Diary of a Pain Slut Week 04

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Maddi continues her court-ordered diary.
12.8k words
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Part 4 of the 5 part series

Updated 10/30/2022
Created 06/16/2014
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When Maddi Miller gets caught doing naked self-bondage under an interstate bridge, the police take her to the psych ward of the local hospital. She is released but has to keep a diary as part of her thirty day evaluation and submit it to her therapist at the end of each week.

This is week four of that diary. There are five weeks, each more or less stands on its own, but makes more sense if you have read the previous weeks.

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WARNING! All of my writing is intended for adults over the age of 18 ONLY. Stories may contain strong or even extreme sexual content. All people and events depicted are fictional and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Actions, situations, and responses are fictional ONLY and should not be attempted in real life.

If you are under the age or 18 or do not understand the difference between fantasy and reality or if you reside in any state, province, nation, or tribal territory that prohibits the reading of acts depicted in these stories, please stop reading immediately and move to somewhere that exists in the twenty-first century.

Archiving and reposting of this story is permitted, but only if acknowledgment of copyright and statement of limitation of use is included with the article. This story is copyright (c) 2014 by The Technician.

Individual readers may archive and/or print single copies of this story for personal, non-commercial use. Production of multiple copies of this story on paper, disk, or other fixed format is expressly forbidden.

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Maddi's Diary, Day Eighteen, Monday

Dr. B can be so frustrating. He practically ordered me to have Mom watch me do one of my Beat Girl webcasts, and then he wouldn't talk about it. Last Wednesday, he said he would wait until he had read my write-up. I wrote it all up for him and today all he said was, "Nothing unexpected occurred. I think we need to look more at what happened Friday and Saturday night."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "I was being my normal pain slut self. It was just live at The Pit rather than on line."

"Who told you to take off your shorts and panties?" he asked.

I looked down and said softly, "Shirley."

"Who ordered you to masturbate while you drank your whiskey sour?"

"Shirley."

"Who soaked your panties in hot sauce and stuffed them in your mouth?"

"Shirley."

"Who masturbated you to climax while the hot sauce burned your mouth?"

"Shirley."

"Who did you call Mistress?"

I just stared at him for a long time. Finally I answered, "Shirley."

"It sounds like something very major has changed in your life, doesn't it?"

"Yes," I answered.

"When I read your journal for this coming week," he said, "I want to hear about what you and Shirley have done to clarify your relationship. I also want to know what your parents think of it, as well as hers."

He closed the file on his desk and said, "Think you can do that?"

I nodded my head yes and he got up from behind his desk. "Then we'll see you on Wednesday."

When I got home, I called Shirley. "We have to talk," I said.

"Are you having second thoughts?" she asked.

"No!!" I said. I tried to make that sound really emphatic. "I'm not having second thoughts." I tried to make that sound emphatic, too.

I almost cried into the phone, "I'm having therapy session homework." I know that sounded very frustrated and I wasn't even trying to sound that way.

"Oh," she said. "What are you supposed to do?"

"Talk," I replied. "We are supposed to talk about what our relationship means and then we are supposed to talk to my parents and yours."

"Is that all?!" she screeched into the phone. "Who in the hell is your therapist?"

"Dr. Bergenstein," I replied.

"Thomas Bergenstein?" she asked. Her voice was suddenly much quieter.

"I think so," I answered. "Do you know him?"

"Yes," she answered. After a pause she added, "That explains a lot."

"Does that mean something is wrong?" I was starting to get worried.

"No," she laughed. "It means that he understands you a lot better than you think he does. Why don't I come out to your house tonight and we can sit down and talk to your mom?"

"OK," I said.

"And I have an idea about how you can meet my parents. There is a party at the club this weekend."

"Does that mean I can go as your guest?" I asked.

"Not exactly," she said. "Only another Master or Mistress can come to the club as a guest."

"Then what will I be?"

"You will come as my slave," she answered. Then she laughed, "Trust me, you will love it."

She paused and asked, "What time do you get off work today?"

"I work close every other Monday," I answered, "but I did that last week. So tonight, I'll be home a little after seven."

