Controller Ch. 05

Eli breathed softly, one hairy leg sticking from under the sheet as he slept. His dark hair went every direction. He never laid still for more than a few minutes before changing directions and his rumbled hair showed it. His mop couldn't have went more directions if he'd been standing in a tornado. I loved his sexy morning scruff, unlike my baby butt smooth face.

Eli wasn't subtle about anything. His huge rainbow flag dominated most of one wall while a couple of smaller bisexual pride flags guarded either side. One thing you had to give Eli, he was out. Even if most people were clueless about what the bi flags meant. We lived in the best student housing, the room still had about as much charm as a prison cell, with windows that couldn't be opened and plain white walls. Like everyone else, Eli covered the walls to make the room his.

I stopped the scenic tour I'd enjoyed several times before, and opened my computer. In the cool November morning I tugged a blanket around me and worked through my routine. E-mail and Facebook were taken care of pretty quickly. I checked the other web pages I frequented and then moved to the sites I'd just as soon Eli didn't know I visited. I mean, I know everyone knows guys jerk off, but I didn't want to hurt Eli. Finding me trolling for porn might make him feel bad. Or he might think it was hot.

I froze when Eli sighed and rolled to his stomach. The sight of Eli's cute bare butt framed against the white sheet was sexy as hell. I had a lot of guilt about Eli sometimes. My emotions were still mixed about him, and Jamie. They were so different and each guy had their own issues. Eli was adorable, and such a crusader for everything, where Jamie had the whole dark and handsome thing going, and he was with Michael. I wished my feelings weren't so mixed.

My hand slid into the front of my underwear and I played with my cock as I viewed some of my favorite websites. I was hard and leaking in an instant. Between the view of Eli's hot ass and the sex happening on the screen in front of me, my climax was close. I stopped touching myself, not ready to finish. I found a hot scene with a bigger guy screwing the hell out of a small guy with a hairy butt. The expression on the bottoms face was pure ecstasy. The scene could have been Eli and I. Well, other than the fact neither of us had brought up the subject of anal sex.

I lost myself in the video scene and my own pleasure, careful to keep the action where Eli wouldn't catch me. After a couple of minutes, something kept nagging at the edge of my senses. Suddenly, the fire alarms sounded. I snapped my computer shut and tossed it into a chair as I ran to get Eli. He could sleep through anything.

"Eli! Get up and get some pants on. That's the fire alarm!"

Eli woke and yanked a pair of bright red sleeping pants over his narrow hips. Reassured Eli was moving, I ran to the living room and yanked open the door—to a wall of orange flames.

"Fuck!"

I jumped back, slamming the door as I rushed to Eli. I hauled him into the living room about the time the whoosh of fire extinguishers filled the room and bits of foam began shooting under the door. We moved away. What the hell happened? My mind created a scene of chaos in the hallway. Minute crawled past in an unending trail until I heard.

"Okay, you should be able to open the door. Check and make sure your side isn't hot."

I tapped the metal knob a few times. Warm, nothing more. I opened the entrance to a hallway crowded with campus police and fire personnel, as well as most of the other people on our floor. Stunned, I asked the closest cop. "What happened?"

"We think someone squirted your door with lighter fluid and lit it."

"Why?"

Eli walked beside me and he tugged at my arm. "Nate..."

For the first time I paid attention to the partially blackened door—and the word spray-painted across the face.

FAG!

###

I glanced over my shoulder for the twentieth time. It wasn't dark, there were people everywhere, but I was still afraid. Maybe not afraid, but I didn't trust anyone now. Who could have done tha. Who could hate me so much just because I'm gay to want me dead.

I stopped and sat on one of the benches. I had to get control of myself. Eli was handling this whole thing better than I was, and Eli is tiny. Okay, maybe not tiny. But I'm bigger than him. He seemed more upset by the ruined door than by the message of hatred.

I took the message to heart and it was tearing me apart. Eli suggested I go talk to one of the councilors on campus. The police and everyone else had made the same suggestion. The effect situation had on me must have been evident. It had been a week and I was still walking around in broad daylight constantly looking over my shoulder.

Someone sat beside me on the bench, and it took all my will to keep from sprinting in the opposite direction. Then I realized the woman sitting beside me was one of Eli's friends. After a moment I met her eyes and Rachael smiled back at me.

