Divorced in South Florida Ch. 06

I had discovered three wonderful women who showed their affection by sharing their asses with me, but I was having difficulty finding other new bedmates on my own. I was discounting the blindfolded lady because Lynn found her, and I did not know who she was.

My failure to find bedmates was not caused by being overly selective or insisting on assplay games. Nor did I care if a new woman played golf since I had found Lynn such an enjoyable companion. I simply could not find a woman that appealed to me, or when I did, my pursuit was rebuffed. I always sucked at picking up women and rarely scored when I did. I needed to think creatively about other places to meet them.

I had smiled at a few appealing ladies in Publix, the major local supermarket chain, but I came in second to groceries. I spotted a few eligible women at Starbuck's, but I had always heard that Starbuck's was a no hitting on zone. I did not know if that was a rumor, but I had never noticed anyone trying to score at Starbuck's. Couples used it all the time as a safe place for a first encounter, but I never saw anybody start chatting up a lady. I thought there may be some truth to this rumor, and I did not want to violate the Starbuck's ethics code.

As I became desperate, I contemplated acting on one of my long held stereotypes, and one that I believe many men accept. You can always pick up a fat woman, so I should frequent places where they hang out. Now some men really like heavy women, and I am frequently turned on by a woman with some nice round curves, wide thighs and meat on her bones. Some people refer to these women as zaftig. But, most of the time, heavy women don't appeal to me.

But, a refinement of this stereotype is that women who had just lost weight are best of all. They now look good, but still have the inferiority complexes and lack of confidence of a fat woman because they still perceive themselves as heavy. Therefore, they'll pretty much do whatever you want.

I have my own credentials on this topic. I spent most of my life heavy; I am not really thin now, but at thirty pounds lighter, I'm ok. Yet, I still think of myself as fat, and I think my willingness to put my tongue anywhere may stem from the desire to please that heavier people have to make up for their shortcomings.

Also, I assumed that women who lost weight want to take their nice new bodies for a test drive.

Years ago, I read a question in a column called the Playboy Advisor which was included in each issue of that magazine. Typically, the Advisor had about eight questions, four on sex alternating with a question about fine wine, sports cars, cigars, stereos or some other bogus masculine topic. Now, I am sure that only the sex questions were read. I never bought Playboy, but I read it in the downtrodden barber shop where they cut my hair for years. Do you think guys who are getting their haircut in a place that charges $15 know anything about fine wines and Italian sportscars? The fancy places that charge $75 for a haircut throw Playboy in the garbage.

Anyhow, one month, a reader wrote in (I assumed the sex questions were legit, but I was convinced the others were bogus.) to ask for help about a problem with his wife who had just lost a lot of weight. He wrote she was acting like a tramp. For example, a longstanding out of town friend visited and stayed overnight. His wife started the evening by donning her new string bikini and inviting them all to the hot tub. In a short time, all were naked and she was taking turns sucking them off. There was a normal progression of sexual activities, but her husband was really fried when his wife insisted that she get her husband's cock in her pussy and her friend's cock in her ass. More about my views on double penetration in a moment.

The next day, they were to drive the friend to the airport, but the wife insisted that only she go. When she returned, she said that she had given the guy the best blow job of his life, and there was still cum at the corner of her mouth. What should he do, he asked?

The response said you're toast. Your wife has a new toy, and she is going to play with it. Either join her with the fun or get lost.

That woman fit my stereotype.

I think I am a little afraid of double penetration. I would love to try it, but I have concerns. I am not sure I am athletic enough. I worry I would lose my balance and fall over. Plus, I think you need a really long cock to get both of them in there. I am sure that my cock would never make to the cup (a golf expression) and if it did, I think it would fall out. That leaves me with two other concerns. If my cock falls out, who's putting it back? I'm not letting the other guy do it and I really don't want my now loose cock flapping around on his balls and thighs. Finally, I am not anxious to have his cum all over me. I checked on Craigslist and unlike say golf lessons, I don't think you can get DP lessons, so I may have to pass on this one.

Going back to my idea of harvesting formerly fat women for really kinky sex, I thought that I should go to Weight Watchers. I'm sure I would be the only man there, and I would have my pick of horny newly thin women. I am worried that WW may smoke me out as someone who just wants anal sex because even though I am not that skinny, no man of my stature would endure the humiliation of WW unless he had an ulterior motive.

I am thinking about forming an organization called FOP. One benefit is that some people will think it's the Fraternal Order of Police and send me contributions, when it really stands for Formerly Overweight Perverts. This group would have no false pretenses; it lets former fatties play out all the fantasies they had before they lost weight. Trust me, we have some wild ones, I know. The public would definitely approve of my organization because everyone likes kinky sex over cops.

I apologize to anyone reading this looking to get aroused because there is no juicy sex at all. Now you have the same problem that I am having, but when you can't get laid my advice is to keep your sense of humor.