Coming Home

"Look at this glove, Uncle Tray!" he said. "And check out this aluminum bat! Oh, and they have the coolest looking jerseys. Hey! These Texas Rangers hats are awesome!"

"Hmmm. Well, let's see. I'd say this glove outta fit you about right and...maybe a 30-inch bat. Yeah, that looks good. Now...how about some new baseballs? Right here! This three-pack looks perfect."

He saw Darby giving him the eye so he leaned over and asked quietly, "May I please buy him a hat and his favorite player's jersey? Just this one time?"

Colby knew better to ask, and he was thrilled to be getting anything let alone a new glove, a bat, and three brand new, pure-white baseballs.

"Okay, but just this one time, Tray. You hear me?" she said unable to avoid smiling.

"Really?" he said astonished that she'd given in. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek then said, "You're the best!"

"Colby? Guess what?" When he told him the news, the young boy was beside himself.

"Momma? May I please wear them out of the store?" he asked.

"They have to take those anti-theft things off, but after that—sure."

"I love you so much!" he said, something he hadn't said in a very long time as he hugged her waist.

"I love you, too, Uncle Tray! Thank you!!!" Tray got another hug and he saw Darby watching him.

"I haven't seen you smile like that in a long time, Tray. That was real."

"Hey, I smile," he told her. "You just don't see me often enough to know."

Now she leaned over and said, "Whatever your groupie-bimbos do to make you smile doesn't count."

She smiled then turned away from him. "Okay let's take this stuff up front, son of mine."

Unbelievably, they'd made it out of the store without any unwanted publicity and Tray chalked it up to still being relatively early Sunday. He had no doubt things would be very different at the batting cages later on.

"Anyone else besides me gettin' hungry?" Tray asked.

Colby also knew better than to holler anything out. He looked at his mom who looked at Tray.

"We'll just zip in and out of a drive-thru window. What do you say?"

Darby cut her eyes his way then smiled. "I'm normally very good at saying 'no' but then again, we don't get to see you too often so...okay."

Colby fist pumped and said, "Yes!" but not too loudly.

"Your call, sport. Where do you wanna go? Oh, wait. Let me guess. Chick-fil-A, right?"

"Can we?" Colby asked excitedly.

"I reckon we can!" Tray said pulling his Texas Rangers ball cap down over his eyes.

"This is the best day ever!" Colby said as it pulled it back up.

Tray was smiling again but stopped when he looked over at Darby who wasn't smiling. She wasn't angry. She just looked...hurt.

After they got home and Colby went to wash up, Tray asked what was wrong.

"I don't know, Tray. It's...I just don't want Colby to get hurt. He thinks you hung the moon, you know. You roll in here every couple of years then you head on out. I understand, of course, but he really misses his daddy and well...." She looked right at him then said, "You look so much like him, Tray. I know he sees him when he looks at you."

Colby came back into the kitchen smiling from ear to ear.

"Don't get your uniform all greasy, bud," Tray told him as he put some chicken on his plate.

"When are we gonna go to the batting cages, Uncle Tray?" Colby asked after taking a couple of bites.

He looked over at Darby who nodded.

"Well, how about we break in these new gloves after we eat first? Then we can head on over."

"Awesome!" he said before he took another big bite.

Darby sat on the back porch and watched them play catch. She had such mixed feelings about Tray being there. On the one hand, he was family and she wouldn't make him stay in a motel for any reason. She also knew her son needed to know his uncle, but it killed to think how he'd feel when Tray left right after the funeral.

"You ready to field a few grounders?" Tray called out.

"I'm ready!" Colby told him.

Tray tapped the ball fairly easy to help build up the boy's confidence then hit a few just a little harder. Colby missed a couple and said, "See! I told you I suck!"

"Colby Johnson? You watch your mouth," his mother called out.

"Sorry, Momma," he said. "I mean...stink."

Tray hit a few more easy ones before calling it quits. They went inside and had a glass of iced tea which was only and always called 'sweet tea' in the south.

"Okay, I guess I'll change again so I can go watch y'all hit baseballs," Darby said.

It was mid-April and just starting to get warm. Some would call it hot but for Tyler, it was still pretty mild. Darby put on the same tee-shirt but wore a pair of shorts that showed off her still-shapely legs and Tray did his best not to stare.

