Consequences - Joyce

"What is it Russ? Is something wrong with the company? Did someone make a mistake or something like that?"

"Well, it was a mistake but the mistake was mine. When I was in Brazil, the last night I was there, I went to a party and got pretty drunk. I was just drinking wine but their wine is really stronger than I realized. I ended up sleeping with a girl at the party. I didn't know what I was doing until I woke up the next morning. I hardly knew her but she had been after me when I was there and she saw her chance. Honest, I'm sick about it, and it meant nothing and I was too drunk to remember much about it. I'm so sorry. But I had to tell you."

Joyce was looking as if I had slapped her. She stood up, crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me with tears pouring out of her eyes. I panicked! I tried to take her in my arms to comfort her but she slapped my arms away. She backed up, her eyes blazing through the tears before she spoke.

"You son of a bitch! You cheating bastard! How could you do this to us? How could you do this to me?" She was furious now, her anger wiping away the shock and the tears.

"What about the children? Do you ever think of them while you were fucking that slut? Or me! Did you even remember you had a wife and kids? No! No, you never thought about us!"

"But I told you. I was drunk! You know I can't drink and that's why I hardly ever do it. This was just wine but I didn't know it was so strong. I got drunk and I didn't know what I was doing. You have to believe that. I didn't mean to do it. You know that. You know I love you and the kids more than anything in this world."

"No you don't. You couldn't and still do what you did." She was crying and pacing the kitchen. She was angrier than I had expected. I knew she would be mad but not like this. This was beyond anything I would have thought possible. I was to remember that some time later.

"I'm going to bed. You sleep in the spare room. I don't want you anywhere around me. Good night!" She ran for the steps and the bedroom upstairs. I listened to the slam of the door and then silence.

The weekend went very badly. Joyce wasn't speaking to me and she and the kids left early Saturday morning for God knows where. I wasn't invited. I puttered around the house and did my share of 'honey dos' while waiting for them to return. I was just putting things away when they came home.

"Where were you all day? You didn't even leave me a note telling me where you would be. What if I needed to get hold of you?" I was just a little pissed.

"Why would you care? Seems you didn't think much about us when you were doing your little slut." She smirked before turning and walking away.

So, this is what it was going to be. I guess I had to spend my time in purgatory until she either forgave me or something else. I deserved it I guess so I decided to try to keep busy and not give her any excuse to yell at me.

Joyce continued her punishment for two more weeks before finally breaking down and talking to me. It was again after dinner and the kids had gone to bed. I was sitting in the family room, reading some proposals that Jerry, my head man had written up. They concerned a job to take down a fifteen story building close to the downtown section of New York City. It was a good proposal and had an estimate of cost that I fully agreed with so I had just initialed it when she came in and sat down in front of the desk where I was working.

"We need to talk." She looked angry still but at least she wanted to talk to me. So I responded in kind.

"Fine. I agree with you. We need to talk. I think I told you what I needed to say. The next step is up to you."

"I've made some decisions. I'm still angry with you and I need to find some way to forgive you. I don't know what that is but whatever it is, you may not like it. I just want to warn you beforehand." She had a smile on her face but the look she gave me was not pleasant. It made me angry but I wanted to see what she had in mind.

"I'm not sure what you mean. I don't mind you doing something to get over the anger you have but there are some things that I won't consider, regardless of what you want. You certainly know what I mean."

I wanted to get it out into the open right now. There would be no getting even or punishing me if it meant going outside our marriage. I did that and it was wrong, but it wasn't deliberate or intentional on my part. I told her that. I wouldn't tolerate her doing it deliberately.

"You're in no position to tell me what I can or can't do. Anyway, if it was OK for you to do it, why isn't it OK for me? Tell me that!"

"What I did, I did without knowing what I was doing. And it was not OK then and it's not OK now for you. I would never have done it deliberately. I was drunk and I made a mistake. That's why."

"I don't accept that. If you want me to forgive you, you may have to accept that I might do what you did. It's only fair. You have to admit that."

