Dwelling in Desire Ch. 05

Notes from the author:

Not much to say that the chapter doesn't say for itself. Just a warning that all sex and related activity are consensual, and if you can't wrap your head around what some people like, that is okay, just keep it to yourself. But most of you are reading this because you know my style, and you like it. So, not much to say really, except to all my fellow masochists, You're Welcome. LOL ;)

--J

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Chapter 5

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"Bethany," called a faint voice.

I was tired and ignored it.

"Bethany," it came louder, deeper.

"What?" I stirred awake, blinking sleepily.

But all I could see was a dark figure hovering above me. It was a man's silhouette. A man with broad shoulders and short tousled hair.

"Open your legs for me Bethany," the man commanded.

His voice was not unkind. More like certain. Resolute. As if he knew he could have anything he wanted from me.

I studied the figure, trying to determine his true identity. It looked like...Curt. It sounded like Curt. I hadn't heard him speak in this stern tone of voice, but somehow I knew it was him.

"Curt," I whispered.

"Sshhh, open your legs for me," he commanded again, the softest edge to his voice.

"Obey me Bethany. Now."

What did I have to lose? I did as I was told. I spread my legs, and braced myself for the pain.

"Good girl," he whispered.

The shadow came closer, grew wider, darker until it enveloped me, and I felt him push his body against me. I didn't feel anything entering me yet, just weight upon me. His hard body crushing down on me, consuming me. The air leaving my lungs.

I was filled with a sudden rush of desire. I wanted to feel him between my legs, pushing there.

The pressure on my chest was steady, but the space between my legs felt dreadfully vacant. My pussy throbbed. I thrust my hips upward to urge him along. But he said nothing.

"Curt!" I begged, humping my hips upward in desperation. I needed to be filled.

"Sshhh," he soothed. How could he be so calm? Didn't he want me? Wasn't that why he was here?

"Sshhh, little girl, just be still and take it," the phantom purred.

I nodded, doing my best to breathe and keep my hips still. And I felt it. Slowly but surely, I felt a mass of some sort between my legs. It was strange. Tingly.

The pressure on my chest decreased ever so slightly, and the mass between my legs grew, in size and pressure. I gasped for more air and spread my legs further to try and compensate. The lighter the pressure on my chest, the more solid the mass became.

And when I could move my legs no further apart, I felt the mass begin to move forward. Towards my pussy.

At first I was afraid that I had gotten in over my head, but then I felt the tingling make contact. Oh my.

The pressure grew firmer against my mound, and I felt a fluttering in my belly. I needed more. I wanted to move, but I remembered what he said, and did my best to keep still and breathe.

The huge mass began to probe at my lips, my thigh muscles straining to accommodate. It couldn't possibly get inside. It was too big. Too thick.

I felt the darkness grip my pussy and pull it further apart. And the mass began to push inside. It didn't hurt. But it filled. I felt like a balloon was being inflated inside my pussy.

The mass filled me more and more. The fuller I became, the stronger the sensations. Tingling began to roam all over me, and through me.

"You're mine Bethany," the phantom declared calmly.

"Yes," I whispered.

I still couldn't see anything but his silhouette, but the phantom leant in again, and kissed me. He possessed my mouth, sucking the air from my lungs just before he forced himself deeper into my pussy, claiming me.

Realizing I couldn't breathe, I began to panic. But when I felt him moving inside me, I instantly surrendered. I didn't care if I lived or died. I wanted him. Whatever he would take. Whatever he would give. I needed it. Nothing would take away this moment. Not even air.

I woke up with a start, drawing air into my lungs quickly and desperately. My body covered in sweat. My legs spread obscenely wide. My panties soaked through.

I'd dreamt of Curt. And I'd dreamt of him taking me. The phantom had never confirmed his identity, but there was only one person who called me Bethany, and that was Curt.

This was wrong. I'd been such a fool today, invading my boss's privacy and inadvertently deepening my obsession for him. He would never want someone like me, and even if he did, I couldn't possibly encourage him. I was a professional.

So act like it Beth. Act like a professional. Distance yourself from him, and figure out a different way to sate your sexual needs. Your hand sure as heck isn't doing the trick. You need what only a man, flesh and blood, can give.

I didn't need to be experienced to realize that some things just were. Men offered a distinct advantage over hands and toys. They were alive, for one thing. Conscious of others.

