Cuffed Ch. 03

Gone

"He showed up at the gym! And you were actually at the gym, too?" Lara's shock was evident on her face.

"Is it that surprising I went to the gym?"

"Well, yes. But man, to see him there—that's fate."

I shook my head. "So, do you think I overreacted?"

"About what?"

"Him giving me the third degree about David. I was right to not tell him anything, right?"

"I don't know. Did he seem genuinely curious, or was he being a douche?"

"I think a little of both."

"He was sizing up the competition, Kennie. I bet that's what he was doing."

"It's just that our conversation was going so well until he brought David up."

"So, you enjoyed yourself then?"

"It was nice to talk about my life for a change. He seemed really interested in my career goals. But, as I've said before, it doesn't matter. I'm with David and we're getting married."

"Maybe you should have a talk with David about your career and see where that gets you. Last thing I heard, he hates the idea of you becoming an art teacher."

I didn't respond.

"Holden seems like a nice guy. I wouldn't rule him out just yet."

"I have to. I'm in a relationship and engaged to be married, Lara."

"But no one is making you get married, Kennedy. Well, except maybe your mother."

"You'd think she was the one getting married."

"In her mind, maybe she is."

"That's probably true. This is awful."

"It's only awful because you're making it that way, girl. Test the waters and see how Holden is as opposed to David. You don't want to be five years into marriage and realize you don't want him anymore."

"But how can I test the waters and not cheat?"

"I know you may not want to hear this, but you may have to take a break from David."

"A break?" I scoffed. "Yeah. That's gonna go over well. 'Hey David, honey, I want to take a break because I'm questioning our relationship.' Yeah, he'll definitely go for that."

"It's not just about him, you know. You have to make sure you're making the right decision for you. He needs to do the same for himself, too."

Lara was right—as usual—which prompted me to ask David to go out to dinner with me Saturday night. I made sure it was informal and there were no plans afterward. I just wanted us to sit down and talk. Having a real conversation was rare when it came to our relationship, but I knew it would help put our lives and relationship into perspective.

Since David's birthday, a rift had begun to separate us even more—which was the opposite effect the date was supposed to have. I wanted us to bond and grow closer than ever as the wedding drew nearer, but it just wasn't happening. I had no intention of ending, or even pausing, things with David; but, I couldn't let the relationship continue on the track it was going or we'd derail, crash, and burn.

I primped for the dinner, even though we were going to a fast food restaurant. "Look good, feel good," I sighed before applying my red lipstick. I smacked my lips together. "And get good results." I didn't want to fuss or fight with David, so I'd have to choose my words with care to get the positive outcome I desired.

Inspiration was the word for the night. I wanted to inspire David to be more involved in the relationship. I wanted to inspire stronger feelings to develop between us because if they didn't, I had no clue where we'd end up.

The dinner started off slowly; he greeted me, we ordered, and engaged in small talk.

"I feel like I've barely heard form you this week," David said. "Except for that day in my office."

"Yeah...I've been cramming my free time with studio sessions and helping students at the high school and stuff like that," I shrugged.

David nodded. "So...Steak 'n' Shake for dinner? Interesting choice. You know we could've went to the Olive Garden or something."

"I like the shakes here."

The small talk annoyed me. My mission was set in stone, but getting there was becoming a hardship. I listened to David talk about work and tried to seem interested, but numbers did little for me. When David was quiet, I jumped at the opportunity to speak.

"So, you said you hadn't heard much from me this week. Am I wrong to deduce that you missed me?" I did my best to bat my eyelashes and look flirty. I hoped I didn't look constipated.

"Yeah. Sure."

"Well, maybe we could spend more time together. Like, we could watch movies at your place, or we could take Bentley for walks out at the park."

"That sounds good."

I felt the date slipping away from me before I could even get a firm grasp on it. "I just want us to grow closer, you know? I want us to spend as much time together as possible before the wedding."