"I'll be there around 7:30," she replied.

I got home at 7:15. I had just told Mom Shirley was coming when she pulled in exactly at 7:30. We all sat down in the living room. Mom looked over at Shirley and asked, "Does this have something to do with Maddi coming home without her panties Saturday night?"

I turned red. Shirley just laughed. "She was also missing her shorts," she said. "But yes, it has something to do with that." She paused before continuing, "... and the fact that we have been in love with each other since junior high school. Well, back then it was a crush. Now it is love."

"I didn't know," Mom said rather breathlessly. She was trying to hide her surprise and not sound judgmental or whatever.

"Neither did we," I said.

"It would appear that we have all learned a lot about each other in the past few weeks," Shirley said. "I found out that the girl who I was afraid to tell that I loved her was a submissive pain slut."

"I found out," I continued, "that the girl who I was afraid to tell that I loved her was a very powerful Dominatrix and Mistress." I shrugged. "We were sort of made for each other all along and didn't know it."

"I found out more about what I am," said Mom. "But I also found out that my relationship with my husband is far more important than what I am. I can be happy keeping the beast caged within me."

She turned to me, "But you can't. Your beast can never be caged. It can only be tamed. And it looks like you might have found your beast tamer. You have my blessing."

She hugged me, "And though you father will never be able to really understand, he will give you his blessing, too, because he loves you and he will be able to see that this is what is best for you."

That led to a group hug and all of us crying.

Just before Shirley left, she gave me something. It was a light gray, velvet choker necklace with a silver emblem on the front of it. She said I didn't have to wear it until this weekend, but that when she came to pick me up Saturday night, I should be wearing it, and nothing else. It was a pale shade of grey, but she called it a "white collar," and said that it would identify me as a slave who was not yet in a permanent collared relationship.

"It's sort of the equivalent to wearing a guy's class ring," she explained to me and Mom. "You aren't married, or even engaged, but it still tells others that you are taken and not available."

"I guess I will have to figure out how to explain this all to Dad sometime before then," I said.

Mom smiled and said, "No, I think it should be a surprise to your father. You stay in your room until Shirley comes to pick you up. When she gets here, you wait for ten or fifteen minutes before you come out of your room. That will give him time to do his fatherly cross-examination of your date. Then you come out and the two of you leave. After you are gone, your father and I will have lots of time to discuss what all of this means."

End of entry for Day Eighteen

Maddi's Diary, Day Nineteen, Tuesday

The first thing I did when I got up this morning was to put on my white collar- I know its gray, but Shirley called it a white collar and that's how I think of it. I went out to breakfast wearing it, and nothing else. Mom looked at me and raised her eyebrows, but I answered, "I thought I should get used to it so it looks natural Saturday night."

"Does it feel natural?" she asked.

"Oh, yes," I replied. I was surprised that my voice was practically gushing. I sounded very much like a young woman deeply in love. I guess that's what I am. I am a young, female pain slut who is deeply in love with someone who will, hopefully, be my Mistress forever.

I am also a pain slut who has a job she has to be at this morning and an online webcast she has to do tonight. Tonight is TAZapper night, and that takes a lot out of me, so I know that I won't be writing anything after the performance. I'm writing this up after work, but before Beat Girl goes on the air.

Things at the restaurant today were very normal except for the fact that I was wearing nothing beneath my waitress uniform. As I took orders from customers, I kept imagining myself doing so wearing just the collar.

The manager noticed that I didn't sit down at all during my break. That was because I was afraid that I would leave a wet spot on my dress. She asked me if everything was OK and I said I was fine. Then she said, "You look different today. If I didn't know better, I would say that you were in love."

I smiled back at her and said, "I am."

End of entry for Day Nineteen

Maddi's Diary, Day Twenty, Wednesday

Last night was TAZapper night on Beat Girl. The TAZapper- pronounced TAY-ZAPPER, is a cattle-prod like thing about the size of one of those lighters with a long barrel. It looks something like one of them also except it is red with a solid, black plastic barrel. There are two pieces of metal on the tip of the barrel. They look sort of like the end of two paperclips that are embedded in the plastic. They are the electrodes.