I could only guess as to how sex actually felt, but I knew that it had to be better than what I was getting right now. I didn't want to speculate anymore. I wanted to break free.

Tomorrow. Saturday night I would do it. When better? I would go to a club or bar or something and get myself laid, once and for all. And on Monday I would start over, refreshed and focused.

Relaxing back onto my pillow, I felt a grown up satisfaction at my decision to finally take action. But in my gut lingered doubt, and intense fear. If I gave it away, I would never get it back. If the experience was lousy, I might always regret it.

Then again, if the experience was lousy, maybe I wouldn't crave it so much. I could stop thinking about sex as some beautiful sacred dance between lovers, and keep my mind focused on things that actually mattered.

With my new cut and dried philosophy firmly in place, I drifted back off to sleep.

---

I'd never hated my Saturday morning boner more than I did today. Damn it, I was sick of jerking off. I wasn't a fucking teenager. I was a grown man. I could have any woman I wanted. If I wanted.

Deciding to get myself some real relief, I texted Tina.

You want to get together tonight?

Only moments passed before Tina responded. She was so fucking eager, and right now it was to my distinct advantage. I was ready to go.

Yes. Should I come over or what?

Grimacing, I texted immediately.

No my place is a fucking mess. Let's meet at the club. 7pm. Make sure you eat something beforehand because I need you ready for me.

Tina knew the score. She had needs like I did.

Yes sir.

I smirked. Yes, she would definitely be put through the wringer tonight. My alpha lusts were clawing to get out. And thankfully, Tina ate up everything I gave her, so I knew I wouldn't have to hold back. Much.

There would be no topping from the bottom tonight. Tina had a tendency to test the balance of power with me during a scene, and it irked me to no end, especially on days like this where I was practically out for blood. I was not a sub, and not a switch. There were other guys, and girls, she could go to for that. I wasn't as much of a hard-ass as Joe, I didn't think. But I didn't mess around.

Now that Tina had her degree, she didn't rely on the income that came from performing scenes with members, but she still got together with her long time clients, simply because she shared their tastes. I was one of her first regulars. She was an exotic young thing, eager and firm, if a bit sassy.

She worked mainly as a supervisor these days, interviewing new applicants, ensuring that security was always well staffed, safety policies strictly adhered to, and scenes closely monitored. Tina was only in her thirties now, but she'd developed a reputation as a bit of a mother hen at the club. She looked after all the subs and made sure none were mistreated.

I loved her. But it was more of a brother-sister kind of love, as fucked up as it was. I doubted many brothers and sisters had as much fun as we did.

Letting out an obnoxious yawn, I stretched my limbs before getting up and going downstairs for eggs. Eggs were the one thing I knew how to make. I could do just about any kind of egg, but most mornings I opted for scrambled.

Warming the pan, I set a pot of coffee to brew, and squinted against the harsh glare through the windows.

I thought of how Bethany had looked standing before these very windows. Her belly and her glorious tits flooded with sunlight, all but naked to my gaze.

Christ did I need to get laid.

I broke the eggs and set about my morning routine, hoping to shake it off. But even after the eggs were in my belly and the coffee mostly gone, my morning wood still had not relented.

I needed to burn it off. Not my cock, obviously. But my excess energy. Last year I had purchased a total gym, which I'd set up in one of the four stalls in my garage.

That was it. I would work out. Run, lift weights, maybe take a swim in my sorely underutilized pool, and grab a power nap before I showered and went to see Tina.

Finally, I had a plan.

---

Even though I wanted to look nice for Tina, I couldn't help but rush through my shower. Showers were dangerous. At least they were now. Now that Bethany was firmly entrenched in my fucking brain.

The urge to jack off was immeasurable, and I had to focus on shampoo, soap, scrubbing, shaving, combing...anything but my wet stiff cock that was begging for release.

My workout had been relatively effective in terms of distraction. Sore as I'd likely be tomorrow, I might just have to try it again. That, or yard work. Maybe I wouldn't have to hire a gardener after all, I laughed to myself.

---

Okay, I was having second thoughts. To put it lightly. I wasn't into the bar scene, never had been. I'd been dragged to clubs a couple times in college, but I'd never...engaged. It was just too awkward of an atmosphere. There was always some half drunk idiot trying to get in my pants who made it all too obvious that he had no interest in any sort of long term commitment.