On their way back out, Colby asked if they could go to MVP Cages and Tray said, "Anywhere you want, slugger."

They started out on the slowest machine which threw at 40mph and Colby was missing everything. Tray stepped in and showed him how to stand and hold his bat.

"Okay, so your feet go like this. Hold your right elbow up like this and when you swing, your head should look down into a 'Vee' like this then rotate your hips and follow through."

Tray did a slow motion swing and stopped to show Colby what he meant. "That way, you don't take your eye off the ball by pulling your head up. Now you try it a couple of times without a ball being thrown."

Tray made a few minor corrections then said, "Okay, let's give this another whirl."

After a miss and then a foul ball, Colby connected.

"Nice one!" Tray called out.

Soon the sound of an aluminum bat hitting a ball was ping, ping, pinging one after the other.

"Good job, Colby!" his mother called out.

"He is so loving this, Tray!" she said as he stood next to her.

"Looks like you're enjoying yourself, too, Darby."

"I am. I haven't seen my son have so much fun in...well, since Ray was alive." Her smile faded at the mention of her late husband.

Tray put his arm around her and said, "I'm still so sorry for you."

"Me? You lost your brother, Tray."

"Yeah, but Colby lost his father, too. It hurt me bad, but you two are the ones who've suffered the most."

"It's been hard, that's for sure," she told him. "But we get by."

"Darby?" he said meaning to ask how she was doing when all of a sudden there was a huge commotion.

"Over there! That's him. I told you! That's Tray Johnson!"

"How in the hell?" he said as a camera crew and a handful of folks who'd been watching them started walking his way. "Sorry, Darby," he told her. "One of them must have called someone."

"It was only a matter of time, right?" she said with genuine understanding. "Go talk to them and maybe they'll leave you alone."

"Fat chance," he muttered.

"Tray! Tray! How about a few minutes of your time?"

Tray patiently answered their questions about why he was here, how long he'd be staying, where he was staying, and when his next album was coming out.

He tried to talk about Joe as much as possible, but the reporter kept turning it back on him.

"So is that your sister-in-law over there?" the young female reporter asked. "Can we talk to her?"

"It's up to her but I'd prefer you leave her out of this. But don't you dare stick a camera in my nephew's face, you understand?" he said firmly without being mean.

Darby told the cute, young female reporter how good it was to see her brother-in-law again. Yes, she was a big fan of his music. Yes, he was staying with her. And just like that it was over.

The young reporter walked right up to Tray and said, "Here's my phone number and address. No need to call ahead or even knock." She stuck the card in his shirt pocket, smiled, then walked away.

"Is it always like that?" Darby asked.

"No, it's almost always worse," he told her truthfully. "She was pretty restrained compared to a lot of my um...fans."

"I don't know how you put up with that," she said mostly teasing.

"To tell you the truth, I don't either," he replied honestly. He turned toward her and said, "I'm really burnt out with the whole thing."

"You're at the height of your career, Tray. You can't just walk away from all that. You have so much more music—and money to make. And if the way that cute little thing just treated you is the way all girls do, I'd say you got a pretty sweet life."

"Honestly? I'd give it all up in a heartbeat if I could find a woman who loved me for being me and not for being Tray Johnson the singer. Yeah, at first, all the attention and the money and even the girls are great. Then you find you need more and more to get the same high and eventually you realize you never will."

"Sounds like drugs," Darby said.

"Exactly! You keep chasing that initial rush, but no matter what you do or how hard you try, you can't. I'm at a point where just thinking about going back to it makes me ill."

"Maybe you just need a break. Take a few days and spend them with us. Relax a little and unwind."

"That's not gonna be easy now that the press knows I'm here."

"Uncle Tray? Did you see that one?" Colby called out.

He hadn't but he said, "I heard it, buddy! Keep it up."

They stayed until Colby said his hands hurt and Tray knew a blister was just around the corner.

"It's time to head home now anyway," Darby told them.

Tray looked at Darby the said, "Think your mom would let us stop for ice cream on the way home?"

Both of them turned toward her at the same time.

"Oh, like I can say 'no' to two pairs of sad, puppy dog eyes. Sheesh!"

"Can I have bubble gum ice cream?" Colby asked.

"You can have whatever you want," Tray told him. "I'll even buy your momma a cone, too. She's lookin' pretty skinny these days."