They're shaped that way so they can't accidentally snag on something and won't penetrate the skin. The TAZapper is supposed to be safe for use on a human, and the pulse is supposed to stay more or less in the skin so it won't cause heart problems or any of that. A cattle prod is a lot stronger and the electrodes are pointed so they will penetrate slightly into the cow's thick skin. The cattle prod hurts a LOT more than the TAZapper and causes involuntary muscle contraction, but it can also stop your heart if you accidentally put it on someone's chest or even if you get the electrodes exactly on top of an artery and a vein when you press it against the skin. The chances of that happening are pretty small, but it is still too dangerous to use regularly.

For TAZapper night, five players can be up at the same time. Three have zappers, and two have vibrators. One of the vibrators is a big ol' fat Magic Wand vibrator. The other is a slim line vibrating dildo. The zappers and the vibrators are mounted on robot arms like are used to weld cars together on an assembly line. In fact that's what they are.

Harold bought them used from somewhere and modified them so that they can be controlled with a game joystick. I had to stand there for hours while he programmed them so they will touch my skin, but can't spear me... well the zappers can't spear me. The vibrators, that's a different story. If a player has skilled hands, he can shove the Miracle Wand all the way into my cunt or put the slim-line vibrator up my ass. Harold put a lot of safeties into the robot programming to make sure they can't hurt me- as in damage me.

Players pay for time, not shocks. It is so many points for so many minutes. The shocks are always the same level- hard. You can select an intensity level for the vibrators, but it doesn't cost more.

I do the introductory stuff with restraint cuffs already in place on my wrists and ankles. I used to put them on after my intro, but then I am rushed and one week, I got the cuffs way too tight and my hands and feet were almost purple by the time the half hour was up. Now they are in place and, when I first explain things, I click the metal D-rings on my wrist cuffs together so they click really loud and say, "Tonight is TAZapper night." Then I explain how everything is supposed to work and encourage them to get in the cues early.

Time costs a hundred points a minute, so you can actually sign in for the whole thirty minutes for 3000 points. In US dollars, that is $600, and it is not unusual to have someone in for the full session. Since there are five players, that means that the whole session brings in only $3000 from the players. That's a little lower than the other sessions, but for some reason, the TAZapper sessions have a much larger following. Most of the actual income comes from the huge number of people who log in to watch at 50 points per session, so the total income for the night is actually much higher.

Anyway, after I do all my introductions, I clip my restraints to the cables and stand between the two pillars of the TAZapper set. The cables tighten and pull my legs really far apart, and then the upper cables tighten until I am held taut.

The timers come on screen, but don't start counting down for another three minutes while the Magic Wand robot goes through an automated program that gets me ready. The pain from the TAZapper shocks is different from a spanking or whipping or even from shocks from a TENS unit, and unless I am already pretty well turned on, they won't trigger the pain-pleasure cycle. They just hurt. I told Harold that I wasn't going to do the TAZapper anymore because of that, but he convinced me to try it one more time with what he called "the warm up cycle."

I did, and it worked. It is still my least favorite session, but it's OK now. And it doesn't leave any marks or bruises that have to heal, so it does give my ass time to clear between sessions with the paddle and cane.

I did my introductions, the Magic Wand robot got me ready, and then all five robot arms pulled back into the standby/ready position. I looked up at the big monitor on the wall and could see that all five player slots were booked for the whole session. Then the first arm moved in and popped me right on the tip of my nipple.

That wasn't a good sign. That meant that at least one of the players was a skilled gamer and he- or she-was going to be able to move quickly and put their zaps exactly where they wanted. A second zap hit me almost immediately right in the middle of my belly button. I wasn't expecting that... well not there, and I yelped a bit when it hit me.