David smirked. "We haven't spent time together? We've been together for four years, Kennedy," he shook his head, signaling my temper.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. Maybe I'm not being direct enough, I thought as I sipped my milkshake. David was never one to take hints, so I jumped, head first, into the deep.

"What do you think about our relationship, David?"

He did a double take before answering. "Um, well...I'm not certain what you mean."

"Like, how do you think it's going? Do you think we're doing well?"

"Yeah," he shrugged and shook his head. "Why wouldn't we be?"

I drug myself out of the water and plunged in again. "Do you ever think twice about us getting married?"

He set his drink down, his jaw line going rigid. "Why would I?" His facial expression was one I'd seen many times on his face. He was confused, and confusion made him angry...and, sometimes, anger made him into a different person.

I tried to soften my voice as I spoke. "I just wonder if you ever think it's the best thing... for you. Like, am I the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with?"

"Of course. I don't know why you would even ask that."

"I've just been thinking a lot. And Lara has been telling me about her parents' divorce. I want to have one marriage; you know?"

He crossed his hands under his chin, his eyes piercing mine. "Are you rethinking the marriage?"

Yes. "No. I just want to make sure you're sure."

"You're lying to me. Don't lie to me, Kennedy. Why are you rethinking this?"

"I just don't want us to get into a marriage and find out later that we're totally incompatible."

"Would you like to go to premarital counseling? What? I'm just not getting this at all."

"I don't know, I just...I just think—,"

"Just spit it out, Kennedy."

"I've asked you for your opinion of our relationship and you were kinda blowing it off. You do that a lot, actually. I think we need to discuss some things before we continue with any more wedding planning."

"What opinion is there to have, Kennedy? I—," David and I leaned backward as the server set our food down without a word. The tension from our table was probably palpable. David waited for her to leave before he spoke again. "Of course we should get married. We've been together long enough. Come on...don't be stupid."

I laughed derisively and leaned further back into my chair. "Stupid? I'm being stupid because I want to make sure you're in love with me before we get married? I'm stupid because I want our relationship to strengthen before we jump into a lifetime commitment?"

"I think you're stupid for letting Lara cloud your judgment. You know she doesn't like me, anyway. Of course she's going to tell you about her parents' awful divorce to scare you into breaking up with me."

"I didn't come here to break up with you. I came to talk about the gap I feel in our relationship."

"You must be the only one in this relationship, then. I don't feel any gap. Sure, we live separate lives, but at the end of the day, we're together."

"It shouldn't be that way." I crossed my arms and looked out the window. Cars zoomed past the darkened street, but I couldn't look at them. They all were going somewhere; they had a final destination set—unlike this conversation. Unlike this relationship. I shook my head. "Look, I've told you how I felt. I want us to be closer. I still have little insight as to what it is you want from this relationship."

"This is beyond ridiculous, Kennedy! I don't feel any specific way! Since you're the one with all the feelings, maybe you should make all the decisions!"

"Fine. I want us to take a break." I said before I could stop myself. I looked down at the table and forced myself to continue. "We need to chill and reanalyze our motives and desires for marriage. I'm not saying this is permanent, but, after tonight, I think it needs to happen."

I looked back up at him as he stared at me, his eyes growing harder by the second. "No." I tried not to shrink back into my chair, but I knew what happened next. It was too late to stand down, though. And I didn't want to.

Where had I been for the last two years? Why was I still holding on to David? It was clear he didn't see anything wrong with our relationship. Not to mention, he thought we should get married just because we were together for four years. Time means little in the grand scheme of things. A couple could be together for fifty years and still be incompatible. That's what we were...incompatible. I was an artist; he was an accountant. He liked dinner and movies for dates while I liked taking walks in the park before going paintballing. Why did I ignore it for so long?

I crossed my arms. "What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I mean, no, we're not taking a break. If there's something you're unsure about then we work through it together. You're not getting out of this."

