Conversations with My Husband

I never tried to hide my past from my husband, but I never advertised it either. When our dating started to get serious I felt that I had to do full disclosure. We never really talked about after we got married I had always felt it was better left unsaid.

Being a virgin was never an issue. I was still married to my ex-husband when we started dating. After my divorce we started dating furiously and stayed together more often than not. I knew he was in love with me, and I was in love with him. This would be the test.

I worked for five years in the bars outside Clark Airbase in Angeles City in the Philippines. I was a prostitute, a hooker. My job was to "entertain" GI's when they were away from home. Technically it was just drinks and dances but they could pay the bar for date, which allowed me to leave work and go to dinner or whatever with the man.

Nine times out of ten it led to me having sex with them for a small (small for them, large for me) amount of money.

About half the men used me for the one evening then went on; their goal being to bang as many girls as fast as they could. Others enjoyed the female company, and after the first sex felt attached to me in a way. These men usually became "steady". If a guy wanted to go steady with me, he would pay my bar fine for the time he was planning to be there, then I wouldn't have to go to work until the bar fine expired.

This time could be as short as a week or as long as a lifetime as many of the guys fell in love with their personal hookers and married them.

That's how I got here. Shawn fell in love with me. He really didn't and I knew it. He was just addicted to the sex. Of course having sex with a personal hooker then having sex with a wife who used to be your (and many other men's) hooker are two different things.

Then of course there is the realization that you just married a prostitute who could have fucked half your buddies and then some is a hard thing to wake up to for some men. Shawn was one of them. The abuse was physical and psychological.

I met Eric while I was having an affair with one of his students. He made me feel good.

Our sex was never that great though but his heart was wonderful. When I told him that the women he just gave a ring to was a former prostitute he didn't seem to care.

The only problem in our marriage was his seeming aversion to having sex very often. He loved me that much was clear. I tried all kinds of things to try to increase his drive but all to no avail. I even roped him into a 3-some with one of my girlfriends. He wasn't that interested.

My frustration grew to where I was not sure I felt sexy or desirable any more. I came close to having an affair. I knew however that there must be something I was missing.

At the urging of a male friend who knew my background he suggested that maybe the idea of me being a hooker might excite him. I told him I doubted it. I decided that failing everything else maybe I could find a way to put it to the test without rubbing my past in his face. I didn't care to tell him and he never asked how many men had me. I was afraid if he ever did it would really put him off. In five years, a bar girl can rack up quite a few bedpost notches.

My test was to prod him slightly and see where it took me. The results were beyond my wildest imagination.

I came out of the bathroom in a satin robe, naked underneath, top open revealing boobs. He had on boxer sleeping shorts.

(as near as I can recall)

Me: "I love you."

He "I love you so very much."

Me: "Am I sexy to you?"

He: "You are the sexiest woman I have ever seen."

Me: "Maybe before when I was young but I'm older now, more mature."

He: "You are sexier than ever."

Me: "I used to attract men." -- [subtle hint.]

He; "You still attract men, maybe even more."

Me: "No, not more." -- [another hint]

We were close, touching. His hand was on my upper arm stroking.

He: "You used to attract men by the dozen. They used to stand in line for you." --[ showing that he knew what I was taking about]

Me: "That was different, no romance." -- [my admission]

He: "I don't believe that. It's not true."

Me: "Maybe sometimes, with a few. Most were just there for company." -- [just in case there was any doubt]

He: "Sex is more than company." -- [letting me know he was very aware]

Me: "Not always." [Me letting him know that I was often used as merely a warm place for guys to pop off into.]

He: "Tell me."

Me: (hesitating) "Uhhhh"

He: "Tell me a story, good or bad. What was it like for you?"

Me: "I don't know....."

He: "Have you ever known a Steve?" [where the hell did he find that out?]

Me: "Ahhhh yes a couple...." [Prevaricating a bit]

He: "Tell me about a Steve." he apparently chose the name at random)

Me: "I don't really rememb...." [lying my ass off]

He: "Yes you do." [Not to get away with it]

Me: "He was just a guy." [Lying again]

He: "A guy you had sex with, right?" [busted]

Me: "errrr, yeah I think so." [No sense lying any more]

He: "You did or you didn't."

Me: "I did."

He: "One time or several?"

Me: "Maybe more than once."

He: "How many times?"

--- he was really hard by this time, it was poking out of his boxers.

Me: "Maybe 2 months I think."

He: "Every night?"

Me: "Yeah I think so..."

He: "He was a steady, right?"

Me: "He had a wife in the states." [All true]

He: "But he developed feelings for you." --- [ a statement not a question]

Me: "Yes, maybe he did."

