Drag Queen and the Indecisive Guy

He grunted as he finished. I laid back. The scent of his cum and mind on my face and I savored it.

Brandon got up, got a warm washcloth from the bathroom and cleaned me up. I was exhausted. When he was done he slide back into bed and I curled up under his arm. That was also a first. I have never cuddled with a man. It was wonderful. I was high on the rush of my orgasm and so was Brandon.

We chatted for a while till I had to get up. It was after 4 in the morning and I needed to go. I really, really didn't want to.

"Its ok" Brandon said.

"Can I see you again?" I asked.

He smiled gave me his number and kissed me again.

Brandon became my one and only gay love. He was so sweet, so gorgeous, and he liked me. We made love so many ways. My desire to have him in me never abated. I loved hugging him, laying on the couch with my head in his lap, watching him cook, or clean his fish tank. It didn't matter what he did, I loved just being near him.

Unfortunately the war in my head never went away. Part of me felt intense guilt and humiliation because of how I felt about Brandon and the pure sensual need I had for him. The other part fought to normalize our relationship. He wasn't perfect. He drank too much and when we went out in public he enjoyed saying very crude gay things about boy pussies loudly as if it was his intent to announce his gayness and offend those around us. At time he infuriated me. But when I was alone with him, hearing him sing to himself as he puttered around I was happy.

I spent the next 10 years spending as much time as I could with Brandon. I never did convince myself I really was gay -- until I had ruined our relationship. I think about Brandon every day. I miss his beautiful face, his sweet disposition (most of the time) his quirky ways. I miss the heat we had. So many times he made me cum just by fucking me. I really don't know if I could have lived with him. My personality and his were almost opposites.

To my dying day I will regret never finding out.