Days Forgotten but Not Lost Ch. 03

Not ready to deal with all that, though, I joked, "You're feeling that way only because you just came in my mouth. It's a perfectly natural reaction."

He squeezed me a moment with his arm, then said, "I felt this way before that, but your talented mouth certainly makes the case even more compelling."

"Talented, huh? Guess I wasn't bad for my first try." Oops. I hadn't meant to let that slip out. Dammit! He was just too easy to talk to!

A few tense seconds passed. "First try?"

I stumbled over an answer, part of me wanting to explain and part trying to cover it up. "First time that I... I mean, you know... first time with... with you... I guess?"

He obviously wasn't buying it. "Amelia?" His voice was soft and not accusing. It was inviting, compassionate. His fingers lightly tracing up and down my arm gave me chills, compelling me to press closer into his side.

I took a deep breath and put my palm on his chest. With a sigh of resignation, I began to explain. "I guess you'd have found out eventually. I understand if you change your mind, Scott, about... wanting to get to know me." He was quiet, letting me talk at my own pace. "I... don't remember much from before last year. I had an accident, a bad one. There was some head trauma, and... well, long story short, I've been living with amnesia since then. I don't know much... or anything... about who I was before that. And so just now, well... that's the first time I remember using my mouth on a guy. I'm sure I've done it before, because it's like my body just knew what to do."

"I'm sure you've done it before," he chuckled, gently rubbing my side.

"Other things are like that. Putting a condom on a guy, my ATM password, driving, typing, using chopsticks... it all just happens without me thinking about it. But other things, things like cooking, sewing a button... I had to learn those things from scratch."

"Or maybe you never knew how to do them in the first place," Scott teased me.

"You're not weirded out by this?" I asked, craning my head back to get a look at his face.

He shrugged. "It's definitely different, but it doesn't change anything, does it?"

"I don't know," I said softly. "It probably should, once you think about it."

After lying there for a few minutes, both of us listening to the other breathe, he asked, "What about the people you knew before - your family, your friends?"

"It's strange. I have a no-good ex-husband people tell me I should be glad to be rid of, but I have no memories him. I have a mom I don't recognize who seems annoyed that I can no longer remember all the ways I've failed her in the past."

Scott seemed to find that exceptionally funny. "Sorry," he said, "I know the type."

I went on, "My extended family isn't nearby, and it's hard to want to be close to people you really don't know just because you're supposed to be related. And since none of them are knocking on my door, I'm not worrying about it."

"Friends?"

"They stuck around for a little while and were supportive at first, but gradually it became apparent that we no longer had any shared history. And there was some bad press surrounding my accident, and that didn't sit all that well with them. I guess I can't blame them - they were probably good friends with the old me, but I'm not that person anymore. I think I was even a bit cold and stand-offish when they tried to get to know the new me. One of them has been really kind and helpful, though, but even she's not super-close to me. She keeps saying I should just move on, maybe start a new life somewhere else."

"Nah, don't do that. You should stay where you have some history. Maybe things will slowly come back to you. Besides, now that you have a garden to care for, you can't leave!"

Seeing my chance to end the conversation, I sat up and said, "Speaking of the garden, I'm about ready to start working on it." I climbed out of bed and started searching for clothes suitable to that endeavor.

Scott sat up and asked, "Want me to stick around and help?"

I sighed and said, "No, but thanks for offering. I think this needs to be my own thing. And I might need some time to think about stuff. OK?"

He was disappointed, I imagine, but he seemed to understand. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he started gathering up his clothes and getting dressed. "When can I see you again?" he asked as he zipped up his jeans. We walked out to the kitchen to find our shirts, and I smiled thinking of how we were moving in reverse - putting our clothes back on and retracing our steps from earlier. Just to be silly about it, I hopped up onto the kitchen table as I put on my shirt, leaving the bra off for the afternoon. "I don't know," I answered him. "I'll call you, OK?"

I think Scott picked up on my little joke, and he moved close to me. I spread my legs and held out my arms to welcome him in. He gave me one last, lingering kiss that I didn't want to end. His hands slipped under my shirt, up my sides and around to my bare back. After a moment of running his hands along my spine, he backed up and said softly, "I'll go now."

I bit my tongue to keep myself from telling him to stay. I was already in too deep, and I wasn't sure if I wanted - really wanted - to keep going further. Everything with Scott had just felt right so far. Every next step was natural and good. But somewhere I had stopped thinking and had just gone along with it, and that was dangerous.

Scott slipped on his shoes and headed for the door. I followed a few steps behind, my arms crossed around my middle, trying to preserve the feeling of being held by him. Like Ben the month before, Scott paused at the door and observed the picture of me at the beach. He looked at it, studying it for a good half-minute. Then he looked at me with a curious smile.

"You were happy when this picture was taken," he stated.

"Yep," I sighed. "Sure looks like it."

"Do you remember... " he began.

"Nope," I cut him off.

"Well... " he began, then paused, closing his mouth. He exhaled slowly through his nose, studying the photo. A few seconds later he continued. "It must have been a good day." Having said that, he looked back at me and leaned in. He kissed my forehead as I was leaning up and trying to find his lips with my own. Pulling back, he opened the door and went down a step. He paused, half-turned, looked up at me and said, "Call me as soon as you're ready to. I'll be waiting."

Stepping forward and putting my hand on the door to close it, I said, "I will. And... thanks."

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