He: "Tell me about the first time you slept with him." [Not much sleep that night]

Me: "I don't really remembe...."

He: "Yes you do, tell me."

Me: "He was the friend of a guy that was dating Nina, my friend in the bar."

He: "So Nina introduced you?"

Me: "No, Nina's friend did."

He: "The guy that was fucking Nina?"

Me: "Yes. Rich I think"

He: "Did you ever sleep with Rich? How did he know about you?"

Me: "No never with Rich. He just brought Steve to the club and they got me to join them."

He: "What did you do?

Me: "Just the usual, you know." [He had no way to know]

He: "No I don't know, tell me."

Me: "Well ahhhhhh, he bought me a drink. He was shy at first. He didn't say much I had to ask him where he was from."

He: "and....."

Me: "He started to open up a little. We danced then Nina suggested that the 4 of us go to dinner."

He: "Then what?"

Me: "He had to pay the bar for me to leave" [the infamous bar fine, or rent-a-pussy fee]

He: "Pay them to have sex?" yep

Me: "Oh no, no, no. Just to take me out of the bar for a date. Anything more would be between him and me privately." [Technically true as far as it went]

He: "Was he good looking?" [Oh God, dreamy]

Me: (my eyes revealed the truth to him) "He was okay." [He was not fooled for a second]

He: "Did you think you might have sex with him?" [Duh...]

Me: "It was probable, not guaranteed, a lot guys just wanted a pleasant date and some company." [That sometimes did happen - according to rumor]

He: "Steve wanted more?" [He wasn't the only one]

Me: "As the night progressed he got more friendly and less shy."

He: "Did he touch you?"

Me: "Later during dinner his hand touched my leg." [All of it]

He: "Did he kiss you?"

Me: "I think so.... yes he did."

He: "Then what?"

Me: "It was close to curfew I told him we had to be inside after midnight."

He: "Where did you go?"

Me: "I shared a place with Nina a few blocks away she usually took George back there, we hopped two trikes and went to our place."

He: Did you bring other men back there?"

Me:" Ahh I guess so I mean.."

He: "So you did, right? Steve was not the first." [ not by a long shot]

Me; "No, ummmm no, he was not the first."

He: "Continue."

Me: "We got there, Nina got some cold beers from the corner sari-sari for the guys."

He: "Did you talk about money?"

Me: "Steve gave Nina money for the beer but beyond that no, but I'm pretty sure that George told Steve to give me US$20 for the night. Steve was shy about giving me the money, maybe he was trying to pretend that this was a real date and not him buying a whore. For me, the money was all I had to live on."

He: "Did you feel like a whore?" [I always felt like a whore]

Me: "I always felt like a whore. Sometimes I pretended I wasn't. At times I pretended I was with my boyfriend or husband if I liked the guy. It was self delusion."

He: "Tell me the rest."

Me: "Nina and George went into her room after a while, they started kissing and got pretty hot. After they left we were sitting there holding hands. Steve leaned over to kiss me. It was hot and passionate. I stood up and took his hand. I saw his erection through his shorts. I led him into my room."

He: "Then... (my husband had a wet drip. I touched him. He shuddered.)...what?"

Me: "We kissed in the bedroom. He was erect. I knew what to do. I undressed him. After he was naked I slowly took off my clothes. When I was naked I took his hand and put it on my breast. We kissed again."

He: "You were turned on or were you just thinking it was another part of the job?"

Me: (with a little flash of anger) No, I was turned on. I was wet. I felt it between my legs." [I guessed it was what he wanted to hear]

He: "Did he touch you there?"

Me: "I put his hand between my legs. I was embarrassed at being so wet, he knew I was so turned on."

He: "Not like a whore then? Maybe like a lover?"

Me: "Maybe. Yes like that. We kissed and I stepped backwards leading us to the bed. We could hear the sounds of sex coming from behind the thin wall. "They wasted no time.' He whispered. Then we both laughed a little."

He: "Nina and George were already fucking?"

Me: "Yes, they were usually very loud."

He: "You knew in a few minutes it would be your turn?"

Me: "He was dripping pre-cum on my leg."

He: "You lay on the bed?"

Me: "No, I sat him down, then knelt in front of him."

He: You took him in your mouth?"

Me: "Not at first. I teased him a little, I licked up his pre-cum. It was salty. I licked it all up then took a sip of beer."

He: "To get the taste from your mouth?"

Me: "Not really, mostly for him. Some guys didn't want to kiss me after I had them in my mouth. If I have a sip of beer it like cancels it somehow I guess."

He: "He kissed you again?"