But that was exactly the idea wasn't it? That was what I wanted, right? Prince Charming was a tired idea, and now I just needed cock.

I scrunched up my nose as those words passed through my mind.

I just needed cock? Gosh, what a whore I must be.

No, I needed to do this so I could flush the whore out of my system. Once my sexual needs were taken care of, I could get back to the old Beth. Dedicated, hardworking, and bound for success. This was my justification to myself.

But I wondered if it was actually true. Was I really doing this to rid myself of sexual urges? Or was it to embrace them? To seal my corruption?

I didn't know. I just knew that I had to do this. But I was scared. I decided to call a couple friends and see if any wanted to accompany me. Just to be safe. It never hurt to have backup.

"Jenny, hey it's Beth! Hey, I'm gonna drive to the city tonight and go clubbing. You want to join me?"

"You Beth? Going clubbing? Yeah right!" Jenny laughed. "But seriously, are you serious?"

"Yeah, I am," I replied sternly.

A moment of silence.

"Wow, umm, that sounds really fun. I would love to, but my mom is just in town for a few days before she has to go back to New York. I have to..."

"No, no, I totally get it Jen. You have fun with your mom okay?" I reassured her.

"Thanks girl. Hey, call me next weekend, and we can go then!" Jenny offered.

I smiled weakly. I hoped with every fiber of my being that I would not want sex again next weekend, or the next.

"Sure, I'll call you," I agreed softly, knowing I probably would not call. We were really more acquaintances than friends I think. She had been my co-worker at the K-Mart, and was always really nice. We went bowling a couple times, window shopping, got our nails done, that kind of stuff. But we weren't tight.

Which raised the question, who was I tight with? Not really anyone at the moment. My best friend from primary school was Kate. We had been really close for years, but distance and time had a way of loosening the bonds of friendship. Still, I had long wanted to reconnect, and now that I was out of college and well on my way to success, maybe now was a good time for a reunion.

I scrolled through my contacts, hoping Kate's number was still current, and dialed her.

"Hello?" came her sweet as honey voice.

"Kate? It's Beth!" I squeaked. It was so good to hear her voice, and I wasn't prepared for the tears that came to my eyes.

"Beth? Oh my God, it's so good to hear from you! How are you?" she squealed.

My face contorted into a sad smile.

"I'm okay, how about you?"

"I'm great! I'm actually seeing someone," Kate replied, sounding excited.

I longed to be able to say the same, in that exact same smitten tone of voice.

"Wow, that's great. I'm happy for you."

"So what's this all about? I haven't heard from you in forever! You're not pregnant are you?" she laughed.

"God no!" I laughed, thankful that she had broken the ice. "That would be a little hard to accomplish."

"You're still?"

"Yep," I replied with a groan. "Which reminds me, I was gonna go into the city tonight, maybe check out some clubs. Wanna go along?"

I prayed that she would. I didn't really have anyone else to call.

"Aww geez, sorry Beth. I...this new man I'm seeing...well, I was hoping to have some time with him this weekend before he has to go back to work."

"Don't you both have to go back to work?" I teased. "Or are you the happy little homemaker now?"

Silence.

"Kate?"

"Well, it's a long story. I'm sorry that I can't make it tonight, but we really do need to get together soon. There is so much to tell, I can't even express it right now."

"Wow, it sounds serious. Well don't worry about it. Maybe we can do lunch next weekend or something?" I suggested.

"Umm, yeah! I'll talk to Joe and make sure he doesn't have plans. Can I text you?"

"Sure. You go get back to your new beau. Let me know when and where, okay? I'm just a half hour drive from the city."

"Deal! I can't wait to see you Beth!"

"Me too," I said softly. "Later."

"Later."

Our standard phone farewell had been reborn, and I smiled at the moment of nostalgia.

Now, what the heck to do. I wasn't backing out. No way. If I didn't go tonight, I would find another reason not to go tomorrow. And the next night. It had to be now. I would be going alone.

The thought filled me with apprehension, but I knew I was being silly. Nothing was going to go wrong. It's just a casual fun fuck. People do it all the time. Girl walks into bar. Girl flirts with horny guys. One horny guy kisses up a little better than the others. Said horny guy gets lucky in the back of his truck. Everybody's satisfied. Everybody goes home. Alive and unscathed. And hopefully, sated for another several months.

