Dwelling in Desire Ch. 06

I sighed inwardly, and adjusted myself. Thank fuck for the table.

What could we talk about that would be entertaining for me, but business related enough for her? My expression sobered as the proverbial light bulb went on.

Clearing my throat, I began, "So, getting back to business, I'm afraid I really don't have much to contribute when it comes to draperies. However, there is a matter of concern to me that we haven't yet discussed."

"That's alright Curt, I'll handle the draperies. It was more a joke than anything else. What did you want to address?" Bethany asked, as poised as she had ever been, despite the residual syrup lingering on the side of her mouth.

I said nothing about it, since the only thing that would satisfy me would be to remove the syrup myself. With my tongue. I wanted to possess her mouth.

"Well, I've become more and more irritated by the fact that one of my closets is not functional."

My idiot dick was at full mast when I saw her eyes widen and her jaw drop just the slightest bit, in what looked suspiciously like fear. My inner demon was cackling with glee.

"You see Bethany, my wardrobe, while sufficient for my needs, is simply not substantial enough to justify using both master closets for clothes. I would like to make more efficient use of my space, and was wondering if we could discuss incorporating a system of shelves into one of the closets. Since you're designing the built-ins for my office, I assumed you'd be perfectly capable of handling that small project as well. What do you think?"

A few moments passed before her expression neutralized.

"Well, umm, sure. I would be happy to assist you with that. Are you looking for just basic shelves, or is there a specialized purpose for them? I only ask because we can make them shallow, or deep, or close together, or spaced far apart depending on their function. Is there anything in particular that you plan to store?"

Her poker face really was impressive, but I could see it in her eyes. She knew very well what I needed to "store" and I wondered how wet that knowledge made her.

"Fishing gear mostly," I replied casually. "And possibly some other random things. I just figure it will be more functional to have shelves than a bunch of hanging space. I might need a series of wall hooks, but other than that, I think shelves will be better than what's there now."

"I see. Well, the more specific you can be on what sort of items you are storing, the better. I'd like to make sure the final product is to your satisfaction," Bethany added.

"I appreciate that," I nodded in agreement. "Sadly, I'm uncertain as to the exact items that will end up in that closet, so I suppose it would be good to make the storage fairly versatile. Maybe the shelves can be adjustable?" I suggested innocently.

She frowned briefly, and I had to fight to stifle a laugh.

"Why don't you take a look at my closet next time you're at the house, and put together a couple sketches for me? I loved the sketches you did for the other rooms," I smiled my most charming smile.

"Sure," she agreed coolly. "Which closet are we talking about? So I know where to look when I'm there."

Smart girl. Carefully maintaining the façade of ignorance.

"Oh I'm sorry, that might be helpful huh?" I humored her. I knew she was well aware of which closet I meant. "It's the right hand closet. If you enter the master bath, the His and Hers closets are straight at the back. It's the Hers closet I'm referring to, on the right side. The one with no clothes in it," I laughed.

The look on her face tempted me to take out my phone and snap a picture. Sometimes her poker face rivaled Joe's. And sometimes she was transparent as a fucking virgin.

A virgin. Damn it Donovan, put that out of your mind right now. Just forget about it!

Margot, Margot, Margot...

I knew we would be leaving soon, and the fucker just wouldn't go down.

"Yes. I'll definitely make a point to take a look on my next visit. I'll take some measurements and get a couple options sketched out for you."

"Great," I agreed. "It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just versatile so I can store things other than clothes."

"Understood. So, was there anything else you wished to discuss Curt? Regarding the project of course," she added quickly.

"No," I replied simply. "Nothing regarding the project."

I gave her a mischievous grin.

"So I guess that brings this official business meeting to an end, huh?"

"Yes," Bethany dictated, adorable in her attempt to maintain the illusion of composure.

I flagged the waitress again for the check, and we quickly departed. Of course, the helping her into the car was just as painful as it had been before, especially when I observed that her pink panties did indeed look moister.

