Delivery Service

(Author's note: Dmeytri is an anthropomorphic species called a renoige - he basically looks like a black-haired, stubby-tailed cat person with a hairless belly like a gorilla. Robert is a human empath. They're from my original works, and work for an interdimensional airship delivery service, where they are delivery partners.)

Robert first heard it as Dmeytri twisted to watch the ship as they cleared it with the raft:

*Why couldn't I use the bathroom?!*

"It isn't far," Robert said, replying to Dmeytri's other voice. He kind of had to go too, and hoped that would make it a little less awkward for Dmeytri.

The ride was only twenty minutes, to an isolated camp in a small, sheltered clearing in an old growth forest east of Redwater City. Dmeytri brought the raft right up to the campsite, and their group, a group of Haman and Amphibious researchers greeted them from the tent line. Robert handed them their six crates: food, ink, paper, pencils, and pen casings. The researchers weren't able to tip them, but offered to make them dinner -- which Robert accepted when he saw that one of their crates contained a giant bottle of ketchup. Dmeytri groaned on the inside; he didn't know how much longer he could hold his bladder, and he knew from the storm clouds rolling in that the ship would probably soon start moving away from them, making the ride back even longer than it had to be. Still, Dmeytri sat quietly next to Robert on some logs placed around the campfire, where two of the researchers were busily cooking.

"Excuse me," Robert asked one of the researchers, an amphibious woman with sun-faded teal skin, reflective pink eyes, and short, feathery green hair. Robert thought she seemed strikingly familiar, but couldn't place where he'd seen her. "...Keyana?"

Keyana nodded, smiling at him over the vegetables she was cutting with what appeared to be oversized gardening shears. "Is it number one or number two?" she asked.

"Number one," answered Robert. Keyana, being amphibious and sensitive to certain electrical fields, was a weak physical empath. She could sense his need to relieve himself, but wouldn't be able to tell anything else from a distance.

"Why do you ask?" Dmeytri piped up nervously,

Another researcher - Arniel Hiver, a young Haman man with an impossibly bushy mustache, spoke: "We have a latrine, but it's only for pooping - remember to use the paper bags!"

Keyana snorted approvingly at Arniel and pointed to a copse of trees near the tents. "Find the driest part and water it. The trees'll appreciate it."

"Okay," said Robert, standing up. He nudged Dmeytri and Dmeytri got up.

"Don't be too long, food's almost done," said Arniel.

Robert led Dmeytri up the little trail behind the trees. He didn't have any difficulty squatting, opening his pants and letting go. He looked over his shoulder at Dmeytri, who stood shyly a few feet away.

"It's alright, Dymka. Nobody can see us here," said Robert, trying to smile encouragingly.

"...Why are you...squatting?" asked Dmeytri.

Robert shrugged. "Because it feels good. Lana looked at me like that too the first time I did it."

Dmeytri blinked, incredulous. "She's...seen you squat to pee? Lana?"

"Only when she showered with me-" Robert noted Dmeytri's shocked reaction and added, "I told you that I was ill when I came to the Greenbird. Lana had to wash me until I could do it for myself without slipping and dying on the tiles."

Dmeytri felt his bladder swell and took a breath. "Does that mean you two were-..."

Robert laughed, "No. Neither of us ever even thought about that." He looked down and finished up. The ground had readily absorbed all of the liquid, and he hoped the trees appreciated it like Keyana had said. "I can turn my back while you go if it makes you more comfortable."

Dmeytri started fidgeting as Robert stood up and buttoned his pants. "How do you know? Wh-who said I had to go?" he asked nervously.

"I'm an empath," said Robert matter-of-factly. "You think in very clear words, and I appreciate it."

Those words rattled Dmeytri so badly that he almost let go of his bladder. He fumbled with the front of his pants, rushing to the nearest tree with an exhalation that was somewhere between a yelp and a sob. He didn't so much let go as explode as he pulled down the zipper, leaving a wet spot in the crotch of his pants. He was starting to panic, but the fact that he was now firing safely away from himself calmed him a little.

"Hey Dmeytri, do you know any synonyms for the word esoteric?" Robert asked, taking care not to look in Dmeytri's direction. "I need it for a crossword."