She still had that smirk on her face and it frightened me. She was seriously considering cheating on me. I had to make her see that I couldn't accept that. That it would be so wrong.

"I understand that you are hurt and angry. I know you want to hurt me in some way to get back at me for hurting you. But two wrongs don't make a right and if you do what I think you're planning on, that would be wrong. Let me put it to you this way. If what I did makes you this angry it must be important to you, so if you do it, what does that say to me? This much I do know: if you deliberately cheat on me with another man, our marriage is over. I will not accept you doing that."

Joyce glared at me and said, "You hypocrite! You want me to forgive you and do nothing to make you see how I felt?"

"If I understand what you said, you are telling me that you would cheat on me deliberately, thinking that would make me hurt like you. Well, hear me good. If you do that, we are through. You either have to find a way to forgive me and forget what I did and let me get on with proving to you that I am a good husband and father, or we get a divorce and we go our separate ways. I would hate that, since I love you and this family with all my heart. But, I will not tolerate you being unfaithful for the sole purpose of punishing me. I can never accept that."

Joyce's mouth was closed and her lips formed a straight line. She was furious and about to burst. She struggled for a few minutes before standing up and glaring down at me.

"You can't tell me what to do. You screwed up and now you're going to have to pay. So you'd better get ready to suck it up and accept whatever I do. You have no choice in the matter."

I stood to face her and I looked her directly in the eye. I wanted her to know that this was not for discussion.

"I do have a choice. It's called divorce. Your choice is whether I do it. And don't kid yourself. I'll never accept you cheating on me for any reason." I glared right back at her. Inside I was churning with anger but also with a deep dread that things were not going to get better any time soon. As she turned and walked away, I again thought of her anger and the depth of it. I suddenly wondered if Joyce had something she felt guilty about and this was her chance to try to either hide it or turn the situation to her advantage. That thought made my stomach flip over.

That's how things went for the next few weeks. I hoped it was calming down so I asked her to come with me to a dinner I had set up with two clients that wanted me to take down several buildings. I told her it was a good business deal and that it would make us a lot of money. I thought that might get her interest, but that was quickly shot down.

"I have no desire to go to dinner with you and your construction pigs. You'll just talk about blowing things up and I'll be bored out of my mind. Go, and have a ball. Maybe you'll get lucky and find some tramp to go home with."

"Those construction pigs as you call them paid for all we have. Seems it was OK when you wanted that new kitchen, or that vacation we took to Cancun, or that new dress you bought last week. I didn't know you thought so little about my business."

"I never liked what you do: blowing things up. It's embarrassing to have to tell people what you do."

That shut me up. I never knew she felt that way. We had always worked hard to get ahead and we had dreams of retiring when the kids left home. We planed on moving to a place on the beach somewhere along the Eastern Coast. We were going to buy a boat and sail up and down the coast just stopping when we found someplace interesting. That was our dream: but now?

My face a tight mask, the blood rising up my neck and into my face, I replied very softly. "I'm sorry you think so little of my company. I'll go without you then. You don't need to worry about it."

I walked away from her and went outside to cool down. I knew she was angry but why did she have to say what she did? To hurt me? Well, she succeeded. In a big way! Obviously she was ashamed of me and now she was angry enough to tell me for the first time. Restless, I got in my car and just drove around the city for the next three hours; ending up in one of the parks I had a hand in clearing. I got out and walked around, looking at the new trees, the benches, the tables, the walkways and the covered area that served when the rains came unexpectedly. What I saw gave me a feeling of pride, not shame.

I came home late that night, pulled in the garage and shut the door. I sat in my car, trying to decide what I was going to do. This had gone on too long. I had to do something soon or our marriage was finished. I just had no idea what. I finally went in to face Joyce and her vitriol.

"Where the hell have you been? It's after eight and the kids were asking where you were."

"I was out. Not that you give a damn!" I was too angry to stay and do this. "Ah, fuck you! I've just about had it up to here with this shit!" Furious, I walked away from her to find the kids. I sat with them until bedtime and then took them up myself. Maybe I had best get used to this. It might get to be a way of life.

