Confessions of a Mailgirl Ch. 06

A MOMENT OF TRUTH

The employees on the ninth floor of the tower paid little attention to me as I exited the elevator and walked toward Barbara's office. As far as they were concerned I was just another DDE employee wearing business attire on my way to a meeting somewhere. I'm not even sure some of them would have recognized me with my clothes on even if they had been paying attention.

Barbara's receptionist Jan definitely recognized me though as I entered her office. "Danica, what are you doing?" she asked as she looked at me curiously.

"Is Barbara in?"

"Yes, but she's busy..."

I strode past her and opened the door to Barbara's office as Jan quickly got up and followed me. Inside Barbara was sitting at her desk talking on her cellphone. "Hold on," she said to whoever she was talking to as she saw me.

"I'm sorry Ms. Anderson," Jan said from behind me. "She just barged right past me."

"That's okay," Barbara said. "Let her in and close the door. And don't let anyone disturb us please." Then she spoke into the cellphone. "I'll have to call you back."

She looked at me with a bemused smile after we were alone. "Have a seat, Danica," she said as she pointed to a chair in front of her desk rather than ordering me to kneel on the floor as she normally did. "What's on your mind?" I have to admit I was thrown off a little by the cool, unperturbed manner in which she was handling my surprise entrance. I'd pictured a more dramatic reaction.

I sat down and began speaking. "Kelly has told me everything. About how you used her to help get me involved with the Mailgirls program and paid her to encourage me to get naked in Tokyo."

"Okay," Barbara shrugged. "And?"

"And, um, you've been lying to me and manipulating me from the start!"

"Guilty as charged."

"You also intended for me to be a mailgirl right from the start and the whole offer of a management position was a sham."

"Yep."

This wasn't going at all as I'd planned. I'd been expecting her to get mad or defensive or to deny everything. The mental script I'd been rehearsing for this confrontation hadn't included her casual indifference. I wasn't sure what to say next until Barbara finally broke the silence.

"What is it that you want, Danica?"

"What do I want, Barbara? I want the truth!" I replied indignantly in a tone that came out more petulant and shrill than I'd intended.

Barbara leaned in across the desk toward me. "You want the truth, Danica? You can't handle the truth!" She glared at me intensely for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I love that scene," she said referring to the one with Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men.

I was completely disconcerted now. My whole plan of attack for this big confrontation was in shambles. Barbara stared at me for a minute then got up, walked around her desk and sat on top of it looking down at me.

"Alright Danica," she said, "I'll tell you the truth although you may not want to hear it. I was hoping to delay this conversation until later but now is as good a time as any. The truth is you're the reason that DDE has a Mailgirls program."

I was startled by this statement. "What are you talking about?"

She paused for a minute as if weighing how to continue. "It's a bit of a long story so bear with me. I'm sure you know I have my Master's degree in Psychology."

"Yes," I nodded.

"The reason I chose that is because I've always been fascinated by human behavior, by what drives and motivates people and makes them do what they do. But more specifically I was interested in studies involving controlling and shaping human behavior. I wanted to learn to read people and understand their true desires rather than the ones they express publicly."

So she went to college to learn to become a master manipulator. I can't say that surprised me. "That's interesting, but I'm not sure what that has to do with me being responsible for the Mailgirls program here, Barbara."

"I'm getting to that," she smiled. "I took part in studies involving human behavior in college, including some where I allowed myself to be the subject. But as you know there are ethical limits to how far you can go in a university setting with those kind of studies. I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be in complete control of another person, to have them willingly submit and turn over their life to me. There's only so far you can go with that in a formal peer-reviewed environment."

"So basically you just wanted to be a fucking dominatrix then?" I replied snottily. "How boring."

Barbara laughed. "I'd like to think it's much more complex than that. I'm not averse to using the carrot along with the stick. I also want something that goes well beyond just simple role playing and involves a complete lifestyle change."

