Erotic Fables

My name is Dr. Ana Breelander and I am the Millie B. Duckworth Professor of Cultural Anthropology and Linguistics at Laurel College. That's a lot to live up to back home in Tuckus Falls. Most of my family still believes linguistics is something dirty you do with your mouth.

My passion is primarily in native tongues and pre-industrial tribes, but whose isn't? I have assembled a collection of creation myths and parables from around the world. Most of which wouldn't interest you if I read them bare naked at a frat party while fondling myself with a laser pointer (a function of the technology that is highly underrated).

Cultures, both young and old, are revealed to us in these stories and fables. Many myths simply explain the world around us, while fables also have a moral ending or expose some human foible. The best of these, in my opinion, do both. Everyone knows Aesop, but every culture produces myths and fables to explain the unknown in our behavior and in our world. And there are some pretty strange behaviors out there in the world.

In 1982, my group of cultural archaeologists stumbled upon the Introit clan of upper New Guinea. You probably remember the National Geographic expose on it (I was the one exchanging nuts with a matron tribeswoman). Since that time I have exclusively compiled the tribe's stories, which I find to be the most interesting and erotic myths ever told. Though the beauty of their fables are often lost in translation, their candid viewpoints are unmatched in world literature. Plus, they're excellent icebreakers on a blind date.

Years of isolation and self-absorption had a significant impact on the Introits. Gatherers primarily, the clansmen spend much of their time bragging about their masculine conquests while the women gather daily to swap stories about their men. We found most of them to be eloquent orators and very open sexually.

Academicians have labeled these stories as Introitian fables, though most are simply myths. Nevertheless, the Introitus stories give us insight into the culture of the people themselves. Here the first few fables which have been translated to date.

The Coming of Man and Woman

Sky and Earth lived peacefully together for many years. Sky covered Earth and protected her, while she in turn allowed him to believe that she needed to be protected from something. (The text goes on to say that some believe that they were both created from spillage in a cosmic copulation between Master Egg and an alien chicken, but it's not clear which produced the spillage first).

One day Comet fell across Sky, swishing her tail in front of him. Sky was enraptured and soon began to pull away from Earth to follow the comet's path. Earth noticed his attention toward the intruder and became green with envy. She realized that Sky had never looked at her in this way. As she could not contain him, she searched for a way to recapture his attention.

Earth began to turn and act as though she barely noticed Sky. As he glanced back to see her rotating seductively, she created a fog along her valleys to shade his view of her. Intrigued by this and now oblivious to the hurdling Comet, he began to blow the mists away to again look at her. Higher and faster the mists blew over her until they were clouds riding over her in thin veils. Sky grew fascinated with the covering and uncovering of his longtime companion.

But Earth wasn't done. She began to undulate underneath his breath, the wind whipping her soil sending it tumbling to and fro. As his blowing increased, she opened herself up and he rushed to her. He fell upon her and the force of their copulation shook the galaxy. Each of the stars and planets looked to see the entwined pair clumsily groping each other. For days they grappled in passionate embrace and most of the heavenly bodies eventually lost interest in watching them. But Sun and Moon being the prudish pair became annoyed at them. Sun tried to separate them with a blast of heat, while Moon hurled a wedge of ice towards them. Just as the darts struck the lustful pair, Sky lept off of Earth, rubbing his sore horizon. Earth felt an intense pain and realized that the ice wedge had lodged above her in the clouds, while the Sun's heat had landed in her opened crevices.

Sky and Earth tried to come together again but each time Sky lay upon the clouds or blew them across her, the heat would melt the ice wedge and produced great rains. The rains kept him from merging with her as Earth would become soaked and Sky could take no grasp of her. Dejected he withdrew, only to become frustrated and try once more. The harder he tried to get to her, the harder the rains fell, blocking his advances. When his frustration peaked, he manipulated himself until his seed fell to the earth as flakes, and droplets of it still cover the tops of mountains.

Sky's seed that fell upon Earth soon trickled down her, and out sprang plants and animals. The seas filled up from the rains washing the salty seed into pools, and fishes were formed as the rain/seed hit the waves. For many days and nights, the rains came as Sky attempted to return to his love. Finally, two drops of the moisture dripped into her deepest cavern and out sprang First Man and First Woman. At the sight of them, Earth and Sky paused and delighted in what they had made. Being sly, First Man sealed up the cave so that no more human beings could be made by Earth and Sky. Now, human beings only spring from the ancestors of First Man and First Woman, though Earth and Sky continue to court each other in vain.

How the clitoris came to be so small

In the beginning, First Man and Woman were made exactly alike. Each had a cock the size of a thumb and a cunt situated just underneath to match. This made for exciting loveplay, especially when facing opposite directions.

But as Man's libido grew, First Woman became distracted by searches for bright shells and stones. While she gathered ornaments to adorn herself and their hut, First Man continually simulated loveplay in anticipation of her return. Unfortunately, because he could not bend his member down into his own sheath, he was forced to produce an entry with his hand. This he did with great talent and gusto as often as he found himself alone. The result of all this pulling caused his cock to grow long, and generations of expert pullers can be identified by their enlarged units.

