Driving in Snow Ch. 33

I responded: "That is supposedly also common but usually the girl is imagining herself naked. Sometimes it is being naked in some place like church."

She said: "I have those too."

Kim said: "So do I."

Doreen then said: "In another dream my boyfriend is taking me to dinner at a very fancy restaurant. I'm usually wearing a dress with a low cut top. Part way through the meal he gets up and comes around behind me and slides the dress free of my breasts. Then he sits down again and we finish the meal with my breasts exposed. The other patrons do not seem to notice."

I asked: "Have you ever eaten a meal topless or nude?"

She blushed and said: "Of course not. Have you ever had a meal with a girl who was?"

I answered: "Actually I have. Sometimes one, sometimes more. Never more than five girls however. Some of them have been by candlelight."

Kim said; "Five girls - how, who?"

I said: "The first one with five was a breakfast actually. A mother, three daughters and one daughter's best friend. They are all soul mates. I made a joke about being in the bosom of my family."

Doreen said: "I can't even imagine being naked with a man far less with my mother there."

We talked about this for a while. I explained that the group liked being nude together non-sexually.

I also pointed out that I was sexually active with all of them.

Kim said: "I would have difficulty sharing a lover with one other person far less four. I can't even begin to imagine sharing a lover with my mother."

That spurred even more conversation.

I came back to the point that in each case it was primarily a spiritual union and that in each case there was a different psychic effect. I described each, talking about Barbara's last.

Doreen asked: "Is that what happened the weekend before Thanksgiving and several times over the holiday?"

I replied: "Yes it is. How did you feel about it?"

She replied: "It was wonderful but I wish you had warned me about it first. At first I wondered if I was going crazy. Going crazy in a marvelous way but going crazy nonetheless."

Kim said: "I'm sorry. I knew about it. I should have told you."

Doreen looked at me and said: "Anyway, thank you. It was past wonderful."

I kissed her on the cheek. She responded by kissing me on the mouth. Kim smiled.

I said: "Photography?"

Doreen replied: "Yes but I want to tell you about one other dream first. It was the restaurant dream except when my date exposed me, everyone else in the place applauded. I didn't blush, I didn't feel embarrassed, I felt proud. I stood up and bowed. The people applauded even louder."

She commented: "Are those dreams weird or what?"

I said: "No, I think those are all reasonable fantasies."

Doreen said: "I'm not actually going to wear most of what I brought but Kim wanted you to see the kind of things I have been buying."

Then I repeated: "Photography?"

She looked glum.

I asked: "Doreen, what is wrong?"

She was silent for a few seconds and then answered: "I don't know what the rules are. When you took my pictures before it was for the contest. In a funny way that was fun. Kim says that these are just for fun. I know she had a wonderful time Thursday and yesterday. I thought I could have fun too but now that I'm here I am suddenly not sure."

I replied: "The rules are whatever you want them to be. Whatever makes you comfortable."

She responded: "But that's just it. I don't know what I want them to be. The last time I posed for you I was much more daring than I thought I would be."

I asked: "Do you have some regrets from last time?"

She answered: "No. Maybe that's the problem. I am scaring myself. I brought that one button dress just to show you. I didn't plan on actually wearing it."

I asked: "Maybe you need to focus on the larger questions: What do you want out of life and how do you want it to unfold?"

Doreen answered: "Right now I want to feel that people like me. I want to stop feeling scared around people. I want to be loved. Oh God, I just want to be happy."

I said: "There are multiple levels to happiness: There is the ego level which thinks it will be happy when it gets what it wants. That form of happiness is transitory if not outright fleeting. There is living with compassion. There is being in tune with your soul's purpose, working your saddharma. Finally there is transcending all of that and being in a state of pure awareness, living the 'I AM.' "

We talked about this for a while. Then we came back to Doreen.

Kim said: "Look: You are beautiful, you are smart, you are nice so why shouldn't people like you. All you have to do is relax and let people get to know you. You told me that you turned down every guy in high school who asked you out. I told you before that that was being silly and I'm saying it again."

I said: "Kim likes you and I like you. In fact I like you a lot."

Doreen responded: "Do you really?"

I answered: "Yes and you don't need to pose for me."

I continued: "You need to decide what your rules are. Don't blindly adopt somebody else's rules. Especially don't do something you are not comfortable with just because someone else expects you to. Instead create your own. Create them from your internal knowing. Trust yourself."

Doreen replied: "Mmmm."

I said: "Lets move upstairs and I'll start a fire in the fireplace."

Both girls nodded. Doreen looked much happier.

We went upstairs and I started a fire. We moved a sofa to in front of the fireplace.

We sat down. I was in the middle.

Kim said: "This is nice."

I said: "Do you want to know the real secret to being loved?"

Both girls nodded.

I said: "Be loving."

Doreen asked: "Love who?"

I replied: "Love everybody, all the time. This does not mean being a doormat or a sucker, instead it is living in a state of love."

Kim said: "Like Matt does."

I commented: "I try but I do not always succeed."

Kim said: "Oh I think you do a pretty good job."

I said: "Thank you."

I then said: "I must point out that being loving does not necessarily mean being sexual. Getting caught up in inappropriate sex can become a huge trap."

We discussed this for a while. Then we were quiet.

Both girls were leaning into me. Kim rested her head on my shoulder. I had my arms around their shoulders.

We were quiet for several minutes. The fire crackled.

Doreen rested her head on my other shoulder.

I found that I was sending love but only at a very low level. It was going to my whole list and that list now included Kim, Doreen, Brenda and Lisa.

Kim sighed. Then she moved and kissed my cheek. Then she snuggled back down.

Several minutes passed.

Kim took my hand and brought it to her breast. Doreen watched her do it.

I gently caressed a very nice breast. Kim sighed again. Her nipple was hard. It is very nice to caress a breast through silk. I kissed her head.

I gently caressed Doreen's shoulder.

Doreen said: "I would like to pose for you."

I asked: "Are you sure?"

She replied: "Yes I'm sure."

On the way downstairs Kim asked: "How daring do you plan to be?"

Doreen answered: "Very."

Then she asked: "Kim, how daring will you be?"

Kim laughed and replied: "Every bit a daring as you are."

They were.

I ended up shooting both of them oiled by candlelight. Those pictures were fantastic but not nearly as sexy as many of Doreen's fashions.

The three of us in the shower together was really crowded. We had fun, especially Doreen.

To be continued.