It was well past midnight when I went up to bed. Joyce had gone earlier but it made no difference. Even though I had moved back into the bedroom, we hadn't made love since I told her what I did. I had no expectations now, and I hoped if I waited long enough, she would be asleep. Tonight was not one of those nights. She stopped me as I went past, heading to the spare room.

"Russ, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I'm not embarrassed by what you do. I just said that to make you mad and to hurt you. I'm sorry."

"Actually, I do believe you meant it Joyce. I see the way you act around my workers. I see the way you turn your head when someone I know sees me in public. I hear you and your sister talk. And I listen to you tell your mother how crude some of my friends are. I just never paid attention before. I had no idea you were so embarrassed by me in front of your friends. Now I do."

"That's not true. I'm sorry Russ, and I didn't mean it."

"Fine Joyce. Let's just forget it. I'm very tired tonight, and I don't want to fight with you anymore. I'll stay in the guest room." With that, I walked past, down the hall to the spare room we kept for her parents when they came to visit.

We were cold to each other the remainder of the week until that night of the dinner. I had given up on trying to appease her and just accepted that she was no longer a part of helping me with the business. Not now that I knew how she felt. But you know what happened that night which brings us back to the present. Me leaving!

Leaving Eileen frantically trying to reach Joyce, I drove away and found a small, out-of-the-way motel with a vacancy sign. I checked in, taking a ground floor room with a king bed and a small kitchenette. It was $80 per night or $500 for the week, cash only. I took a week. I unpacked my clothes, hanging them up and using the drawers for the rest. Not too bad. At least it was clean and dry and the sheets looked decent. I checked out the bathroom and found it to be clean. I didn't need more.

I sat on the bed trying to decide what to do next. I was curious what Joyce would do when she came home. Actually, I was more than curious. Since I was still keyed up and restless, I decided to drive toward the house and wait just out of sight to see for myself. I left and drove over to the house, parking just down the street from my home. I saw that Eileen's car was still there and I could see the driveway and the front door, and the light from the streetlamp would let me see who was in the car when she came home. Her car was in the garage when I left so she had to be with someone. I settled down to wait.

It was only ten more minutes when I saw a car coming. I ducked down so the car appeared empty and allowed them to get past before rising back up. I watched the car pull into our driveway and come to a stop. The lights went out and I saw Joyce in the passenger side and a man in the other. I couldn't see clearly enough to see if it was Ron Mason but the car looked familiar.

Nothing happened for the next several minutes but I did see the curtains in the house pull back several times. Eileen must be waiting to talk to Joyce. Then I saw Joyce lean over and kiss the man. He put his arms around her and then they engaged in a kiss that seemed from my perspective to be more than a friendly goodnight. It continued and I wondered what was going to be next. I watched them, my anger building to a point that I was considering confrontation when the front door opened and Eileen came running down the drive.

She ran up to the car, pounded on the window until Joyce was forced to break the kiss. She turned to see Eileen and put the window down. Eileen was shouting at her, waving her arms, clearly agitated. Whatever she told Joyce finally got her excited and she pushed the car door open and ran toward the house with Eileen right behind, the man in the car forgotten. He got out of the car but simply stood there watching the two women. He appeared to be laughing but then got in his car and drove off.

It was less then a minute later when my cell phone began ringing. I looked at the caller ID to see it was Joyce calling from our home phone. I let it go to voice mail. It rang again a minute later and I saw it was Eileen's cell phone. How dumb did they think I was? Like I didn't know her number? I decided the best thing to do was just to turn the damn thing off. I sat there, my mind going back to what I witnessed and I felt the first tendrils of doubt in my love for Joyce. Only a few more and it would die.

I drove away and headed back toward the motel. I remembered seeing a lounge just across the street and that seemed like a good plan. I ended up staggering back to my room well past two in the morning feeling no pain. Joyce was just a faint irritation but nothing more. I slept the sleep of the just that night.

