Cultural Exchange Ch. 01

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Tenou
Tenou
404 Followers

Both the look in his eyes and his smile looked genuine friendly when he approached me with his right hand outstretched waiting to share a handshake.

I shook his hand with a smile of my own while he introduced himself. "I am Oner, Son of Yuan'Errom, Hierarch of the Mountain Elves. Be sincerely welcome, Sol'Brandon. My partner (with that he pointed to Melfa. What a shame she was taken) has told me how you defended yourself with the Orcs yesterday. I'm impressed."

Ralya intervened before I could answer. "You should be more than impressed, Big Brother. Bran has sworn on his name and rank that it was his first fight and that he had never receive formal training before."

Oner's eyes went full wide at that, then he composed himself, throwing a naughty look at Ralya... wait, had she just call him big brother? Was he her real brother or was that another form of treatment? Oner stopped to look at me more appreciatively, nodding his head while he rubbed his goatee. "Then I will take on your combat training personally, Little Brother. You can call me Big Brother from now on when in casual conversation."

So that was it. She had called him Big Brother because he had trained her. "I look forward to your guidance, Big Brother. Please, skip the use of honorifics whenever you feel like it," was the most polite answer I could come up with.

Oner patted my shoulder and left his hand there before saying, "Let's go to the Hall of Shields. The Hierarch Himself is waiting to welcome you personally before starting your welcome celebration."

I saw by the corner of my eye that the chariot with Elam's body had just arrived. I looked at Oner and said, "Excuse me for a moment, Big Brother, but there is something I must do right now no matter what."

Then I started walking directly to the chariot, but a few steps further I had to start asking the Elves that had come to see my arrival to let me space to reach my target.

The mass of people started whispering. Whispers that started to become enraged screams when I lifted the cloth that covered Elam's body. I saw a piece of fruit fly over me and hit a wall.

The things could have escalated into serious issue if not for Oner who screamed, "Don't lift a finger against him or I'll take it personally!"

I swallowed the knot in my throat before nodding a "Thank you" at Oner, who answered me with a puzzled look.

I unleashed the belt around my waist and put the sheathed sword on Elam's chest moving his hands and untied the shield from my arm to put it covering his chest and hands. Then I went down to one knee, bowing my head at Elam and raising my voice for everyone to hear me. "I thank you for the loan: I will never forget it saved my life!" I didn't really need the to do all that, but I felt I owed Elam at least a bit of respect for trying to save me, leaving aside his personal feelings. Also I hoped this little act would me look a little better in front of my friends and neighbors-to-be.

Oner's voice came high from the other side of the square. "What are you doing, Sol'Brandon?"

I noticed his intentions and answered raising my voice without moving from where I was standing. "I took his sword and shield to defend myself after he died. I believe that every warrior who dies in combat has the right to pass his gear on to his heirs or to take it with him to the other life."

Oner bowed to me and when he raised his head, he spoke again for the whole crowd to listen. "Here is a lesson for those of you who opposed him coming with us. He apologizes to a dead warrior for taking his gear and humbly gives it back thankfully. Who dares to doubt his honor now?"

Nobody in the crowd stood challenge, so I went to join Oner, Ralya and the other surviving members of the welcoming party to enter this "Hall of Shields" together.

As its name suggested, starting from the roof down, the walls of the hall were covered in shields. Round, triangular, pentagonal, rectangular, made of wood, different kinds of metal and I even saw one or two bone shields made from the skull of terrifying beasts.

The hall was longer than it was wide, having space for three ten meter long tables placed along the room. A fourth table, shorter and standing on top of a dais, was obviously the Table of Honor for the master of the city and his guests of honor.

Talking about the master, he was standing in front of the steps to the dais, the most impressive specimen of Mountain Elf I have or will ever see. He was at least a full head taller than Ralya, what made him even taller than Bruen. His shoulders wide as an Orc's. His dark red hair showed strands of silvery white in both temples and his beard. The visible right eye was a deep and glowing emerald green. The other was covered in a leather eye patch reinforced with cross-shaped metal plate.

Yeah, I know I take my time describing people. But I'm a bit bad at remembering names at first meetings, so I try to remember faces at least.

When he spoke, it was almost like an avalanche. Even when speaking calmly, his voice had an impressive strength. "Be welcome to my Home. Your deeds during your first day in our world have reached my ears and impressed me, Young Sol'Brandon. Please look at that section of the wall." It took me a moment to figure out exactly what point he wanted me to look at. For a person like me, who almost never has been praised in his whole life, it brought tears to my eyes the sight of a coarse rectangular shield made of tree bark and iron bands. I had just arrived and it looked like these people were already counting me between their heroes.

When I looked back at him to try and say some words of gratefulness, Ralya was by his side whispering in his ear. He looked at her seriously for a moment but then nodded abruptly with a shine of satisfaction in his eye.

With his rumbling voice, the Hierarch Errom called, "Oner, to my right. Ralya, to my left. Sol'Brandon, stand here in front of me."

