Collisions

"No," he told himself. "Life doesn't work like that." There was no such thing as karma or fate, let alone God's will. Things simply happened as a matter of timing and chance. Had his father-in-law stayed or not stayed to use the restroom after the performance, they'd have been several miles out of harm's way. Had they chatted or not done so with friends they may have met on the way out, the same thing was true.

The universe wasn't out to get us, it just didn't care. It rolled along and did its thing without to regard to who lived or who died. That knowledge was precious little comfort as he held his dying mother's hand yet somehow it managed to help him accept the reality of death for what it was.

Caring for her over the coming months would be both a blessing and a curse. In a positive sense, it would force him to focus on her and her needs and give him something to live for. It was awful however, to watch the person he loved most on earth slip away from him a little more each day.

It was almost ten months to the day he came home that she took her final breath. Justin had cried only the one time after Rachel's death that first night all alone in the Conrads' home. Now, as the nurse who'd been there full-time the last month turned off the machines that surrounded his mother, he took her tiny, still-warm hand in his one last time and allowed himself to weep openly. He wept not only for his mom but for Rachel, and truth be told, for himself. He knew many people had suffered far more loss in their lives. Any cursory look at the horrors of World War II made that very clear. Still, for someone his age, he'd experienced more loss than most and knowing others had been through worse did nothing to relieve his own hurt and pain.

After burying yet another loved one, it was time to get back to the business of living. He decided to fix up the old house and put it up for sale. As much as he loved the relative quiet of Spokane compared to Seattle, the big city held more opportunity and he needed to work. Besides, the one-year anniversary promise he'd made to Denise was coming up fast and he had no intentions of breaking that or any other promise.

Denise. That reminded there was one promise he had failed to keep. He told her he'd stay in touch, but one week without contacting her had turned into a month which rolled into six and now here he was getting ready to go back to Seattle, and he'd never even picked up the phone or sent so much as a postcard.

It was just as well he told himself. She needed time to grieve and start her life over, too. But he had to admit it would be good to see her again. With any luck, she might even have tickets to a Seahawks game. Unless, of course, Christopher's death had shaken to the point that she'd lost interest in such things. In less than two weeks, he'd know.

______________________________________________________________________

He never once thought she might not show as he pulled up near the place where his wife and her dad were buried. It was cold this time of year, and Justin drew the collar of his coat up and stuffed his hands in its pockets as he made his way back to this place of so much pain and sorrow for the first time since he'd left. He didn't cry, but he felt his throat get tight and he had to blink back tears as he saw her name.

Rachel Reese. It seemed so surreal to him. How could he possibly be standing at her grave? Her grave for Christ's sake. The thought of that word sent shivers through him that had nothing to do with the cold and the wind.

He was lost in thought when he heard her voice. "Hello, Justin."

He turned around and there she was, standing next to him at her husband's grave. "Denise. It's so good to see you!" he told her as they embraced. "I'm so sorry I didn't call or..."

"No, no, no. Stop that. It's okay. I understand completely. I knew your mother wasn't well and I can only imagine how hard that was for you after...this." She nodded down toward the headstones and Justin understood.

"You look great," he told her honestly.

"You, too, Justin. I am just so glad to see you again. I would love for you to come by the house for dinner. If you'd care to, that is."

"Of course! I look forward to it."

"Wonderful," she said. "Tonight at around 8 o'clock?"

"See you then." He gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before walking back to his car. As he pulled away, he could see her on bended knee touching her daughter's name and tracing out the letters. He refused to cry, but he felt those familiar tears welling up in his eyes again. He blinked hard several times, put the car in gear, and drove off toward the motel where he was staying until he found work. The City of Seattle wasn't currently hiring firefighters but he felt he had a good chance of getting a job in one of the dozens of smaller fire departments around county.

When he arrived and the 'Big House', he was greeted by a maid he hadn't met. "Good evening, sir. Mrs. Conrad is expecting you," she told him as she took his coat and showed him to the living room.

"Justin! Good evening. You remember Lewis, don't you?" she said cheerfully.

