Confessions of a Sex Addict

If I had an orgasm I would put an O under the fourth picture, an X if I didn't. Along the bottom of the page I put the date of each time we made love. I'd also make notes about what I liked about each guy, how he made me feel, how he touched me, things he said and anything different I may have tried for the fist time. We'd usually had 8 to 12 encounters before ending the affair.

Most of the men I had intercourse with were good looking and married. A lot of their wives thought making love once every week or two was enough. Early in our marriage my husband had clued me in that it only takes two or three day for the seminal vesicles, which contains the semen, to fill to capacity. 'When full, hormonal influences sensitize all sexual stimuli' --- meaning guys start thinking about sex a lot. A smart wife keeps the focus of her husband by being the one supplying his sexual needs. So I willing submit to my husband's advances and now I found myself fulfilling other men's sexual needs too. I had become that 'other woman' that most wives hate, though a few knew I was out there and silently approved because it spared them from having to get intimate.

If it was a business man coming to town we'd meet at his hotel except for the first time when I had them come to the apartment below mine where Thomas, an older divorced man who now rented the downstairs, would let me use Kevin's old bedroom for my escapades. Thomas was my protector as it were, until I was sure about the person. Thomas also was my photographer, coming in when I called for him to take pictures for my scrapbook. In return I would massage his cock in my creamed filled puss after my lover was gone.

I rationalized my behavior by using what I learned from these other men on Steve. I'd ask these men what they liked than I worked to perfect their dreams. I became expert at giving a 'good head,' and squeezing a penis with my vaginal muscles. I learned how to pleasure a man longer by varying the rhythm and position during copulation. I learned how to talk sexy talk while being fucked. I learned how to press my clit against the base of a cock so I could get that much desired penis centered orgasm. Steve enjoyed experiencing all I was learning and started giving me more attention and spending more time with me. Thus I reasoned these affairs were helping my marriage, so I continued.

Over the next 18 months I had added 26 pages to my scrapbook, having multiple affairs going on at the same time!

"...Out of Control or Can't Get Enough - Group Encounter ..."

On one of my internet dates I was invited me to participate in a group encounter. This was a couple's only affair and all the couples were married. I was looking for next adrenal rush so took Chuck up on his offer to participate with him as his wife.

These gatherings were hosted by Howard and Rosa, an older couple who organized the activities around sex games. I suspect it their way of staying sexually active, if only vicariously.

There were kissing games and cock and clit licking games. Games like "Hole in the wall" where the guys would stand behind a sheet with the cock poking through and we try to identify whose cock it was -- and later we would back up to the hole while Rosa guided our pussy onto the awaiting cock and the guys would try to guess whose pussy they were in. I had perfected the vaginal squeeze so it wasn't long before they could guess it was me every time. We'd do something similar with our pussies, covered by a sheet with cunts exposed; the guys would toys with our pussies as they tried to identify us.

Again I found the guys could always pick me out quickly. One evening I asked George who is a physician, why I was so easy to identify. "You don't know?" he grin, "It's you clitoris, it is much larger than most women's and even when you are not aroused it peers out from underneath its hood. I suspect that why you orgasm so quickly and have so many, your clit gets lots of stimulation!"

The evening cumulated with the last game called "Musical Fuck." The way the game was played, circling the room all the women would lay down on a large cushion which raised us off the floor. Then with feet flat on the floor and legs spread we'd positioned themselves for intercourse. The husband of each woman would kneel on a mat before his wife and our hostess would give the command "IN" and all the cocks would slide into the respective vagina, then "OUT," and they would withdraw. The hostess would then order "Rotate" and each guy would move to the woman on his right. The hostess again gave the in and out command but this time she would do it twice. Again rotate right, and this time three strokes of cock going into and out of our cunts. If there were 10 couples by the time a guy had made the circle and was back to his wife each woman would have felt 10 cocks sliding in and out of her 55 times.

In addition to directing our fucking Rosa would also order lip kisses, or French kissing, breast massage and so on. This circling and fucking would continue until all the men had ejaculated. The woman who caused the most men to ejaculate in her was the winner for the women. The man who caused the most women to orgasm was the winner for the men. The two winners were given a free dinner and hotel room courteous of our host who happened to own the hotel.