"I hear you're having a rough time. After the fire thing."

I nodded slowly, not sure what to do next. Do I really want to talk about this?

"I know better than you might think, even if I'm just an ally. I'm native, and I understand someone hating you for something you have no control over."

My mouth opened and closed a few times, unsure of what to say. I didn't want to offend Rachael. I'd never categorized her as any particular race. To me her dark tan and ebony hair had just been part of being Rachael, I hadn't associated it with being other.

"I hadn't really..."

She laughed at my stumbling attempt, but actually made me feel better. "You didn't think about race, but some people do. Some people do—a lot."

"That's stupid."

"Of course it's stupid. Racism is stupid. Don't get me started or I will share all my pent up frustration about the topic."

I nodded but couldn't think of what to say. Somehow it didn't seem to apply to how I felt.

She watched me for a few minutes before starting to talk again. "You don't see the connection. Bigotry is bigotry. Doesn't matter if it is based on race or religion or—" Rachael caught my eye, "—or the sex of the person you're attracted to."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "I guess it has me shaken. I thought we were past this whole thing. I was wrong."

She smiled at me. "That's cool that you thought that. But the truth is thirty years ago they still considered being gay a mental condition. A lot of things have changed quickly. Some people aren't there yet. Some just crawled under their rocks and will never change. You have to be careful sometimes. You don't want to give the rock crawlers a chance to hurt you, or someone you love."

This was getting depressing. The breath I'd been holding was released in a sigh of defeat. "So I can't be who I am. Eli and I can't hold hands. I can't kiss him in public. It's not fair." I dropped my head, feeling defeat flood me.

"No. Hell no! That wasn't what I was saying." She waited a minute before taking my chin in her hand. "Hey. Did you hear me? That wasn't what I was saying."

I shook myself out of my depression and met her eyes. "That's what it sounded like."

Rachael shook her head. "No. You have to live your life. If that includes kissing and handholding then do it. Some people don't do the PDA thing, and that's cool too. You can't live your life in fear of what might happen. Most people are great, some are assholes and a few are dangerous. But who knows, you might cut someone off in a car and they go all road rage on you."

I chuckled. "Well that's a cheery thought."

Rachael grinned back. "Yup, it is. And you already know at least one crazy is targeting you, so don't be careless. But you can't live your life in fear."

I nodded, beginning to feel better. "I guess I can see what you're saying, and you're right. This whole last week has freaked me out."

Rachael got a severe look on her face and cross her arms over her chest. "Well. Stop it!" She started chuckling.

I froze for a minute, then a smile eased across my face. "Yes, boss. I got it. I'll dial down the paranoia."

Rachael grinned and pulled me to my feet. "That's right. And if you need it I can bring the whole dang rugby team to help out!"

####

Jamie and Michael were making out, and they weren't being subtle. Michael had his hand down the back of Jamie's shorts while he was dry humping Michael. We'd started out watching television, but they had moved to kissing and pawing. Somehow the action between them had gotten to the point where I thought they were going to be fucking in front of me any minute. They seemed oblivious that anyone else was in the room.

The worst part, I was hard as a rock and watching them more than the TV. Moans, sighs and the sounds of wet kisses filled the room. I could see the lump of Michael's hand sliding up and down Jamie's ass inside his jeans. It paused and a second later Jamie moaned loud enough to rattle the walls.

"Fuck, Michael. That's what I need."

I was beyond horny. Nothing else mattered but the hot couple in the beginnings of sex in front of me. By now they were crawling all over each other and it was pretty obvious that Michael was finger-fucking Jamie. Right there in front of me.

I should have been offended. I should have told them to take it somewhere else, or took myself somewhere else. But I didn't. Their tongues were fighting ferociously in each others mouths. Both of them were gasping for air. Jamie slid Michael's shirt up under his armpits and started biting his nipple.

"That's it bitch. Work my nipples," ordered Michael.

Jamie chewed Michael's chest for a few minutes, then pressed his face into Michael's blond furry arm pits. He buried in deep as he licked and slurped. I was too far gone to leave. The fact that my cock was just about to explode didn't help either.

Then, I was shocked when Jamie looked over at me, and winked.

What the fuck! What did that mean? By this time they were half dressed and the back of Jamie's shorts were below his ass. I could see Michael's slick fingers move in and out of Jamie's bronze butt. I couldn't resist any longer.