"And so you decided to use me as your human guinea pig? You really think you know what my true desires are now after a couple of months as a mailgirl?"

"Oh I've been learning about you much longer than that, Danica."

"What do you mean?"

"Right after you started working here your new hire class was brought through the tower during orientation. I doubt you even remember seeing me but I remember those green eyes staring out of that beautiful face very clearly. It wasn't just your exotic beauty that caught my eye, though, it was the innate intelligence and hunger I sensed behind those eyes. I was immediately fascinated by you."

"And you got that from seeing me for like thirty seconds?"

"It was enough to get me interested in learning more about you," Barbara replied.

"So, what, you started spying on me and stalking me or something?"

"I've kept a close eye on your work here and learned the basics about you on the internet, but obviously that wasn't nearly enough," Barbara said. "Fortunately I have a friend from college who is an investigative reporter and does some work for me occasionally. She has a rare ability to be able dig up all kinds of information without raising any red flags or even letting the people she's chatting up know they're being interviewed. She found out quite a lot about you from your friends and family. Probably a lot more than they realized they were revealing."

I was stunned by the lengths Barbara had gone to in digging into my life. I had no idea any of this had been going on. "And what did she find?" I asked, more than a little nervous about the answer.

"Oh, she just provided me with raw information. I'm the one who interpreted it into an evaluation."

"Then what did you find?"

Barbara was silent for a few moments before speaking. "What I found was a smart, driven girl who is very conscious of her looks and a little bit vain about them. A girl who grew up without a father and with a frequently absent mother who imposed little discipline and few limits on her. A girl who wanted those things so desperately that she imposed her own limits on herself. A girl who has suppressed her exhibitionist fantasies and homosexual desires while hooking up with a series of losers and allowing them to mistreat her while ceding a great deal of control to them. Most of all I found a latent submissive with the desire to be under the control of a strong person who understands what her true desires and fantasies are and will force her to live them out."

I wanted to lash out angrily at Barbara, to tell her she was wrong and that she knew absolutely nothing about me. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I knew she was right about everything. Some of them were things I'd only recently discovered about myself after being manipulated by her into becoming a mailgirl. As she spoke I felt more naked and exposed than ever even though this was the first time I'd been dressed in front of her in weeks. I felt a rush of emotion coursing through me as I was psychologically laid bare before her.

"So you started Mailgirls for me to make me do all the things you think I secretly desire?" I asked in a quiet, trembling voice. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that she was the driving force behind the program at DDE.

"It's not entirely about you, Danica," she replied. "I've been interested in Mailgirls for a long time. I've always thought it would be a marvelous laboratory for observing and shaping human behavior. It tends to bring out honest reactions and emotions in the interaction between the clothed employees and nude mailgirls, much more so than you would normally find between people in an average workplace. Discovering you is what pushed me to finally take action to make it happen, though. I thought it would provide the perfect environment for incubating your latent exhibitionist and submissive tendencies."

"So I'm going to be your human behavior experiment then?" I asked. "Your plan is to take control of my life and force me to do things against my will?"

"Just the opposite, Danica," she replied. "Any knucklehead with a gun or heavy fists can force someone to do something against their will, or can beat them down psychologically like Anna's mother has been doing with her. What I'm interested in is peeling back the layers and finding the true core of a person and then forcing them into a situation where they would voluntarily become who they really are every moment of the day."

"If you're forcing someone into that situation then how could what they do be voluntary?" I asked.

"Because there is always a door left open for them to leave at any time."

I let out a sharp, bitter laugh. "You mean like a contract that would ruin a person financially if they ever left? That kind of door?"

"Would it really have ruined you financially?" she responded. "Someone with your looks, education, intelligence, and drive? It would have been difficult for awhile but you could have overcome it. You still can. The door is right there."

Barbara remained silent for a minute letting those words hang in the air. Could I just get up and walk out the door, I asked myself? Just walk away after everything that's happened and start over? Did I even want to if I could? I didn't really know the answer to those questions but I'm certain that Barbara thought she did. She was practically daring me to get up and walk out. I didn't move a muscle.

