Don't Say It Ch. 01: A Rough Start

Many thanks to ACTRaiders for editing this story.

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~ The Play ~

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It's been two weeks since I've seen her. She been in my thoughts non-stop, but today was especially bad. It was the day of her class' Veterans Day play. The play was written by her. It was one of many children stories she's written, or imagined, but the first that became anything other than words on a page.

I was planning to go for a couple months now but after what happened between us two weeks ago I completely cut her out of my life. I had her blocked from calling, texting or contacting me on any social media. I haven't forgotten about the play, but scrolling through Facebook feeds, I saw that her parents wouldn't be there that day. They were going to Puerto Rico for the Christening of their new grandson.

The next few days I agonized about going. She wouldn't have her family there on such a big day for her. It would mean the world to me to support her but would my presence be welcome or would it be a nuisance?

One the day of the play I unblocked her number and texted her. Six hours, and three text messages later, she has not responded. After the way I treated her I couldn't be mad.

I remember everything about that night, her smell, her taste, the wetness of her tongue as it wrapped around mine. And how months of trying to battling my feelings was lost with just one kiss. These thoughts pulled me away from the meeting I was in and - the events of that night replayed over and over again, each replay spilling more juices into my panties; I hoped my teammates couldn't see it in my face.

The workday was over and still couldn't decide if I should go to the play or not. I went out with a few coworkers to happy hour at a bar we frequented. I drove like a bat out of hell most of the time. The only exception is when my five-year-old son, Justin, was in the car. As usual, I was the first to arrive. There was a small antiques shop across the street and I stopped there hoping to find something she would like incase I decided to go.

My shopping was a success and I emerged from the store with a unique piece of jewelry. It was a gold watch. The face was large, and the band was a worn piece of leather that wrapped around the wrist twice, so it was a watch and a wristband in one. The gift was neatly wrapped and decorated inside a gift bag.

I made my way to the bar after the purchase and met up with my coworkers. My cell phone was buzzing the entire time, as I checked it every five minutes. Around 5:30pm, I was antsy and could barely focus on what was in front of me. The thought of her fingers holding the back of neck, pulling me in, and deepening our kiss kept me occupied. By 6:30pm, I was four shots in and seriously contemplating going to the bathroom to finally rid myself of the sensations distracting me.

Without warning I grabbed my coat and bag and said bye to my coworkers, amid protests of me leaving. I left without an excuse. Liquid courage was running through my veins; today was too important to her for me to cower behind uncertainty. I knew how much it meant to her. I was going to be there, someone was going to see her creation come to life. I made up my mind that I would stay in the back and out of sight. She wouldn't even know I was there. But if she ever decided to talk to me again she would know I was there, and that I was proud.

By the time I made it to the school auditorium the seats were all taken and I had to stand in the back. For an hour I stood and watch the story that she has told me and Justin half-a-dozen times. It was a story of a lost baby frog that brought together all the animals that were at war.

The play ended to the sound of loud clapping from the parents, who were very impressed by the story. My plan to sneak out before she saw me was thwarted when the two couples next to me spent a lot of time chatting, blocking me in the aisle. I was too shy to try to push past them, and when they roped me into their conversation I didn't want to be rude, so I chatted with them. About five minutes passed before I was able to exit. I could only hope that she was still backstage.

I walked through the double doors and into the lobby, making a dash for the exit. Then I saw her, amongst a group of parents and kids in costumes from the play. She smiled at one of the kids, who was pulling on her shirt helm. Her eyes gleamed and she looked so happy. I looked for a hallway I could turn into so that she wouldn't see me, but as if there was some invisible force trying to screw me over she looked up and stared directly at me.

Her smile disappeared.

"Hi," I mouthed along with an awkward wave.

She turned her attention back to her group, leaving me to walk to the exit in embarrassment.

"You should be a fucking ninja," I scolded myself for being spotted when I was outside. My heart was in my stomach and I felt like throwing up. Fighting back tears, I headed for my car.

My phone rang, startling me out of my self-pity and despair. I lost my breath when I saw her name pop up on the screen.

Maya.

