Embracing Life Ch. 02

It took him a minute to process this. He finally spoke, "Listen, Liz I know you really needed help and I helped you and I know you appreciate this but you absolutely don't have to cross any lines to return the favour. You know I would never make you do any such thing. This will just make me feel bad."

And I spoke again as words came to my mind. "It's not just that. I- I was at a very bad place in my life Patrick you have no idea how miserable I was." I paused, took another deep breathe, looked into his eyes and spoke, "Do you remember those mean guys in school? The ones that used to bully me? One day I was crying about it and you saw that. The next day they came and apologized to me and never bothered me again. You scared them off. For me. It was the first time someone took stand for me. I was a fairly insecure child all through school but you changed that. The way you saw me, made me realise that I am something. You gave me the confidence that I carried to college to my perfect life. Even when you broke up with me I had a thousand friends I had a stable life and everything was okay. And you made sure I was fine. You've protected me for so long Patrick. But when Dylan broke up with me, it was a disaster. I had absolutely no confidence left. Why do you think I lost all this weight? I had all my insecurities return to me. And then you came back and being with you.. Well, you saved me from myself this time. When I'm with you, I'm a happy satisfied person. I feel good about myself. And I feel safe, because I know you will never let anything happen to me. I don't know where my life is going Patrick. I need you to help me. I don't need any commitments from you. I don't need anything from you. I just want to be yours, in any way you seem fit. "

I don't believe I just said that. It's even harder to believe that I meant it. Yes. That's what I wanted. I just wanted to be something to him. Whatever he wanted.

"What do you mean? In any way I seem fit?" He was surprised and confused.

"Yes. You want me to be your secretary, I'll be that. You want me to be your friend, I'll be that. You have a girlfriend and you want me to be your.. well fuckbuddy.. I'll be that. Even if you get married and you want me to be your.." I hesitated. "mistress. I'll be that. I'll be whatever you want. I don't even want a claim on you. I just want you to have a claim on me. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

His expression was blank. "I do" he muttered.

"Listen, I'm going to go home. You think about it. The decision is all yours. If all this makes you uncomfortable you can fire me. I'm sorry for being weird. I was just being honest with you there."

He just looked at me.

"Bye.. Mr Wilson"

I got up and left. He did not speak.

__

Thursday

I was anxious. It was 2 o clock now. Patrick didn't show up yesterday and asked Chloe to mail him anything that required his attention. And today, again a no show. Why is he ignoring me? I told him he could fire me if he was uncomfortable. It was hard to concentrate on anything. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. I said all those stupid things and freaked him out. He probably things Ive gone psychotic. Just then, my phone beeped. It was a text from Patrick. Hes going to fire me over a text. I pressed read

*I need to look at the Durnab file. Could you bring it over to my apartment Ms Bell?*

What? When did I become Ms Bell? This is weird. Panic hit me then. And after a second, relief. He wanted to see me. He's not throwing me out of his life. I really hope not.

I asked Chloe for the file and headed out. His apartment was in walking distance. I reached his building in 10 minutes. I took a deep breath and took the elevator to the seventh floor. The hallway was just as I remembered. White walls and white marble floor. This was a luxury apartment building. I hesitated before pressing the bell. He opened the door. His face was smooth. Expression unreadable. "Come on in." I followed him inside.

The apartment was a 2 bedroom luxury condo. The living room was spacious and furnished elegantly. The wall opposite to the door was glass and there was a balcony that looked over a beautiful view. The room was flooded with natural light. There was a huge sofa set in the middle with a 50 inch flat screen. On my right side was the kitchen and the door to the guest bedroom. On my left was the door to Patrick's bedroom. Yes, the house had changed drastically since when we were dating. I realised I didn't notice much when I came in on Monday. It was dark and I was distracted.

I followed him to the little coffee table near the kitchen and sat down opposite to him. He looked at me, and I looked at him. I was speechless and he, well I had no idea what was going on in his mind. But I did notice that he looked extremely sexy in this light. I took advantage of the silence and started appreciating his face in my head.

"The file Ms Bell?" he asked.

Why was he calling me that? I wanted to ask. But something in his expression scared me. Like I wasn't supposed to ask. Like it would be a mistake. And anyways, it kind of sounded nice the way he said it. I handed him the file. He assessed the file going from page to page. I sat still. My impatience growing more and more. But couldn't speak. I just could not. After fifteen very very long minutes. He closed the file and handed it back to me. "Tell Thomas that this is fine. He can move it forward."

I took the file. And now what? Was it my cue to leave? I thought for a second and started getting up. But he motioned me to stop with his hand. Silently I sat back down.

Finally he spoke in a calm gentle tone. "I have a girlfriend. And I love her very much. We have been together for five years." He emphasised on the five, "You know this. You know me. And you don't mind having a sexual relationship with me."

I sensed the question in his statement. "Right." I answered.

"Are you hoping that someday I'll realise that you're better than Sarah and I'll break up with her?"

That was expected. I answered calmly. "Not at all."

"So if we do have this relationship, what would be the nature of it? What do you expect?" That business like tone.

"I don't expect anything. I told you I don't even want any claims over you. I can be anything you like. Anything you want. I have zero expectations from you. And I just- I really want to be a part of your life. Because honestly, I'm scared to be on my own. And I trust you more than anyone else right now I know you would do no bad for me. And I'm way too disturbed to actually date someone. So ya, that's it."

Silence. He looked at my face like he was trying to read me. I didn't know how to convince him that I'm being more honest than ever. After a long session of staring at each other, he sighed and then spoke, "Why don't you go back and finish your work. Come over later, and we'll have dinner."

Yes. I can live with that. I felt triumphant. I felt strangely happy. Now that I'm sure that I will definitely be something to him. I stood up, smiled and walked to the door. He came behind. I paused at the door and turned around to face him. He looked me in the eyes and leaned in. My eyes shut close and my heartbeat went crazy. I could feel his warm breath on my lips. His hand touched my face sending electricity through my body. And then he kissed me lightly on the lips.

I opened my eyes slowly and composed to myself. And after so many days I got to see that beautiful smile. "Bye" I whispered. I reluctantly turned around and walked out.

__

Concentrating was hard. My mind was running over a thousand things. That kiss on the doorway. That one light kiss was more powerful than when he made out with me on 3 days ago. Why? Because it meant something. His acceptance was a delight to me. Even though I offered him no strings attached sex, so I really shouldn't be that surprised or excited that he accepted. But it wasn't about the sex. It was about being a part of his life. And that feeling was amazing.

My mind and my body heated up in anticipation and nervousness and excitement as I walked to his building. Once again I stood in front of that door taking deep breaths. I rang the doorbell.

He opened the door. My heart stopped when I saw him. He was topless and was wearing low waist dark blue faded denims. His body was pale and almost fluorescent. I have no idea how I didn't even notice his body clearly last Monday. I could tell he's been working out. He just looked, well, beautiful. I always had a fascination for tall men. I myself am 5'6" and he was 6" taller. Excitement bubbling up inside me as I started taking mental notes of things I love about him. His hair. His eyes. His smile. He broke my reverie when he greeted me "Elizabeth". I played along "Patrick".

We walked inside.