Don't Ever Look Back Ch. 03

"Are you sure this is what you want?" she asked, and it was clear she was giving me one last chance to call a stop.

"Yes, sweetheart...it is," I said, forcing a smile.

We held a stare as seconds ticked by, and I sensed she very much wanted me to tell her no. However, I remained silent, and when she turned to leave, I bit my lip to stop the tears from starting. Twenty more minutes of silence passed while I sat at my desk. I fought with myself over knowing or not wanting to know, although deep down, I knew eventually which side would win. Finally, with the rationalization of "checking on her safety", I quietly went down the hall and peered into the living rooms from the shadows.

Malcolm and Sarah were sitting on the couch passionately kissing. Sarah still had her clothes on from work, which consisted of a white blouse and a navy knee length skirt. She also had on the pearls I had given her for our 20th anniversary. I was surprised Malcolm hadn't been more aggressive, especially based on the activities in the video, but watching, it appeared his intent was to be patient and seductive. He kissed her tenderly on her ears, neck and lips while gently massaging her shoulders. Also, I could tell he was whispering to her, although I couldn't make out the words. His efforts were causing her to emit soft purring sounds that I knew meant she wasn't distressed.

He played her slow until she couldn't take it anymore and took the initiative. Her first action was to unbutton his shirt and rub her hands slowly over his large chest. At the same time, I could see her squirming on the couch, pushing her chest against him and trying to induce his touch. He ignored her efforts and continued the soft kisses and caresses until she finally stood and pulled him up with her hand. He kissed her again before she broke away and went towards our bedroom coming back quickly with condoms in her hand that she showed to him before leading him towards the guest bedroom at the far end of the house.

I waited for a few minutes and then softly made my way towards the bedroom. The door was shut, and it was quiet inside, so I went back to my study and surfed the internet, aimlessly clicking on websites for fifteen minutes before returning to the door. Listening closely, I could now hear Sarah's moans, and my mind conjured up visions of what was taking place on the bed. Suddenly, I realized I had a complete erection straining against my pants, and after another ten minutes of listening and wondering, I couldn't take it any longer and quietly turned the knob.

Malcolm had his head between my wife's legs and her right hand rested on his head while the other played with her nipples. I slipped into a chair in the corner of the room, hoping my presence wouldn't interrupt them, and remained undetected for several minutes. However, Sarah finally spotted me and she took her hand from the black man's head and reached out to me.

Five months later, my worst fears were confirmed when Sarah announced that she was pregnant. Of course, there was no question the child was Malcolm's, and I wondered if this was something that Sarah needed to have happen to bring closure to her pregnancy with him so long ago. She wouldn't even discuss getting an abortion, and we went through some very strained times. She told me repeatedly that she loved me and wanted me to understand, but there is nothing more emasculating for a man than his wife carrying another man's child. In the end, she won me over, like she always did, and we discussed how to deal with the situation.

I witnessed her body changing as the child grew inside her womb. Like with our children, her breasts got very sore and her nipples darkened. She also got a glow to her skin that made her even more beautiful.

Fortunately, we had the means and the flexibility in our jobs that enabled us to move to Europe for the last five months of her pregnancy, right before she started to really show. We rented an old farm house in the lake's region of northern Italy, where we got to experience the changing of the season from spring to summer almost in time with her changes. Our biggest problem was keeping our kids and family from coming over to visit, and we had almost run out of excuses by the time the baby arrived.

Throughout her pregnancy, we never had intercourse. Instead, Sarah would deal with my needs either orally or with her hand, as there was now an unspoken understanding that her vagina was off limits to me during the term. Up until the move, Malcolm and she would get together often, leaving her satisfied and exhausted. I knew from her previous pregnancies that she would get extremely aroused, particularly mid and late term and this time was no exception. Several times I was awakened to the sounds of her furious masturbation.

She went into labor exactly on time in mid-September and Malcolm was there to drive her to the hospital. She delivered his son in the early afternoon while he held her hand. Two days later mother and son, named Thomas after his father, returned to the farmhouse and Malcolm left for the states. The boy is dark like Malcolm who swears he looks like him in his baby pictures.

Sarah lovingly nursed her new son for the next month while she recovered and got her weight down. Then, we returned home with a well-fabricated story about adopting a poor homeless black infant. The surprise from friends and family quickly turned to admiration for our open hearts. No one saw through the charade, and our kids bonded quickly to their new "adopted" brother

To my disappointment, but not surprise, Malcolm bedded Sarah on the second day of our return. I found out when I saw her later changing clothes with hickeys all over her milk filled breasts. I threw a fit about not wanting her pregnant again and she agreed so when Malcolm refused to get a vasectomy she got fitted with a diaphragm.

Fortunately, Malcolm has mostly lived up to his word on staying silent. His one known indiscretion was to tell his sister who now is often at his place when Sarah visits with the baby. She will watch the baby giving them time alone in his bedroom.

We have both returned to our work routine having arranged for a nanny for Thomas. Sarah basically lives in a world of two husbands. Between both of us she has sex every other day but seems to enjoy it and has never complained. Unfortunately, in quiet moments, I have the recurring, soul wrenching problem contemplating what life would be like if I had never looked back.