Equal Frights

'That's very mean!'

Becky rolled onto her man so that her body was lying on top of his. She moved her hair so it wasn't in his face and felt his hands move almost automatically to her bottom cheeks. She smiled.

'Don't I get bonus points for being naked?'

'Nope,' said Bryan. 'That would be way too easy.'

'How about if I let you fuck me?'

'I don't like sex when it feels like you're doing me a favour.'

'Bryan, I would never do—'

She suddenly saw he was trying not to smile. She wanted to slap him.

'You bastard!'

'You're so gullible.'

'That's a very mean tri—'

Becky was interrupted by the strong hands that pulled her down to his mouth and suddenly their lips and tongues were eating each other. Becky lost interest in saying anything and kissed her man back. Within a few seconds, his clothes were off and the two of them were fucking.

***

There were two reasons why Bryan loved sex with Becky. The first was that she had a great body and a genuine love of being fucked. I mean, what's not to love? But the second reason was more complex.

The way Bryan experienced it, Becky used sex to express emotions she was unable to put into words. Her mood was everything. When she was in a good space, the sex would be sensual and erotic, lots of fucking and sucking and eating each other out. But when she was not in a good space ... something else happened. Sometimes she seemed to need to be punished or gently abused in some way. At other times, she needed to be the abuser—to violate Bryan in a manner she felt he deserved. It was like a second language she used to compensate for the fact that she wasn't as verbally articulate as Bryan.

Like now.

Becky was on her back, her hips twisted to the side and one leg raised in the air, so that her cunt was available. Bryan was leaning on one elbow, his hips facing hers and he was slowly moving his cock in and out of her as his free hand touched her breasts. The bedside lamp was back on and he could see her body as he fucked her, but her head was turned away as though she couldn't stand the sight of him. Right now, he didn't care—her cunt felt too good. But after a while, it began to irk him.

Bryan paused in his fucking and reached for her chin, wanting to gently turn her head to face him. Becky angrily jerked her head away. Bryan hesitated, unsure what to do, and Becky put her raised foot onto the bed, making it more difficult to penetrate her. Bryan frowned and reached for her face again, but this time he pushed all four fingers into her mouth and took hold of her jawbone. 'If she bites me,' he thought, 'then she's really mad at me.'

But she didn't bite him. Becky's hands were gripping different parts of the bed and they stayed where they were, making no attempt to remove Bryan's hand. Instead, she lifted her leg up to its former position in the air, her cunt now wide open again. Bryan began to thrust, gently at first, then harder and harder. He shifted position so that he could thrust really hard, really hammer his cock into her, their bodies slapping. Becky let out whimpers, tears running sideways across her face, yet still she didn't bite. Bryan felt her try to swallow and realised that she was in danger of choking on her own accumulated spit. He stopped thrusting and pulled out his hand. His fingers dripped with saliva.

'Oh, that's gross,' said Becky. 'I'm so sorry.'

'Don't be silly,' said Bryan.

He ran his hand through his hair as Becky stared in disbelief. Then he leaned close, his cock still inside her.

'There is nothing about you I find gross or disgusting,' he said. 'I love you, totally and utterly.'

'Well, you shouldn't.'

'Why not?'

'Because I'm not worth loving.'

Becky turned her head away. Her hands were still on the bed, not touching him. Even her legs, which would usually be wrapped around him in some way, were lying to either side of his body. Bryan felt like he had climbed onto a good-looking hospital patient too weak to push him off. It was not a good feeling.

'Do you want me to pull out?' he said.

'Up to you,' said Becky with a shrug. 'What do you want?'

'I want to feel your cunt.'

'You can't feel it now?'

'Not really, no. You're too busy wallowing in self-pity.'

Becky turned her head to look up at the man. There was anger in her eyes, but also respect. Slowly, she bent her legs, lifting her feet off the mattress. Without breaking eye contact, Bryan pushed deep, deep, deep into her. Becky hooked her legs around his body so that they could relax in that position. She raised an eyebrow.

'Is that better?' she said.

'Much better,' said Bryan. 'You can go back to your pity party now.'

Becky laughed. Then tears filled her eyes. She reached up and touched his face with her hands.

'I love the way you love me,' she said.

'Glad to hear it.'

'I wish...'

Becky swallowed.

'...I wish I could be stronger for you.'

'Becky, I don't need you to be strong. I just need you to be honest. If there are things you're too afraid to talk about, then I won't talk about them. I'll deal with them alone or confide in someone else.'

'But I want you to confide in me.'

'Yes, so do I, but ... let's be practical, darling. This is not the first time my being open about a problem has triggered massive anxiety in you, and then I have two problems instead of one. But just because you're not able to help me doesn't mean I stop loving you.'