Me: "Yes, then he took my hand and led me to the bed. I lay down. He started to kiss me again then down my body sucking my nipples."

He: "You liked it?"

Me: "Yes I did, he was very good at it."

He: "Better than other guys you had?"

Me: "Some didn't even do that, they only wanted one thing."

He: "Pussy?"

Me: "Yes, get it in, get it off, get it over and then leave. Can't get too emotional with a whore now could we?"

He: "But not Steve?"

Me: "No he was kissing my body down to my legs. I moaned to let him know I liked it."

He: "He kissed you all over?"

Me: "Yes he got between my legs. I was so wet I was embarrassed."

He: "But you taste so good so he liked it when he tasted you?"

Me: "I guess..."

He: "He used his tongue to arouse you?"

Me: "Yes, he told me he was married in the states, we had a lot of married guys use us when they were away."

He: "So he was experienced?"

Me: "Yes some guys there were very young and more then you can think were virgins."

He: "Did you like virgins?"

Me: "No, not generally."

He: "Why not?"

Me: "A lot of girls like them because if a guy was going to ask you to marry him odds were it would be a virgin having his first taste of sex."

He: "Many guys ask you to marry them? "

Me: "A few, but most were not my type?"

He: "Was Shawn a virgin?" (my first husband)

Me: "No but I think I was maybe his second woman only."

He: "Go back to Steve. He was eating your pussy."

Me: "Yes he was. I was so turned on by it."

He: "A lot of guys didn't like to eat the pussies of bar girls?"

Me; "Some did, others maybe they were just thinking...."

He: "... of all the other dicks that had been there first?"

Me: "Maybe. Probably. He made me come."

He: "Then he wanted more."

Me: "Yes."

He: "Tell me about it."

Me: "It was just you know, I really don't remember..."

He: "Yes you do. Tell me."

Me: "He got on top and put it in."

He: "Was he big?'

Me: "Not too much maybe average." [Lying again, he was huge]

He: "You were horny?"

Me: "Yes. I liked him. I wanted it."

He: "You fucked?"

Me: "Yes, I did him well. I moved to the top near the end. Then he rolled me back. He came pretty quickly."

He: "Did he cum inside you?"

Me: "Yes he went to pull out before he came but I held him tight and wrapped my legs behind him to keep him inside me. I wanted his sperm inside me that night."

He: "Did you come again?"

Me: "I did when he did."

He: "Were you on birth control?

Me: "I'm Catholic, only the calendar."

He: "So you didn't fuck him every night?"

Me: "He was there for a little over 3 months. He paid my bar fine for the entire time so I didn't have to go back to the club. He would stay with me every night then go back to base in the morning except when he had duty. He came back after work every day. I usually cooked dinner for him and he gave me money every day not just for the sex but for food, beer and electricity plus some for me to buy clothes. If I knew I was in danger of getting pregnant that night I gave him oral sex only and told him why. He agreed."

He: "When he had duty did you fuck other guys?"

Me: "A few times. I did it only when he asked me to. He said it was exciting to him to know I was doing it. The other guy left the next morning an hour before Steve got off duty at 7. He came to the house and he wanted sex immediately. I was still wet from the other guy. He really liked it."

He: "What was the other guys name?"

Me: "I don't remember, it was only that one time. Same for the other times, just a one nighter each time."

He: "Steve liked it though?"

Me: "He seemed to. The other guy wanted to do it before he left so it was only like an hour after we did it until Steve came home. I was still wet when he arrived."

He: "How did that make you feel?"

Me: "At first I was shocked. It brutally reminded me that I wasn't a wife or a girl friend. I was just a whore. I was here for sexual pleasure only. It hurt a little because I had feelings for him. But later I knew it was his fetish and he asked me to do it only because he had feelings for me too. Later I was flattered and happy to do anything he wanted."

He: "What kind of feelings did you have for Steve?"

Me: ".... I, I was pretending that we were married. I was cooking for him and acting like a wife. I cried when he told me he was leaving not coming back. The last night he was so tender and told me loved me but he could not do anything because of his wife. He started to say something else but I told him not to. I pretended that he told me he would leave his wife and come back to get me. I knew it wasn't true though."

He: "Then."

Me: "Then nothing. I went back to work a week later when my bar fine expired. Everything went back to normal."

He: "Your next man was when?"

Me: "I had drinks and dances but it took me a few days to get over him before I let another man take me out of the bar. It was easier to forget after that."

He: "If you had met me."

Me: "I would have fallen in love with you."

He: "Me too. I would have taken you from that."

Me: "Even you knew I was a whore."

He: "I would have rescued you."

Me: "You did. I love you."