Danny

Danny woke up feeling like crap. Not too unusual, that had been the case since he realized his marriage was going downhill. He was not quite six feet tall, about 170 pounds, with a well trimmed beard, in his fifties, hair graying and receding though he was still reasonably fit. Running probably helped with that. He ran three days a week, which helped him keep mind and body together. He was a bit lacking in upper body strength, because he wasn't a gym rat, but Danny didn't care much.

Now he and Jennifer were divorced, and while he didn't have the aggravation, he felt isolated. Danny told their friends they didn't have to choose between him and Jennifer, at least not on his behalf. It seemed like nearly all those friends either sided with Jennifer, or dropped both of them.

Danny had never had much of a social life before he met Jennifer, so her friends became his friends. Now that they were apart, he felt like he had even fewer friends than before he met Jennifer. At one time he'd had some work friends, but that group went their separate ways, and he never seemed to find another group to hang with.

Of course that was back in the day when he regularly went in to an office to work. After some twenty years with a company, he had been laid off. That gave him some severance, which held him until he landed a consulting job. He tried for some regular full time jobs, but never seemed to get them. He didn't want to think it was his age, but he suspected it might be.

Back in the old days, he went to the office in a long sleeve shirt and khaki style pants. Now, on those occasions when he went to his consulting employer, it was pretty casual. He wore jeans, a tee shirt, and old running shoes, and was pretty decently dressed. Danny worked out of his apartment a lot though, and just to feel more 'business-like' wore about the same thing as he wore to their office.

The consulting company he worked for didn't need him in there very often, though he went in now and then anyhow. They seemed happy with his work and had a steady stream of projects for him. The other employees and partners all had families and often worked remotely as well. They didn't even open the office every day. On the other hand, they also didn't socialize much after work, which didn't help Danny's feeling of isolation.

After their divorce, Jennifer had gotten the house, but then she had the better paying job anyhow and could afford the place. Danny got a one bedroom apartment with decent internet access and set up a remote office area there. If he wanted to pretend to be social, he'd go to a coffee shop with wifi and work from there for a while, but mostly just worked from his flat or the consulting office.

So, another day of the same old shit, after which he figured he'd go out for a burger and beer by himself. Danny could cook, at least well enough to feed himself, he just didn't always feel much like it. This felt like one of those days. Some days, after you spend the whole day at home working, you want to get out of the house at night.

After he was done with work, Danny went to one place he visited occasionally. It was kind of an eclectic restaurant in a somewhat bohemian neighborhood. It was one of those neighborhoods that had once been thoroughly middle class, then shifted to working class, then got a bit seedy, but had been rediscovered by millennials who found it interesting and affordable. They shunned chain restaurants and typical theme restaurants, but enjoyed a mixed cuisine, like this place.

Danny found a seat outside near an area where folks just loosely congregated. He ordered a cheeseburger, fries, and a beer. As he ate he noticed he was facing a group of women that seemed to ebb and flow as people joined and left the group. All the members of the group were female, but none were particularly feminine. A few looked rather butch. He found his attention drawn to one woman in her thirties, with red shoulder length hair in a bob.

She had a slim figure and a cute face, and wore jeans and a tee shirt. What caught his attention was her smile. It was warm and relaxed and constant -- she always seemed to have that smile. Danny tried not to stare or even look that way too much. He didn't want to be some sort of creep, but he found himself fascinated by this woman and her smile. He couldn't help but project a bit on her and her smile made him think she was kind and intelligent -- not a bad combination.

Now she wasn't the prettiest or most beautiful woman in the place, or maybe even in that group. But her smile elevated her above the others. Danny thought about the woman and about the group she was hanging with, and realized that he probably had zero chance with her. She was likely lesbian or bisexual, and if that weren't enough, throw in a twenty year age difference and Danny's awkwardness with women and it wasn't going to happen. Besides that, she seemed to be surrounded by her group, so he wasn't likely to even be able to get close to her.

Danny finished his burger and fries and sipped his beer, glancing occasionally at the red haired woman. He paid his tab, and was down to half a beer, when he noticed that most of the group around the woman had evaporated. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was just longing for a little companionship, but Danny got up and walked over to her.

