Divine Depravity Ch. 01

When Lisa first shared her story with me and approved my initial write-up (posted eight years ago under different screen name), many have asked about the rest of her story. After the first posting, Lisa made some additional suggestions (adding more titillating details) that led to a revision and improvements. The first three chapters will help remind previous fans and familiarize new readers with her story, before adding the rest of the story.

The reader is invited to fully experience this erotic adventure in its entirety, not letting the length dissuade. Just as it takes time and patience to overcome barriers to incestuous relating, so also it takes time to describe the seduction. Those willing to savor the slow voyeuristic seduction will find the eventual climax that much more fulfilling and satisfying.

A dark form slowly moved toward me, then suddenly was kneeling over me. The sense of foreboding mixed with inexplicable feelings of excitement and anticipation was overwhelming as I lay there. Vainly I tried to move, but remained paralyzed, barely able to breathe. My throat tightened as I felt the pounding in my chest. I was sliding into a panic—or was I? Somehow it felt different. Hands clasped my breasts, gently massaging. The violation was so wrong, while feelings of pleasure that coursed through me seemed even worse. The hands began moving up my legs, higher and higher, grazing the inside of my thighs until...I gasped, waking with a start.

As I lay there in a cold sweat, panting in the dark, I flashed on my eighteenth birthday the previous day. It was miserable day, leading to an early bedtime. But why had I dreamed about such a...Suddenly I became aware of my own hands buried in forbidden territory. I let them linger—only briefly—as I came to my senses and quickly pulled away. What was I doing? The Promise; it was pervasive and overwhelming. Would it always be this way?

I might never have made that promise years ago had I fully understood the implications. Most would say it was a crazy commitment made in the ignorance and idealism of youth. I was acceding to the wishes of my dying mother—hardly something I should be held to. Promising to keep my passions in check during my teens was unrealistic, to say the least. But against all odds, my love for Mom had me honor that promise as I waited for its fulfillment.

I never tire of reliving those early years, including the very painful times, keeping Mom alive within me. Only in later years did I come to understand that the exhilaration of the mountain-top experience is only possible after passing through valley of significant pain. At the time, denying pleasure seemed like a pointless exercise. I never dreamed it would set the stage for my loving family and friends helping to unleash an overwhelming torrent of pleasure.

The newness and excitement of discovering passions—first forbidden, then welcomed—provided experiences that were indelibly imprinted, never to be forgotten. I can still vividly recall those images and conversations that lead to the first and most intense sexual experiences of my life. This set the stage for a lifetime of erotic adventures few can even imagine, leading to sharing with you my story of how it all began.

I had just turned 18 and was amazingly sexually naïve at the time. That was obvious, since I was still a virgin and hadn't even dated. No, it wasn't that I was ugly or lacked opportunities. But I wasn't open to this, having sealed off that area of my life—assuring myself that it was unnecessary. I was in full control, honoring the promise I made, and believed I was not subject to the usual urges of teens. However, my confidence was an illusion. I was unaware of the volcano of sexual energy and tension buried within, or the torrent of insatiable passion that would erupt to play out in the coming year.

I certainly had no inkling of this on my birthday. I remember thinking that it was one of the saddest days of my life. My mom had died almost four years previous and I was still grieving the loss. The notion of experiencing pleasure in any endeavor was absent—a gnawing void—making the refusal to date an easy choice.

I continued to live for my mother, throwing myself into studies with a fervor that bordered on an obsession. As I turned 18 and thought about my future, I suddenly questioned what I was about. I realized there was no one I was close to, no one to invite to a celebration and nothing to really celebrate. As I sat staring out my bedroom window, I thought back, reflecting on how I had come to be so very alone.

It certainly wasn't always that way. I had several friends in grade-school and was especially close to Rick, a boy two years my senior, who lived nearby. Admittedly, being close with a guy in grade-school was unusual. However, our parents were best friends, making it inevitable that two only children would become more like brother and sister. Our families were always together at each others' houses, and we'd often vacation together. Both our parents were in mixed marriages, and dealing with the inevitable southern prejudice had us all pulling together.

