Cousin's Dilemma

I raised my eyes to her emerald green beauties and nodded.

"I'd sort of like to see what happens. What was going on with those boys when I felt them come inside me? Could you do it now?"

"Do what?"

"Do yourself. You said you remember things while you do it and you said touching me yesterday was memorable, and there was another drop today. Could I watch you do it? I think you want to do it because you're twitching right now without being touched."

"I...I...I don't know. It would be weird having someone watch. It might make it be...I don't know...not so special. That's not the right word, but I can't think clearly."

"I have a need, too. How about if we did it together? You watch me and I'll watch you."

"That's crazy. I've been embarrassed enough just having you look at me."

"What about if I start?"

She fixed her eyes on mine, bent her legs and opened her knees, showing me lips that appeared to be glistening. One hand stroked a breast and the other played over the surface of the lips before plunging a finger between the folds. I watched the finger disappear and reappear, I watched it curl and straighten, I watched her insert it and bring it back out.

I felt something and looked down to find my hand gripping my erection and stroking it. As her breathing became more rapid and her fingers moved faster my stroking increased in tempo and I realized I was gasping. She began to whimper and writhe.

That was too much. I had the presence of mind to at least grab my shirt so I didn't have a mess to clean up from the carpet. A year's worth of frustration poured out - while I had done it the night before I had been so appalled that I was thinking of her that it hadn't been very satisfactory. I shot out several strong spurts, but continued to pump until I was dry. I was breathing hard as I held my softening penis in my hand and watched her. She slammed fingers inside her and pressed on her clit as she rammed herself hard until she moaned.

She at last fell back onto the carpet, but her fingers remained inside for a short time before she removed them. Even as I tried to catch my own breath I watched her chest heave and slowly return to normal.

Still on her back and with her eyes closed she spoke. "How was that, Keith? From my end it was fantastic. Watching you was just what I needed. Thanks."

I laughed "You're thanking me? I've never seen anything so hot."

She sat up and stared at me still holding my softened penis. "You can let go now."

I looked down and laughed as I released it.

'"Oh! It's soft. Let me quick make a sketch. Don't move. I want it lying on your leg like that."

It only took her a couple of minutes to get what she wanted, basically just a limp penis and a small portion of hairy leg. Once again, I was amazed at how real her drawing looked.

When I finally got to bed I continued to have vivid recollections of how she looked as she pleasured herself. I couldn't help doing it again, visualizing her fingers stroking and probing and recalling her sex smell.

For the rest of the week she busied herself perusing and taking notes from drawing books she had checked out of the library. I took an afternoon off to drive her to the college to speak to one of the art teachers about taking a class. I wandered the department gallery while I waited for her, impressed with the student work in all sorts of media.

She found me there and almost jumped for joy. "I wanted to take an introductory figure drawing class and showed him some of my work in my portfolio. Don't worry, there were none of you naked. He was so impressed that he is enrolling me in the advanced class! Can you believe it?"

I gave her a hug. "Actually I can. I've been looking at what's on display here and believe your work is as good as any of these."

I began to be a steady model for her, but with clothes on.

"That's why I need the class. I don't seem to have down how your clothes drape on your body."

When the children next door returned from the beach she didn't have as much time to draw me, but saw the money she made as an investment in her classes and spent as much time as possible next door. She did a number of works including one or both of the children, and even did a family portrait. They were interested in paying her for it. She told them she'd do a better one later on but she appreciated them letting her practice on them. I think it was probably hard to draw the family group because Al has a beard and Amy has a full head of curly hair. The children always came out looking like little cherubs, though.

I had a number of heavy duty projects and didn't see as much of her as I even had to work several weekends to keep up with the schedules. She did keep me filled in about her class.

