Divorced and Available

CHAPTER 1

Dillon James is just your everyday loser. He'd not gone to college, still lived at home at the age of twenty-four and his job was selling men's shoes. He made time for himself by reading only the comic strips in the newspaper, loved to fish and his main intellectual activity was sitting on the bench outside the city art gallery talking to his pals.

On the romantic front Dillon maintained a casual relationship with Betty Irons who also dated most of his mates and for all of his shortcomings, his mom loved him while his dad preferred not to talk expansively about his son.

His sister Rose confided to her friends that Dillon was the best sex partner she'd ever had, and speaking in the most intimate sense, she knew plenty of guys and it was not widely known two of his mom's married sisters were in a position to confirm Dillon really delivered a great bang.

Alas the owner of the shoe store took ill and died after overdosing on contaminated shellfish and the business collapsed as a result of the money owned to his creditors being four times greater than his realizable assets. The new owner of the premises, Steve Daniels, converted the business in to a cell phone store and asked Dillon if he'd like to stay on and sell phones.

The lean, dark curly-headed affable guy drawled, "Oh yeah, great. Is the pay any good?"

The basic pay rate plus the bonus rate based on personal sales made Dillon's eyes gyrate. He was definitely interested and when Steven said he'd send Dillon to a half-day sales course to bring him up to speed on the products being stocked, Dillon jumped on to the payroll.

He learned things at the sales course, such as some women match the cover of their phone to their eyes or their hair or that it must fit into the pocket for cell phones in their handbag or they had to have a password enabled phone book so their husbands couldn't scroll through and learn the names of casual lovers or party pill suppliers.

It was a learning curve for the young man and came to an end during a client's demonstration.

"This can't be your smallest phone," complained the senior high school student. "I could get it up my vagina."

"Bullshit," Dillon snorted, believing the 18-year-olds were lining up to steal a couple of phones rather than buy them.

"Show him it's true Jill," said her friend.

Jill squatted and most of the phone had disappeared into her depths. That's when Steve entered the showroom after looking at his security monitors and yelled, "What the hell is going on here?"

"This prospective client wanted to test just how small this model of phone really is," Dillon explained, quite unperturbed, knowing it was store policy to allow phones on display to be tested and he'd unhooked it for his customer.

"Young woman get the hell out of her and take that phone with you," Steve roared. "Dillon you're fired."

Dillon protested his innocence unsuccessfully and collected his jacket and his hastily made-up termination pay and left the store.

An attractive woman who appeared under forty got out of a parked car he'd just passed and called, "Dillon."

"Yes ma'am?"

"I'm Jill's mother. She is upset that her stupid behavior has cost you your job."

"Don't blame her, blame the store owner. It is store policy to allow prospective customers to test the phones as they see fit."

"And seeing the phone disappearing into Jill's um, thingy, didn't shock you?"

"It surprised me ma'am, that's all. I'd not come across such a quirky test before."

"Well the phone needs cleaning up but it goes. Are you able to clean it for Jill?"

"Yes of course."

"Then please come home with us."

In the car Jill shyly apologized to Dillon for doing such a stupid thing with unfortunate results for him only to be told by Dillon not to worry. "These things happen."

Jill's mother introduced herself as Denise Coleman and as they reached home her husband Keaton drove in behind them. Jill introduced the two men.

Denise related the phone test story and Dillon was surprised Keaton merely grinned and then taking the phone wrapped in a handkerchief he unbundled it and sniffed and said "Jesus" and laughed.

Jill wandered off and Keaton said, "Come in for a beer before you start working on the phone. Were you carnally attracted to my daughter when you saw where she was stuffing your phone?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, she'd under the minimum age for me and that's my standard. A guy has to have limits."

"Oh yes of course. Look I have a cell phone that doesn't work. Could you take a look at that?"

"Yes sure."

Mrs Coleman began starting dinner and invited Dillon to stay and eat with them. He accepted, pulling out his phone and calling his mom to advise he would have dinner out.

"You spoke very nicely to your mother."

"That shouldn't be surprising Mrs Coleman. She's one of my favorite people."

Mrs Cole man appeared really surprised at that comment although said nothing.

She set up paper towels on one side of the kitchen bench for Dillon and placed the wrapped phone on a towel.