Becky considered what he said and sighed. She looked miserable.

'What you're basically saying,' she said, 'is that you will always love me, even though I'm weak.'

'I would never use that word.'

'You would if I were a man!'

'That's different.'

'Why is it different?'

Bryan paused for a moment, frowning. Then he looked at his wife and sighed.

'I don't know,' he said. 'I need to think about it.'

***

There were three reasons why Becky loved sex with Bryan. The first was that he was a masculine man with a very nice dick and he knew how to fuck a woman. No surprises there. The second was that he knew when to shut up and express himself without words. Sometimes their lovemaking was like a dance, at other times a battle, and Bryan could switch from one to the other in the blink of an eye. Becky loved that.

But thirdly, and perhaps mostly, Becky loved sex with Bryan because when his erect penis was in her vagina, he was unfailingly the best version of himself. Outside the bedroom, Bryan Sandford could be a pedantic prick, condescending and almost proud of how unkind he was capable of being. He had an affliction common to those gifted with high intelligence—that of believing a higher IQ made him better than others. He was aware of this himself and strove to discipline his behaviour, but when his ego got the better of him, Becky found him unbearable.

But when she took her man's cock all the way into her, it was like he had nothing further to prove and his ego just burned away. What was left was pure, distilled masculine assertiveness—she could feel it with her entire body—but without his ego she could also feel his heart and Bryan's heart was full of understanding and courage. He was not afraid to face the hard questions of life and that combination of manly strength and courageous understanding ... well, Becky couldn't find words to express how deeply this moved and energised her.

Like now.

Becky was on her back with her man's cock deep inside her, as far as it would go. It felt like it belonged to both of them. And somehow, because of that, Bryan was able to say 'I don't know' without the slightest trace of his usual defensiveness. Becky looked at his eyes, his face, the way he bit his lip as the wheels of his mind still turned as he strove to find an honest answer to her question, and she felt her heart break open for him.

'I love you so much!' she said.

Bryan was taken aback, surprised by this sudden passion. Becky just kissed him, pulling his body down to hers. She could feel his cock nice and hard inside her and she pushed her tongue into his mouth to show him how happy this made her. They kissed for a long time, then his hips began to move. His cock went in and out, in and out, and Becky felt his kisses become urgent. She opened her mouth wide so he could suck her tongue—something that turned him on like mad—and his hips moved faster and faster. He began to grunt like an animal and she responded with sighs of her own. She could almost feel his cock stiffen at her noises and suddenly the thrusts were rapid and hard. Bryan's hands grabbed her body, holding it fast so he could dig his cock deep into her cunt.

'Oh, my god ... oh, my god...' he said.

He cried out and came, his whole body shuddering as he ejaculated sperm into her body. Becky gasped and held him tight, her legs raised, her heels hooked over his thighs.

'Yes, my darling, yes,' she said as he pushed and thrust. 'I love you, I love you, I love you.'

***

It was dark in the bedroom.

The man and the woman lay warm under the covers, wrapped up in the smells of each other's juices and sweat. Becky was lying with one of Bryan's legs trapped between hers and he felt his own semen trickle out of her vagina onto his skin. God, he loved this woman! He was smiling as he started to drift off towards sleep.

'Bryan?'

'Hmm...'

'How did your dream end?'

Bryan opened his eyes in the darkness.

'Are you sure you want to know?' he said.

'I want you to trust me.'

'I do trust you.'

'Bryan, how can you say that?'

'Okay ... I trust you up to a point.'

'And after that point?'

'Well, no, but ... the death of your own child is a pretty heavy issue to deal with. I wouldn't expect that of any woman.'

'But you expect it of yourself?'

'That's different. I'm a man.'

'There you go again! Why do you keep holding men and women to different standards?'

'Because we are different!'

Bryan moved so that he could face her, even though her expression was hidden in darkness.

'Becky, you have said many times that you want to feel safe; that you need to feel safe. Well, I don't have that! Sure, I like feeling safe, but I don't need it. In fact, the way I see it, "feeling safe" is the enemy of safety.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Because when you feel safe, you're not paying attention. True safety lies in paying attention, recognising potential dangers and then taking appropriate action. It also means not taking safety for granted.'

'Are you talking about Tara?'

'Yes, partly. I think that dream was trying to tell me something.'

There was a long silence. Bryan's eyes had not yet adjusted to the dark, so he couldn't see his wife's face clearly. But then she moved, cuddling up to him, putting her head against his chest and resting her leg and foot on his leg.

'Go on, tell me what you think,' she said. 'I really want to hear this.'

'That's what you said last time.'

'Well, this time is different.'

'Why, because we had sex?'