"Ha!" Darby said. "Skinny? I can't even fit into my regular jeans anymore let alone my skinny jeans. The last thing I need is ice cream after eating fast food. And just one scoop for you, mister! You hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Colby said racing to the truck.

Darby broke down and had a small cup of rocky road, but refused to eat anything else the rest of the night while the boys wiped out what was left of the chicken, biscuits and gravy from Chick-fil-A.

Around nine o'clock Darby told Colby it was time to get ready for bed.

"Go take a shower and remember to wash your feet this time," she said. "I swear he just twirls around in the water and dries off most days."

"So you mean he's a boy, right?" Tray teased.

Darby laughed then said, "I'm truly blessed, Tray. Colby has done his level best to try and take care of me since Ray died. I swear I've never seen him cry after the funeral. But he'd watch me like a hawk. 'Momma? Are you crying again?' he ask every time I even got teary eyed. He is such a good boy."

"Darby? Do you ever think about getting married again?" he finally asked. He'd been wanting to bring it up all day, but not around Colby.

"Honestly? I'd love to be married to another great guy, but finding one isn't easy. And finding one who'll love Colby like his own son is damn near impossible. I wouldn't trade my son for all the other love on earth, mind you. It's just a fact that it's more of a challenge with a child that isn't real young. Then again, I'm not exactly a spring chicken and to tell the truth, I haven't really even felt like trying. Ray was just so...perfect for me."

"Yeah, Ray was as good as God makes 'em," Tray said. "But you're still a young woman, Darby, if if you don't mind me saying, I...I think you're really beautiful."

"Pshah!" she said. "I'm 37 years old, Tray. The hot young things that fawn all over you are beautiful. I'm just...old. And tired."

He watched her look down again and he was sure there was another tear in her eye.

"Hey. What's that about?" he said as he reached out for her hand.

She looked at it then took it and said, "I don't know. I don't usually feel sorry for myself, but just talking about being married and my age and all that...it...it can start feeling pretty hopeless sometimes."

"Come on, there have to be all kinds of guys out there who'd jump at the chance to be with a beautiful girl like you."

"Girl. That's funny, Tray. Old biddy, maybe. But girl? Uh-uh. That ship has done sailed and is long gone."

"Are you working tomorrow?" he asked her out of the blue.

"No, I have Sundays and Mondays off now. Why?"

"I have an idea," he told her. "I'm gonna prove you wrong."

Colby came in wrapped in a towel and said, "I'm all done, Momma. Can I tell Uncle Tray goodnight?"

"You don't have ask, honey. You know you can."

"Come on, sport. I'll walk you back to your room and we can talk baseball a little more. If that's okay with your mom, of course."

"Ten minutes. He's got tomorrow off for a teacher planning day then school the rest of this week and then the following week is spring break. And a birthday!" she called out.

"Spring break...yes!" Colby said. "Uncle Tray? Can you please come to my party?"

Tray waited for his nephew to get in bed then sat down beside him.

"I don't know, buddy. I'd love to, but I might have to get back out on tour."

"That's okay," he said trying not to be sad. "Uncle Tray? I wish you could stay here and live in Tyler again."

"Me, too, buddy. But a lot of people would be very upset with me if I didn't go back out on tour."

His agent was already getting antsy about his return. Canceling just one concert cost a ton of money. Canceling a bunch of them kept his agent up at night. Tray was under contract until the end of summer and that was a whole lot of touring.

"Uncle Tray? This was the best day of my whole life," Colby said smiling at him.

Tray fought back tears as he saw his brother every time he looked in the boy's face.

"Me, too," Tray told him. "We'll have another one tomorrow. Just you and me for most of it. I'm gonna surprise your momma with a special day of her own so we can do whatever you want."

"You promise?" he said excitedly.

"Cross my heart," Tray told him.

Colby reached up and hugged him as hard as he could and once again, Tray had to fight not to tear up.

"Night, buddy."

"Goodnight, Uncle Tray."

He watched Colby turn over on his side, a smile still on his face.

A sea of feelings washed over Tray as he stood there looking at his nephew. Sadness, sympathy, hurt, and something he'd never felt before; at least not like this. Tray felt real, genuine love for his brother's son for the first time in many years, and that's when the first tear fell.