"I love it! There are only eight of us, and I'm the youngest. We have a couple of middle aged men and women and a couple of college seniors. Some, like me, aren't full time students. It's a nice mix. The first class we shared a couple of things from our portfolios and did group critiques. It was interesting to see how different people have their own personal style. It is open for class members to model. Each class meeting one of us models and another is in charge of setting up and posing the model, arranging lights and all, so we get to learn all the skills involved in figure drawing. The class sets up around the model according to what they want to sketch. One woman is interested in backs - how the spine holds the body and the musculature of the back. One of the full time students is particularly interested in hands and feet. No two works from each session are alike."

"Um, do you wear clothes while you model?"

"Of course you'd be interested in that. Sometimes yes and sometimes no. We've gotten to know each other pretty well, so there's not much embarrassment. The one in charge makes the call, but the model has the ultimate decision. The difference between a middle age man and you is remarkable. I finally got to do a fully soft penis. One woman was nude except for a sheet strategically draped over her lap. She was fine with breasts but sensitive with pubes. There is never any ridicule or remarks about how someone looks. We're there to do real people, not ideal fashion models after all."

One weekend I was off and there was an arts festival downtown. Robyn had decided to put her skills to the test and rented a space. I helped her erect a tent-like canopy over the space and she set up with her supplies, displaying some of her work, including the children next door.

Several people stopped by to have their portraits drawn. Mostly parents had their children done. I didn't bother her and wandered around, watching artists and craftsmen work, eating from a food truck and listening to live music on the two stages set up at either end of the street.

The festival lasted two days. As it wound down I helped her take down her awning. I stopped and pointed. "Did you do that?"

She knew immediately what had drawn my interest and laughed. "I just finished with it. They're coming by any minute now to pick it up."

About that time a young couple walked up with a small dog on a leash. They were delighted with her drawing of their dog. She carefully wrapped the item to protect it until they got it matted and framed.

"So, you're doing pets now?"

"Isn't that a hoot? They just showed up and asked if I'd do it. I said I would but if they weren't pleased I wouldn't charge them. I'd never done a dog before. They must have been pleased because they paid me fifty dollars for it."

"It looks like you have a new avenue to approach for selling your work."

Several weekends later we sat watching a movie on TV. I was exhausted from my work, but was glad the major projects were over and I could take it easy for a few days. After her class on Friday she decided to rest over the weekend.

As the movie ended she turned to me. "Keith, I want to ask you something. A favor."

She sounded serious.

"Sure, Robyn. Anything you want. You've been working hard lately."

"So have you." She touched my shoulder. "Well, promise you'll hear me out before you answer?"

"Okaaaay."

"Back in the summer when I first started sketching you we talked about our sexual frustrations." I started to respond but she held up her hand. "You promised to listen."

She took a deep breath. "I note that we are both still sexless, although watching each other was a considerable relief."

I had a bad feeling about where this was headed.

"I need to do it again, but want to do something a little different this time." She swallowed hard. "I'd like to touch you, to feel what it feels like. And I'd like you to touch me, to erase the bad memories of my past sexual experiences."

"Let me get this straight. You want us to..."

"Get each other off. It wouldn't be like actual sex, there would just be touching."

I was speechless. A million thought raced through my head - she was my cousin - we'd already done something like that - it was wrong - what the hell was she thinking - oh, I'd love to hold those breasts again - what would it be like for her to actually hold me like that - it was crazy - what is she doing to me - I can't think straight.

"Say something. Anything. Yes, hopefully. Even no. Just let me know you heard me."

"Why?"

"I feel a need. I've been drawing men and thinking about how it felt for you to touch my tits. How it felt for me to touch you, even briefly. I'd like you to touch me more. I'd like to see how I could make you squirt out like that, to put it crudely. I watched you and so I think I know how you do it. I bet you remember what I did."

I raked my fingers through my hair. "Jeez."

"It wouldn't be like having sex. Really it wouldn't."

"The hell you say. It would be a lot like having sex."

"We'd just be masturbating. Just each other instead of alone. Wouldn't having another touch be a turn on?"

"It sure as hell would. But it's...we're...shit."