"Yes, of course. You're the Conrads' attorney. Thank you again for all your help after Rachel's death. I can't tell you how much I appreciated it."

"You're more than welcome, Justin. It's good to see you again. I understand you're looking for a job."

"I am, sir. If you have any leads for a firefighter who hasn't worked in over a year, please let me know."

"I have a lot of friends, Justin. Let me make some phone calls tomorrow and see what I can do. You just might be surprised and I'm sure you could use a little good news."

"Speaking of good news," Denise said. "I...well, we...have something we want to share with you, Justin."

Lewis moved next to Denise and took her hand and as they looked at one another, she raised it up for him to see. "I know it's only been a year, but Lewis just proposed to me this evening and I said yes."

Justin was so taken aback he was unable to speak. He blinked several times, looked back and forth at the two of them then somehow managed to say, "Uh...that's...that's wonderful. Congratulations. I'm really happy for you both."

"You don't think it's too soon do you, Justin? I know it seems fast, but Lewis and Christopher were such good friends and he's always been so good to both of us. It just seemed...right."

"All that matters is that you're happy, Denise. This 'one-year thing' is completely arbitrary. If a person can move on in six months, then so be it. If another person needs several years, then that's fine, too. I'm just happy you'll have someone to share your life with." He looked down for a moment then forced a smile. "It'll be nice to have someone you can really relate to now when you go to watch the Seahawks or deer hunting or any of the things you love."

Denise's smile faded and Lewis made a bit of a face. "Oh, my. I don't think you'll ever me see me doing any of those things. I do dearly love this woman, but like Christopher, I'll take the ballet over the bashing that goes on in a football game any day."

Justin was dumbfounded by the reply. "So when's the big day?" Justin asked trying to avoid asking any further discomfort along those lines.

"We haven't set one yet," she said. "Maybe sometime next Spring or Summer."

"Yes," Lewis agreed. "That'll give us time to get everything ready. It's a second marriage for both of us, but we do want a big wedding and those things take time, you know."

"Of course," Justin said. He looked directly at Denise and said, "That sounds wonderful. I'm sure you'll both be very happy." She couldn't hold his gaze and looked away as she understood what he really meant by what he'd just said.

The conversation over dinner was strained, to say the least. Any time Justin or Denise brought up any kind of sporting event, Lewis was unable to chime in making for a very awkward situation. Then each time he made reference to a particular ballet or opera or some piece of classical music, the other two sat smiling in silence unable to respond.

As Justin was getting ready to leave, Lewis reminded him he would 'shake the tree' and make those calls. "Where are you staying, by the way, Justin?" he asked him.

Justin gave him the name of the motel where he'd taken a room at their weekly rate. "That's got to be outrageously expensive for you," Lewis said.

"Well, after selling the house, paying all of Mom's medical bills and other expenses, I've got enough to hold me over for two or maybe three months if I'm careful. And with any luck, I'll get hired back on with the city or some other department, so I'll be okay."

"That's ridiculous," Denise said. "I don't know why I didn't offer immediately, but you're more than welcome to stay here with us until you find a job."

"Us?" Justin asked.

"Oh, yes. Lewis lives here, too," she clarified.

"I do," Lewis said. "But it's okay." He looked around as though someone might here him and said in a mock whisper, "Separate bedrooms. You know, until the honeymoon."

Denise rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. "There are several spare bedrooms so we insist!"

Justin had no interest staying in what was for all intents and purposes, a mansion, but his budget could really use the relief. Even at the weekly rate, his room was costing him $75 a day and that didn't include meals he had to buy three times a day.

"Well, okay. Thank you. I accept. But only until I find a job," he said adamantly.

He made a quick trip back to the motel, grabbed his two suitcases full of stuff plus his gym bag and moved into the Conrad home just down the hall from Rachel's old room.

