Erotica Guide to Teasing

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A Couples Guide To Erotic Teasing

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Many couples enjoy playing erotic teasing games to add some extra fun into their sex lives. Teasing games are great way to add some variety to your regular routine which also has the benefit of increasing the sexual tension between two lovers. Every couple is a little different in when and how they choose to play 'teasing games' but for many, it is a fun, additional part of their sex lives that can be played when they are both in the mood. When my wife and I choose to write this guide we hoped that spending some time to write down what we've learned would help introduce new couples to the basic ideas of erotic teasing. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we do, as an erotic adventure to take together.

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Creating The Tease

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To begin to understand the basics of erotic teasing, it helps to first understand what is a tease. Webster's Dictionary defines a tease as:

"To arouse hope, desire, or curiosity in someone without affording satisfaction."

In other words, in order to tease your partner, you must arouse some uncertain hope on their part that they will get to have sex and that they will get to achieve an orgasm. So specifically teasing is not about just putting off sex for long periods of time. That is detachment, which is a negative situation and isn't at all the goal of teasing. Teasing is creating a situation where his orgasm is unpredictable for him. This unpredictability is what creates an erotic tension between lovers. So you should tease your lover regularly and often, even if just for a minute or two, or just enough to get him hard and then walk away. He will be unsure of when you plan to go all the way, and when you will stop, and this will intensify his desire to orgasm.

Of course, the most direct way of teasing him is to frequently bring him close to the brink of orgasm, which is delicious for both partners, and makes him that much more hopeful this time could be the one where he is able to get off. It is through this unpredictable nature of the orgasm that his hope and desires are increased. And as his desire is increased, so too is his motivation to please you, in the hope that if you are sufficiently pleased, than you will finally allow him some satisfaction as well.

You will find that the more time that you spend teasing him, the more time he will spend trying to please you in return. This is where the fun and play come into teasing games between lovers.

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The Science Of Why It Works

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So why not just allow him satisfaction every time? Wouldn't that make him happier, and also bring the couple closer together? To really understand the answer to this question, it helps to remember Pavlov's dogs, a famous experiment in behavioral conditioning.

Pavlov was able to prove that consistently providing for basic needs at regular predictable intervals actually decreases the dog's desire to seek that need, since that dog knows that the need will always be routinely met. With his needs met, the dog doesn't need to spend energy in seeking to have that need met, and likewise the desire for that need goes down. We never appreciate that which we take for granted. Likewise, the same is also true for consistently withholding a need, in that all hope of ever satisfying that need is abandoned, and so the dog's desire to seek the unattainable need gives way to apathetic hopelessness if unsatisfied for too long.

But, Pavlov proved that the dog's desire for a need is greatest, and the energy spend seeking that need is greatest, when satisfaction of that need is uncertain. Even after the dog has just had this need met, he will sooner begin trying to meet that need again, since the dog can never be sure when that need will ever be met again.

This brings us back to the original question, and the entire point of erotic teasing, which is that, the excitement of a teasing game is based upon the unpredictability of the orgasm, and the increased desire and efforts the 'teased person' puts forth to achieve the unpredictable orgasm from their partner.

As a final result, the teased man is spending more time and attention on his woman because his woman is spending more time and attention on teasing him. As you can see, both lovers are spending more time and attention on each other, which builds a closer, stronger relationship, and this is the ultimate benefit of playing erotic teasing games with your lover.

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But Does He Really Want Me To Say No?

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To answer this simply, if he has asked you to tease him, then yes he wants you to deny him as well.

It's worth mentioning this again, because, especially for a couple that is new to erotic teasing, if he's agreed to teasing and denial, he wants both the tease part and the denial part. One without the other does not work. It also does not work if during your play time you ask him if he wants to cum. This is because, if you were to ask this, then you are just giving the control of when he gets to orgasm back to him. If you ask, then he can get gratification whenever he wants which is the opposite of teasing and not what he wanted when he asked to play a teasing game.

This can be hard for people who are new to teasing to understand because they want to make their partner happy, and they might be afraid that telling him "No cumming!" isn't going to make him happy. But remember that giving in to his need to cum when he asks does not create any tease at at all. It's helpful to remember this fact especially when he is trying to convince you in 'that moment' when he is close to his orgasm.

Some have said that, the point in time where you take the control of his orgasm away from him, is the point in time he has been hoping for all along. It's the point at which you over-ride his immediate desires and you make things unpredictable for him. Once you do this a few times you will see how much it increases the sexual tension between the two of you and where it starts to get fun. Most men who are into teasing games, deep down want you to take control of their orgasms and own them. The only way to do this is for you to exercise your power over his orgasm by saying "no" now and then, unpredictably.

Lastly, while it may be difficult, don't feel guilty about saying "no", if he didn't really want to be teased, he wouldn't have asked for it in the first place. So, no matter what he says when his cock is hard and his balls are blue, tell him "No" and learn to love saying it. You are fulfilling his wishes, he will love you for it, and you both will enjoy a lot of fun.