"Yeah yeah. Wrong. Cousins. I get it. A guy in my class asked me out, but I don't want to go. Now he thinks I'm into girls instead. I just don't want to get involved with someone in class. We're too close, if that makes any sense. If it didn't go well there we'd be stuck having to draw each other naked. There wouldn't be a discerning eye. It would be an eye of anger and resentment that would result in a poor product. Please?"

I looked into those emerald green eyes, looking for any hint that this was a joke of some kind. But all I saw was doubt and fear. She was afraid of being rejected.

"Cripes."

I leaned my head back against the back of the sofa where we sat and stared at the ceiling.

"What are you doing to me, Robyn? I'm supposed to be protecting you."

"I don't need protection right now. I need something else, and you have it in your power to give that to me...or not."

"Damn. Why does life have to be so complicated?"

She said nothing, letting me think about my own question. There was only one answer.

I turned to her and she looked into my eyes for what seemed like forever before licking her dry lips. "Shirts off?"

I nodded, and she sighed in relief.

She crossed her arms and removed her shirt as I unbuttoned the shirt I had worn to work. This time I had an undershirt and removed that as she unclasped her bra. She stood up to unfasten her shorts and I stood to unbuckle my belt, but she stopped me. "Would you let me do that? Please?"

Her shorts dropped and she stepped out of them and wrestled my belt open, unfastened my pants and dropped them. As I kicked them away from my ankles she felt the bulge in my underwear. "This is what I want to hold. I want to explore it, get to know it. The better I know something the easier it is to work with it, art wise."

She pulled down my shorts and I lowered her briefs, exposing already glistening lips and releasing her woman sex scent. She sank to the floor and I followed, sitting in front of her. We moved beside each other, leaning back against the sofa and our eyes met for a moment before she lowered her gaze to my erection and I lowered mine to her breasts.

She said "I seem to remember you did this." She grasped me in one hand and stroked gently. I watched her hand move on me and that was certainly more exciting than doing it to myself.

I remembered what she did with her breasts, and it was exactly what I wanted to do. My other hand slipped down between her thighs and she opened them. My fingers immediately became wet from her and I slid them between the folds. With some probing I discovered how to tease out her clit and how she liked fingers inside her. I watched her face to determine how pleasing my touches were to her. She began to move her hips against my hand and I increased the depth of penetration and made curling motions I had discovered some girls liked. My hand got wetter and wetter and she began the whimpering sounds I remembered from last time.

My other hand switched from one breast to another, gently massaging and stroking the nipples.

I was so intent on pleasing her that I was jolted back to myself when she worked fingers around the head, smearing one of those drops around, and stroked the underside. She alternated one hand and two, squeezing and stroking, pumping and caressing. I thought I'd go out of my mind.

"It's about time, Robyn."

She used one hand to swipe my shirt off the floor and held it in front where she had me pointed, where she thought it would go. She lifted, twisted and pulled. It was during one of the pulls that I exploded. The force jerked me in her hand and semen shot over my shirt and spattered on her chin and chest before dying away in weaker spurts running over her hands.

I know I paused from attending to her when I came, but quickly realized she was near also. I worked my fingers in and out quickly while rubbing the clit with my thumb and rubbing the other thumb over a nipple. She squealed as she bucked and I felt strong pulses within her, squeezing my fingers. Her legs closed together, trapping my hand until the spasms passed and she relaxed.

"Wow. You took me by surprise. It shot over the shirt. I didn't aim right."

"Shit, I'm sorry. Let me wipe you off."

I wiped her face and chest and she wiped her hands on the shirt.

"That was just what I needed. I never realized someone could make me feel like that. I thought I had to do it myself. Maybe with the right guy sex wouldn't be so unpleasant."

"Holy shit, Robyn. That was amazing. I never felt that good doing it myself, either."

In bed that night I pondered what this girl, my cousin, was doing to me.

She became like a different person, happy and exuberant. She expanded her scope from just people, although that was her main interest. We drove to natural parks and hiked trails, with a small backpack holding a sketchbook and pencils always with her. We'd sit on a rock or the shore of a lake and she'd take out her book and sketch.

"I'm not used to looking at nature with such detail - how the clouds reflect on the water or a bird perches on a branch."