Shortly after midnight, Justin lay down to go to sleep. He was on his back looking up at the ceiling trying to make sense of the situation. He recalled Denise's comments about having nothing in common with her late husband except for Rachel and here she was marrying another man just like him. She most definitely did not need money so that couldn't possibly be the reason. Yes, Lewis was still a pretty good-looking guy for a man who just over 50, but Denise could find any number of good-looking men. Why in the world would she ever agree to marry Lewis, for God's sake? It made absolutely no sense to him.

He gave up trying to figure it out and rolled over onto his side when he heard what sounded like a very light tap on his door. He wasn't sure he'd actually heard anything, but he did sit up to listen. Moments later, there was another very small tapping sound. Justin pulled on his gym shorts and went to the door and opened it slightly.

"I'm sorry to bother you. I feel like we should talk. Is that okay?"

"Um...sure. Come on in," he told her.

Denise took a chair near the desk in the room and sat down facing him as he sat on the end of the bed.

"I know you think I'm crazy," she began. "For saying 'yes' to Lewis, that is."

"Denise, it's none of my business," he told her. They sat there looking at one another for a few moments before he said, "Okay, you're right. It doesn't make any sense. You and Lewis have nothing in common, and you don't need his money so help me understand this, Denise."

"When Christopher died, a part of me died, too. I know that sounds melodramatic, but we'd been married for 26 years. And even though we rarely did anything together, he was...comfortable. My life was...comfortable. I felt so lost and so alone and even after six months the thought of dating just had no appeal." She looked over at the wall for a bit then said, "Well, there was someone but I don't think he was ever really interested in me the way I was in him. I tried to let him know but looking back I could tell he didn't feel the same way about me. And then Lewis came along and I felt...comfortable again. And that felt so much better than being lonely. So we had dinner a few times and well, he and Christopher were such good friends. It was like being with my husband again. My world felt safe and secure. So that's why I yes when he asked me."

Justin had so many things to say yet he wondered whether or not he should say anything at all.

"There's something on your mind, Justin. I know you well enough to know you want to say something so please, say it. You know I value your opinion, so whatever it is, you need to tell me."

"When you say a part of you died, was it the part that loves football and NASCAR and mountain climbing? Was it the part that loves to drink beer and get loud or sit in a deer stand in the freezing cold waiting for a shot? Is that the part that died?"

"No," she said very quietly.

"Have you suddenly taken an interest in opera or the ballet? Are you listening to classical music now instead of the Rolling Stones?"

Even more softly she replied, "No."

"Then, well, maybe I'm stepping out of bounds here but aren't you giving up on by marrying Lewis? Don't you want someone with whom you can share your life rather than just feel comfortable with?"

There was just enough light coming in from the hall for him to make out the features of her face. He watched as she raised her hand and used the sleeve of her robe to wipe away the first of many tears.

Justin slid off the bed and went to her. He knelt by the chair and said, "Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I was just trying to tell you what..."

"Why didn't you ever call?" she said without looking at him. Another tear fell to her cheek.

"I know better than to tell you I was too busy. I'm many things, Denise, but a liar isn't one of them. I wanted to call. I thought about it a hundred times. I just didn't know what to say."

"I waited every day for weeks for the phone to ring. I kept it with me all the time. Even when I was in the shower, I laid it just outside hoping you'd call." She wiped away more tears and said, "But you never did. So at some point, I gave up hope. I quit checking my phone every few hours wondering if I'd missed a call somehow. I felt so...hollow. So...alone. And all I wanted was to hear your voice. I knew you were hurting, Justin. But so was I. And there was only one person I needed to talk to you. There was only one person I wanted to talk to." She turned toward him and he could see her eyes were a mess of mascara and saline. "My best friend." As she spoke tears streamed down her face.

Justin reached out and wiped the tears from her eyes but they fell so fast he couldn't keep up. "I'm sorry," he said. Denise was crying hard, but trying to be quiet. Lewis was just down the hall and she had no desire to wake him or let him see her like this.

Denise looked over at him and her face was in anguish and Justin was crushed. "Hey. It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay. I promise."

Denise struggled to speak through her tears. "No, it won't be all right. It will never be all right again," she sobbed. She turned toward him again and said, "Before you left, I told you I love you," she said, her voice racked with emotion.

