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Marcus, the human girls, and the injured were at the other end, oil lamps and a camp lantern providing minimal illumination. There was an old fashioned wind up alarm clock in the corner, it had the old glow in the dark hands that could be made out if you looked hard enough.
Marcus looked at the three human girls and Eric and Derek. "All right, we need to set a watch schedule. Take two hour shifts each changing at the top of the hour. You are to wake me if any of the patients are having trouble or wake up. Can you all take pulses and respirations?" They nodded. "Write those and the time down every hour on their tag. When their IV bags run out, close the valve here," he showed them how to use it, "and wake me up at noon regardless. Everyone good?"
Josi took the first watch, as Marcus collapsed into the cot he set up nearby. His last thoughts before falling asleep were of his Rachel and Raven. Were they all right? Would he make it back to them?
Josi hummed a lullaby as her friends and the Pack drifted off to a well deserved sleep.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 2 years agoYou are writing so well, that people expect even more of you - hence the critics, I think.
This seems as much scifi as fantasy. In combination with the name of the series the happenings so far give away quite a story ahead.
ausvirgoover 4 years agoFirst, while I can find faults in stories, I can't write them, so my comments are in no way a criticism of the writer.
1) What happened to Valentine Raven Mendez, born at the end of "Saved by my Human Mate". Based on the timeline she should be about 9 years old at the start of the story, five years older than Raven.
2) The ozone layer only protects from ultraviolet, so destroying it wouldn't expose anyone to harder radiation. Admittedly you don't say what caused the EMP, so it could have been an interstellar radiation burst which could have caused radiation sickness in anyone in an unprotected line-of-sight of the source in the first few minutes. Since this is fiction I'm happy to let this go as "artistic license".
Keep up the great writing.
Anonymousover 4 years agoNone of the girls think about their own family or seek out their family in such situation? I mean under such circumstances, I would be truly concerned about my parents and siblings too, and whether they are still alive or dead. These missing part made me somewhat uncomfortable...
Anonymousover 7 years agoThis is affecting humans and werewolves, but what about the other animals? Does this affect them too?
LadyPartsover 7 years agoI love apocalyptic stories! Total Walking Dead fan here!
You certainly have compelling and interesting plot lines laid out. Like your other stories, the number of characters introduced is a bit daunting. But as the story develops, the characters begin to individualize themselves by their role within the story.
The one critique I have is that the dialogue seems a tad wooden and lacks voice. What I mean by voice is that the reader can read the words in the dialogue and hear an individual voice speaking the words. The dialogue flows well as a form of information sharing, but doesn't flow well as a person's real conversation. Sometimes it's the lack of contractions, ("they are", "we will", "she did" instead of "they're", we'll, she'd...) when people are speaking they almost always shorten words unless the emphasis is on the subjective verb. Sometimes it's the use of another character's name. People don't usually include the name of the person they're talking to in their conversation style unless it is a more formal type of conversation, such as a person of power like a leader or a doctor or a teacher. At times the dialogue comes off as too formal of a speech pattern to sound like a real voice.