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A Time To Cum

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Most couples find that they need to have very good communication to make make teasing games work. He should learn that as he finds himself getting close to the point of no return, he should announce that he is 'close'. This gives you the opportunity to decide "Not yet" or "Cum for me". By waiting until this very last moment to announce your decision, you maximizes his hope and uncertain yearning.

So what's a good schedule for his orgasms?

Well, the whole point of the tease is that the length of denial must be unpredictable, and therefore unscheduled. At the same time, it's still useful to remember, ultimately, that people still enjoy a great orgasm, so use that desire to your advantage.

Vary the frequency of his orgasms from multiple times a day (yes, even occasionally forcing him to get it up and cum again even when he doesn't feel like it), all the way up to making him wait a few weeks or more, and everywhere in between. Alternatively, she can occasionally make him cum at the very start of the day without any teasing at all, just to add to the unpredictability of it all. The most important thing though is not to get into a predictable schedule our routine. Keep him guessing and you will both love it.

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Limiting His Masturbation

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Once you and your partner have the basics of a teasing game established, you will both learn that it only really works when you have complete control over when he is able to orgasm. It follows that a teasing game does not work if he is able to masturbate whenever and where ever he wants. So to take erotic teasing to a new level you and your partner need to discuss his masturbation habits during the times when you are playing the game.

For most couples there are two ways of limiting his masturbation during your teasing periods, one is the "honor system" where you both agree that he will not masturbate on his own. The second option is to make this agreement more physically by having him wear a temporary anti-masturbation device known as a chastity belt.

Both methods result in the teased man giving up control and not being able to cum on his own, making him entirely dependent on you to allow him to cum. This creates a very erotic tension and a more powerful tease for him.

If you use the honor system method, and you agree to accept his promise not to cum without your permission, it's helpful to have a specific reminder of that pledge, like a ring, a bracelet, or a necklace, that you wear to remind him of his promise when he see's it on you. This is especially true if teasing and denial games are something the couple only play on and off. He will know when you wear the symbol that he can't touch himself without your permission, and likewise, when she removes the symbol, that their relationship is back in a "normal" mode.

For some couples the 'promise' method may not be good enough or very effective. Most men won't have the self control to stay 'good' in those times where all he can think about is cumming. The promise is broken and the game is ruined if he sneaks off by quickly masturbating to satisfy himself. Most all people masturbate regularly and Men in particular find that it is a hard habit to break.

Because of this some couples skip past the "pledge method" and resort to a more physical method of preventing masturbation by using a male chastity belt. In our opinion, such devices should be used for teasing fun, and are not seriously practical for long-term uninterrupted wear, but every couple will experiment with what works well for them.

There are a lot of options of chastity belts on the market, from more comfortable silicon models like the 'holy trainer' model to more secure options made of steel like the 'Jail Bird' from mature metal. These belts work for most but there are also more secure options made with a belt like the 'Love Jail' which will prevent the man from pulling out of the back of the cage when he is soft.

There is also something very symbolic about a chastity belt that regularly reminds him of her presence and her control over his pleasure and penis. For both him and her, there's also nothing more of a turn on than that palpable "click" of a lock to help make the game more fun for both the teaser and the teased. Plus if you wear the key to his belt on a necklace or on a bracelet, your partner will be constantly reminder of your control when he see's the key.

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So How Long Is Too Long?

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As far as prolonged denial, lasting over a month should be a rarity for several reasons. Normally a man would masturbate to meet his biologic needs if a relationship wasn't getting him there, but in a teasing game, that is not allowed. So in this setting, his orgasms are not just her privilege, but in some respects they are her responsibility as well.

By the same token, knowing that she would never make him go for a long time without coming removes some of the uncertainty for him and makes his orgasm schedule more predictable. So she may find it necessary to delay him for an extended period of a few weeks or a month at some points just to establish that she "can" if she wants to. Having done that a few times, will remind him that she's made him wait a long time before, and this in itself will be a good trigger to keep his desperation high, and his arousal intense.

One way to figure out his limits are to talk about how long he thinks he could go between orgasms. Once you get a time frame let him know that you respect it, but that you may triple this time, if you choose. This usually is much more then what a man expects and will really keep him guessing.

Remember, that hope is the foundation of the erotic tease! If she's particularly cruel, she could make him suffer through a long period with lots of teasing time, only to end that frustrating stretch of time with just a super quick orgasm. Wouldn't that be just scandalous?

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So What's a Girl To Do?

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So she's not going to let him cum for a while, and intercourse becomes more challenging because he will likely cum in minutes, if not seconds, when you do have sex. So what is a girl to do sexually in the meantime?

Easy, let him worship you, all over your body, and especially downstairs.

During a teasing game, he will be worked up and ready to do almost anything to please you. You should remind him that his focus should be all about you and satisfying your pleasure. So take advantage of this and enjoy yourself during these times and ask him to do whatever makes you happy both emotionally and sexually.