The group met every Wednesday evening. We were there by 8 and gone by 11:30, just giving me time to get home before Steve arrived. When he did I'd be in the shower giving myself a douche, ridding myself of cum the men had deposited in me. Throughout the week I reason why I shouldn't go anymore but then when Wednesday evening came I had this strange pull to go again.

On my first visit I mentioned to Howard, how I collected pictures of all the guys who I made love with. He was intrigued and asked me to bring the album next time we met. On my next visit Howard and I looked at the scrapbook as I described my encounters.

Comparing two different pages Howard inquired, "Why did this guy get 15 fucks and this guy only 3."

"Good fuck, bad fuck" was my cryptic reply as I pointed to the 12 O's under the first picture and the 3 X's under the second.

"Oh," Howard laughed, "three strikes and you're out.

"Something like that," I smiled.

So why did you stop with the first guy?"

"It was just time," was the only explication I could give.

After that Howard made sure he got pictures of me in my 5 favorite poses with every guy in the group. He'd include a new group shot as well whenever a new couple would attend.

During 'Musical Fuck' as Rosa called out the commands and kept the cadence, Howard would keep a score card of who was having orgasm with whom. When one of us would orgasm, Rosa would pause until we had finished then she'd have us all do some French kissing before we resume our intercourse. I could tell that Rosa had been a good lover. She would watch our faces and as one of 'her girls' approached climax she would bend the men forward so our clits received maximum attention from the visiting penis and speed up the cadence until the cries of climax erupted.

"Rotate," Rosa call out, and I'd watch transfixed as the next glistening cock moved between my legs.

"In" and I'd give a little shudder as his penis split my pussy lips and sank into my chamber of love. By the time I had received those first 50 or 60 thrust my pussy was so engorged that I would readily come to orgasm. When my guy would kneel before me I lock my eyes onto his and give him that sweet smile of desire; then squeeze his velvety smooth penis with my vagina as he filled my throne of pleasure. As I worked my way toward an orgasm I would be vocal, giving moans and cries, and demonstrative with my body movements, my pelvis rising to meet his, body withering, arms reaching, because I wanted him to know how much pleasure he was giving me and I really did want the gratification of receiving his sperm while knowing I caused him to orgasm.

After ejaculating the man would go kneel beside his wife and watch the remaining men have intercourse with her. Howard had once confided to me that he did this because it brings out the emotions of pride and jealousy in a husband. Pride because he wants other men to know how lucky he is to have such a beautiful wife who knows how to please. So a husband derives some sexual satisfaction as he kneels beside his wife and watches as another man kneels between her legs and slides his cock into her cunt. Her naked body moves in rhythm with his penis. He gazes upon her lovely form while watching his cock disappear then reemerge from her love chamber, over and over again. 116, 117, 118, 119 -- then comes the orgasm and his cum is flows in her body. At the same time there is jealousy at watching another man impregnate your wife, laying claim to her body as it were, by depositing his sperm in her vagina. To reclaim his rightful place he will impregnate his wife many times before the next Wednesday rolls around. This continued until the last guy had erupted in some lucky girl's love chamber. As the number of guys circling diminished I'd wait my next turn by watching with interest the other women getting fucked -- many of whom I started considering friends. By the end of the game it wasn't unusual for me to have the extracted semen from 4 or 5 men and on several occasion when we had 15 couples I scored 8 hits. As a way of pronouncing the female winner Howard would come and kneel before her and with his Viagra induced erection push his rod into her cum soaked vagina. Age had desensitized his cock so he needed to pound away vigorously for some time before he could add his semen to the mix. Howard and I were often the last ones to fuck for the evening. I could tell he was always happy when I won because by the time he finished with me he would bring me to screaming climaxes several more times - and I've never met a man who doesn't enjoy being impaled in a woman as she explodes!

"... They need help to realize the impact of what they are doing. ..."