I sighed and stared down at the floor. "So what's going to happen to your experiment if the board of directors nukes the Mailgirls program after the ninety day trial is up?" I asked.

"They won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because the CEO controls the board and I control the CEO." After seeing her interaction with Dan Evans in the tenth floor lounge I had little doubt that was true. "The program will continue for as long as I want it to, and I want it to continue for a very long time."

As I sat there listening to all of this I realized just how out of my depth I was in dealing with Barbara and what a fool I'd been in thinking I could just stride in here and gain anything from a confrontation with her. "What about Kelly?" I asked. "Aren't you forcing her to do things against her will? She hates the submissiveness and humiliation."

"Kelly loves money more than she hates those things and that's what she's getting. And Anna is gaining protection and independence from her mother. You can think what you like about me, Danica, but the truth is I'm giving each of my mailgirls exactly what they want."

"What about me? What are you giving me?"

"Danica, I'm giving you the opportunity to live out every fantasy you've ever desired, every one you've ever suppressed."

"And if I say no?"

"I don't think you will."

Barbara slid off the desk now, walked behind it and took hold of her desk chair, then rolled it until it was next to mine. She sat down, grabbed the arms of my chair and turned it until the two us were face to face.

"I know you were in Hiromoto's office when you were in Tokyo," she said to me. "I know you saw what he did to Mariko." I was shocked by this revelation. Mariko had sworn me to secrecy and I couldn't imagine that she would tell Barbara.

"How did you know about that? Did Mariko tell you?"

Barbara laughed. "I don't talk to Mariko. Hiromoto himself told me. I deal directly with him."

My head was spinning now. Barbara seemed to know everything. "Yes, I was there," I admitted. "Mariko allows him to do it to help protect her mailgirls."

"Is that what she told you? Hiromoto may use his power to protect the mailgirls but that's not why Mariko is still there after all these years and that's not why she lets Hiromoto whip her."

"Then why?" I asked.

"Mariko is a submissive like you are. She wants to feel the whip just like she wants to be forced out of her clothes and humiliated in front of her colleagues. She tells herself that she's doing it only for the other mailgirls but she'll never leave there as long as Hiromoto is alive and in control of her. She craves those things."

"And you think I'm like that?"

"We're going to find out, Danica," Barbara replied as she let go of the arms of my chair and leaned back. "I want you to be my Mariko."

My breath quickened and my pulse raced as I heard this. I thought back to Hiromoto's office and the shock I felt at witnessing that. But I also knew that a part of me ached to take Mariko's place, to feel the whip against my bare skin.

"Are you going to whip me for the other girls' demerits?"

"No," Barbara laughed. "I don't give a shit about demerits and the whip is a rather crude tool in molding behavior although it will have its place at times. No, what I want most from you is obedience. If I get that I'll protect Anna and Kelly and all of our future mailgirls from the sharks in the building the same way that Hiromoto does."

"You don't have his power."

"That's where you're wrong, Danica," she replied. "I do have that kind of power within this company although it's more subtly applied. I'm the only reason that Hector Flores has kept his dick in his pants this long, and there are much more powerful men than him who want you girls to be delivering more than memos when you visit their offices."

I thought about the odious Flores and how uncomfortable he made it for me and Anna whenever we were in his office. It made me sick to think of him, or anyone else here, laying a hand on her. "If I leave I'll take Anna with me," I told Barbara. "I won't let anyone hurt her."

"Anna is no longer free to leave, at least not without financial consequence."

"What do you mean? She's not under contract."

"She is now. She signed it this morning while you were busy moving. I had to help her open an account in our credit union to deposit her bonus. She'll owe us quite a bit of money if she decides to leave."

I wanted to scream! I had warned Anna about not signing anything without talking to me first!