Keaton arrived with two beers and a wine for his wife. He watched Dillon wave away the rubber gloves his wife was offering and asked were the gloves too thick.

"No but I don't mind pussy juice on my hands providing I wash before eating."

"Oh God," Mrs Coleman said, spraying the plants on the shelf against the kitchen window with wine she'd just sipped.

Keaton bellowed in laughter and Dillon, trying not to laugh, apologized to her for making her laugh at the wrong time. She said not to apologize; that what she'd just heard had been funnier than most jokes people told her.

"You are so natural and so relaxed," she said. "Most men would never use the word pussy in front of a woman unless they knew her extremely well."

"Mom always says my irreverence will get me into hot water."

"Good use of the word," Keaton said, pulling out his disable phone from a kitchen drawer and placing it on the bench. "I'm going to watch a bit of TV. Come in when you're finished here Dillon."

"Ma'am..."

"Call me Denise please. There is no need to turn conservative just because Keaton has left the room."

"Um I need cotton buds and if you have it, 100% pure 200 proof ethyl alcohol."

"You are in luck. I have both and use the alcohol to clean my best jewelry."

"You are a real handy woman to know."

Denise smiled, standing rather close to him. "Just how well do you anticipate getting to know me Dillon," she said, almost whispering.

"I-I-I oh God," he said, blushing and looking shocked. It occurred to him that Denise was far more relaxed and approachable than her husband, in fact very approachable.

"Oh Dillon, I'm sorry. I was only teasing."

He nodded and they both looked down at Denise's hand on his forearm.

She removed it, unhurriedly and inside two minutes returned with the items he'd requested. Meanwhile he'd taken the other cell phone to pieces and located the problem.

Jill's new phone had spill-resistant buttons so the cleaning operation was a breeze.

"Will it always smell of pussy juice?" Denise asked.

Dillon held Jill's phone for Denise to sniff. Her nose made three twitches and her full lips parted. Dillon looked at those lips in astonishment, realizing those lips were not dissimilar to pussy lips side-on, pussy lips not showing the inner lips that is. He'd already learned that looking at the shape of some female's butts was not dissimilar to looking at their breasts straight on in instances where the cleavage was minimal. He regarded this as an amazing discovery.

She said softly, "I only smell lingering alcohol."

"As that goes only the normal smell of a phone will remain. You have beautiful lips."

Her lips opened at she gazed at him with her hazel eyes suited to her olive skin and brunette hair. "Thank you. I appreciate that comment from one so young. Are you twenty-five?"

"Early next year."

"Oooh oh so young. Are you sexually well experienced?"

"Yes and you?"

Denise rocked with laughter and had to stop slicing the raw beef. She steadied herself and said he had real humor.

She said, "I meant with older women."

Dillon said nervously, "We are speaking confidentially I take it?"

"Yes, very much so. I'll wring you're neck if you relate any of this to anyone. Answer my question."

"Yes two of my aunties."

Denise dropped the knife with a big clang into the stainless steel sink and smothered her mouth with the clean glove that had been holding the knife. Her entire body above the bench appeared to be convulsing and that gave Dillon and instant boner. He moved right in against the bench to conceal it.

"God the things you are prepared to say to me," she said sniffing, her eyes shining. "Do you like me?"

"Yeah you have great tits."

"No I didn't mean that."

Dillon remembered the phrase her husband had used, "Yeah I'm carnally attracted."

"Omigod, I was meaning do you like me as a person?"

"Sorry."

"Oh don't be sorry. I'm almost overcome that a young man should think of me like that."

"You are a nice person."

"Please don't go over the top Dillon," Denise said, placing the glove with drying meat juices over his arm.

"Oh sorry,"

She drew here hand away and they looked at the bloodstains on his arm.

Dillon cracked, "Are you menstruating?"

Denise lurched around in circles cackling helplessly. Keaton came running in and caught her just as she banged a hip against the kitchen table and began to fall.

"What is it?" he asked, as Denise grabbed a paper towel to dab her eyes.

"Young Einstein over there," she said, breathing unsteadily, "just asked me do I still menstruate at my age."

"Oh god Dillon," Keaton said. "How did you manage to say that? I can't bare to think about it let alone use such a word."

"Don't be too hard on yourself Keaton," said their young guest.