The drive back to Consent passed in complete silence. We'd managed to get through our bullshit business breakfast with only a huge amount of discomfort, and we were both spent from the stress of it. If only a certain part of me agreed.

Bethany's car was waiting on the street opposite Consent, just as requested, and I cursed myself for my efficiency. Experiencing a mixture of relief and regret, I helped her from my car one last time.

Juan approached and quickly handed me Bethany's keys. He shot me a glance that made me want to deck him. Juan knew what was going through my mind. It didn't take a genius. He and Edward were probably having a nice hearty laugh at my expense.

I shrugged it off and walked her across the deserted street. Once she'd unlocked her door, she carefully removed my jacket from around her shoulders, and handed it to me.

I swallowed in surprise as I accepted it from her. I hadn't been prepared for the sight of her ample cleavage, which was now made all the more provocative by the dim streetlights.

We both stood in silence, she probably wondering if I would try something, and I observing every inch of her as if it would be the last time. I was pretty sure I would never see her dressed this way again.

God, this felt like a fucking first date. The classic walk to the car, ending with a soft first kiss. But I was not craving just her kiss. Bastard that I was.

I wanted to slam her door shut, haul her back to my car, and fuck her brains out in the cramped leather seat. I wanted to steal her away, and keep her at my mercy in my bed. I wanted to demolish the idea of her ever having sex with another man. She would be mine, and mine only.

"Bethany," I finally spoke.

"Yes?" she looked up to me with those gorgeous blues, innocent but passionate, unlike any I had seen before.

"At the risk of sounding unprofessional, do me one favor please. Don't go looking for 'what's out there' again. I assure you, 'what's out there' does not deserve you. It's not worth it. Trust me on that. Do you promise?"

I touched her shoulder, my thumb grazing her bare skin.

She blinked in surprise as our bare skin made contact. It was the first time I had touched her somewhere other than her hand. And it was electric.

"I promise," she whispered, her eyes drifting shyly to the pavement again.

On impulse, my other hand went immediately to her chin. I moved closer.

"Look at me Bethany," I commanded, riding the wave.

She looked. She nearly stripped me of my control right then and there with her look of wonder.

"Look me in the eyes when you promise me," I whispered throatily.

She nodded, her lips slightly parted.

"Yes sir, I promise."

My knees nearly gave out.

"Good girl," I purred before gesturing for her to get into her car.

"Drive safe," I warned with the protectiveness of a father. A lover.

She nodded again before I closed the door, and off she went.

Suddenly, my persistent boner was not the issue. The issue was that I didn't know what the issue was.

Why didn't I just take her?

Because she's your employee. You could go to jail on rape charges.

Who cares?

You should care. You fucking hypocrite.

Yes. I was a hypocrite. And I didn't care.

I could just see the cocky grin on Joe's smug face. I wouldn't go so far as to say I supported Joe in his decision to take Kate, but I had come a hell of a lot closer to understanding why. I wanted so badly to do what he had done. Apparently it had worked out for him, more or less. I still needed to check on Kate and make sure things were on the up and up. But that was another day.

In this moment, I was back at square one. Stay the fuck away from Bethany, and let her do her job. It was either that, or submit to my desires, and risk hurting her.

There was only one correct answer. And I cursed God for doing this to me.

Why? Why put her in front of me this way tonight? Why tempt me? Why subject me to such inner turmoil? I'd had every intention of staying away. And you made it that much harder you fucker!

They say that God tempts us to test us. To test our resilience, and our goodness. If that's what this was, then he was one brutal son of a bitch. I had to respect him for that. But as I stalked back to my car in frustration, I leaned more towards hate.

---

"Please God, please, please. Please give me the strength to resist him. I want him so badly, but I can't have him. Please give me strength. And please forgive me for what I was going to do tonight. I just wanted so badly to be free of this temptation. I didn't see any other way. Please God, forgive me...Amen."

It'd been a while since I prayed. Too long. Probably a month. But I could think of nothing else to do. There was no one I could talk to, and no one who could offer a miracle solution where I could have everything I wanted, and have it be okay. There was only God. And prayer. And faith that he would give me strength, if I asked for it.