As he got there, her smile wavered just a bit, and she looked right at him. He thought he saw kindness, with perhaps a little pity, as he looked into her blue eyes. She had a few freckles that danced on her cheeks as he was swallowed by her eyes. He stood stunned and rapt for a few seconds before she spoke.

"Yes?" she asked.

He hesitated a second, then half stuttered as he started, "I just wanted to tell you that you have one of the most beautiful smiles that I've ever seen." Danny realized that anything he said would be interpreted as trying to hit on her, and while what he said was quite true, it was perhaps the most benign and unthreatening way he could compliment her.

He saw a flash of surprise in her face, then she softened a bit and coolly but sweetly replied, "thank you." She looked just a bit wary, waiting for what he'd say next.

Danny was still lost in her eyes, but took a deep breath. "Look, I didn't want to bother you, but just felt I had to tell you how wonderful your smile was." She did a little half nod. Danny continued, "I... should go. Sorry if...".

"I'm not looking for anyone." She said. "And I'm certainly not looking for anyone for tonight."

"No, I didn't think..."

"As long as you understand and accept that," she said, stressing the word 'accept', "we can talk a bit.

"I..., thank you."

About that time, a butch woman, about Danny's size walked up. "Is everything okay here?"

The red haired woman smiled. "I think everything is fine, Lil" then paused before more slowly saying "for now."

The butch woman looked at Danny, then looked at the redhead. "I'll check back later."

"Thank you. I appreciate it."

The butch woman walked away, going to another group of women and talking. She took a glance back at Danny, and nodded in his direction while talking to them. One woman snorted, another chuckled, and a couple of others just shook their heads.

"Would you care to have a seat?" She gestured towards a chair adjacent to where she sat.

"Thanks." He sat down. "My name is Danny."

"I'm Rebecca, or Becca, or Becky, depending on who you talk to".

"What do you prefer to be called?"

"Becca works, for now. So what do you do, Danny?"

"I'm a contract programmer."

"I can see that. You spend a lot of time focusing on your code and your computer."

Danny reddened just a bit. "I also work with people who need the programming."

"But the code is lot easier to deal with."

"What do you do, Becca?"

"I'm a medical technician."

"Machines... patients?

"Both. So are you single, divorced, married?"

"Divorced, about a year ago. And you?"

"Single, recovering from my most recent relationship. In fact she's over there. We're still friends, it just didn't work out as a couple." She looked at him closely. "It was a woman. You aren't shocked are you?"

"No, I kind of suspected..."

"I don't dislike men, it just isn't the same. I mean, you seem kind of sweet, for a guy, but you don't make my heart beat faster, the way some of the women in my life have."

"I kind of get it. Men don't really do it for me either."

From the group of women, there is a gale of laughter, followed by some chatter. Only one thing comes through the din clearly, "Hasbian".

Becca looks at the group and frowns, then turns back to Danny.

"Hasbian?" Danny asks.

"A lesbian who starts having relationships with men."

"But we aren't... you aren't..."

"They're having fun at my expense -- my ex, in particular is."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make problems between you and your friends."

Becca looks over at the group. One of the women looks over, smiling. Becca frowns and the other woman drops her smile, and turns quickly back to the group.

Danny starts to get up. "If it's going to be a problem..."

Becca motions for him to sit back down. "They don't choose my friends for me, nor do they get a choice over the gender of my friends."

"You're sure?"

"Relax. Besides, I get the feeling you could use a friend."

"I haven't done as much socializing since my divorce."

"Look, we won't be lovers. I'm not ever going home with you. We won't be a couple. But as long as you're good with that, we can be friends."

"Okay."

"You might find that harder to take than you think."

Danny bit his lip and looked down. He suspected he could easily fall in love with Becca. And just as certainly he knew it would never work out. He took a deep breath. "Let's play it as it goes."

They spent an hour talking, about his work, her work, where he was from, where she was from, where each went to school, their families and growing up. They talked about most everything except previous relationships. It was getting late and Becca indicated she needed to go.

As they were finishing, Danny decided he had to say something. "I really enjoyed talking to you. I'd like to get together again sometime to talk."