"David, like I told you earlier, I never was trying to get out of anything. I just think we should cool it down."

"Says the girl that basically raped me in my office."

My fingers drummed along the table as I took a deep breath. He was about to cross the invisible line we set up so long ago."You're getting angry and you're about to make things worse, David. I'm leaving."

I rose from the table and walked to the counter to pay for my food. David was on my trail as I left the restaurant.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

I whipped around and faced him. "Don't you ever part your lips and curse at me, David Bauchman." I turned back in the direction of my car but his hand was on my arm, dragging me toward where he parked.

Not again! No! I struggled against his hold.

"You're not going anywhere until we work this out."

"David. You're hurting me. Let me go."

He shook my arm, making my entire frame rattle. "No! You need to listen to me!"

I closed my eyes fighting David's angry face as well as my father's. His words from my childhood ringing loud and clear in my ears. "You go lay down, or you're next! Go on, get out of here!" he would say before slamming the door in my face.

Tears ran down my cheeks and I tried to push the thoughts away. Holden, I cried in my head. Holden! Holden!

"Is there a problem out here?"

Relief flooded through me as the manager from the restaurant stepped outside. He had a phone in his hand as if he were preparing to dial a number.

"Everything is fine," I said through my shaking voice. "I was just leaving," I said, snatching my arm from David and speed walking to my car. I made haste in my pursuit to get in and drive off.

As expected, my phone rang the entire way to my place. I ignored it.

"Bentley, we're going for a ride," I called into the apartment. The big, gray dog came jogging out of the bedroom, his ears flopping against his head. "Yep, let's go," I said, attaching his leash to his collar.

I knew it was only a matter of time before David showed up at my place, and I did not want to see him. "Darn," I muttered, realizing—again—it was not a wise decision to have given him a key to my apartment.

The desk clerk at the Holiday Inn eyed my dog with barely concealed fear and chagrin, but I let it go. My worries went beyond a silly girl behind a desk—my fiancé was physical with me, and cursed at me in public. That was the line we drew so long ago. David knew how I felt about couples cursing at each other, but he went ahead and did it anyway. When he was angry, he had no concept of boundaries.

I took a shower to help unwind, but it did little to relax me—especially when I saw the bruise David's hand left on my arm. My muscles were still tight when I climbed into the bed and through most of the night as I tossed and turned.

"Will this stupid phone ever quit ringing?" I huffed as I threw my legs over the side of the bed and trudged to the bathroom where I left the device. The name on the caller ID startled me. "Mom?"

"Where are you, Kennedy?"

"Why?"

"David is worried sick! He said you two got into a fight at dinner and he went to sort things out with you, but you weren't at home and Bentley was gone too. Why are you trying to break up with him?"

I sighed and clenched my eyes shut. "Mom, this is really none of your business."

"It is when David calls me crying! Now, I want you to go to his place or tell him where you are so you two can make this work."

"Mom, did he even tell you what happened?"

"He said you were trying to break things off with him and you stormed off."

I exhaled harshly. "Is that what David said? Well, he lied. He cursed at me, grabbed my arm, and shook me in the Steak 'n' Shake parking lot, Mother."

Silence followed. My mom knew better than anyone how I hated physical violence and verbal altercations, so she had to see my point. She had to see I was nowhere near being in the wrong.

"But, honey, can't you see that's his way of trying to keep you? He doesn't want you to leave him, Kennedy. He may have shown it in the wrong way, but let him learn from his mistakes. Don't end things with him."

"I'm stunned right now. I really am, Mom. I told you my fiancé was verbally and physically abusive to me and you tell me to try and make it work. Both you and David have lost your minds. There is a certain point where I have to draw the line, and this is it."

"Don't be silly, Kennedy."

"You know what? Why don't you take my place at the altar and marry the asshole? Goodbye, Mom." I tapped the "end" button and powered down my phone before hearty sobs racked through my body.