There were also times when our parents said they needed adult time, and would leave us with sitters, while the four of them took off somewhere. Rick and I would play together for hours with board games, hide-and-seek and make-believe. We enjoyed those magical years during when senses are rewarded and the pain accompanying reason and logic has not yet broken through.

But my storybook life abruptly ended with Mom's terminal illness. It was thankfully brief, as her suffering was often unbearable. I say that now, but at the time I selfishly wanted it prolonged, trying to capture every moment I could with her. Looking back, the radical turn my life took was a rude awakening from the prolonged carefree innocence of childhood, prematurely forcing me into the painful reality of an adult child.

Mom's all-encompassing loving and open style played out in the way she approached her death. As much as she wanted to shelter me from her ordeal, she knew that this would only serve her own needs, not mine. In the long run, attempting to cushion my pain would only prolong and intensify it. Accordingly, I learned that she was dying soon after she and Dad were told the devastating news. Over the few remaining months, we shared long talks—about our times together, her death and my life that would follow.

No topic was off limits, including that all-important discussion of sex and my growth into womanhood. She openly spoke of how she had enjoyed many wonderful sexual experiences in her life and wanted the same for me. She attributed her sexual pleasure mainly to the quality of her early experiences which she related to two things: waiting for sex until she was more mature and having a skilled and caring lover for those first times.

She said that Daddy was a very unique man, making it very special, as he always put her needs and pleasure first. This gave her confidence in her sexuality and formed the foundation for wonderful erotic experiences during the remainder of her life. Mom told me she wanted to ensure that I would gain the complete fulfillment of passions that few women enjoy, the pleasures that she experienced.

My parents were very committed to providing an environment that would foster the development of healthy sexual attitudes, leading to positive experiences in the future. They said that the media trivialized and cheapened sex, simply using it for their own economic gain. They believed that the casual and blatant exposure of children to sexual material at an early age was like trying to open a rose before its time, feeling that it took away from the novelty and mystery of erotic exploration and discovery in later years.

They also felt that these early influences by the media played out later in life, producing adults who were limited by what they had seen and heard, leaving them bound by beliefs, morals and stereotypes that were often limiting and fallacious. It often left others with unrealistic expectations, along with limited skills and abilities in their sexual behavior. They were left bound by the need to model distortions they had learned early on.

They suggested that this would likely lead to ho-hum sex at best, or painful experiences at worst, as people lacked the capacity for imagination and experimentation that was so essential to sexual fulfillment. Rather than risking unique, individual erotic pursuits, they were limited—bound and molded by influences in the early years. This was so stultifying and stifling that they often lost the God-given creative imagination and energy that was intended, limiting what Mom said was our most erotic organ—the mind.

They wanted me to grow up free of the usual preconceptions, prejudices and judgments about sex, completely open to anything and everything—a unique and authentic individual, willing and able to pursue and realize my full sexual potential on my own terms. That meant keeping me unsullied by the usual influences that would instill preconceptions and stereotypes.

So my exposure to TV, radio and music was very limited, leaving me rather out of touch with my peers. At times, I resented my parents' restrictions, especially as I got older. But this was tempered by my trust in Mom. She repeatedly reminded me that one day I would appreciate the rewards that came with the limits in my early years.

I recall her frail, thin hands holding mine as she gazed intently into my eyes. She was passionate in her desperate desire to imprint my fourteen-year-old mind with thoughts and values that would last long beyond the few months she had left.

"Listen, Lisa; I know it's hard to be different from the other kids," she said, "and it's going to get even harder as you grow older. But being successful at anything usually involves a great deal of patience and self-discipline.