The question made Dmeytri think, diluting the sense of dread threatening to consume his mind. "E-esoteric?" he stammered. "Um..." He looked down: he was spraying everywhere and it was making him panic again.

"D'you think 'orange' might work?" Robert suggested.

"Orange?" gasped Dmeytri. "W-wh-what?"

"That means 'esoteric' too, right?" Robert said glibly.

"No-no, orange means...orange?" Dmeytri half-moaned. He'd finally stopped trying to hold it, and his relief was palpable. "W-w-where did you get that?"

"A book about esoteric citrus fruits," replied Robert.

Despite everything, Dmeytri laughed. Robert could feel him shifting back to calm. The distraction was working, and that was good. "O-only you w-would read something like that!"

"It's fascinating," said Robert, bouncing on his toes. He tried very hard to make a mental note to show Dmeytri "Octopus Lemons and Edible Grapefruits: 4th Edition" when they got back to the dorm. "There's limes that grow inside flowers, and giant oranges that produce so much sugar that they crystalize on the inside."

"They have those in Grace Harbor in the summer," said Dmeytri.

Behind Robert, Dmeytri's stream was slowing. He hadn't fully drained his bladder, but he definitely felt better and that was what mattered, Robert thought as he hurried Dmeytri along on the contrived premise that he really wanted help finding a very specific kind of hand soap.

When they returned to the campfire, Keyana was dishing out the food into coffee mugs. It was an Amphibious-style recipe of miso soup with potatoes added, and it pleasantly shocked Robert that it wasn't raw weasels. Keyana laughed when he told her.

"That was my twin sister's favorite food. She once told me she liked to eat it like a t-rex," said Keyana, crinkling her nose. "Personally, I've never seen the appeal in eating whole raw animals. What do you think of the miso?"

"What's miso?" asked Robert, prompting another laugh from Keyana.

"The soup," interjected Dmeytri. "It's very good. Is it one of the things we delivered to you?"

"The tofu is. We found the kelp growing wild in the lake," said Keyana proudly.

"Are you vegetarians too?" Dmeytri asked, suddenly a little excited.

"Most of us," said Keyana.

"Most, but not all," said Arniel. "I'm the only omnivore." He snorted, ruffling his mustache. Keyana made a face at him.

"So you're a vegetarian, Mr Hiyno?" said Keyana.

"Since I was twelve," Dmeytri replied. "When I lived on my homeworld my mum adopted a wild boarlet, and we brought her with us when we moved to Grace Harbor. She was my only friend until I was...heh. Twelve."

"What happened?" Robert piped up, suddenly intrigued. He'd never heard Dmeytri mention this before.

Robert felt a pang of sadness from Dmeytri, but Dmeytri spoke up anyway: "Zap -- her name was Zaphod, Zap for short -- was my boar...we thought she was a boy at first. Moving to Grace Harbor was really difficult, and none of the other kids at we met had even seen a renoige before. They didn't like me very much, and some disliked me more than others...On my twelfth birthday my mum invited my class over, hoping that the show of hospitality would make them be nice to me.

"I thought I was actually starting to get along with them: my mum was a psychiatrist, and had us play some surprisingly fun games. After the party we couldn't find Zap, and at first we thought she got out somehow and went to eat our neighbor's tulips, so I ran out and looked for her. My friend Edgar stayed after everyone else left and helped...

"Edgar and I looked for Zap for hours...then when I got back to school the next week I found out that two of my classmates snuck out of the party and stole her...and then they...cooked and ate her." Dmeytri took a deep breath, already inwardly chastising himself for talking about such a personal topic.

"Wow," Keyana said quietly. "I'm so sorry." Dmeytri was embarrassed to find that his eyes were wet, and jumped when Robert put a hand on his upper arm.

"I-it's fine now. It happened a long time ago. Zap isn't suffering anymore," sniffed Dmeytri. He took a sip of his miso. Robert's mind snapped to a picture on Dmeytri's wall. A pig -- drawn a little more realistically than Piggy the Amazing, an had black and white bristly hair. The word ZAP had been in the background. Robert wanted to say something, but could feel that Dmeytri wanted to leave soon; he was already beginning to feel another urge to urinate, and had no intention of going back to those trees.