Unfortunately, I was as off-the-farm as professional interior designers came. I didn't frequent clubs or bars, and would have to do some Googling, and shopping, if I was to pull this off.

The shopping was easy. I didn't have the worst fashion sense, being a designer and all, but I tended towards more conservative stuff. Tonight I needed to step outside my comfort zone. In more ways than one. Maybe going shopping would be a good way to break the ice. I'd start with that, and figure out my destination later this afternoon.

Good! I had a plan. This was going to happen.

"I'll see you in a while Mrs. Hathaway!" I called. "I'm going shopping!"

"Have fun dear," she called from the couch, her hand resting casually near the phone while she watched QVC.

It'd been a long time since I'd done anything but window-shopping. But now that I had landed this large job, I could afford one or two new outfits. Time to get with the current design trends Beth, I laughed to myself.

---

Eight hours and one stop at the drug store later, I was fidgeting in front of my mirror, trying to breathe without my skirt hiking up. I couldn't lie. I looked hot. As hot as could be expected.

I'd purchased some items at Forever 21, which honestly had a lot of clothes that I didn't think it was okay to wear at any age. There were girls shopping there that were easily ten years my junior, and I didn't know how their mothers allowed it. My mother certainly wouldn't have.

Leaning over the sink, I gave my face a once over. I'd put on some extra makeup, employing a smokey eye look and darker lip-gloss than usual. I looked like all those popular girls I'd envied in high school.

Whatever. It was my time now. Stick it out Beth. Stick it all out.

I pulled my shoulders back, and stuck out my ass, and made a come hither look at the bathroom mirror. Yup. I was ready. I just had to keep it together and not chicken out.

---

I was tingling all over as I pulled my Jag up to front steps of Consent. It'd been a while, and I was aching for the rich high that awaited me. I was already hard, which I hated, but I tried to keep it down to a semi. Margot, Margot, Margot...

I'd texted Joe earlier to make sure we didn't cross paths, but apparently he was still holed up with his captive. I would have to follow up with him on Monday about that.

Ordinarily, a visit to Consent was a casual thing. No hurry, no pressure, just some laughs with a few friends, and an exhibition now and again.

But this was not a social event for me. I needed to get off. And not just the rocks. It was an inborn need to dominate that had been leashed for far too long. I knew that my brief invitation to Tina this morning had sent the proper message. I was not playing around. I needed her to be ready for me. Ready to submit.

Maybe Tina would appreciate my particularly toned features, however temporary they were, thanks to my rigorous workout today. I was feeling good. Charged. Ready for action.

Handing my keys to the valet, I ascended the steps. I nodded to Edward at the door, and upon entering, felt the club's palpable energy envelop me. It was different at night, and buzzed with even more excitement on weekends.

"Good evening Bailey," I greeted the hostess at the front desk with my most dashing smile.

Even in the dim lighting, I could see her shy blush. She reminded me of Moneypenny from James Bond. Sweet, with underlying sensuality. Like...

"Good evening Mr. Donovan. It's so nice to see you!" she grinned, trading glances with her co-hostess, whom I didn't recognize. "Tina is waiting for you in in the Shoji Suite," said Bailey, handing me a key.

She had picked one of my favorite rooms. Points.

I grinned back. "Excellent. Thank you ladies."

Both blushed this time. Perfect. I was in the zone.

I offered a soft courtesy knock before entering.

Tina kneeled in position before me, eyes down.

I lifted her chin with my finger. "Look at me little one."

She obeyed.

"You were a very good girl, kneeling in position, and I know you picked this room on purpose. It's my favorite isn't it?" I grinned.

"Yes Sir," she whispered.

"But you're dressed still. Why are you dressed?"

"Because Sir, I didn't know for sure what you wanted tonight."

"Tsk tsk. You didn't know what I wanted? You know very well what I want. I want to fuck you," I shook my head in mock disapproval.

"But I suppose you don't have to be naked for me to fuck you. It's just my mood. I'm not quite right in the head you see."

Tina looked up at me with a mixture of nervousness and lust. Tina was a practiced submissive. I adored the challenge of keeping things fresh to keep her on her toes.

"I've had a bit of a rough week baby, and am just aching to fuck your hot cunt. Hard. Until your screams penetrate these sound proofed walls. The problem is, I don't think even that will be enough."