I stood and moved toward them, a huge wet spot forming on my shorts where my rock hard cock had been leaking the whole time. They were tented out making my feelings abundantly clear. I laid my hand on Jamie's exposed ass, and he moaned even louder. I looked at them and this time Michael winked at me and nodded down. I realized he was sinking two fingers inside Jamie.

They were going to fuck, and it looked like it was going to be a threesome. I slid my hand over Jamie's exposed back. He turned to me, his dark hair falling across his face.

"Nate, kiss me."

Every alarm in my body went off. I knew this was a bad idea. Eli and I are dating, we're having great sex. Why would I throw that away. Why? Same reason guys have done stupid things since the beginning of history--thinking with the wrong head.

I knelt beside them and leaned in as Jamie leaned toward me. Our lips pressed together and a pleasant warmth that passed between us. Michael rose from under Jamie to add to the kiss. It was everything I thought I'd wanted, even Michael was a fantasy I'd never acknowledged. The two were asking me to join in, and—it was okay with them.

It was there, all the fantasy. The dark skinned beauty of Jamie, and Michael couldn't have been any more the golden boy if he'd tried. They were hot, they wanted me to join them...and all I could think about was how cute Eli was. Eli, with his hairy butt and legs, hot temper and hawk nose. Even as my lips separated from Jamie's I knew this wasn't for me.

The tumbler in the door lock turned and a second later Eli stood staring at me with a look of horror on his face. He glanced from the mostly naked couple beside me to my face which I was certain was bright red. My cock had wilted, but the huge wet spot wasn't going away any time soon.

We froze. After a second, Eli slammed the door and I could hear him running down the hallway.

My brain churned and foolishly I looked toward Jamie and Michael. Their only response was a humorous smile and a shrug.

Fuck! I've screwed up a relationship with a great guy, for two people who couldn't care less. How fucking stupid could I be...

####

I was jolted awake the next morning when my head hit the floor and I found Eli standing over me. It took a minute for the fog of sleep to clear enough so I could recall how I'd ended up here. The minute I did, I tried to explain.

"Eli! Man! I—"

"Shut up! Get out of my doorway. I never want to see you again, or those other two either."

I swallowed hard. I'd fell asleep at Eli's door begging to talk with him. I swore I could hear the distant sobbing, and it tore me apart. I knew Eli had no reason to forgive me. I'd blown it. But I had to try.

Eli took the door and started smacking it against my head and shoulder. "Get out of my door! Get out of my life!"

I shielded my face while I tried to talk to him. "Eli. Please. Let me explain."

The next time the door hit me it was with vicious force. "Explain? What are you going to fucking explain, Nate? Why you were French kissing Jamie? Why you were practically crawling into Michael's arms? Michael? Abusive, asshole Michael?"

Eli took a deep breath and his voice came out in an almost sob. "Or were you going to explain to me that I've always been your second choice because Jamie was always the one you really loved? Was that what you were going to do Nate? Explain to me that second choice should still be good enough?"

My voice caught, Eli was far too close to the truth. At least to the truth before last night. Now, all I wanted was what I had with Eli.

"Eli, please. I just need to talk to you. I want to save our relationship."

"Come on, short stuff. Give Nate a break. It was just fun that got outta hand."

I looked down the hallway to see Michael coming from the apartment. The smirk on his face would have been enough to infuriate me on a good day. Today wasn't a good day. Before I could reply, I felt a light breeze and the next thing I knew Eli was standing over a prone Michael.

Michael lay propped on one elbow as he looked at Eli and slowly rubbed his jaw. I rolled to my side to watch, knowing this was not a time to come to Eli's defense. But I was also more than a little proud of him. He'd flattened Michael. His voice this time was far from fragile and emotional. It was cold, dangerous and void of anything recognizable as the Eli I knew.

"There's no excuse for any of you," Eli said through clenched teeth. "You and Jamie can have whatever kind of relationship you want. But I don't want it to spill over onto me. This time you went too far. Don't ever think you can fucking ask me a damn thing. If you're on fire—I'll be there with gas."

The smirk was gone from Michael's face, and he didn't say anything as Eli walked back down the hallway toward me. Without breaking stride, he jumped over me and before I knew it he was in his room slamming the door behind him.