They politely finished their food, said goodbye to the researchers, and hopped back on the raft.

As Dmeytri had feared, the ship had moved to a new location due to thunderstorms, and it would be over an hour's flight back. Robert had the raft going as fast as it could without turbulence, but slowed to a stop when Dmeytri let go of the railing entirely, his hands clamped between his legs.

"W-w-w-why are we s-st-stopping?!" demanded Dmeytri.

Robert set the raft to lower itself into a clearing on a small clearing next to a river. "You need to hold on to the railing, it's a safety issue. Just pee off the raft, I can keep watch for you if you want, but I don't think there's anyone around to see."

Dmeytri whimpered, but when the raft reached the minimal hovering distance he made a run for a sheltered area next to a tree trunk. This time he was ready, and his clothes were well out of the way when he got to where he intended to pee. He stood there for several seconds; his bladder was already far past the point of bursting, yet he couldn't seem to let go. He would've screamed aloud in frustration if he weren't so out of breath.

"Hey Dmeytri?" called Robert from the raft.

"What?!" Dmeytri had sounded angrier than he'd intended, but Robert wasn't perturbed.

"How are you feeling? Are you too hot?"

"What?" The question caught Dmeytri by surprise, and he laughed weakly. He did feel hot from the direct sunlight, but it wasn't that bad. Robert approached him shyly, knowing that Dmeytri might object to what he was about to ask.

"I think you should sit down," said Robert quietly, looking oddly concerned. Dmeytri's bladder spasmed painfully, and he gasped as a little bit of piss dribbled onto the ground.

"I...I don't know if that's a good idea," said Dmeytri. "I'll just p-pee everywhere and g-get it on my c-clothes." To his horror, his penis was half-hard, poking well out of its sheath, and all in front of his best friend, and the first real friend he had in over a decade. He braced himself for a disgusted gasp from Robert, but it never happened.

"Well, let's get you in the shade then," said Robert, placing a hand on Dmeytri's hip and pulling him gently sideways into a patch of shade that looked out onto the riverbank. It was beautiful: the water was a deep teal, and many of the trees around them had turned a fiery orange, though their leaves wouldn't fall off for months. The coolness of the shade set in, and it felt good on Dmeytri's face.

"Is that any better?" asked Robert, his hand still on the small of Dmeytri's back. Dmeytri met Robert's eyes and tried very hard not to panic.

"It's m-m-much b-better, th-thanks," said Dmeytri slowly. He tried to let go again but only got a few drops.

"It's alright, Dymka, there's no one else around for miles." said Robert.

"N-n-nobody but y-you," Dmeytri panted, shaking. Robert had seen Dmeytri's penis on several occasions, but he'd never been allowed to see it like this: expanded to more than twice its normal size, looking weirdly like lipstick in a furry tube. After what felt like a monumental amount of effort, Dmeytri hesitantly let go. The flow came out in small sprays at first, but only took a few seconds to become a torrent.

Dmeytri let out a long, loud sigh. He normally would've been mortified, but he was too preoccupied trying to keep his legs straight: his knees were beginning to feel like water. The flow seemed to go on forever. He felt like he was finally starting to calm down a bit, but his heart was still pounding in his chest and he was starting to get dizzy.

"Hey Dmeytri?" asked Robert.

"Hmm?" sighed Dmeytri.

"I um...I like your genitals," Robert said awkwardly. "May I...um...touch them...after you're finished?"

Dmeytri took a moment to respond. He felt the panic trying to form in his stomach, but it fizzled out. He felt almost sleepy.

"Looks like you're almost done," Robert commented. Dmeytri pushed out the last couple of squirts. His penis was almost fully-extended, and he could still feel Robert's arm around him. It was so embarrassing, but he couldn't care less-

"Dymka? Dmeytri? Dmeytri?!" Dmeytri dimly registered Robert trying to catch him as his legs gave out.

The air slowly seemed to suck itself out of Dmeytri's lungs as freezing water immersed him up to his chin. The sun was in his eyes, and he could feel arms clamped across his chest. He was on his back and he heard Robert gasping for air somewhere behind him...