"Most women have lousy sexual experiences the first few times and many never move beyond this. They learn to simply go through the motions, doing little while expecting even less. They become inhibited, unwilling or unable to explore and experiment with their erotic passions. And no wonder; they have little basis for believing sex could bring them much pleasure. Instead, over time, they become walled off from their passions, automatically programmed to think of sex as a duty or obligation to pleasure their man. Being unable to tap into their own pleasure, they often learn to use sex as a tool for power, control and manipulation to meet needs unrelated to sex. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not," I replied, "but I thought women liked sex too."

"Well, many women learn to enjoy the closeness that comes with sex. In later years, with maturation, some may even learn to gain some erotic pleasure for themselves. But very few are ever able to fully open up and let go to the extent that is possible; few will try new adventures or gain those peak sexual experiences. This is only possible when we abandon ourselves, giving up on maintaining the image of what is considered deceit, proper or civilized— allowing wild erotic fulfillment to take precedence."

Through sunken sockets, her eyes flashed with excitement as she continued. "You can only experience what is possible through complete abandonment, dropping all inhibitions as you let the primitive animal inside take over. Only then can a woman's wild erotic beauty come out. I know you can't understand this now, but you're simply going to have to take my word for it. Just know that if you want to be like the other girls, it comes at a price. If you share in their teen sexual experimentation now, you will likely share their ho-hum sex life in the future."

"But Mom, it seems like protecting me from things will make memore inhibited, not less," I countered, feeling rather confused. "I know from what kids say that there's a lot of sex stuff on TV, and they know a lot more about those things than I know. So it seems like they'll be ahead of me on this."

"It does seem that way, but exposure to sex when kids aren't ready is very damaging," she continued. "On TV sex is often portrayed as a naughty act that, while enjoyable, is somehow wrong. As kids grow up they associate sex with other areas where they rebel, doing something bad and giving in to evil urges. As they get older, they believe that succumbing to passions is wrong and mature adults need to control themselves."

"But isn't self-control good?" I asked.

"To a point. But you can't be fully in control and still enjoy sex the way God intended. Unfortunately, most adults associate erotic feelings with immorality—something to be resisted and controlled. Then they..."

"But why?" I interrupted. "Why would they go against what God intended?"

"It is confusing. Much of it is based on the church and their desire to control others and limit unwanted pregnancies before birth control. What's crazy is that so many think that they are following what God wants, while often they are violating His Golden Rule, failing to openly give to others in loving ways, including the fulfillment of God-given passions."

"That's sad," I observed.

"It really is. And society's programming has often left many with an inability to drop their inhibitions, something that interferes with sexual fulfillment. We have to be willing to let go to experience the ecstasy that only comes with being open to anything and everything. So many still view the sexual abandonment of inhibitions as immoral and depraved, when the reality is that God's created wonderful urges we unnecessarily suppress. I like to call it God's Divine Depravity. And only by practicing His Golden Rule in all areas, including fulfillment of passions will we be able to learn that what others view as depraved is actual truly divine!"

"That does sound exciting," I ventured, having little clue about what she was describing, as I was just starting pubescent development.

"It's more than exciting, and one day you will come to understand just how thrilling it can be. Your father and I have had some wonderful times together, and we want the same for you. But that is only possible with discipline and patience—qualities that are in rare supply among teens who tend to demand instant gratification."

"Don't worry, Mom. I won't disappoint you," I assured.

"That's easy to say now, honey. But you really have no idea what you're agreeing to." Mom chuckled softy, just as Dad walked into the room.

"And just what do you have our darling agreeing to?" he asked.

"You know—what we talked about," Mom responded, smiling weakly up at him. "I was just telling her how she would learn to experience joy in sex just like we have."

"Oh that." Dad was obviously awkward, turning to leave as he said, "I think I'll come back when you've finished." While Dad was open with Mom, when it came to sexual discussions, the same did not extend to me.

"Hold on, Trey" Mom said. "You're part of this too. If we're going to continue protecting Lisa, you'll have to step up and be more open with her. Soon she's going to be experiencing overwhelming urges and it will be up to you to shield her from the usual negative influences. I won't be around much longer."