Woman was so caught up in her new love of gathering that she could not carry all of her trinkets back and forth in her hands. She took to storing the slippery sea treasures in her cunt, leaving it very pliable though slightly marine-like in scent. Woman's distraction, however, allowed her own member to wither slowly until it was no longer useful. One evening while bending down to pick up a lovely shell by blue moonlight, she saw her sex dangling feebly beneath her, not more than a baby toe's length by now. She rushed back to First Man who was self-copulating instead of gathering firewood and tried to place it inside of him. To her horror, his pussy had closed up and her small button was unable to reopen it.

Filled with pity, Man tried to suckle his lovers knob, but he had difficulty finding it without help. Frustrated, First Woman wandered off to rub herself in hopes of recapturing her once prominent organ. Soon she found herself awash in relaxation and her lost cock was forgotten. Now, on every blue moon, a daughter is born with a protruding organ to remind her not to neglect herself. (ed. - by tradition this is why such a 'man-woman' is considered so sexually potent and is prized by the tribe).

Moral: "If you don't take care of what you have, you may lose everything."

The First Head

Seeing Man and Woman holding hands, Earth lamented the distance of her lover, Sky. As she mourned, her seedlings shriveled, and even his efforts of rain could not bring forth her bounty. For three famine seasons, First Man and Woman were forced to drink from the falling rain and to suckle each other's breasts for sustenance. As each drank more, their breasts filled and became voluptuous. As they slept, their tits would slowly shrink.

Because First Man slept so soundly, his breasts often waned until First Woman forced him awake to allow her milk. One morning he overslept as she lay distracted watching the field rabbits copulate. Man's breasts dried up completely. Upon her return, she could extract no milk, despite her superior suck. Fearing that she might starve, First Woman reasoned that if she stood her husband up, the milk should fill his legs. She suckled his toes for some time before admitting defeat.

Suddenly, the answer appeared right before her eyes. She suckled his dangling cock into a fine feeding straw and coolly extracted his milk, concentrated as it was by his failure to keep up with the rainjuice. In this way she survived the famine. Being big-hearted, First Woman continued to feed her lover and her children at the breast, and therefore kept her generous bosom. When the Earth's mourning abated and the plants returned, Woman turned to other nutrition and tended to neglect the milk of her mate. But occasionally in times of difficulty or hardship, Women will turn to Man cream.

The Sex Sleep

First Woman began the tradition of tuhpah weir groups, a weekly meeting of coupled clanswomen to discuss men and camp utensils. All of the women of the tribe were summoned, but initially attendance was sparse. Most women could not get away from their men long enough to stay for the entire afternoon. Women from outlying areas were too sore from constant intercourse to comfortably walk all the way from surrounding villages.

When First Woman was interrupted by First Man for the third time one afternoon, she decided that she had had enough. As she lay under him, legs askew, she searched for a way to give the women more time to congregate.

Breaking away early one morning while First Man's erection was still sleeping, she traveled to the valley populated by the Limping Tree. The sap of this small tree was used by local healers as a salve applied to shrink inflamed hemorrhoids (early chairs were very hard). First Woman gathered some of this sap into a small bowl, then proceeded to look for her mate.

She found him standing in the middle of the village. As she entered the clearing, First Man was shouting wildly for her, gesticulating wildly at his engorged member. She went to him, knelt and placed the bowl of sap by his feet. Before he could ask about the strange tree gum, she took him into her mouth and pleasured him. Since First Woman was famous for her mouthjobs, he was soon ready to spill his First Seed.

As he spasmed his approval, First Woman began to swallow half of his milk. Before he finished emptying his ballpair, she took his member from her mouth and gripped the base with her tight fist. His eyes bulged but he was unable to move. First Woman then put the bowl to her lips with her free hand and filled her mouth with Limping Sap. Before his eyes, she then began blowing sap into his member filling up the ballknob that had just been emptied.

When she finally released his organ, he had one ball full of Seed and one of Limping Sap. From that day on, descendants of First Man spray one ballknob completely out during climax, then empty the other inward. The release of the sap allowed Woman a chance to gather with her fellow clanswomen, and gave First Man time to nap as well as to invent sports.

Moral: "Where there's a will there's a way." or "Be careful what you wish for."

The Prodigal Son

First Son came to his mother one afternoon while she was gathering rice by the lake. Seeing at once that he was troubled, his wise mother asked what advise she could give. He reported that his bride and sister, First Daughter, had erupted in spasm last evening upon their bedmats while they enjoyed the love act.

First Mother smiled and remarked that it was about time. The problem, continued her son, was that First Daughter immediately jumped up and demanded for him to make it happen again. Despite working on her with hand, tongue, and member for the rest of the night and most of the morning, he could not grant her wish.

Perhaps you did not show adequate enthusiasm, asked his mother. No, no, demanded the son, who waved his still erect member at her and made a fast rubbing motion over it, he had been very responsible in his attempts. First Mother replied that perhaps he would arrive at his destination more quickly by walking than by rushing about and getting lost.

First son could not understand such strange advice and returned to his lover's mat to resume his attempts. Frantic and frustrated the couple wrestled with the dilemma for three more days before falling together exhausted. Waking up later face down into his sleeping bride, First Son regretfully kissed her sex lips in apology. Tenderly expressing his failure, his lips softly brushed her shrunken knob.

First Daughter stirred in her sleep, and surprised he searched again for the hidden button with his tongue and lips. He soon had his love wakened fully and in spasm once again. From that day on, he kept the secret of the 'hidden treasure' behind pursed lips, dooming his children to repeat his misadventures.