Becca looked at him and smiled a little more broadly. "Here. Tomorrow night. Dinner?"

Danny gaped, "Sure."

"It's not a date."

"I understand."

"You say that, but I'm not sure you do."

Danny winced.

"Walk me to my car."

"But your friends?"

Becca smiled. "They're talking anyhow. We might as well give them something to talk about."

Becca and Danny got up. "Take my arm," Becca said.

Danny took her arm and they began walking toward the parking area. Becca stopped, when they were still within sight of her friends. Becca gave Danny a full kiss on the lips. Danny was startled, and Becca whispered. "Don't go expecting that again."

Becca turned and they walked into the parking area out of sight of everyone. They got to her car and she spoke. "No more kisses, but I'll see you tomorrow night." Becca got in her car and drove away as Danny stood gaping in the parking lot.

Danny walked to his car, still in a daze. Lil walked up to him in the parking lot.

"You better watch yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't mess around with Becca."

"If I mess around with Becca, it will be because she wants me to."

"You've been warned."

Lil walked away. Danny got in his car and drove off.

.... Danny sat at a table as Becca walked up and sat down.

"I really should apologize," she said.

"What for?"

"I shouldn't have kissed you."

"I didn't mind."

"I'm sure. But I'd had a little too much to drink and was mad at my friends, and particularly my ex. And it's all too easy to give you the wrong impression, or make you hope for something that can't be."

Danny bit his lower lip and looked down before looking back up at Becca. "I know it can't be. I wish it could, but at an intellectual level I know it can't."

"What about at an emotional level?"

"That's harder, but I'm trying."

"You're sweet and I enjoy talking to you, but it just can't be."

"I'll take what I can get."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Not that way."

"I know." Becca smiled sweetly and flagged the server.

Danny had a beer already and had a glass of wine waiting for Becca. The server came and took their food orders and Becca insisted on separate checks, and reminded Danny that it wasn't a date.

When they were done, Danny walked Becca to her car.

"No kiss," she said.

"A boy can dream can't he?"

"Dreams are dangerous."

"I'll face that danger."

"But your dreams are dangerous for me too."

Danny inhaled sharply, and exhaled a bit raggedly.

Becca kissed him on the cheek, got in her car, and left.

.... Danny sat at home drinking a beer. He knew it was hopeless to think he could ever land Becca, but he was falling in love with her anyway. It was wonderful to be with her, but painful to know that there couldn't be more.

They had talked earlier and he asked her why she saw him even though she knew her friends didn't approve. She told him that she didn't like being pushed around by anyone. She had never liked being pushed by her family when she was younger, and she didn't like being pushed now.

She told him that had been one of the reasons her ex broke up with her. The other woman had tried pushing Becca into marriage when Becca wasn't ready for it. Becca pushed back and Lil broke off the relationship and had been bitter ever since.

Becca said that one of the reasons she was comfortable being with Danny was that he didn't try pushing her into things. He was willing to accept what she was ready to give and didn't push for more. Danny, who dearly wanted more, bit his lip again and nodded.

Becca sat at her place, drinking a glass of wine and wondering how long this could go on. She'd had a very few relationships with men, though she didn't tell Danny. Danny would just think that meant he had a chance, when she knew he didn't. Danny was nicer than any of the men Becca had been involved with, but she knew Danny would fall too hard and too fast. She'd never be able to make a permanent commitment, and when it ended, Danny would be even more deeply hurt.

It hurt Becca because she did care for Danny, she just couldn't accept a permanent physical and romantic relationship with him. If she met a woman like Danny, Becca would probably be in love already, but not a guy -- never a guy.

.... Becca and Danny had begun meeting at a different restaurant than they had previously visited. This one had fewer of Becca's friends hanging around to give disapproving looks.

"So what happened between you and your ex-wife?"

Danny looked at Becca, paused, then spoke. "Nothing drastic. She didn't cheat, as far as I know. I didn't cheat. There was no physical abuse either way."

Becca nodded. "Then what?"

"Just a slow accumulation of grief. A slow change from mostly supportive to more negative."

"How? Who?"