His hosts looked at him wide-eyed.

"Simply regarded it as part of normal female physiology. Did you skip biology classes at school?"

"Er half the time I had my hand over my ears."

"Well learn to deal with it, okay? And remember you're not the only guy who has this problem. You know I remember my mom saying when my younger sister began to have periods and was totally embarrassed about it for a while. Mom taught her to say 'Aunt Flo is visiting mom'.

Denise howled in laughter while Keaton managed a weak smile as he said, "Thanks pal."

Keaton looking wide-eyed reluctantly smelt the phone and declared, "Smells just like a new phone to me" and he returned to watch TV, taking a fresh beer.

"Can't imagine Keaton licking butt or pussy," he said, and heard Denise suck in breath. He continued to examine the phone, grinning.

A few minutes later he went to the TV room and told Keaton his old phone was fixed and Denise had found the charger and it was now on charge.

"God you are brilliant. I'd dropped it one last time and it wouldn't work and the guy on phone support told me it would be cheaper to buy a new phone than to courier the phone to them and back to have a new circuit board installed."

"Some of those guys are salespersons rather than technicians," Dillon said. "That final impact bent two of the battery prongs. It was an easy fix."

"Thanks."

Keaton said, "Denise has asked me to do something about getting you back into work because Jill was responsible for you being fired."

"What kind of work?"

"Well we can't afford to take you on fulltime because Jill and I run a small business and we have more people that we need with sales falling off. But I can put you on a contract with a retainer based of eighty bucks a week for you to work two hours before you start earning whatever hours you put in at forty an hour. You must do those two hours a week minimum just checking out our phones, pagers and minor work on computers if you are tech savvy enough to do that?"

"Yeah, when I left school I did a two-year course on electronics, mostly on-line for computers and hand-held electronic aids that included garage door openers and TV and other home appliance hand controls."

"Oh great, you're the man. I can probably interest some other guys I know who run small businesses to place you on retainer contract."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah Dillon."

Denise was reaching up to place something into the microwave when Dillon returned to the kitchen. Working on instinct he took the risk and grabbed a handful of butt and squeezed.

"Don't Dillon."

He grinned, aware she'd whispered that rebuke but also had pushed back at him.

"Keaton is going to engage me on a maintenance contract of two hours a week plus money for any further hours I'm required to work on his electronics stuff and intends to interest other guys he knows in my availability."

"Oh that's great Dillon," said Denise, now standing so close to him their hips were touching. She watched him clean up, and would have noticed how precise he was in his movements.

"The trash can is below my thighs," she whispered.

"Then move away you silly cow," he grinned.

She laughed and moved off to another dinner task.

"Jill graduates from High School this Thursday and then we are going to the lake. Would you like to come with us?"

"I can't be alone with Jill and you. Denise I regard you as being so hot."

Her cheeks burned. "Keaton is coming with us for a few days."

"Well okay, discuss it with Keaton."

Over dinner Denise said, "Darling why don't we invite Dillon to come to the late with us?"

"Oooh yes," Jill cried but without any extra emotion said, "Dillon can then give me my first sexual experience... er with a man."

"No!" Keaton roared and Jill grinned at him and said, "Well you are the decision maker of this family daddy."

They ate in silence until Denise said, "You and I will be there to supervise Jill."

"Sure will," said Keaton.

"And that heat pump needs attention, the stereo is only playing on mono and there's something wrong with the clothes dryer and my food mixer only operates on low."

"Those are solid reasons for being at the lake with us buddy," Keaton grinned. "Promise not to assist my daughter advance her sexual experience?"

"A few days up at the lake would be good but I make no such promise. Jill is eighteen. If you don't want her doing something then haggle with her, not me."

"Okay, okay. Keep you hair on. Yes she is a young adult. Jill I don't want you fucking around with our guest, do you understand?"

"Yes daddy and please don't use such foul language in front of mom."

"Er right."

"And what about warning off mom while you at it?"

"Warning her off what? My god. Are you insane? Your mother is pure and anyways she's far too old for Dillon."

"If you say so daddy," said the know-all.

"Warn me off Keaton," Dillon challenged quietly as if believing it was a non-issue.

"Nah why waste my breath. If only Denise was that interested in sex."