I became a regular guest at Howard hotel to the point where I felt like the clerks were my friends. I would come in late afternoon and the clerk would give me a warm greeting and hand me a key to the bridal suite. I'd take a swim then my evening lover would show up and we sit in the hot tub for a while before changing and having dinner at the hotel with Rosa and Howard. Because I couldn't stay the night we return to the room early enough to give ourselves several hours of alone time. The bridal suite was luxurious with pleasant music, soft lighting, mirrored walls, erotic paintings, plush furnishings.

This evening was a little different. Instead of the hot tub routine I met my date in the convention room where a talk was being presented. After dinner we were off to our room where we made passionate love for the next hour.

Lying on top of my lover I was enjoying the afterglow of a good orgasm. When his penis slipped out I removed his condom. Pushing myself up I looked into his eyes and asked, "Doctor, how is it you have so much semen, doesn't your wife keep you emptied out?"

He laughed, "My wife thinks her job is to entertain so if I want sex I have to find it elsewhere."

"But Carol seems to enjoy herself at the group encounter, I don't understand."

George laughed again, "Dear sweet naive Cindy. Half of those women are not spouses including Carol. She is an admin assistant in our office and we only have sex at the encounter. No my wife knows nothing about my sex life; doesn't really enjoy sex if the truth be known."

"Well she is certainly missing out, you are a wonderful lover," I said as I ran my hand over his wet penis. "You know it doesn't bother me if you don't use a condom though. I rather enjoy knowing I have my lovers love juice in me -- makes me feel loved and wanted -- how could you ever get enough of this love.

There was a long pause as George studies my face. "Cindy you confuse love with lust. Love is caring about someone, dreaming their dreams crying their tears. Love is exclusive and when you find it then you'll want to give your body to the one who has your soul. It doesn't happen very often. Most of us just settle for a degree of sanity and sex. Love is fragile, I killed my marriage with indifference and my wife finally gave up. Without love sex is just to gratify not to satisfy, trust me you'll see what I talking about one day."

"I don't want to ruin my marriage," I murmured.

"Your marriage is already shot," the Doctor retorted. "Any guy who lets a dozen other men screw his wife every week isn't doing it because of love. I'm surprised you haven't caught a venereal disease a long time ago with all the unprotected sex you've had."

"Chuck isn't my husband," I shot back, "Steve is my husband and I know he loves me!"

"Cindy Sounders -- Steve Sounders," George mused, "Does Steve work at the hospital in ER?"

"Yes, do you know Steve?"

"Sure I do, we work together sometimes. Nice fellow; knows what he's doing too. We have even played golf together a few times; like to go out early Saturday mornings. "Well I'll be," George continued grinning ear to ear, "Steve and I have more in common than I ever imagined -- we both screw his wife!"

"You're lucky to have a guy like Steve - thinks the world of you, you know. Obviously doesn't know you're a whore though. He won't be a happy camper when you give him a STI. Tell me, do we ever share your hairy little pussy on the same night?"

"I never turn Steve down," I said, not sure why I should even answer his prying question; but being naked and having willingly just let this man fill my vagina with his penis for the last half hour, what is there left to hide.

"Well Cindy that illustrates the difference between love and lust. Steve has sex with you because he loves you and the rest of us fuck you because we like the feel of our penis in the vagina of a pretty woman. Sure, we may come to like you, say sweet things to you but that's because you're a good looking babe with nice boobs, a pretty face, sweet smile. You make us feel good -- feel like a man because a man likes a willing woman, one who has orgasms while they fuck. See Cindy, men just use you, they take advantage of your addiction to sex, which is good for men like me but it is not love, no not nearly as good as love." His voice trailed off in a wistful tone.

It was then I had a flash of insight that let me pierce the curtain of enchantment. The intimacy I had once enjoyed with my husband was gone and in return I just to get a cheap empty thrill. Fear gripped me as I realized I was risking everything that I honestly cared about and gaining nothing that my husband could not supply. That which moments before I found alluring I now despised. That which I had thought boring I now longed for -- being a good person, a good wife, home and family.

... A New Beginning ...

