Equal Shares Ch. 31

Anne said nothing about her new personal insight that night. She still wanted to allow time to pass to make sure that it wasn't just the heat of the moment.

For heat there was, undoubtedly. Stan dropped Denise off at her house and waited to be sure she got indoors safely, and then he drove on. As soon as Denise was out of sight he felt Anne's hand on his thigh, heightening his own response. It was difficult to drive with her hand there and a burgeoning erection, plus whenever he had to change gear Anne had to take her hand away again, but by the time they arrived at Anne's house he was ready to burst.

Anne was aroused too. She felt her lower lips sliding across one another as she squirmed in her seat, her hand sliding up and down Stan's thigh as he drove whenever she could lay it there.

'What's come over me?' she wondered. This was more, much more than the horniness she'd felt after last week's dance. She wanted Stan inside her, hard, fast and soon.

Stan parked the car and undid his seatbelt. Anne removed hers at the same time and in a second they were in each others' arms, kissing passionately, deeply. For a few minutes they made out like teenagers in the front of Stan's Mondeo before he pulled back and murmured, just loud enough for Anne to hear, "I don't know which is more uncomfortable at the moment, the gear lever or the handbrake."

Anne pouted as he pulled away, but then smiled at his words.

"I have a door key," she reminded him, "and there's a bed upstairs, remember?"

They didn't get as far as the bed. Once inside the door, Anne pushed Stan against the wall, one hand playing with the buttons on his shirt and the other questing at his fly. Her mouth crushed against his, and he kissed her back eagerly. Stan was amazed. He'd never known Anne so eager. Even earlier that day, when she'd pulled her panties aside while bent over the chair, she'd been less horny than now.

Anne's left hand slid inside his shirt, having undone two of his buttons. Stan moaned as her fingers played with the hair there. All the while Anne was playing at his crotch. She slid down the zipper of his trousers and pushed her right hand inside, feeling for his dick.

"Anne, if you don't stop…"

Her only answer was to slide to her knees. She undid the belt and clip at the top of his trousers, slid his briefs down a little and took his dick in her hand. Stan gasped at the touch, and then gasped again as he felt the hot, wet mouth of his lover slide around the head of his cock.

There was no way Stan was going to last long under this stimulation, given the head of steam he'd built up. In less time than he wanted he grunted "Coming, Anne! I'm going to cum!" and she pulled back to suckle at the head while pumping his cock with her hand. Seconds later, spurt after spurt filled her mouth. Anne started a little at the first one, but eagerly, greedily, kept up the sucking and pumping, getting all she could from him. Once he'd finished, legs rubbery, Stan felt her leave him alone as she stood. He opened his eyes, closed during his climax, and saw her standing there, slightly above him, and she opened her mouth to show him the pool of semen still there. She closed her mouth and swallowed, then kissed him. He could taste himself on her still, but found it intensely arousing and kissed her back, fervently.

"Hmmmmm. Now that the edge is off, shall we go to bed?" Anne said, huskily, into his ear. Taking his hand, she led him up the stairs.

- - - - - - - - - -

Denise got inside her door, checked her phone for messages – there were none – and ran upstairs. She turned on the taps for a hot bath, and pulled some bubble bath out of the bathroom cabinet.

Some long, wonderful, intense minutes later Denise was in the throes of an intense orgasm as she lay in the bath, fingers moving with the expert precision of long practice. 'God, I needed that!' she thought afterwards, as she finally relaxed. Denise couldn't believe just how horny she'd felt.

Denise told herself that she tried to work out what she'd been fantasizing about, but the impressions were a blur. Stan figured in there, she was honest enough and now in control of herself enough to admit that. Elaine and Susan of course. But Anne… Anne figured too. Denise knew that she was attracted to Anne. The beautiful, tall, elegant blonde had always been a physical attraction for her, but until recently Anne had been distant to her. At first it was just the way she was to everyone, but then it had been Stan that had come between them.

Now… now she didn't seem that way, and Denise couldn't help it. She wanted to see Anne writhing under her, to taste her, to smell her. 'God,' Denise thought, 'I can't be falling for Anne as well, surely?'