I stared in disbelief. Out of fear that she might yell at me, anger that I ignored her, and embarrassment at how she just dismissed me - I didn't answer. I stopped and stared at the screen until she hung up then I put my phone back in my pocket and started back to my car.

Then my phone rang again. This time I answered.

"Hi," I choked out.

There was a paused before she spoke. "So that's what you do when I call. Ignore me. It hurts to think it, but seeing it is even worse."

My throat was tight and I turned in place, struggling to find the words to apologize. That's when I saw her a few feet away from me. She hung up the phone and walked closer.

"I'm not here to see you; I'm here for my gift." She said nonchalantly when she was stopped in front of me.

"Oh, yeah," I stretched out my hand holding the gift bag.

"I hope it's not a piece of shit." She turned and walked away.

My feet moved on their own, following her.

"Wait, that's it?" My mouth moved of their own accord.

She kept walking.

"Maya?"

Still she didn't stop.

"Maya!"

"Sucks being ignored doesn't it?" She asked cynically.

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged.

"I am." I reiterated. "I'm sorry about everything."

The night when we kissed I fired her afterwards. I couldn't have her in my house anymore, confusing me, making me want her. The weeks that lead up to the kiss were almost unbearable. And the way I lost control when we did wasn't something I could deal with. The only thing that stopped me was her phone ringing, or else I would've torn her clothes off and fucked her in my hallway.

"Me too." Her response was genuine and her demeanor softened. "I miss my friend."

"I miss my friend too."

We stood there swaying slowly and smiling.

"So do you still want to go to dinner?" She asked.

In this moment I did feel like her friend, but I couldn't anticipate what would happen next. The pause between her question and my answer had her nervously tucking her wavy, jet black hair behind her hair.

"Okay. Come on. I'm starving." With the jumble of thoughts in my head, I was surprised coherent sentences came out.

"Give me like ten minutes let me say goodbye and grab my stuff." I nodded my agreement and she left.

She returned twenty minutes later and got in on my passenger side.

"Where's your car?" I asked.

"Oh, I had car troubles."

"Car troubles?" I gave her a look.

"Yeah. It wouldn't start his morning. I didn't have time to wait for a mechanic so I took a taxi."

"Seriously?" I gave her a look, telling her I didn't believe her.

"Yes, let's go. I'm hungry."

"You don't have to lie to spend time with me." I joked, turning on the radio before she could respond.

The drive and the early part of dinner was a little awkward. On the surface we were friends catching up, but only we knew of the underlying tension. With some light teasing from Maya, I got a drink to accompany hers. By the time the main course arrived we had two drinks each and I was starting to feel normal around her.

"I'm sorry I just showed by the way." I didn't want to bring up that I texted her and she ignored it.

"It's okay."

"Okay," I smiled. "I'm glad I did. I loved it."

"I'm proud of you," I added, shyly sipping my drink. She looked at me smiling genuinely, before her stare rekindled that fire inside of me I looked away.

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~ A Day Worth Celebrating ~

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I drove her home after paying for our meal. The ride was pleasant and we mostly discussed TV shows, funny things we've seen, and other lighter topics. When we pulled into her neighborhood I started to get nervous. Luckily she was doing most of the talking so I could focus on trying to act calm. I parked on the road outside of her house, and she kept on talking, so I put the car in park. We laughed at her story, which ended with a nervous chuckle from me.

"Um, I'm gonna head home." I suddenly became very aware of my fidgeting and became more restless than before.

She doesn't respond but tapped her thigh and rocked her head back and forth a little. She looked around before saying, "So, today's an important day for me, wouldn't you say?"

"I would." I answered, knowing I was being baited.

"A day worth celebrating. Right?" She nodded.

"Right." I nodded back.

"And it's my day, yeah?"

"Yeah, Maya -."

"So I'm not done celebrating," she interrupted me, "and if you're not going to indulge me, at least come watch me open my present."

She was out the car before I could finish asking her why she couldn't open it in the car. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, took a deep breath and got out. The air was light and cool, a perfect opposite to what I was feeling. As if I wasn't tense enough, my mind began bringing up memories of our kiss. How good it felt. How unfinished it was.