Dmeytri was jerked upright from beneath his shoulders, lifting his arms and shoulders out of the water.

"Dmeytri?" gasped Robert. "Dmeytri, you're awake!"

They sat on the raft, drying off in the sun. Dmeytri had taken off his shirt and slung it over the side of the railing to help his waterlogged fur dry.

"Did I get water in your ears?" asked Robert.

Dmeytri laughed. "Nope. Thanks for uh..." He scratched his ear awkwardly. "Considering that."

"That water was freezing," said Robert, shivering a little. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." replied Dmeytri. "I guess I was too busy panicking to notice how hot it was."

"You guess? You passed out from heatstroke, Dymka," said Robert, opening a compartment in the floor of the raft. It contained bottles of water and a box labeled "emergency nutrition." He handed one to Dmeytri. "I know it's warm, but drink the whole thing. It might settle your stomach."

Dmeytri snorted, reading the label on the emergency water bottle. The list of ingredients was unnervingly long. "You are so weird."

"Want to hear something even weirder?" asked Robert, with what might've been a hint of snark to his voice. "You didn't get the chance to answer my question before you fainted."

"Question?" Dmeytri asked.

"I would..." Robert took a deep breath. When he was nervous he often resorted to sounding like a textbook; Robert found textbooks very comforting. "I wanted to know if you would consent to my touching and/or caressing your genita-"

The communicator roared to life in the raft's control box. "Hiyno and James? Hiyno and James?" a crackly voice warbled. "We have a weather advisory. Go around the thunderstorm, not through it."

Dmeytri leaned over and hit the communication button. "Got it. Thanks Jynt."

"Be careful out there," said Jynt. "And no shortcuts, James!"

"Roger that," droned Robert. The communicator cut out.

Dmeytri grabbed his shirt from the railing and squeezed it out. It was still very damp, but would dry on the way back to the ship, so he put it on over his shoulders. "We should probably get going. We're going to have to take the long way."

"Why?"

Dmeytri gave Robert a long, weirdly unreadable look. "Oh, Robbie. Your face is already lobster red," he said sympathetically. "I thought it was just around your hairline a second ago...or are you...um-"

"I'm blushing because I've been asking to touch your dick, you oblivious dork!" Robert almost shouted. He wasn't sure what to do next, and stared at Dmeytri.

Dmeytri smiled, meeting Robert's eyes tentatively.

"It wasn't a joke," huffed Robert. "You know how bad I am at that."

"I do," snorted Dmeytri, remembering the big-lipped alligator incident, which will never be mentioned again. "I...Let me think about it...do you want to? Really?"

"Really." Robert sighed, frustrated.

The ride back to the ship took almost two hours. When they were finally in sight of the ship, Robert yawned, "I have to pee so bad," and smirked at the shy look Dmeytri gave him.

Robert and Dmeytri turned in the receipts from the delivery on the top deck and headed to the showers.

"Ugh, I'm starving," sighed Dmeytri. "They should be serving dinner now..."

Robert took Dmeytri's hand. "I'm always hungry after penis maintenance. Let's do this and then go gorge ourselves."

Dmeytri was suddenly torn between fluttery apprehension and uncontrollable giggling: "penis maintenance." The phrase was very much Robert's, with its textbook words and literal phrasing. There were some people in the behind them, and Dmeytri was careful not to repeat Robert's words aloud.

"Do...do you always call it...that?" asked Dmeytri, trying to keep his voice low. They quickly arrived at their floor, and Robert held the door open for Dmeytri before replying.

"Well that's what it is, isn't it?" said Robert, shrugging. "Leah uses it, and I think it's an apt description of the act of-" Dmeytri silenced Robert by placing his free hand over Robert's mouth.

Dmeyti sighed, "Robbie, this is all very fascinating and I would love to hear about it later, but let's please not make it any weirder than it has to be." Dropping by Dmeytri's dorm room to pick up some towels, they hastily left for the showers.

"Hurry up, I've gotta go," hissed Robert while Dmeytri eased the shower door shut and locked it behind them. They were still whispering and giggling as they scrambled for the privacy of Dmeytri's favorite shower stall.