Drunk Fuck

It was the third time I had gotten drunk, and I was already in full bastard mode trying to squeeze this girl's ass. She was our good friend. The kind that wanted us all just to eat popcorn and watch movies, but it was New Years, so she was there with us all embarrassingly drunk, and me trying to grope her ass.

By two in the morning I was ready to head home. Luckily my house was right down the street . When I got home my parent's car wasn't in the driveway. I remembered that they were at a friends house, celebrating the holiday and they were going to spend the night. Nice, I thought, I'll be all alone. I can just walk around naked and smoke cigarettes and jerk off and... I took my clothes off then got inside. Once I was in the kitchen I went the fridge and got an iced tea. My dog Robert ran up to me, tail wagging. I was never nice to ol' Bert, but dogs live horrible, lonely lives, and like humans that live lonely lives, they are happy for any bit of attention.

"Hi Robert." I bent over placing my naked butt right near the things face. It licked away. "That tickles, you ugly shit. Now go away." I lifted my hand like was going to hit it, but it just kept shaking it's stupid tale, so I let it stay.

I lit a cigarette and leaned against the kitchen table. Half way into it I got that feeling, that told my brain that I needed to shit. I walked to the bathroom looked at my naked body drinking that iced, smoking that cigarette - I put the iced tea down and played with my dick till it got hard. I looked cool. I started thinking about this girl Jackie, who had been just as drunk as I was. Via mental edit I replayed the night, but added in a scene where Jackie let me play around with her tits. I started to rub it while the cigarette dangled from my lips. "Yeah baby rub that cock," I said while I massaged the flesh of my erection. Then the feeling came back, and I remembered that I needed to shit. "I'll get back to you later," I said to it, then I sat on the toilet. After I was done taking my shit I rushed into my room and got on the bed. I started pulling and acting all moany. But the feeling on my butt was strange. It didn't feel like that normal soft touch that my flannel sheets normally gave it. There was something else there.

I stood up; it was shit all over my bed. Shit, did I...? I walked back to the bathroom and saw the lid of the toilet covered in feces. In my horny, drunk, shit-filled state, I had forgotten to lift the lid before flushing. My god, I was so out of it I didn't even attempt to wipe my ass, which would have made me aware of my first mistake before I got to my bed.

Jackie came in the bathroom with her left arm over her tits. "Justin, what's going on?"

"I never lifted the lid to the toilet."

She looked at me with this tired, wary expression. "Is that why there's shit all over your ass and bed?" I nodded my head. "You dumb piece of shit."

I cleaned my sheets and the toilet as thoroughly as I could. At points I was so tired that I felt like I was going to pass out right there in the kitchen, waiting for the washer to wash and the dryer to dry the sheets I had defecated on. At this point I was reasonably sober and knew my parents would think it was weird to see me passed out in the kitchen naked, so I put some sweat pants on. Jackie came up to me at one point, and grabbed my limp pecker. "It's not hard," she said, with this not all to surprised look on her face. "Listen," I said, "I think I just want this shit to dry and then I'm going to pass out."

She was gone and I was in the kitchen alone. At about four thirty the sheets were dry. I put them on my bed and passed out. My father woke me up in the morning with this confused look on his face. He wanted to know why the house smelled like cigarettes and why some of my clothes were in the driveway. I told him that I was really, really, sorry and then went to sleep.