"Just go in for five minutes and get it over with," I told myself, taking more deep breaths.

As I walked through the front door she had left opened for me I was still drawing a blank on an excuse to leave. Her sandals, bag and jacket were on the floor of the hallway. I walked by them towards the only light in the house, the kitchen. At the entrance I stopped and leaned on the wall. Her gift and a bottle of whiskey were on the counter. She had her back to me and reached into a cupboard for glasses.

Her curly black hair fell down her back. She was only wearing a blouse and jeans, but the satin top fell off her and hugged her in all the right places. My libido feeding hungrily off the image, I shifted my legs, trying to alleviate the tension. I had to go. I couldn't do this. I was getting ready to tell her I was leaving when she turned around and caught me staring at her ass. She peered dead into my eyes with a soft, focused stare as she slightly opened her mouth.

I know that look.

She put the glasses on the counter. I could feel my chest rising and falling as my throat constricted. She looked at my chest and then up to my mouth biting the left half of her bottom lip. It sent a jolt through me and my lips parted. Desire and obligations waged a battle for my self-control.

I hoped I would be strong enough to resist her, but I'm not. My eyes filled and I held my head down. I knew what I had to do. I turned and headed for the door. These feelings were suffocating me and my heart felt like it was about to break. My tears made it harder to see in the dimly lit hallway.

A tear rolled down my cheek. I fumbled with the locks, trying to wipe it away. The door finally opened and - before the crisp night air could reach me - a hand shot from behind my head, slamming it shut. We stood like that for a second before Maya began to move behind me. She pressed her body up against mine, so close that I could feel her breath on my neck.

Maya's hand moved off the door and out of view. They reappeared around my hips. I continued to watch them move upwards as she hugged me from the back. My body relaxed under her touch and I could feel myself gushing between my legs. I held my breath in anticipation when her hands started moving again. She stopped at my chest and a sharp sigh slipped from my lips when she grabbed two handfuls of my breasts.

She rubbed me from my hip to between my legs and I let out a moan. Every time I got her hands off my body she moved them somewhere else.

Her hands slowed and she stopped on my hips. She buried her head in my hair and rested her forehead on the back of my neck. My forehead was pressed against the wooden door and I was breathing heavy.

"Jess," she whispered, her voice soft and shaky.

"Jess," she repeated, burying her head more pleading for me to face her. I turned around to face her.

She held her head down when she spoke. "Jessie, please tell me if you don't wa..."

My lips were on hers before she could finish. I opened her mouth with mine and my tongue invaded. I placed my hand around her hips and pulled her in close. My skin was on fire, and my panties became moist from the intensity.

We kissed wildly and our hands ran freely over each other's bodies. I used my body to move her against the adjacent wall. I broke our kiss to lean down to take me my heels off. I saw her reach her arms down to pull me back up by the face and back into her open mouth.

Our tongues danced and hands groped each other as we made our way downstairs. Maya stayed in the basement. How we made it to her room intertwined like that without falling down the stairs is beyond me.

As soon as we reached the bottom of the dimly-lit stairs, she was up against the first wall I could get her against. I pulled her shirt over her head and was back to kissing her before it was completely off. I was insatiable. My panties were filled and I longed to feel her naked body against mine before the voice of reason in my head beat out the lust. She was trying to unbutton my shirt but my hands squeezing her breasts were distracting and she kept fumbling. About halfway through I pushed her hands out of the way and tried for myself.

A button kept snagging, too impatient to wait, I ripped my shirt open and the remaining buttons fell on the floor. I was slightly embarrassed by that display but her eyes widened. She leaned in and kissed me painfully, pushing me back against the wall.

With equal roughness she pulled off my shirt and tossed it the floor. I reached behind her to undo her bra and she did the same to me. With one hand slid hers off too and she pressed against me again. I moaned slowly in her mouth. It felt incredible feeling her bare breasts against mine. I felt myself getting wetter.

I used both hands up to grab her breasts and massaged her nipples between my index and middle finger. Her mouth opened to let out a soft moan and she squeezed her eyes shut, holding her head back. I attacked her exposed neck and more breathy moans escaped her. She grinded her hips into mine and I wondered how much juices my panties could hold. I stopped and she was about to protest when I popped a nipple into her mouth.