"You're seeing things with a new eye."

She looked over at me. "Yes. Yes I'm seeing lots of things with a new eye."

She thrived in her class and her work drew consistently high praises from the instructor and her fellow students. She thought her engineering background helped her, but she still needed to work on the 'exterior building decoration'. "I've seen a number of cocks. I always thought when they were deflated they were all pretty much the same, just limp. Do you know some almost retract to a nub? Of course you did. Yet in anatomy class I learned that inflated most are within a narrow size range. What an amazing change! And, I always knew tits were different, but the extent of the differences in size and shape is amazing. I've seen things way different than I ever saw in Gym class. I've never really looked closely at nipples before - always thought a nipple was a nipple. I've spent some time in class studying them carefully and drawing them." She laughed "I don't want everyone to think I'm fixated on tits like one of the men is. But, hey, that's why we're there - to sharpen our observation and drawing skills. For all I know that guy is going to do nude portraits."

Many evenings she spent touching up the drawings she had done in class. I was curious, but didn't look over her shoulder. The nude bodies of the class members were something personal and I didn't need to be looking at them.

We were invited next door for Thanksgiving dinner and the children swarmed over her. Amy shook her head. "It continues to amaze me how they've taken to Robyn. She's a natural with children. She'd be a great teacher."

Later I told Robyn about the comment and she got still, cocking her head. "That's certainly not something I've considered before. I don't see myself as a teacher, but it's something I'll file away in my mind. It could lead to something unexpected someday."

One evening I came home from work to find her with one of the drawings she had done of me in front of her, studying it.

"Whatcha doing, Robyn?"

"Looking at how I'd do some things differently now." She looked up. "Would you pose for me again?"

"Umm...I guess."

"If you're reluctant then you don't have to."

I sighed. "I guess you've seen enough bodies that I wouldn't be so shy about it."

She smiled and clapped her hands. "I bought some lighting equipment with the money I've earned - a couple of lights and reflectors. Let me set something up while you have a drink and fix dinner."

"Can I fix you something a drink, also?"

"Uh uh. I want a perfectly clear head."

After dinner I found she had the living room curtains closed and had set up a couple of lights on stands and positioned reflectors. "This time I'm looking for softer shadows."

"Uh, do I need to take off my clothes?"

She laughed "Of course!"

"Umm...are you going to also?"

She looked serious. "I'd prefer not, but if it makes you feel more comfortable I could."

I thought for a moment. She'd been doing this for months, with all sorts of people unclothed. "I'll do it. You just do what you do and I'll try to hold still."

I unbuttoned my shirt, removed it and pulled off my undershirt. On a chair I removed socks and shoes, then stood and unbuckled my pants. For some reason I turned away from her as I removed them, then took a deep breath and pushed down my underwear. "Do you want me to stand or sit?"

She had me turn this way and that until she found a standing pose she liked. I stood with most of my weight on one leg and my hip cocked and hands at my sides.

"Is that as small as you get?"

I looked down at my semi-erect member. "It gets smaller, but I can't make it smaller by thinking about it."

"I was hoping that with my clothes on I'd have a good, soft dangle. That's still sort of sticking up a little."

"Sorry. Even though you have clothes on I'm remembering the last time and, well...I'm sorry. I can't control it. I won't look at you and will try to think of something at work. Maybe that will help."

She shook her head and laughed, but got right to work. I really tried to think of something else, but the skritch of her pencil on paper reminded me she was there, A couple of times I thought I felt it beginning to grow, but managed to think of a cold shower and get it to settle down, yet it never completely deflated.

I began to get tired and really wanted to shift my position, but was relieved to finally hear "All done. I can do some finishing later."

She turned the paper around and even I could tell the difference from the last time. She had my shoulders and hips perfect, and my 'outside ornamentation' was like what I saw when I looked in the bathroom mirror. She probably had my semi-erection right, but I've only seen it from above and not from an oblique view. She turned the paper back to look at it herself and studied it quietly, once reaching out to touch it.