I was reeling now with everything I'd heard. Barbara seemed to be constantly one step ahead of me no matter what I did. Had she somehow known I'd be coming in here to confront her and had quickly signed Anna to help maintain leverage? Had she sent Kelly to me today to provoke me into this confrontation? I no longer knew what to believe or who to trust. "What the hell do you want from me, Barbara?" I asked.

"I want a decision from you, Danica," she responded. "Right here, right now. And this time I'll tell you everything. I'll tell you exactly what your future will be if you stay."

"Alright, tell me," I replied. "Exactly. No bullshit or lies this time."

"No lies, no bullshit," Barbara said as she leaned in toward me grasping the arms of my chair once again as she did. I tried to hold her gaze for a moment and then found myself nervously staring down at the floor.

"Danica," she said, "I'm going to slowly, methodically strip everything from you just as I stripped you of your clothes here at work. I'll take your name, your possessions, the control of your clothes when you're away from work, and everything else that allows you to be an independent woman. You will rely on me for everything in your life and you will become completely subservient to me." She paused for a moment to let me digest that as a wave of conflicting emotions surged through my body. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest as she spoke.

"When we expand the Mailgirls program and extend it to the rest of the complex I will expose you to every single employee in every wing," she continued. "I'll humiliate you in front of your former friends and co-workers. You'll remain a mailgirl for the remainder of your contract and then you'll sign another one after that. And after that one expires we won't need any more contracts. You'll beg me to allow you to remain with me, to remain a mailgirl."

I could barely breathe. "Why would I do that," I gasped. "Why would I allow you to do that to me?"

"Because in your heart of hearts that's exactly what you want me to do, Danica. Someday I'll be running this company and you'll be there in my service for as long as I want you. In return I'll provide protection for you and the other girls."

"So I'll be your Mariko?"

"Yes, but you'll never be given a management position or duties. You'll always be a lowly mailgirl and will never, ever again wear a single stitch of clothing in this complex."

"And what's my alternative?"

"The door is right there, Danica. You can walk out and go down right now to HR and sign your separation papers from DDE. You'll have a rough time financially for awhile but you'll overcome it. But if you do that I think you'll regret it every day for the rest of your life. You'll wonder what it would have been like to live out all of your fantasies and to be who you really are."

I thought about this for a moment. "I won't let you take Anna from me," I said quietly.

Barbara didn't speak for awhile as she silently contemplated this. "Alright," she said finally, "I'll grant you that one concession. I won't take Anna from you as long as you remain obedient. But as I strip you of your independence I can't guarantee that Anna won't decide on her own that she wants to carve out her own life away from you."

The silence hung heavy between us as I digested everything that Barbara had told me. She stood up and rolled her chair back behind her desk. "You know everything now, Danica," she said to me. "I've laid it all out on the table. I have to go meet with someone upstairs now for a few minutes. When I get back I either want you gone on your way down to HR to turn in your resignation or I want to find you kneeling naked on the floor with your clothes neatly folded on my desk. There is no third option and there will be no further negotiations."

As Barbara shut the door behind her I was left alone with my thoughts. I knew I was at a crossroads in my life and what I decided here would affect me for years to come. How could I possibly go along with what Barbara was saying, to be stripped of everything and become totally subservient to her? She wasn't just talking about being a mailgirl for the remainder of my contract, it would be for the foreseeable future, maybe for years. How could I ever agree to that? And as I thought about it, images of what my life would be like played over and over again in my imagination and the most intensely raw emotions I'd ever felt coursed through my body.

I also thought about the alternative and I knew that Barbara was right about that as well. Coming out of college I'd received multiple job offers before deciding on DDE. With my degree I knew I could easily find another good job and my looks would always open doors for me. Paying off the penalties in my onerous contract would be difficult but not impossible. As these thoughts raced through my head and I imagined what each future would be like I suddenly realized I'd made my decision.

When Barbara returned to her office she found me kneeling on the floor, naked and trembling.