D.W.E.

About a month ago, I finally got sick and tired of local radio and, since I spend a lot of time in the car, I decided to finally join the "modern era" of music and bought an iPod and a car cassette adapter. Within an hour of arriving home with the iPod, I had a good range of music transferred to my iPod, and purposely went out driving later that afternoon to test the iPod in the car. My music issues were solved! I could not do anything to reduce the hassles of commuting, but at least I would be a little less stressed with a wide range of music to listen to while bumper-to-bumper on weekday mornings and evenings.

After a while, however, I realized that I had not tapped into a significant source of "music," neither in iTunes nor for my iPod: erotic audio files. I had certainly amassed quite a collection from various online sources, and I figured that I could import some of the files to iTunes to play them randomly, and then sync them to my iPod to listen to them in the car. If listening to them in the car, however, that would obviously mean that I could not have the windows open, so as not to offend anyone in the nearby vehicles. So I spent a little time selecting files featuring rather vocal women and/or women being physically punished, and imported them into iTunes; later that evening, I synced that playlist to my iPod.

The next morning, as I was about to head to the office, the last two things I picked up were my travel mug for the morning coffee and the iPod. Gathering those two items were second nature to me, and I did not think about the act at all. But once I had locked the door and was walking to the car, I remembered that I had added some erotic audio files to the iPod. I believe the woman who passed me in the parking lot was wondering why I was in such a chipper mood.

However, as I drove to the office that morning, I did not listen to the screams of women enduring pain or receiving pleasure. I thought about it, but for once the air temperature outside was cool enough that I wanted to feel the air blowing past my face as I drove, so I listened to music from Ayumi Hamasaki instead.

On the way home from work that evening, I started by listening to more music from the same Japanese performer, but once I reached the end of that album, I felt it was time. Reaching a red traffic light, I switched to the erotic audio playlist, double-checked that the windows were indeed up, and selected Play.

I have never had the pleasure of receiving oral sex while driving, nor would I ever consent to that -- the fantasy is great, especially when envisioning one of a few key people going down on me, but the reality is just too dangerous, especially in this city. But at least in the fantasy, there is someone to unzip my jeans/shorts/slacks as I am driving and bring out my growing erection.

That is where the problem was for me. The sounds of a fairly vocal woman being pleasured were definitely enticing. I had absolutely no problem concentrating on watching the traffic light and waiting for it to turn green. After one of her rather appealing outbursts, the light turned green at last, and I accelerated smoothly into the intersection -- so far, so good. But then the woman's sounds grew even better, even more inspired, and my concentration on the road ahead was beginning to falter.

...and accompanying the faltering concentration was the stirring in my slacks.

...which did not stop.

...and for once, traffic was flowing perfectly at a rather nice speed, so I could not just slam on the brakes so I could safely adjust myself. As the woman assured me that her lungs were definitely working at maximum capacity, my erection was growing, thickening, lengthening, and it was becoming rather uncomfortable rather quickly.

At least I was able to turn down the volume, but even hearing her "screaming softly" did not help. By then, I reached the next traffic signal.

...and had to keep driving through, as the light was green.

...and so was the next light.

Yes, I could have turned the volume completely off, but I was mesmerized by the woman's powerful voice. I happened to think of seeing Cats over a decade earlier, where the voice of the woman playing Grizabella was so powerful that I actually saw everyone sitting on the theater floor get knocked back in their seats before her voice reached the lower balcony as she began the final section of "Memory," and I was certain that if the volume had been turned up, then this woman's screams would have had a similar effect on me.

The next light was green as well.

The following light was also green.

Yet I was too addicted to this woman's voice. My erection was painful because it was trying to continue to lengthen, but was in the wrong position. Attempts to remove a single hand from the steering wheel to adjust myself were not entirely successful, and clearly I did not dare remove both hands to accomplish that task.

At last -- FINALLY!!!!!!!!! -- there was a red light ahead. I slowed thankfully for the first time in months, and, finally at a full stop, was able to will myself to reach for the iPod and switch back to Ayumi Hamasaki's music.

Yet the erection did not instantly fade. Even worse in a way, there was a young woman and her cocker spaniel jogging through the intersection, and even though I could no longer hear any pleasured feminine screams, I found myself wondering -- as I watched her breasts bouncing beneath her t-shirt and wondered how her well-shaped thighs would feel crushing my skull as I ate her -- how she would sound in the throes of ecstasy.

It took another two miles to finally get home, and it took that entire distance and a complete song for the erection to finally fade.

Yet, strangely, I may well try this Driving While Erect "experiment" again sometime soon.