"Oh fuck," she moaned when my mouth found her right nipple. She held her chest out and pushed my head more into her glorious c-cup breasts.

She pulled me back to her by my hair. "You're gonna make me cum before I get to the bed." We locked lips again and started guiding me towards her room.

As much as I wanted her I was nervous about getting in bed, it would make what we doing official. So apparently it was the bed - not her naked body against me - where my conscious mind drew the line. I couldn't stop thinking how mind blowing it felt having her in my arms after fantasizing about it for so long. I moved her to the dresser which was about two feet from the foot of her bed. I pushed her against it, kissing her so she had to lean back. A few items fell to the floor.

I didn't waste any time thinking about the marks I left on her thighs when I pulled her pants off, along with her panties. They only cleared one leg and hung around the other when I pressed my tongue flat against her clit.

"Fuuuuck," Maya moaned, her voice laced with pleasure.

My hands held the outside of her thighs while my tongue opened her folds. She was soaking wet and I gladly licked up her juices. She had a sweet, tasty and alluring aroma.

I teased her until she began panting and grinding on my tongue and face. Her hands gripped the edge of the dresser so hard her knuckles turned white. It wasn't long before her body started tensing. Her back was arched so I couldn't see her face, but I saw her breasts popping out from her risen chest. She reached down, grabbed a handful of my hair and pushed my face into hers.

I didn't want her to come, not yet. I wanted to torment her. For months I pined over her, wanting her to kiss me and touch me, and for months, at least in my head, she denied me. Of course, our situations didn't allow us to be together, but it didn't make the confusion and frustration any easier. So many sleepless nights, so many hours focused on trying to hide what I was feeling from her. So many impure thoughts for her that made me question who I was every moment of the day. An anger, a cruelty towards her was still inside me.

It made me pull away and she looked down at me, panting and confused. "Wait. Wha - oooohh," she threw her head back as I put my lips back on her clit, sucking the soft flesh into my mouth. She placed her legs over my shoulders and it took me a second to realize she had lifted her foot to prop it on the edge of her bed behind me.

I moved my tongue back to her opening and teased her, circling lightly around the outside. I was barely touching her so she shifted her weight to sit on my face more, undulating her body. I gratified her efforts by sticking my tongue inside her as far as I could and flicking my tongue hard and fast.

"Ooohhh fuck!" she moaned.

I wanted her to get closer. It felt good having her beg me, for her to be the one in need. I had months of pent up frustration that intended to take out on her pussy. I was so bound by her and I hated her for it. But if I was going to be on my knees I was going to make sure she knew who she was fucking with.

"Oh god - oh god - oh god," she said, almost breathless.

I looked up to see her eyes staring down at me, her mouth open but her eyes focused with ecstasy. It was scary looking in her eyes so I closed mine. I felt her body start to tense again and she put her hand in my hair. I grabbed her hand roughly, angrily pushed it to the side, and took my mouth off her.

I was feeling something I didn't have before. Control. She seemed to have it over me and I wanted her to feel every ounce of the turmoil I felt. Now I was the tormentor and she was my victim.

"Jess," she began shifting, as if she was going to move away from me.

I panicked and slowly kissed her thighs, apologizing. My once rebellious lips begging for her forgiveness.

"If this is too much for you - we don't have to - you don't have..."

She wasn't forming complete sentences because I went back to circling her clit. I silently pleaded for her to forgive me and that if she let me stay I'll be good. She put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. She kneaded my flesh in rhythm to my tongue and her grinding hips. In no time I had her gasping for breath again.

"Oh God. Oh God."

I pressed my hand on her stomach, holding her in place, and attacked her clit. I used my lips to apply suction while my tongue flicked against her clit fast but light.

"Ooohhh. Fuuuucccckkkkk."

She was moaning loudly and gripping her inner thighs. I felt her hands run through my hair, but they didn't stay there out of fear that I would rebuke her again.

"Oh god."

I looked up to watch her. I didn't realize how much she was squirming. She watched me and I saw her face was twisted in pleasure and pain.