It was 10:30 pm as I headed for the lobby door when my eyes were drawn to the poster advertising the lecture, "Are You One -- How Addictions Destroy." Shaken by George's words my mind was racing as I recalled that evenings lecture. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Howard and decided to approach him. "Howard may I ask a favor of you?"

"Oh Cindy," Howard joked, "not tonight dear, I'm out of Viagra!"

We both laughed. "Sure sweetie, what would you like?"

"I'd like to spend a night in the bridal suite with my husband."

"Chuck? - Well why can't you train the old boy to give a few of the girls an orgasm? - Then he could be here with you often!"

"No not Chuck, my real husband Steve" I said as my voice began to quiver - tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm feeling real guilty about things and our apartment is so old and simple I just want to pamper and love him while surrounded with a little bit of luxury. He works so hard down at the hospital while I'm out screwing off."

Turning serious Howard said, "Sure my dear, I would like to do that for you. I get the feeling you won't be coming back to the encounter?"

"Thank you Howard," I said as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I think it best to quit and try to be a better wife."

Howard took my hand and led me over to the clerk.

"Johnny, this beautiful lady has met the man of her dreams and needs the services of our bridal suite. Make sure she get's the deluxe package and put it on my tab. My wedding gift to you," he said as he gave me a wink then headed off.

"Will you be having the reception here too," Johnny inquired.

"Oh no," my voice still quivered, "It's just the two of us."

Looking up Johnny searched my eyes as he said, "OK Cindy, it's all set for this weekend, is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No," was all the answer I could muster as my chin quiver and tears again began flowing freely.

Handing me some tissue Johnny led me behind the counter to the office in the back and closed the door. There I broke down and cried tears of remorse for 10 minutes. It took another 10 minutes for me to regain my composure.

"Are you OK Cindy," Johnny ask when he came back into the room, do you need a ride home or anything?"

"No I good." I replied with a deep sigh.

"Well you had better go if you want to get home by midnight." Johnny continued.

"You know me too well," I weakly smiled.

"It's been a year," Johnny smiled back, "a lot of us around here care about you and I think getting a new start will be the best thing to happen to you in a long time."

I was in the shower when Steve came home. "Come join me sweetie," I called, I have something to tell you."

I had my back turned to Steve when he got in the shower, again struggling to keep my composure. He put his arms around me lifting my breast and kissed the back of my neck. Then noticing my douche supplies he commented, "I've noticed that you've been douching a lot lately sweetie and I've been meaning to tell you your vagina has its own self cleaning action and douching actually harms your vagina more than it helps. When I replied, as much as I tried to hide it, Steve could tell I'd been crying. With concern he turned me around, "Something wrong honey?"

"Nothing," my voice wavered, "Just feeling a little emotional, you know, 'the woman thing.' I'll be happy to get rid of this douche stuff. I want to have a healthy place for your penis to visit and besides I like the idea of having your sperm floating around in me." With streams of water cascading over our naked bodies I put my arms around his neck and gave him a wet kiss. "Guess what," I continued with a steadier voice, "I won a weekend for two at the South Point Hotel!"

"Wow! How did you do that?" Steve exclaimed."

"Don't ask," I teased, "Let just say they think this is our honeymoon!" "Honeymoon," Steve teased back, "isn't that when the husband and wife say 'I Love You,' a lot, do bunches of hugging and kissing and sex is like a gourmet meal?

Hugging him tightly, voice shaky again I whispered back, "I sure hope so because that what this wife needs!"

... A Better Life or Happy Ever After ...

The weekend was fabulous. It was the first time in a long time that Steve and I really had time to talk and connect. We dreamed new dreams and made new plan -- the kind of dreams one has while sipping wine over dinner, and plans lover make as they lay naked together enjoying the peace that flows from being close after making love.

Not long after, we move away to a small town some distance away where Steve could have a day job at a hospital. We built up our marriage to where we saw each other as soul mates, where love blended our spirits together. With such unity is naturally followed that Steve was my sole source of love and sexual satisfaction, ending years of struggle.

And I, of course, strived to be the best lover he could ever imagine or want and his semen reserve always runs on low because I make sure he empties his sperm into me often. Pregnancy follow, then motherhood. Our responsibilities increased but so did our joys.