This could be giving you a bath, painting your toes, kissing you from head to foot, or giving you a long massage. Let him kiss your breasts, and bring you to as many orgasms as you like by using his tongue and his hands. You can always pleasure yourself and make him watch which will also make him super horny. All the while, she should enjoy that his hard-on rages unsatisfied, because that erection is his body's sign that her pleasure makes him happy as well. So if the mood strikes, she should feel free to lift up her skirt to enjoy some spontaneous pussy licking, some unexpected breast suckling, or his hand on her body, even if it doesn't go much further, simply because she enjoys his attentions.

Some women will miss the feel of him inside of her but with a little creativity this too can be part of the game. Use a desensitizing lubricant and a condom to take the feeling out of it for him or simply have him use a dildo on you until you reach that climax that you desire.

While giving you pleasure, He will enjoy focusing on her, and he will love when he gets to touch her body. He will also get great satisfaction in giving her as many of her own orgasms as often as she pleases. When his focus is on you, it will help remind him of how much your pleasure is imporant to him.

This intimacy is very freeing to both partners, she should enjoy telling her man exactly what she wants, and he is free to focus only on her pleasure without being distracted by his own. Remember "tease times" are 'her' times, so enjoy them to the fullest because it is all about you!

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Other Benefits

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Even if you aren't doing things related to sex, she'll notice his enthusiasm for her and his interest in her will be way up. He'll be hoping that she notices his efforts, and that she'll show her appreciation by finally letting him to cum with her at some point. Now, doesn't that sound exactly like things were when you were first dating?!

It's important to understand that she's not using a teasing game as a means to AVOID sexual interaction with him, which wouldn't be any fun at all, and isn't even a tease. Remember a tease does not have to be 'sex' it can be lots of ways that she might arouse him which can be as simple as saying something dirty in his ear to flirting with him in an everyday setting.

All the same, it's still fun to regularly tease and arouse him directly as well, just to build the sexual tension even further. Maybe she'll get a kick out of stimulating him, even many times a day, right up to the brink of an orgasm, to give him the hope that this time he may be allowed to cum. Occasionally she might just rub his cock until it's hard, and then let that be the end of it for a while. She could even let him inside of her for just a few seconds in some spontaneous place or time, just to remind him how wonderful her body feels, and to remind him what he's missing out on. The more spontaneous and unpredictable the tease, the greater the sexual tension becomes.

All in all, however he is teased, it is his yearning that gives him the desire to please her and make her happy, and that is what she should do during these times... take advantage of this desire and enjoy his attention.

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Head Games Can Be Fun

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Because you control the unpredictability of his orgasm, when it comes to actually deciding if he gets to cum that day or not... she can simply decide for herself if "today is the day or not". This will be empowering for her, and puts his pleasure at her mercy, which is motivation for him to be sure she is pleased that day.

But maybe she doesn't want to be the one responsible for his disappointment when she says "no". Or maybe she still feels guilty for making this decision even though this is "what he wanted". A simple solution to these feelings is to use an alternative way of deciding when he orgasms other then just her choice.

For example you could use anything from a flip of the coin, which is unpredictable enough, to a dice throw, or a card draw, to decide if today is the day. Regardless of the method you can take the decision out of it and leave it up to chance.

The more creative she is in deciding his fate, the more unpredictable the situation will be for him. Change the rules from time to time. For example you may say, I know today was your day but I've decided that make it tomorrow.......maybe.

But as with all things, everything in moderation, The couple can also decide to stop playing a tease game altogether for periods of time and the couple will switch back into "normal" mode for a while. She can have fun by reintroducing a tease game at any time by springing a new set of rules on him as he nears the brink of what he thought would be a regular orgasm.

Remember... unpredictability is the name of the game for teasing and denial, and soon you'll both be as giddy and infatuated as you both were when he first started to go out and date.

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A Few Games To Have Fun With When You Play

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One popular teasing game uses colored marbles which are drawn out of a pouch. A white marble means he is able to cum, a blue marble means he must wait. The woman will draw a marble each night (without showing him) and will tell him how she would like to be pleasured that night. When she has had enough, she will bring him close to orgasm and then when he is on the edge, she will let him know the color of the marble that she picked. If the marble is white he is allowed to cum but if it's blue he must wait until tomorrow for his next chance. The frequency of his orgasms is determined by the ratio of white to blue marbles in the pouch. After a marble is picked it is removed so that his odds get better as time goes on. There are lots of fun variations of this game where she can add or remove marbles based on his behavior, or if she has cum, or just because she chooses to change the odds.

Another game is to play the 6 senses game. (Touch, Taste, Sight, Speak, Smell, and Hear). On the first day do everything to arouse him through touch. Let him massage you, let him feel your body and play with the sense of touch. On the second day let him taste you and kiss you all over. On the third day take away his sight or don't allow him to see your body at all. On the fourth day talk dirty to him and read erotic stories. On day five wear your most erotic perfume, let him smell you everywhere but don't let him touch you at all, and on day 6 let him hear your play with yourself while being blindfolded. By day 7 he will be so aroused that he should be putty in your hands. You get to decide what's next or you can leave it to chance.