"I remember," he said as he reached up and brushed her hair back from her face. "I told you I love you, too."

She was nearly unable to speak at all. She choked out each word as she looked at him with what seemed to be a look of desperation on her face. "Don't...hate...me...for this...Justin. But I was...in love...with...you. The only reason I didn't tell you directly was because of Rachel." As she spoke the final word, Denise completely broke down and lost control.

Justin quickly stood up, closed the bedroom door and walked back to her. He grabbed his tee-shirt with one hand and offered her the other. Still racked with sobs, Denise took it and stood next to him. She looked up at him and through her tears said, "I'm still in love with you and you never called!"

Justin stared into her eyes then reached up and gently dabbed her cheeks and around her eyes. "I never thought a woman like you would ever be interested in a guy like...me...in that way. I never felt good enough or rich enough or..."

Her eyes were fixed on his as they moved rapidly from one eye to the other. "How could you think that?" she sobbed. "I tried to let you by dropping hints all the time, but you...never..." She couldn't speak anymore. Her head fell on his shoulder and he just held her as she cried.

He pulled her close and softly stroked her still-dark hair. "I meant what I said," he told her quietly.

"When?" she asked as she tried to calm herself.

He put both arms around her and replied, "When I said I love you. I meant it, Denise."

She fought to get control of her breathing as she held him tightly back. "But that's changed now," she was able to get out.

He shook his head and said, "Nothing has changed." He waited for her to look at him. When she did, he told, "I still love you."

"You do?" she asked. She looked like a child in need of loving confirmation from a parent rather than a woman nearly twice his age.

"I do," he assured her. "I planned to tell you how I feel but then when you told me you were marrying Lewis, I couldn't help but think you only loved me as a friend. But Denise? I've been in love with you for a very long time. I just never imagined a woman as wonderful and beautiful as you would ever see me like anything but the boy who married your daughter. And honestly? I only never told you because of Rachel, too. I could have never done that to her. Ever. But I fell in love with you a long time ago."

"I'm not in love with Lewis, Justin. I'm in love with you and you are far more than some boy who married my daughter. Somewhere along the line, you became my best friend. I started building my entire life around the time we spent together. And for the last year before the accident, every time we were together all I wanted was for you to...kiss me. But...there was Rachel and..."

Justin lifted her chin with his finger and when she looked back up at him, their eyes met. This time, both of them knew. Nothing else needed to be said. Justin leaned in and closed his eyes. As he did, Denise closed hers and open her mouth to accept the kiss she'd waited for for so long. Justin kissed her softly at first as her soft, full lips accepted his. He heard her gasp softly as the tip of his tongue touched hers. At the same time, he felt himself growing.

Denise felt him getting hard and reached down to touch him for the first time. "You feel so good to me," she said as she stroked his cock through the nylon shorts. She helped him slide them off then gently gave him a push as he fell back on the bed while she fell between his knees.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she said as she took his huge cock in her hand.

"You're anything but," he told her. "You are so beautiful to me. Right here, right now, right this very second. You are the most beautiful woman on earth. I love you, Denise."

"I love you too, Justin," she said as she opened her mouth wide to take him inside. "Mmmm. You taste so good," she murmured.

He reached out and ran his hand through her hair which was stuck to her face from her tears. The only light in the room came from the moon which was full. It was barely enough to let him see this beautiful older woman who was looking into his eyes as she took him deep into her mouth. "I've wanted you for so long," she said as she released him for a moment.

"Come up here, honey," he told her. He helped her stand then quickly undressed her. She stepped out of the small pile of clothes and he pulled her close. He looked up at her as he ran his hands between her legs for the first time. Denise gasped loudly as he ran his fingers from the back of her pussy to her clit.

"I'm so wet you for, sweetheart," she purred. "Please don't stop."

Justin slid his fingers inside her and reached up until he found her G spot. At the same time, he used his thumb on her clit causing her to yelp but in a subdued tone. "Oh, my God. Yes. Oh, Justin. That feels so...good! Oh, God, I love that!"