Dreaming of You

As I lie in my bed, clutching your shirt for dear life and staring at the collage of photos of us gathered throughout the years on my wall, I notice the insane silence and darkness of the dorm surrounding me. I lie awake and think of you. Our never-ending, unconditional, eternal soul mate connection that will bind us forever. I feel a warm glow surrounding me. I hear the bedsprings crunch and snap. What is going on? Why is this beautiful stranger crawling into bed with me? I stretch to reach my hand out and search for my lamp switch.

A warm rough hand grabs my arm and says, "Don't be afraid." I instantly cringe. I am frightened. Who is this beast of a man whose voice sounds like honey and is covering me as I lie dreaming of my boyfriend? How dare you take my dreams away? And then I hear a shhhh. "I will make your wildest fantasies come true." I know that voice. That smelly of musky Aspen cologne. How dare I be afraid? I knew it was you all along. How stupid I am to have thought you a stranger. My One True Love. I release my death grip on your shirt and settle back down into my comfortable sleeping position as you curl up behind me.

I grab your arm and slug it around my chest and my breasts. You snuggle up to my back as we slip into a cozy place. The place we have both been a thousand and one times. And that place is right in each others arms. I curl my legs around yours as if I can't get close enough to you. You have been away for far too long. You nuzzle my neck as I peacefully rub your hand. This is it. The peaceful loving stage between restless thoughts of the day and the calm ever peaceful sleep. Exactly where we were meant to be at this time. I sigh and cry a little. Beautiful happy tears with a shade of sadness. For I know that I only have a short amount of time with you until we are parted again. The agony of tearing us apart. I can't bear to think of it. I start to cry. You turn me around and envelope me. You kiss my head, cheeks, lips, eyes, and nose, anything you can get your lips on and say I know honey I know. You ask is there anything you would like me to do for you. I say, just be here. This is unlike me, the sexually rambunctious beast that I am. But now, I know love isn't love without this. These moments. Only passing time from restlessness to sleep. But oh how much they mean to me. No one has ever felt the way you do about me, no one has ever loved me this unconditionally, uncontrollably before. No one like you. And I have never felt this way before. Felt like kissing you so hard you cried or giving you my everything, my all. How perfectly we two puzzle pieces fit together. Together we stick forever.

I fall into a deep slumber, unwillingly because I know sleep only wastes our time together. I want to fight and kick and scream and throw tantrums to let sleep, college life, and night know how much I hate them. Tearing us apart, even though it's only a week or two at most, such star crossed lovers should never be forced to be apart like we have. I feel like a bird who can't chirp when I am without you. I just want to be. Be together. Be alive. Be wrapped in your arms. Be loved. Be beautiful. Be bashful and giddy and shy and cute. I am deprived of all of this when you are not here beside me where you belong. Every moment I feel like my heart could burst from sorrowful pain. But it won't. Being apart doesn't kill you like it should. It should just instantly kill you and stop the pain. But merciless departure only laughs and slowly kills you through smoking and depression and binges. Death comes on soft slow wings. I can not part form you again. I'm awake and I look at your face. What a beautiful face you have. Such perfect skin. Soft robust red lips. Dark brown hair to go with your absolutely gorgeous killer eyes. I wish you would open them right now and look at me. The miserable woman that I am. Only a fleck of what I used to be. I used to be flamboyant and boisterous and outgoing and calm. Do you still see it now? If you can, you're the only one. You were scared I would change in college, I already know the biggest change you ill ever se out of me, you've already seen. And you were there by my wounded side for every death defying second of it. Crying right along with me. I am eternally indebted to you. I thank you with all my heart.

I stop staring and wipe away a hair from your face. That beautiful face. Your amazing smile, your perfect self. I don't know how or what I would ever do without you. I realize it's far into the early morning as you wrap yourself around me tighter almost afraid I would get up and run away. Never. Never ever. I will stay with you forever Heath Wayne Collins. You wanna know why? Because I love you. And I slip off to sleep, ready for another glorious day by your side.