But she was, and she knew it. Anne, though, was straight. Plus she was Stan's girlfriend. Now tears formed in Denise's eyes as she thought that she'd never be able to have the relationship she wanted with either of them.

"Besides," she told the bathroom, shaking her head and then wiping her eyes as she lay in the water, "I've got Laney and Susan. I don't need Anne or Stan."

The words felt hollow even as they left her lips.

- - - - - - - - - -

Stan lay in bed, turned away from Anne. He thought she was sleeping, and didn't want to wake her, but his mind was running furiously. In the end Stan got up and went to the bathroom, using the time to think.

'I'm in love with Anne. That's a given,' he thought. 'So what do I feel for Denise, and what should I do?'

'Well, first question. It can't be love, surely, because I'm in love with Anne. I can't be equally in love with both of them, can I?'

Stan's nature was introspective and careful. Even in the depths of his depression, those months ago, he'd been honest enough with himself to know that, in theory, he should have been doing something about it. Now, he felt a similar honesty. He was in love with both women, he finally admitted to himself.

'And so what? I can't have both of them at once!' he thought. As always, he felt back for the source of help and solace that had never failed him.

'Caron? What do I do now?' he asked, and felt her presence, sympathising, knowing. He closed his eyes in the bathroom light and saw her eyes regarding him, mocking but concerned.

Stan always felt better when he thought of her, but this time he couldn't be sure what he thought she was telling him. Not once, in all the years they were married, had he cheated on her, or had she cheated on him. Now, he felt like the worst kind of cad as he felt the same intensity of love for two women at once, and even Caron seemed at a loss to guide him. But his wife's love suffused him, made him feel more at ease, regardless of the situation.

Stan shivered in the relative cold of the bathroom, and the vision dissipated. He knuckled his eyes, shook his head and returned to the bedroom. At the doorway he hesitated, fearful that he'd woken the beautiful blonde who he loved so much. When he heard nothing, he slid back into bed, careful not to touch Anne with his cold limbs.

Stan lay there for quite some time before dropping off into a fitful sleep. His dreams were of red hair entwined with blonde.

- - - - - - - - - -

Anne felt Stan get up, and carefully controlled her breathing in order not to let on that she was awake. She was still trying to sort out her feelings.

God, she'd been so full of need tonight. After the rushed blowjob downstairs they'd made love, carefully, slowly, lovingly. Anne was now secure in her feelings for Stan, and knew, beyond doubt, that he loved her.

'But,' she thought ruefully, 'he loves her as well.' That Stan loved Denise was no longer a question in her mind, she'd gone past that. Watching them dancing together tonight had been the revelation, but then she thought back to the other times the she'd seen the two together, and realised that Stan touched, protected and cared for the redhead as much as he could. Denise, until very recently, hadn't let him near, and Anne felt a little guilty in the knowledge that she'd been a part of the reason for that.

But now Anne knew she had a decision to make. 'If I do nothing, we'll all go on as if nothing had happened tonight. Stan and I will go on, Denise will eventually find another. That might be best.'

'But if I do nothing, Stan will be hurt. He loves Denise. I can't knowingly hurt him, so I have to do something. Then there's Denise. I can't honestly say I want to hurt her, either.'

Anne's logical brain found an answer, which her emotional side immediately rejected – it wasn't done. Was it?

Anne resolved to do a little work on the 'net tomorrow.

She felt Stan's presence as he turned off the bathroom light and stood for a moment, silent, before getting back into bed. Anne lay carefully still, to let him go back to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - -

Denise arrived at work the next day early. She wanted a quick chat with Elaine before everyone else arrived.

"Hi Denny!" the pretty young blonde called as Denise walked in. "Good night last night?"

"You don't know the half of it!" Denise replied, a rueful smile on her lips.

Denise told Elaine about the night, the dance with Stan, and her bath afterwards.

"I couldn't help myself, Laney. I felt like I would burst! And it was Stan. I mean, come on, I've been out with him, gone abroad when he said 'no', had a couple of guys and thought I'd got over him. Yet still, last night, dancing together – well, we just looked at one another and I got kinda lost, you know? I guess I'm not as 'over him' as I thought I was."