Chapter 2

The following morning I called my office and talked to Jerry McCain, my number two. I told him where I was and had him come over to the room. I asked him to bring the contracts that I had started the day before concerning the clients I met last night. He was curious but smart enough to just do as I asked. I called my attorney next, and asked for a meeting with him today if possible. He set it up for 1:30. Perfect for me.

When Jerry arrived, I filled him in on my personal problem and the meeting from the night before. He could handle the second and the first was none of his concern, but I told him so he would know why I wouldn't be around for the next few weeks. He agreed to handle everything for me as he had in the past when I traveled or went on vacation. He was good enough to forget what I told him about Joyce.

As he was leaving, he paused and then, "Boss, how about we blow up the bastard's house? Just a small gas explosion, happens all the time. Nobody but you and me would know anything."

"Thanks Jer, but not just yet. Maybe it'll come to that, then it'll be just you and me. Like before. Those were good times." Then I had a thought. "Why don't you have someone check the records to see what properties this shithead owns: might come in handy."

He smiled and left. He was serious and so was I.

My meeting with Saul Steinberg didn't go as easy. He was not happy with the plans to file for divorce. He had the stats on my business and my income and her income and he didn't like the way the figures added up. Any divorce would be filed as no fault. The state didn't care what my reasons were and they had no interest in infidelity. As a cause for divorce, it was a loser. Maybe I could cause her some distress if I went after her lover for alienation of affections but that was iffy at best. What if the lover had no money? A big loser. Saul wanted to know if we could patch it up and save me a whole lot of money.

I finally told him to prepare something and we could work on terms later. I asked him to set up two trust funds for the kids and the best way to fund them. I could file for custody or course. There infidelity would play some part but only if I could show she had terrible morals and exposed the kids to sex stuff. Not likely. I told Saul to call her and get her attorney's name just to let her know I kept my word. He agreed and said he would call later in the afternoon. I left to go back to my motel.

I went back to the lounge across the street and ordered a burger and a draft. I would stay sober now, my anger sated by the night before. From now on, I would be cool. I took a booth, turned on my cell and checked my call log. Seventeen calls from Joyce. As I scanned down the list, deleting them all, my cell rang. This time I answered.

"Hello?"

"Russell? Where the hell are you?" Screaming in my ear. I looked at the cell, snapped the flip closed. I'll be damned if I'll listen to that shit. I saw her last night. I know what she did and she knew exactly how I felt about it. I told her in no uncertain terms before she left that night. No doubt!

The cell rang twice more before I answered. "Yes?"

This time no screaming. "Russell, please tell me where you are. You didn't come home last night and I was worried. Where are you honey? Please tell me."

"Where were you last night Joyce? I told you what would happen if you did it and you went ahead and did it anyway. So, I left you, just as I promised. I told you Joyce, there were two choices. No third choice, but you didn't listen."

"Russell, honey, no. I just went out with some friends. Some girls from work. I was angry and just wanted someone to talk to. That's all. Honest babe. Now please just come home."

"Sorry Joyce. Lies aren't the best way to start this thing. I was sitting down the street when you came home. He was no girl and the kiss you gave him was not what you give the girls. It looked to me that it wasn't the first time either. You never were very good at lying Joyce. Saul will be calling you sometime today. Tell him who you want to represent you in the divorce."

With that, I hit end and held it long enough to turn off the phone. I was done talking to her lying face. My burger came then and I enjoyed it and the beer. I had another draft before heading back to the room. I called Jerry and got the rundown of what was going on. He told me about a job in Rio that someone wanted us to look at so I got the name and the number and made a call.

For the next day and a half, I just checked in with Jerry and Saul and found that Joyce was panicked and had been calling both almost hourly. She was now convinced that I was serious and she had no way to contact me. I hadn't given anyone my number at the motel and only Jerry knew where I was. I knew he would never tell Joyce. He didn't like Joyce much and never had. Never told me why, just avoided her as much as possible. Seems he was clairvoyant.