," Amy said.

Rachel clucked her tongue. "Better not tell Emma Stone."

I had my own thoughts on the subject, but of course I wasn't about to share them. I needed a moment to myself, so I got up and pretended I was going to take a leak.

I shut the bathroom door behind me, and I did my best to relax. I stared into the mirror, fixed my hair, and took a deep breath.

I lingered longer than I probably should have. When I stepped back outside, I found Amy waiting for me.

"Scott," she said, "who is Chad?"

I felt like a thunderbolt had hit me. "What?" I asked. "Why?"

Amy handed me my phone. I realized I'd left it lying out in the open. "He just texted you," she said. "I think I'm the only one who saw it. He says he can't wait to see you, and-- how'd he put it?-- he's 'so fucking horny' for you."

I suddenly felt naked, and not in a good way. "Uh, well, he's nobody," I said without thinking, "I-I mean he's just a gay guy I know."

Amy frowned. "That looks a lot like sexting to me."

At first I thought she'd seen my other texts. Then I realized the phone was still locked, though it didn't make me feel any better. I pulled her into the bathroom and shut the door behind us. "For fuck's sake, Amy--"

"Are you sexting a guy?"

"No," I said. I struggled to keep my voice down. "I-I mean he just has a crush on me or something--"

"You're a shitty fucking liar. You know that?"

"Oh come on--"

"Are you gay?"

I didn't know what to say. Amy had me cornered. I wanted to deny everything, but somehow I got tongue-tied. "W-well, you know, uh--"

"Don't lie to me."

"Look, he's just a college buddy," I said. "Don't make it a bigger deal than it is, okay?"

"A bigger deal?" she asked. "You're my little brother."

"Yeah, and you're a fucking snoop! This is none of your business."

Amy didn't answer at first. Then she ran her hands through her hair. "Listen," she said. "I don't care if you're gay. I mean I do, but... only because I care about you, and I want you to be happy--"

"It's not your problem."

"I never said it was a problem," she said. "Besides, what the hell did you think was going to happen? You can't keep this a secret forever, and why would you even want to?"

"You don't get it," I said. "You don't fucking get it, okay?"

Amy chewed her lip for a second. Then she sat down and sighed. "Listen," she said, "I'm not going to tell Mom and Dad. That's your job. But I think you owe it to yourself to do it while you're here. Something like this needs to be done in person--"

"Just let me handle it," I said.

"Okay fine," Amy said. "But you know what? Mom and Dad care about you too. You've got nothing to be afraid of."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me was furious at her, but part of me wanted to hug her as tight as I could. My mind was going in so many directions, I didn't know what to do.

"So this Chad," she finally said, "tell me about him."

I scoffed. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, for starters," she said, "how did you two meet?"

I gave the shortest answer I could. "He's in my fraternity," I said.

"So last summer," she said, "when you were staying out all night... were you going to see him?"

I felt another wave of embarrassment. I didn't want to tell her about my slut phase. "N-no," I said, "I mean, he's not from around here."

"So where's he from?"

I sighed. "What's with all the questions?"

"I'm just asking," Amy said. "I want to make sure my little brother's okay."

I rolled my eyes. I wanted to point out she was barely older than me, but I decided not to. "Okay," I said. "You want to know? He's from San Diego. Well, basically. He's a Navy brat."

Amy nodded. "What's he like?"

"Hell, I dunno," I said. "What kind of a question is that?"

"Well, do you like him?"

I didn't know how to answer at first. "I mean... yeah," I finally said. "He's cool."

"Does he make you happy?"

"Now don't start with the sappy shit," I said. "It's not like that, okay?"

"Oh my God, you are such a man!" Amy said. "That's the only thing that matters. The only thing!"

"Well, maybe we don't think of it that way," I said. "We just hang out. We do normal stuff. We watch football and shit--"

"And you have sex."

I practically froze. I couldn't believe she'd just said that.

"Am I wrong?" Amy asked.

"Well I didn't say that, I-I mean I guess you're not wrong--"

"So then what's the big deal?"

I gritted my teeth. "Look, I don't want to talk about this, okay? At least not right now. I'll... well, I'll figure out a way to tell Mom and Dad. You've just got to let me do it my way."

Amy shrugged. "Fine," she said, "if you say so."

To be continued....