Elaine leant forward, concerned for her friend and lover. She smiled slightly and said "Denny, sweetheart, I know you're not over him. You never have been. Susan and I talked about it last night."

"You did?"

"Yes, we did." Elaine told her. "It was Susan who brought it up, actually. She said that you'd admitted to her that you still wanted Stan. Susan wanted to know how I felt about that, naturally."

Denise looked down at her feet. "I guess I should've told you about that, Laney. Sorry."

"Well, yes. But it's okay, I don't have a problem, I've told you before. We split up because you wanted a guy, Denny," she said, gently, "and when we had our nights together, the three of us, Susan and I told you then that we were okay with the idea. Just, please, keep us both in the loop, okay?"

Denise went around the desk and, heedless of anyone coming in, she wrapped her arms around the girl in a fierce hug. "I'm so sorry, Laney. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, and I'm really sorry. I just never thought. It's all a bit new to me."

Elaine grinned back at her. "You think it's not new to me, too? But the same basic rules apply to this relationship as to any other – we need to talk to one another!"

Denise stood back from Elaine as someone bustled in muttering a 'Morning!" to the two ladies and paying no attention to them. Denise said, "I guess I'd best be getting to my desk. I'll see you later, Laney."

- - - - - - - - - -

Stan and Anne arrived a scant minute or two later. Anne thought she detected something in the way Elaine looked at her and greeted the pair of them, but couldn't lay a finger on it.

She gave Stan a peck on the cheek, told him she'd see him at lunchtime and hurried on through to her desk. She wanted to get some work done before launching her own, private project.

A couple of hours later she was checking the 'net. It took only seconds to find the keyword she'd been trying to pull forward in her brain: 'polyamory'. Armed with this, she went looking for more.

Hmm. It seemed there were more people practising being in love with more than one person than she'd thought. Some of the advice and so-called 'help' was a bit 'out there', but some of it seemed remarkably sensible. Anne grabbed a few sites into her bookmarks and closed the browser. Time to look them over more carefully later.

Lunchtime arrived. Anne reopened her browser and went to the new bookmarks. She was still reading them when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and jumped into the air!

"Christ! You startled me!" she told Stan, who was behind her, grinning

"Feel like a walk?" he asked her. "It's not bad outside, not exactly the heat of a summer's day, but nice enough for a walk."

Anne switched off her browser, glad that Stan hadn't, it seemed, seen what she'd been reading. Yet. "Good idea, Stan – I'll just grab my jacket."

They walked out and wandered in the grounds, eventually finding their way back to the overgrown formal garden again. They talked of this and that, neither quite ready to broach what was actually on their minds, each unaware that the other was thinking of a similar subject. Denise.

- - - - - - - - - -

Denise and Elaine, meanwhile, had slipped out of the back and into the grounds there. They were earnestly discussing Stan, and their relationship with one another.

"Denny," Elaine said, "You and Stan. I know how you feel, obviously, and you only have to see how Stan is around you to know that he still has feelings for you. Whether or not they are as strong as you think they are I couldn't say, but that's something only you and he can really know."

Denise replied, "Yeah. But regardless of those feelings, there's Anne."

"Well, yes, I know, but then you're already aware that it doesn't have to be a problem. There are you, me and Susan to show that."

"Uh-huh, but then that simply is yet another problem, isn't it? I mean, I've barely begun a relationship with the two of you, and now I want to throw in another unconventional setup? I mean, good Lord, how complicated and fucked-up do I want my life to be?"

Elaine laughed. "It'll work itself out, Denny, it will. Let's see where the problems are, and work on those, huh?"

Denise nodded, and stopped, and sat down on a bench. She turned to Elaine and said, "Okay. Honesty time. I love you and Susan, of that I'm sure. I love Stan, too, however. But the real problem is Anne. I'm attracted to her, why wouldn't I be? But she's straight, she's conventional, and she's with Stan. I can't approach her and say any of this, she'd freak. I'm pretty sure Stan would be a bit freaked too, 'cos I know I still am."