"Well with that horrid little discussion over may we get on with a proper family discussion over dinner," Denise said. "Dillon I apologize for my family embarrassing you."

"It's okay Denise. I hadn't realized this family was so big into sex."

Jill sighed.

Denise giggled.

And Keaton shook his head sadly at Dillon.

Dillon was relieved that messy period had ended.

Then he felt Denise's foot, now without it's blue scuff, touch his pants just below the knee and slowly descend.

He glanced at her.

She was looking at him intently.

In panic Dillon said, "Lovely meal Denise."

"Why thank you," she said, running her tongue under the bottom of her top lip. "It's lovely having someone appreciate my cooking."

"The steak's great," Keaton said, looking up.

"You're lightly seasoned mushrooms are divine mom."

Denise smiled appreciatively.

"We'll leave for the lake Friday morning," Keaton said, eyeing Dillon. "Can you be over here at 8:00?"

"No give us your address Dillon," Jill said. "We'll pick you up just after 8:00 won't we mom."

"Oh yeah," Keaton said.

* * *

As Keaton drove to pick up Dillon on Friday, he said to Jill he was adamant he didn't want her messing around with Dillon.

"Okay dad, I got the message on Tuesday evening. Anyways Joanne's father appears to be taking a keen interest in me and they're up at the lake as from today."

"What!"

"Keaton calm down. The little bitch is only winding you up. It wouldn't matter anyway because Jean told me Cliff has had a vasectomy."

"What? What the hell else do you women talk about?"

"Vasectomies it seems dad when up at the lake because every day follows the other much the same, nothing much is left to talk about. Have you had one?"

"Mind your fucking business."

"Yes he has but that still doesn't meant you can sleep with your father."

"Oh Christ, now everyone will know."

"Aw give me a break dad. My girlfriends are more interest to learn who are you poking, if anyone, rather that whether you fire live ammunition."

"Right that's it. We've going to the airport and Jill you will fly to your grandparents to spend summer on the ranch."

"Oh god no, please dad, this is destined to be the best summer of my life. I was only making things up to amuse myself dad, honest. If I left you two talking mom would be talking about food and the office and you'd be talking about golf and the office. That stuff is dead boring for me."

"Well do you promise to stop winding me up?"

"Yes daddy, I promise to act like the mature young adult I'm suppose to be."

"We'll be holding you to that promise Jill."

"Okay mom, I expected that. I'll just sit here in the back of this vehicle thinking about jerking off Dillon but having no intention of doing anything about it."

Here parents sighed.

They stopped at the totally immodest house, saw one of the four garages open and there was Dillon waving.

Denise and Keaton gaped in disbelief.

"Jesus Dillon is Jennifer James' son."

"Who is JJ when she's home?" Jill yawned.

Her mom said, "The only real tennis star this city has produced and she still coaches and his father Doug only retired from the professional golf tour three years ago."

"God how boring being the son of parents like that," Jill said. "I'm much happier having nobody parents like you two. This explains why Dillon is so screwed up and was selling phones instead of real estate."

"How do you figure that out?"

"His parents will have ordered him to work from the bottom up before they divest some of their wealth his way."

"That would be inhuman."

"Yeah mom, will that's what top-shelf career parents are. They had to be like that to get to the top."

Dillon loped down with his backpack.

"Hi guys, god you two women look great."

Keaton's chest appeared to swell as if the compliment was actually aimed at him for being the husband and father and therefore responsible for how they looked.

"Um Keaton is their room on top for my wind-surfer."

"Sure buddy. This big baby carries everything we can throw at it. What about your tennis racket and golf clubs."

"Nah those pursuits don't really interest me. My preference is just me and the wind."

"Omigod Dillon, can you teach me how to wind surf?"

"Yeah baby, providing your parents don't mind me touching you to get your feet into position and the right arch in your back to counter-balance the wind force."

"Oh teach me too," Denise cried, and Keaton said. "Me too but go easy on the touching."

The gear was loaded and they were off.

"I'm surprised your parent's didn't come out to wave you off. I know you mother," Denise said.

Jill said, "Mom it's summer, he's parents will be in the South of France."

"Don't be silly dear."

"Um she's close, Denise. They are hipping it up on the so-called Italian Riviera on the motor-yacht of millionaire friends."

"Oh how romantic," Denise sighed.