Darby had been standing just outside the room. She was not only watching but smiling as the two 'men' interacted. When she saw her brother-in-law tear up, she stepped aside just in case he looked up. She didn't want him knowing she'd seen him cry.

And that's when a similar feeling washed over her. She didn't think it was romantic love, but it was most definitely love of some kind and definitely more than she'd ever felt for her handsome, young brother-in-law before.

Darby heard him move so she pretended to be walking to the room as Tray came out.

"Oh, hey. Is he asleep?" she asked almost bumping into him 'by accident.'

"No, not yet," Tray whispered. "He just closed his eyes."

Darby turned around and followed him back into the living room.

"He looks so much like Ray now," Tray said as they sat down across from one another.

"He really does. It makes me happy and sad at the same time." Darby was sitting across from him and was looking right at Tray. "You do too, of course," she said.

"Yeah, I guess I do," Tray had to agree. "But Ray was the 'looker'. I just happened to luck out and get the singing voice."

"For the record, you're just as handsome as he was and your voice is beautiful, Tray. I listen to your songs all the time. They're so sad."

"I still write or help write all my music, Darby. I write what I feel and mostly I just feel...sad."

"Because of Ray?" she asked.

"That was huge," he told her. "But even before that. A lot of it was the way Dad treated us. It was that. It was growin' up without a mom. It was...everything."

He smiled at her then said, "I never told you, but I was so jealous when Ray married you."

"Jealous? Tray, you were just a boy," Darby reminded him.

"True, but you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, Darby." He saw her look away then told her, "You still are, you know."

"Oh, stop, Tray! We've been over this already. Ray always made me feel that way. Beautiful, that is. But since then? I just feel...sad. Sometimes I even feel hopeless. And most of the time I just feel old. Don't get me wrong, Colby gives me a reason to live, but otherwise...."

Tears welled up in her eyes again, and Tray got up and sat beside her.

"Don't cry," he said as he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Everything was so perfect before, Tray. We never had a lot of money, but we had everything else, you know?"

She turned toward Tray and saw him look down before he said, "Irony of ironies."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I have more money than I could spend in two lifetimes, but that's all I have. I'm not whining, I'm just stating a fact, but with Ray and now Joe gone, there's not one person in the world who really loves me."

Darby reached out and took his other hand and said very quietly, "That's not true, Tray. You have Colby." She hesitated and thought twice before saying it but added, "You have me, too, you know."

She reached up and tapped his shirt pocket and smiled. "And you have that cute reporter who seemed awfully fond of you."

Tray pulled out the card and set it on the table.

"I have an endless entourage of girls just like her, Darby, and yet I'm more lonely than I've ever been before." Now Tray thought twice before saying what he was thinking. "Except when I'm with you and Colby."

"I feel the same way, Tray," she told him quietly.

He was only inches away and he realized she was even more beautiful than he'd remembered. He lifted his hand off her shoulder then gently brushed her hair back.

"Tray? Please don't," she said just as quietly. "It's hard enough already."

She immediately regretted saying that, but it was too late to change it.

"I don't want to leave," he told her as he kept stroking her hair.

"You know you'd never be happy in Tyler. This place is too small for you now, Tray. Besides, there's nothing here to hold you."

"That's not true," he said moving closer to her.

Darby felt the warmth of his breath on her face as her heart beat fast and her body ached to be held.

"Tray. Please," she said as he moved even closer. "Tray, don't do...."

He softly pressed his lips to hers as her body trembled.

"Tray, I can't...." she tried to say as her eyes closed and kissed him back.

When the kiss ended, Tray slowly pulled away and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I should have stopped you," Darby said barely able to breath.

Tray still had her hand in his and could feel it trembling.

"There is something here...no, someone...who could hold me here, Darby," he told her very quietly.

"Tray. You're so sweet and so young and...and so handsome. You really do look so much like Ray I think I let myself imagine maybe you were him for a moment." She looked at him then said, "I just miss him so much."

Tears fell freely this time and Tray took her in his arms and held her and let her cry.

"It's okay. I understand. Let it all out," he told her.

It only lasted a minute or so, and then as quickly as it had started it was over.

"That used to happen every day," she said. "Then it was every week. I haven't cried like that for over a month. But sometimes it still just has to come out."

"I cried like a baby when Ray died," he confessed. "I never let another soul see me, but I cried many times."

"So now what?" Darby asked. "What happens next?"