I rolled over and crawled on all fours to his door. The effort to stand and walk the few feet seemed too much. I rapped softly.

"Eli. Please. I know you hate me right now, but I really want to talk. If you'll listen, then I'll go away and leave you alone."

The silence filled the room as the minutes stretched out.

"I'm listening," came the soft reply as I was about to give up.

My breath caught, and my mind raced to find the right words. "I fucked up. I can't blame you for hating me. But I'm begging for a second chance."

"Why? Do you not want to be the third for Jamie and Michael so you go back to good old Eli?"

"No. I realized, too late, that Jamie wasn't the person I want to be with, you are."

"And what brought about this miraculous realization?"

I paused for a minute, then asked, "Can we do this face to face?"

"No! I said I'd listen. I didn't say I'd look at you."

I took a deep breath and then slowly let it leak out. "I came to my senses when I realized that Jamie and Michael are just alike. They're out for their own fun, and don't care if they hurt someone else. I don't want to be with someone like that. You aren't like that, and that's one of the things I love about you."

There was a long pause, then Eli spoke. "Like, what else do you like?" There was a slight smirk to his tone as he continued. "And these had better be good."

He's starting to joke around, there's hope. "You're sexy as hell. That's a big one. I love your hairy little muscular butt."

"Go on..."

"You stand up for people. You'd never do something that would hurt someone else. At least not on purpose. That's what I need in a boyfriend."

After another pause, I heard the lock open and the door swung back to reveal Eli standing in front of me.

"Here's the deal," he began, "You're on probation. You are not forgiven just because you're good at sucking up. You have to earn your way back."

I nodded vigorously. "Okay, whatever you say."

"Yeah, we'll see. Here's your first test. You're going home with me Thanksgiving to meet my family. I don't care what it takes, you're going."

My throat dried like I'd stuffed it full of cotton and my stomach went into knots. Then, I nodded and smiled.

####

Eli wasn't joking. I was on the shit list with him. The drive to his parent's house had been quiet. Not really tense, just quiet. I decided I was in enough trouble. I wasn't going to push the issue. Besides, I had to worry about meeting Eli's mother. And I knew how important she was to him. We pulled into the driveway and sat for a moment before Eli turned to me.

"Well, this is it. You ready to meet my mom?"

I nodded my agreement, but the voice sounded more like the squeak of someone going through puberty. "Okay, cool."

Eli grinned a little wider, but didn't comment. We crawled out of Eli's compact car and walked to the house in silence. Eli opened the door and motioned me ahead of him. I walked into and immaculate cottage that looked like a slice of perfection from the fifties. But then a tiny woman with the energy of a tornado swept into the room.

"Oh lordie, lordie. Look who's home! My honey cakes!"

I bit the side of my cheek to keep from laughing but Eli shot me a scowl that let me know I was busted. He stepped to his mother and hugged her tight. He released her after a few moments, then sniffed the air.

"It smells great, Mom."

"I made all your favorites, Eli. Turkey and stuffing, sweet potatoes covered with with marshmallows like you love. And lemon pie."

The smile covering Eli's face this time was genuine. It stayed in place as he turned back to me. "I love lemon pie, and Mom's is the best ever."

Eli's mom grabbed me in an equally enthusiastic embrace. "You must be Nate. Glad to finally get to meet the person who is so important in Eli's life. I'm Eli's mom, Mary. Please just call me Mary."

I blushed, glad that Eli hadn't shared what I'd done, but saddened that I'd been so stupid to let it happened at all. I glanced at Eli and his face was neutral.

"I have Eli's room all ready for you. Just take your bags in." She winked at me and playfully jabbed her tiny elbow into my ribs. "I'm sure you boys are sharing a bed anyway. I'm no old fuddy duddy. You boys should have the same sleeping arrangements here as at school."

She beamed at us both, but behind her Eli looked at me and lifted his eyebrows. Letting me know I was still being watched and sleeping on the floor was an option.

Only a handful of minutes passed before we were all in the kitchen helping. I was mostly trying to stay out of the way when Eli plunked a pot of steaming sweet potatoes and some gadget that looked like you'd squish bugs with it in front of me.

"Mash these up, it's got all the brown sugar and junk already in it. You just need to mix it up then I'll cover it with marshmallows and stick them in the oven for a few minutes," Eli said.