"You're sure she'd freak at the idea?" Elaine asked. But she answered herself, continuing, "Yeah, I guess she is pretty conventional, isn't she. Not to mention the ice-queen bit, though since she's been with Stan we've all noticed that's been thawed out quite nicely." Elaine smiled, and went on, "You should've seen them this morning. They came in together, Stan following like a dutiful puppy, and then Anne turned and gave him a little kiss on the cheek and his eyes lit up like it was Christmas!"

Elaine saw Denise's face fall, and said, "Oh, God, I'm sorry Denise."

"Oh, I'm fine, I'm okay. I just want him to look at me that way."

"He won't unless you can say something though, Denise." Elaine looked around. No-one was in sight, so she leaned forward and kissed Denise. "Sweetheart, I love you and Susan loves you. We'll help you as much as we can, but you've got decisions to make, and you know that only you can make them."

- - - - - - - - - -

Denise went home that night, thought for a moment, and then called Susan.

"D'you mind if I come over tonight, Susan? I don't want anything, just some friends to be with and have a natter with."

"Sure, come over! See you soon, Denise."

Once again she was there in a few minutes, and Susan opened the door. "Elaine's doing some shopping, she'll be back later. Tea? Coffee?"

"Oh, d'you know, a nice cup of tea would go down quite nicely, thanks!" Denise answered as she gave Susan a kiss.

Once they'd settled down with their drinks, Susan asked Denise, "I hear you spoke to Elaine today, about Stan."

Denise blushed slightly. For her, even a slight blush was spectacular, so Susan easily saw it.

"No need to feel like that, Denise. We're all together, you, me and Elaine."

"Yes, Laney reminded me of that today!" Denise told her. She recounted the conversation of lunchtime, then said, "I know that Laney said I had to say something, but I'm not sure I can. How do I approach that? Do I say 'Excuse me, but can I share your boyfriend?' to Anne, or do I say to Stan 'How'd you fancy both of us?' or what?"

Susan smiled at her obvious agitation. "You managed to ask me if it was okay to come back to my house, with Elaine, remember? I said yes. What makes you so sure that Stan and Anne wouldn't agree, if you just asked them? Someone's got to make the first move, Denise."

- - - - - - - - - -

Stan, meanwhile, was curled up in his chair, with a glass of Bowmore in one hand and a Patrick O'Brien novel in the other. He wasn't really reading the book or tasting the fine whisky, though. He was distractedly jumping from thought to thought, from impression to impression. He thought of Anne's beautiful face, then of Denise's gorgeous hair. He remembered the feel of Anne's body against his, then of how Denise felt in his arms as they danced.

Stan spent the evening at home, unfocused, unsure and ill at ease. His life seemed to be out of his control again. 'Was it ever in my control?' he wondered, finishing his second, fairly large glass.

He loved Anne, just as he loved Caron. 'Wait. Does that mean I can love two of you the same?' he considered, a little fuzzily.

'Yes, I can,' he decided. 'If I can love Anne, and still love Caron, then I can love you too!' he thought as an image of Denise, laughing in his arms, danced through his mind.

Stan drifted off to sleep, still in his chair, a small smile on his face.

- - - - - - - - - -

Not very far away, Anne was looking for one of the websites she'd bookmarked earlier. She was at home, having emailed the address to herself.

In the time that they'd been together, she'd found out enough about Stan to know that Denise was attractive to him. 'Goodness knows, she's attractive to me!' she thought. Then she wondered where that thought had come from, and where it might lead to. Dismissing that, she returned to Denise and Stan.

'I want what's best for Stan, and also I want Denise to be happy. Now, how do I tell her? How do I broach the idea to Stan? How do you begin a conversation like that?'

Ah. Here we were. 'Polyamory'. It meant "Participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships" and also "ethical non-monogamy" according to the dictionary. Well, she was sure enough about the loving part. But sexual?

Again, she wondered, 'How do you begin a conversation like that?'

- - - - - - - - - -