But I didn't feel it. Not yet anyway. I felt vulnerable and depressed.

Of everything that had occurred tonight, the one moment that had stuck with me was Curt gazing into my eyes, making me promise him that I wouldn't...do what I was going to do. He knew what I was after, and he knew why.

How could he know?

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that in that moment, I wanted to obey him. I wanted to honor my promise to him more than anything. And I wanted to look into his eyes again, his hand on my chin.

I wanted to be completely at his mercy, just as I had been tonight. The way he'd looked at me still had my insides aflutter. Like he'd never see me again, and felt as tortured as I by the prospect.

I had wanted him to kiss me so so badly. It wasn't right, but I didn't care. Had he attempted to kiss me, I would have submitted with the utmost enthusiasm, and damn the consequences. I was weak. At least where Curt was concerned.

Weak. Conflicted. And dangerously taken with him.

God, he was just so handsome. Rugged and refined all at the same time. A sexual feast for the senses. And his voice. His laugh. How could he be so sexy and masterful, and still retain his boyish humor? It was a dangerous formula that would be my complete undoing if I continued to be around him.

I allowed myself to think of earlier in our encounter, when he'd first ushered me to his car. It had felt like he was going to take me home. To his home. I knew that would be silly, but I couldn't help the thrill that coursed through my veins.

My excitement came to a screeching halt though when I realized he would be assisting me into the low vehicle. The lighting was not in my favor, and I knew that he'd gotten a glimpse of my panties as I tried to sit down as gracefully as possible.

Even worse was the tense ride to the diner. I hadn't known where he was taking me, and the whole damn time I was hoping it would be a hotel. He would rush me to the room, tear off my clothes, push me down on the bed, and immediately have his way with me. And I would have loved it.

I felt silly and stupid when he pulled up to the darned restaurant, and I realized his intentions were totally honorable. Why wouldn't they be? I was just an inexperienced girl, far too immature for his liking, and he was looking for a more rated G setting in which to discuss the situation with me.

But he had called me a beautiful woman. A beautiful "intelligent" woman, no less. He'd outright flirted with me. At least it had seemed that way.

Maybe he was humoring me. Playing with me. Teasing me. That was the last thing I wanted from him, but what more could I expect?

I craved more of what he gave me just before I drove away. He had asked that I honor his wishes. It came in the form of a command that I make a promise to him, but I knew that it was a request. And I had wanted anything but to deny him.

Curt cared about me. He didn't want me to get hurt. So much so that he took it upon himself to tell me "No".

No, I was not allowed to endanger myself for a night of cheap thrills.

No, I was not allowed to flirt drunkenly with a bunch of idiots.

No, I was not allowed to throw away my virginity just because I was horny.

No, I was not allowed to give myself to anyone but him.

That last was of course wishful thinking on my part.

I settled into bed beneath the covers. Did no sex also mean no...touching myself? No, I'm pretty sure he was just saying he didn't want me to seek out a random guy to have sex with on a whim. It was hilarious. My employer was imposing his will upon my social life. My sex life.

Realistically, I had no idea where this was going. Our business arrangement was still intact obviously—miraculously. Our pancake "business" meeting was oddly productive, but more bewildering than anything else.

I flashed back to his one issue of concern—the closet. The closet I had been in, snooping through his treasure chest of depravity.

Fishing gear? Really? Random stuff? Ha.

I knew exactly what his plans were for that closet, but I couldn't let him know that. This would be the most bizarre design project I would ever have in my career. I was just a couple years in, and already I knew that this would forever be the reigning champ. Creating an organizational system for sex toys.

Well, if I had to do it, I would want it to be for someone like Curt. Hot. Sexy. Commanding. And kind. He was kind. And it made him all the more desirable to me.

As tempted as I was to finger myself to a weak climax beneath the sheets, picturing his golden brown eyes, replaying his hand touching me in my mind again and again, I didn't have the energy. Hopefully tomorrow I would still remember everything clearly, because it would be the basis of my nighttime fantasies for an indefinite period of time.

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To be continued...