"I wished you wouldn't talk like that," I said, feeling tears well up.

"I'm so sorry, honey," she responded, taking my hand as Dad stood by awkwardly. "I wish to God you didn't have to go through this. There's so little time and so much I want for you—so much I need to tell you."

"We'll be OK, Mom," I tried to reassure, feeling far less confident that I sounded as I reached for Dad's hand. I sensed the need to be strong for both of them.

"Thank you, honey. But before we end this talk I need to make a request."

"Sure, Mom—anything."

"Your father and I want you to promise that you'll wait for sex until you're fully mature—not just physically but mentally and emotionally too."

"Of course, Mom; but when will I know that I'm ready?"

"That's different for each person," she responded. "But later is better, since nowadays kids seem to mature more slowly."

"Like after graduation?" I ventured.

"You'd promise that?....with all the pressures a pretty girl like you will have in high school?" Mom asked.

"Would that make you happy?"

"More than you know, darling. But it's not about me; it's about your life and your happiness. Trust me; the wait will be well worth it."

"Then after graduation it is; I trust you and you can count on...."

"Wait; there's one more thing," Mom interrupted. "Your first time can't be with just anyone. It has to be with the man you've come to trust more than anyone else in the world."

"Of course," I readily agreed, feeling confused by the second part of her request; it seemed so obvious.

"Trey, I'm depending on you to support her in this promise."

"I will, Lynne. I will," Dad agreed, squeezing my hand. "It's a special part of your heritage that I'm sure she will learn to treasure. I'll help her keep the commitment."

"And...." Mom pushed.

"And what?"

"You know, honey...The rest; fulfilling the passion we both want for her."

"Oh yeah. I-I....Well, don't you think that will come naturally." Dad suddenly seemed awkward, dropping my hand.

"No, honey. We can't leave this to chance," Mom said, reaching out to take his hand as she pulled him close. He leaned in as she whispered in his ear.

As she continued whispering, Dad kept shaking his head. "I don't see how...."

"Please, honey," Mom pushed, holding his head as she looked deeply into his eyes.

"But it's...I mean, it seems so wrong, most would say, disgusting."

"Depraved?" Mom smiled wanly, as she stroked his cheek. "Remember what the divine depravity brought us. How could we want anything less for our girl?"

"But honey," Dad objected. "Think about what you're asking."

"It will be fine," she assured, "as long you always remember the Golden Rule. Will you always treat Lisa the way you'd want to be treated?"

"Of course."

"And the way I'd want to be treated," she persisted.

"God! I don't think you know what you're asking. But I-I'll try." Dad shook his head in dismay.

"What are you guys talking about, and what's with all the whispering?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, honey," Mom responded. "It's just adult talk and you'll understand when you're older, won't she honey?" She looked at Dad.

"Yeah, I guess," Dad mumbled. "When you're older, honey."

"I wished I could see her experience and discover the rewards of her pledge. But you will have to be there for me...and her."

"Oh Lynne." Dad teared up.

"Don't worry, dear." Mom stroked his hand. "I know you'll protect her. I just need to know that when the time comes, you'll teach her, giving her special experiences that will lead to a life time of sensual pleasure as her promise kept allows passions to be fulfilled."

"I-I...it's just that..." Dad hesitated awkwardly looking down.

But mom persisted, taking both his hands, looking him directly in the eye. "You know what I'm asking, darling. You know what we've had, and what we want for Lisa. Please; promise me."

"Alright," he said, shaking his head as he silently continued to show his reservations. "I'll try to ensure that she has the same opportunities that you've had." I was still feeling rather confused about what Mom was asking.

Daddy and I went through a lot together as we cared for Mom during her last few months. We had always been close before. But this was something that was more understood than explicitly expressed. He was not one to open up much or share his feelings. That was something I would do with Mom, as we had those long heart to heart talks. But her illness was overwhelming for both of us, and even he could no longer hide his feelings. This was evident more around me than Mom, since he didn't want her to see his pain.