"Oh, please, you don't need to use honorifics with someone of my status, Yuan'Errom," I said bowing my head while I fast-paced to him.

"Honorifics are always needed in formal matters, such as the one that concerns us right now."

I stood in front of him as instructed, waiting for him to explain that formal matter he had just mentioned.

"As all of us in this noble hall know," he started, joining his hands and looking at each of us by turns, "the objective of this program of cultural exchange is to prove that both worlds can work together for mutual benefit. In order to get that, the travelers must join and mingle with culture and life of the town that adopts them." That last bit he said looking directly into my eyes. "Yesterday, astoundingly sooner than I had expected, you proved yourself an adult, as the Orc tusks in your knife demonstrate." I thought he was going to open a hole in my forehead by the sheer intensity of his gaze. "The normal thing for a just proven Young would be to look for a partner among the suitable candidates in the town. But you still don't know about the families yet. You have no knowledge of assets, allies and enemies and a wide variety of important things to take into account."

He put his right hand on my shoulder and followed. "You have come here to obey our laws and live by our customs. And according to our customs is improper for a man like you to stay without partner. It falls on my shoulders to take measures, and this is the conclusion I have reached." He took air as if he was making a dramatic pause. "By my authority as the Hierarch of all Mountain Elves, I decree that next time the Moons join, we will perform a wedding ritual between you and my youngest daughter." At that he put his left hand on Ralya's shoulder. "And when the ritual is over, you two will move to a private place to perform the Binding."

Oner smiled broadly and said Ralya, "Congratulations, Little Sister." And looking at me, he said. "I hope you make her happy, Little Brother."

Oh, so these two were really siblings.

And then reality assaulted me again and I freaked out.

I was gonna get married??

+<=(0)=>+

In a dark room, a figure was sitting silently in a luxurious armchair. He was enjoying his cup of wine while his face was turned to the thick curtains that blocked almost all the light the growing dusk outside could throw. But he was not really seeing anything as all of his concentration was in the thoughts of his schemes.

The door opened suddenly and almost hit the wall. The new person who had stormed into the room without even knocking threw a severe look and a furious gesture of his hand to the servants waiting by the walls for them to get away before kicking the door closed. He breathed in deeply before addressing the man who had stayed impassive before his display.

"Your plan has failed. No, it hasn't failed, it has backfired." He was clenching his fists and his tone of voice quivered. He was obviously wishing to scream his frustration but keeping himself from committing an error in front of a superior. "The Qui'Leh not only has not been murdered, but he has proven himself and now has a trophy on the wall of the Shield Hall. The welcoming party tonight has become a Gods damned engagement party!" He kicked down a chair and was about to scream when he heard his elder leaving his cup calmly on the table. The deliberate "click" of the glass had been a warning and a call of attention.

"Well, we underestimated him. We thought we could make use of inferior beings to dispose of an inferior being." The sitting creature had a voice that would make you think of snakes and dark places. He refilled his cup, doing the same with another one already prepared on the table. He took his drink and motioned his "guest" to sit down and drink to calm down. "Well, at least you should be thankful that he saved the woman. Your ambitions would have turned to nothing if that Orc had succeeded in Binding her."

The impulsive man went silent for a second before retorting, annoyed, "Just a drop of water in the lake. You also lost your agent."

The older one shrugged his shoulders so lightly that he looked like he didn't really do it. "An affordable loss. He agreed to act as our last resort because if Van'Ralya did not accept the Human as her husband, out rat's little sister would have taken her place. He considered the first choice a shame for the Mountain Elves, and the second an attack to the pride of his family." He took another taste of the wine, appreciating it before going on. "But you are wrong in saying he was a loss. Dying pitifully by the hand of the savages, he saved us the trouble of looking for a way to 'silence' him discretely later on."

"You planned to assassinate your assassin from the very start?" Asked the young one with an eyebrow arched in an amused grin. "I knew you were merciless, but maybe this is taking it to another level."

"No, my young, it is being practical. It is not leaving loose ties. We could not afford to let him live with the knowledge of our... strategies. Doing so would be inviting the chance he could feel remorse and tell others, or try and threaten us with telling the truth to the Hierarch. I hope the woman deserves all the danger we are facing and the valuable allies we are spending."

The young barked a laugh at that. "Ha! I don't really desire her, I already have two mates. What I really wish to attain is the position and the privileges that come from Binding a daughter of the Hierarch." He abruptly left his cup on the table and leaned forward to look at his partner in the eye. "Well, how do we proceed with the Qui'Leh from now on? I hope you don't expect me to challenge him for the marriage rights, he is under Yuan'Errom's protection."

The older man had barely moved from his initial position, trying to transmit a calm his visitor didn't perceive. He sighed inwardly thinking he needed to train his young into being less transparent. "Don't worry, we will stick to the subtle approach for now. We have time before the wedding and I have already arranged for some... 'accidents'."

Both men raised a toast with a sharkish smile on their faces.

Tenou
Tenou
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AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
I skimmed through several years of comments,

and they seem to cover most of the comment I would write, so I'll summarize and add my opinion to the rest.