After that things started get pretty fast and furious. It must have been a woman on the Magic Wand, because whoever it was really knew how to use it. So did whoever had the slim line. They were pumping it in and out of my ass as if I were being fucked back there. Did I mention that the slim line vibrator is also self-lubricating? It pumps out a baby-oil-like solution from small holes in the tip so that it slides across my skin or slips easily into my ass. I've had a couple of people try to put it in my mouth, but the sign-on instructions clearly say that the neck is the limit and the arms are programmed not to go above my collar bones.

I was yelping and squirming pretty good from the shocks and the vibrator action when I did something that I've never done before. I closed my eyes and imagined that it was Shirley doing all this to me. Ignoring the fact that there were actually three TAZappers and two vibrators, I imagined that she had a vibrator in one hand and a zapper in the other and was doing all of this to me on stage somewhere.

For the first time, I felt a major orgasm building during a TAZapper session. I've gone over the top once or twice during TAZapper sessions, but those were always little orgasms, not much more than what I call a sneeze orgasm. It's there and then it's gone.

This wasn't a sneeze orgasm. It was a jump off the mountain into the clouds orgasm. I think the timer had counted down to about 8 minutes when it finally happened. I heard myself screaming out "Mistress, I love you!" and then the world dissolved in white light and bright colors. By the time things got back into focus, I was standing between the restraint poles with the cables hanging slack from my wrists. It must have looked impressive because the readouts showed a huge number of download requests for the video of the session.

Afterwards, I didn't shower or even take off the restraint cuffs, but staggered naked back up to the house and fell into bed. I woke up barely in time to make my session with Dr. B.

This afternoon, the manager didn't tell me I looked like I was in love. Instead she said, "You look really tired today. Long night?"

"No," I answered, "just a very intense evening."

End of entry for Day Twenty

Maddi's Diary, Day Twenty-One, Thursday

Wednesday is "hump day" for most people, but for some reason, Thursday seems more like that to me. Maybe it is because I am recovering from Tuesday nights on Wednesday, but by Thursday I am looking forward to the weekend.

I am especially looking forward to this weekend.

End of entry for Day Twenty-One

Maddi's Diary, Day Twenty-Two, Friday

OK Dr. B, I am talking about group first today... but mainly because of how badly it sucked.

I sat there quietly while the two teachers who basically raped their students went on and on about how unfair society is for punishing people like them who are in love. I really wanted to scream at them, "It isn't love when you are banging three or four students at the same time!" but I held my tongue because you are not supposed to be judgmental in group.

I also didn't say anything when the sex addict college boy and girl kept looking sideways at each other and reaching over and touching each other's leg when they thought no one was looking. I think they are taking my advice about helping each other out even though I never said anything to them.

Then Wanda- that's teacher #1 who was sleeping with 4 girls in her class at the same time - noticed my necklace. "Do you know what you are wearing?" she asked in a really snarky, haughty voice.

I put my hand to my throat and gripped the emblem on the front of the velvet choker. The emblem is silver and sort of looks like the Chinese Yin and Yang emblem except that are three teardrops that intertwined, all three were black within a silver outline, and there was a hole in the center of each teardrop through which you could see the velvet of the choker.

"And what am I wearing?" I asked.

"You may have bought it at some street fair thinking it is a Triskele and are wearing it to look Irish," she continued, still sounding like a haughty teacher belittling an ignorant student, "but that is definitely NOT the Celtic symbol of the three phases of the Goddess in your life. With those little holes drilled through it, that is the BDSM symbol, and with it on the front of a choker like that, it is the symbol of a slave."

She looked around the rest of the group looking very satisfied with herself. "Where DID you get it?" she asked. Her voice sounded very gleeful and she looked like a hawk ready pounce as she waited for me to answer so that she could further expound on my ignorance of Celtic and BDSM symbols.

"My Mistress gave it to me," I answered. "It's a white collar which means that she is my Mistress and I am her slave, but we have not made that permanent with a collaring ceremony. If we do make it permanent, I will wear a black collar, probably a leather one when we are together, and a black choker similar to this one when I am out in public doing other things."

Diane, teacher #2, joined in at this point. "How can you do that to yourself? How can you lower yourself to such a degree as to become a slave? You are not a piece of property! That is sick!"