Danny took a deep breath, then looked to one side. "I suppose I wasn't as supportive as I could have been, but I wasn't negative either. The further we went, the more her comments to me and about me had a negative tone."

"You sure you weren't just being overly sensitive?"

"Maybe I just didn't notice it as much earlier in the marriage. But she just seemed to make snippy comments about me that weren't necessary. Derisive -- that sort of thing. Hell, even her comments about other people were negative more often than not."

Becca nodded. "Bad spell, I guess."

"One that just didn't seem to get better. Then I lost my job, which affected our income. I had severance, but couldn't find regular full time work again. Ended up doing consulting and contract work. Gave me some income, even if it wasn't as much as before."

"Wasn't she employed?"

"Some women don't think as highly of a man who can't match her salary. Maybe that played into it. I don't know. She never said so."

"Does our eating out cut into your money?"

"Some, but not that much. Tell you what though. How about if I make you dinner at my place?"

Becca looked at him. "You cook?"

"I do a few things well. For that matter, I clean my place too -- I won't live in a pigsty. Doesn't mean it isn't a little messy at times though."

Becca smiled at him. "You're just trying to lure me to your place with food so you can take advantage of me."

Danny started sputtering. "I... wouldn't..."

"Relax, I'm pulling your chain. Tell you what though. I'll come if I can bring a couple of friends along. Make it a small dinner party for four. What do you say?"

Danny paused. "But I thought your friends..."

"Some of my friends aren't as judgmental."

"Dinner for four then."

"You'll have to be on your best behavior."

Danny gave Becca a mock innocent look. "Aren't I always?"

Becca gave Danny a mock disapproving look, and wagged her finger at him.

Afterwards, as Danny walked to his car, Lil walked up to Danny.

"You need to stay away from Becca."

"Why?"

"Just stay away from her."

"I'll stay away from her, when Becca tells me to."

"Watch yourself."

"If you weren't so possessive, she might still be with you. Running me off won't make her come back."

"Shut up."

Lil had an aggressive stance, while she pointed at Danny. Danny shrugged, turned and went to his car.

.... Danny first made a dark chocolate pot-de-crème for dessert. Individual servings in custard cups. He used a recipe that produced six of them, even though there were only four for dinner. They had to be baked then chilled, so they needed to be made in advance.

He made chicken stroganoff, with lots of garlic, baby portobello mushrooms and white wine. He had a couple bottles of white wine that he chilled for the meal. Danny normally drank beer, but also enjoyed an occasional glass of wine. He bought some asparagus spears to steam in a basket over the pasta as it was cooking.

He set everything up with matching plates, tableware, and wineglasses before anyone arrived. He had to scramble a bit to find four of everything that matched. He even vacuumed the apartment, not that it was all that dirty.

He wanted to try to impress Becca's friends, so instead of his jeans and tee shirt, he wore a long sleeve shirt and a pair of khakis, with loafers instead of old running shoes.

At the appointed time, Becca showed up with Sara and Carrie. Sara and Carrie were in their thirties, rather average looking, each dressed in slacks and a top. Danny's attire was almost indistinguishable from theirs.

Danny brought them a plate of cheese and crackers, and another plate with mini carrots, celery sticks, and grapes along with glasses of wine, to enjoy while he cooked the pasta. Nothing complex, nothing really fancy but pleasant anyhow. It wouldn't be fair to call Danny lazy, but when feeding people he liked things that didn't require large amounts of prep time or effort. It meant he didn't have a broad repertoire, but for an occasional meal, could do a decent presentation.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the meal. As they were eating the dessert, Sara asked, "Where did you get this?"

"I got the recipe from the internet. I can make you a copy, if you'd like. The pot-de-crème was more work than all the rest put together. I have to finely mince the chocolate before blending it into the cream mixture. Then I bake them in a pan of water."

"And the stroganoff?"

"I don't use a recipe. Kind of do that by the seat of my pants, but if you want, I can write down what I use and do."

Sara and Carrie sat together on Danny's small sofa, cuddled and kissed, while Becca sat in one of the two chairs. Danny cleared the table and scraped and rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, while the three women talked.

After he was done cleaning up the kitchen and dining area, Danny brought a bottle and poured everyone more wine, then sat down with them.