You've created a fairly rich world, and have thought of the social, religious, governmental and adversary aspects of the same. Your protagonist could have used more development, to bind him to your readers, before plunging him off to a strange world. This would develop more of an investment in readers.

I'm not sure about the 'draft' style of his selection. It goes against the grain of our society, freedom and such, ya know. It's a minor issue, easily changed in rewrite.

Speaking of which, this is very much a work in need of rewrite/edit. I saw a comment mentioning the next chapter is with your editor. If you have an editor working on your writing, you need a different one; this one either doesn't have the ability to thoroughly proof, or they don't know/understand basics of noun-verb-adverb-adjective relationships, let alone more complex issues such as proper punctuation, grammar, or the minute differences in verb tense.

The most glaring was a simple, noun-verb-adverb-adverb sentence where the first adverb was missing the 'ly' to actually make it an adverb. It was so glaringly, and shockingly abrupt, it was like hitting a fucking curb with a bicycle.

You need a competent editor. Hopefully, the one doing chapter two will be replaced, before too many chapters. I'm an editor, by nature, but some Lit works are just too raw, 'not ready for prime time', to continue. There's enough good in the first chapter to make me want to see where you go with it. If, in 2, 5, or 7 chapters down the path, even an old editor and voracious consumer of Lit submissions gives up, you'll hear from me, again.

Regarding the 'super hero in the making' mantle you've placed on your protag, you have covered yourself, and suspension of disbelief, well. You have laid the foundational stones to explain all of the 'magical', mystical skills Brandon seems to have. You've done what many have not, you've given clear reasons for him to gain real world skills from RPG, (role playing games), and FPS, (first person shooter? that is a class of games, isn't it? me <<< def NOT a gamer!)

Your first hint of using 'will' over physical exertion, a background of exercising, but not as an athlete, while slim on real world accuracy, (me << def AM an Exercise Physiologist!), it's enough a magic based world could work with it, given the chance. The reality of him immediately vomiting, helped, as well.

The human mind is an amazing, unknown world; personally, in times of extreme stress, I have surprised myself in what I did, without no chance to think. Little enough is known about the brain-body capabilities, taking the time to think about, and ponder, something as simple as striking the gap between shoulder armor, and a helmet, just MIGHT be enough the brain could recall and implement the action in a life or death situation.

Especially if 'magic' has even a small influence.

You have the basis for a powerful and entertaining SciFi/Fantasy multi-volume epic, whether the work reaches those heights, depends on the talent and skill of an editor. If not the 'Ch 2 editor', a more skilled Editorial Svengali can always begin at Ch 1.

(If I had a full roof on my house, my shop reorg'd and finished, my several car projects done, a YouTube channel generating income, and the rest of my projects done, I'd take on the editing, myself. But, I have way too much on my plate, already, and I'm no longer a young man, capable of 14-16 hour days, week, after week.

I hate to admit, and constantly fight it, but at 66, I'm only capable of 24-7, 10-12 hour days for about two months, then I need a week or three to recover with 6-8 hour days! But, hey, it's said 'keeping your mind active is key to ones golden years'. LOL

Thanks for sharing your fertile imagination, and for all the work it takes to put together a Lit submission. I certainly appreciate the free reading material.

Please take my harsh, but honest, critical criticism for what it is intended: a not too subtle nudge urging you to do better, encouragement you CAN do better, praise for what has been done well, and a sincere thank you for what you have freely given.

Let's see where this adventure goes from here!

Regards,

GeoD

WretchedMonkeyWretchedMonkeyalmost 5 years ago
Strange.

Some of your phrasing is really weird and I noticed a few of your sentences that seemed like they had been added to, actually made no sense. As though you'd tried too hard to make it poetic but had mangled the wording to the point that it breaks the immersion. Then there comes a scene, where our protagonist is fighting and suddenly realises he's using fighting techniques from films and games. And he's proficient at them. With no training. Of course. So obviously after this the sexy elf lady offers/promises herself to him, he reveals the fact that he was sexually abused a child and then the kissing happens..... No, wait. He's just been transported to a totally new world he's not familiar with, thrown up his lunch after killing two Orcs and watching the guy next to him get killed, then remembers his repressed memories about being raped as a child and now he's in the mood for 'sexy time'?

Nah. I'm out.

ZZchromosomeZZchromosomeover 5 years ago

Glad I found this story. The world-building premise is interesting, the story starts out pretty fast, events move along and adventures happen right away, then intrigue starts. Looking forward to the next chapter! I hope hidden abilities are revealed and magic items are acquired in the next chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Interesting

This reminds me of the Song of Albion book series in a lot of ways. Names based on accomplishments, protagonist like a fish out of water, etc. I'm interested to see where this leads.

SciFurzSciFurzabout 8 years ago
Good start

I recognise the influence of manga in this chapter, making me think of several I'm reading on one manga site (one of them being the incentive to post a furry version on wordpress).

I've only read part of the next chapter, but you've given me inspiration at one scene to build a story from that. :-)

Looking forward to reading the rest.

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