'Yes, in a way.'

'Oh? How does that work?'

'Because after you fuck me, Bryan, you're no longer tempted to make a fool of me.'

Bryan moved in the bed. When he spoke, his voice was hot with denial.

'Becky, I have never tried to make a fool of you!'

'No, you're too clever for that. What you do is that you see me making a fool of myself and instead of finding a compassionate way of letting me know, you take sadistic pleasure in watching me trip over my own feet and smack my face on the floor.'

There was a silence. Becky felt the man's body against hers, still but not tense. She could feel him thinking. Finally, he said:

'I wouldn't say "sadistic".'

'Bryan...'

'Okay, okay, I won't deny it. But it can be very difficult to get you to listen when you're convinced you're right about something.'

'Am I not listening now?'

'Well ... I suppose ... but, um...'

Bryan seemed to get stuck. Becky slowly crawled onto her man, her body on his, and kissed him gently on the lips.

'Bryan,' she said. 'When we make love ... when we really make love ... I don't feel afraid of anything. All I feel is your love. And deep down, you know that. Don't you?'

She felt the man swallow and clear his throat.

'Yes, I suppose so,' he said.

'So seize the moment, my darling,' she said. 'Love me and hold me ... and tell me what you think your dream is telling you.'

***

It was Monday morning, a school day.

Tara was awake in her bed, hugging her elephant. She could hear the faint sound of her father taking a shower in the bathroom next door, humming some tune on and off. Tara listened hard. Daddy would sometimes talk to things, saying, for example, 'Hey, toothpaste! Where are you?' or to the shower water, 'Oh, come on! You're supposed to be hotter than this!' Tara found it funny because Daddy was a grown-up and it was funny to hear a grown-up talking to objects like they were alive. She heard the water being turned off and held her breath, because she wanted to hear if Daddy said to the towel, 'Come here, you!'

The bedroom door opened and Tara's mother appeared.

'Oh, Mummy!' said Tara in frustration.

'And good morning to you too.'

Her mother came in and gave her a kiss. Tara scowled a little, but she wasn't really all that annoyed. She held onto her elephant as Mummy gave her a big hug.

'Come on, darling,' said her mother. 'Time to get up.'

'But you haven't put my clothes out!'

'Yes, about that.'

Becky sat down on the bed and looked at her daughter.

'Listen, Tara,' she said. 'I think you know by now which clothes you're supposed to wear for school. Don't you?'

'But you always put them out!'

'I know. But your father and I had a talk and we think there are things that you're now old enough to do for yourself.'

'What things?'

'Well, getting your own clothes out, for one.'

'But why?'

Becky frowned. She could hear Bryan finish shaving with his electric shaver and wondered if she should get him to join them. 'Oh, come on!' said a voice in her head. 'You got this!' Becky gave her daughter a direct look.

'Tara, darling,' she said. 'Your father and I have two jobs when it comes to you. The first is to take care of you. But the second is to help you learn to take care of yourself. I mean, you're not a baby anymore, are you?'

'No...'

'So we shouldn't treat you like a baby, should we?'

Tara scrunched up her face as she considered this. As Becky sat watching her daughter's face, they both heard the bathroom door open and heard Bryan in the hallway outside. The door moved and he stepped in, his bathrobe tied tight and a towel over the back of his neck.

'Morning, all!' he said.

'Daddy...' said Tara, getting onto her knees on the bed. 'Why do I have to get my own clothes out?'

'Didn't Mummy explain why?'

'Well ... yes.'

'So why are you asking me?'

'Well, um...'

'Did you think asking Daddy might get you a different answer?'

Tara's look was so transparent that Becky nearly laughed out loud. Bryan came in and gave his thwarted little girl a hug and a kiss.

'Nice try, kiddo,' he said to her.

He was pulling away, but Tara stretched out her little arms for another hug. Bryan picked her up off the bed, hugging her close as he gently took the elephant away and handed it to his wife. After the big hug, he set Tara down on her feet on the carpet.

'I tell you what,' said Bryan to his daughter. 'If you can be quick, Mummy and I will watch you choose your own clothes. Okay?'

This last was directed to his wife.

'Of course!' said Becky. 'But Tara, you have to do it now.'

If there was one thing Tara loved, it was doing something with both her parents' full attention. She immediately went to open the drawers of her clothes cupboard, giving a kind of running commentary as she did it. 'Well, first I need some underwear ... and these are my favourite socks...'

Bryan sat gingerly onto the child-size bed next to Becky. As they watched Tara hold up various items for consideration, Becky rested her hand on Bryan's leg. Bryan took it and their fingers interlaced as they nodded and smiled at their daughter, waiting for the moment when they could sneak a quick kiss.