Everything Looks Better Ch. 07

Room 4, Rin's Travel Agency, Macalania

Raine felt far away.

Auron's exhilaration was laced with dread as he cinched his arms a little tighter around Raine, attempting to lure her into the present, but she was blankly preoccupied. An uneasy silence thickened before his organ had completely drained and he tucked it away. Quickly.

Rigidly unraveling from his arms, she buttoned two arbitrary shirt buttons, swiped the garter from the nightstand, and found her pajama bottoms at the end of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Auron asked.

"To clean up."

Auron trained her with a sharp eye as she fished her underwear out of the flannel pant leg, keeping her back to him as she snapped on the bathroom light and closed the door.

Damn.

A Guardian should make a Pilgrimage easier, not complicate it.

Squeezing his lips together, Auron rolled onto his back, raising his head off the bed as he tied the drawstrings on his trousers, then entwined his fingers behind his head as he stared at the ceiling.

Nothing about today had been easy for her. Jet-lagged, hungry, homesick... He couldn't help to think it was a matter of timing. How different would things be if he had just asked her not to marry Jory? Maybe if he had taken her to bed in Zanarkand, when everything was simpler, when the air smelled different and the food had flavor, she might still be in his arm now, pestering him with some form of pillow talk. She would not be locked in the bathroom and he would not be wondering when a man finally was immune to making mistakes.

Mistakes.

Seized with panic, Auron sat up straight. "Raine?" he called, his voice deep, hard.

The seven seconds it took for her to answer felt excruciatingly long. Auron heard nothing but the Pyreflies rustling frantically at the back of his skull, reminding him Raine had ventured out of their comfort zone.

"Yeah?" Her muffled voice echoed from the bathroom acoustics.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Auron exhaled. "Nothing."

Interestingly enough, the Pyreflies were not only quieter when Raine was near, but they were downright mute when he was balls deep in her, and he couldn't help the curl of his lips as he smiled to himself. He had to admit she was a worthy contender, her contribution instinctive and mostly unquestioning, but maybe he'd shown too much of himself, he thought, and his smile faded. With a sinking sensation, Auron had the oddest notion that his skin was see-through and Raine didn't like what she saw.

Unable to shake his disturbing thoughts, he rolled off the bed, approaching the cart by the door. He rattled through the dishes, the uncovered trays. Raine's fork, knife and spoon were under a napkin on her unfinished plate, and he checked the other sets of flatware to make sure they were all complete, namely the knives.

I've made so much progress and you coming back...well, it's liable to set me back.

There had been a reason she had sent him away in Zanarkand. Maybe he should've heeded it.

At the bathroom door, he gripped the door knob and knocked.

What was she doing in there?

To his surprise, the door was unlocked, and he swung it open, too fast. He discovered her on the toilet in a curious position, head down, legs apart, looking critically down at her thick blond nest of pubic hair. At his entrance, she straightened, pinned her knees together, her expression frozen with embarrassment.

"What are you doing?" he asked around a bewildered smile.

"Auron," she scolded. "Privacy?"

After careful consideration of what he'd walked in on, Auron leisurely faced the door. "I thought it would be locked."

"I'll lock it next time," she muttered. "I didn't realize you had issues with your impulse control."

Auron smirked. If she only knew the impulses he'd resisted over the years.

Leaning a hip on the edge of the sink, he noticed her garter sitting by the basin, but it was her ring that snagged a double look. He looked away from it swiftly; one more thing he wasn't supposed to see, but he couldn't ignore it. "Having regrets?"

Her pause was careful, tentative. "About what?"

Pinching the ring between his index finger and thumb, Auron held it up over his shoulder so she would see it.

"Maybe," she sighed. Auron heard the papery flick of toilet paper and the shuffle of her movements as she finished up. "I don't know. I think I need to see more cards before I answer that."

"Fair enough." Behind him, the toilet flushed. "Which cards would you like to see?"

"It will have to be a personal one, I think," she said, standing next to him, turning on the faucet to wash her hands.

She was wearing just her pajama top and underwear and his eye darted straight to her legs. A swing of desire came readily over him. He wanted her again and the Pyreflies danced at the thought, but now wasn't the time. Considering her temperament, it might never be the time again. "I figured. You're being abnormally unsociable."

Without looking up at him, her forehead crumpled, affecting annoyance. "No I'm not. You did exactly what I asked, thank you."

Auron laughed, hard and gritty, but stopped abruptly when Raine shot him a cursory look. He had suspected it before, but now he wondered seriously if Raine was pursuing momentary diversion, to distract herself from their Pilgrimage. He knew he should feel hurt, used, maybe angry, but he instead felt strangely turned on. This ruthless version of Raine was quite unexpected. "You think I only did that because you wanted me to?"

"Didn't you?"

He conceded with a side nod. "Partly. I hear it's not as fun with only one enthusiastic participant."

She bullishly smothered a grin, tried instead to look defiant. "Is that what you had? Fun?"

He raised one brow. "Wasn't it obvious?"

"It was a little more than just fun, don't you think?"

She was seeking verification of his feelings. They were present and accounted for and his larynx dropped to say it, but his lips stayed sealed. The longer the pause, the more difficult it became.

Flushing, she shook her head to dismiss him from answering and hastily dried her hands on the towel. "Never mind," she said and quickly circled around him to leave the bathroom.

Auron caught her by the elbow and said, a little too bitterly, "Don't forget your ring."

With an irritated sigh, she reached for the ring between his fingers, but Auron didn't let go right away. She tugged and when he still didn't let her have it, she frowned up at him.

He said, "I've always believed actions speak louder than words." Releasing the gold trinket, he hoped she understood his meaning. Lying with her was more than fun.

"Is that so?" she asked, clipped.

She held up her left hand for him to see, making a rather ostentatious demonstration as she displayed the ring in her other hand, between her thumb and forefinger. A second later, she deliberately joined the ring to her left ring-finger, sliding it purposefully in place. Her point was not lost on him. Raine intended to stay married and she expected Auron to act accordingly.

Shadowing her out of the bathroom, Auron pressed his shoulder on the mount of the door and folded his arms. Raine straightened the coverlet, crumpled from their previous activity, and slipped underneath, lying on her back. She had picked the left side, where he had tucked her in earlier, and he interpreted the Auron-sized gap on the right as an invitation. Crossing the room, he mirrored her under the blankets, both of them steely, staring at the ceiling. He waited for her card request and wondered why he was always the one with cards to show.

"When is it your turn?" he asked.

"My turn?"

"To discard."

She turned her head so her cheek rested on her pillow. "You want to see one of my cards?"

"Hmm."

"All you have to do is look," she said, pointing her chin back to the ceiling. "My cards are all face up in front of me."

He twisted his lips, bemused. "I think there are a few stashed up your sleeve."

She sighed. "You're surprised by this? You've given me a lot to think about today."

"I tried not to overwhelm you. But you're too damn smart."

Smiling sadly, she said, "I just wish we had more time."

Auron paused. "It's still your choice," he reminded.

"Say I don't do the pilgrimage. Will you find another Summoner to guard?"

"I am a Guardian." Raine didn't respond and in the quiet, the Pyreflies in his head fluttered in revolt. For the first time, he speculated the Pyreflies were actually reacting to his own tempers, instead of acting independently of him. "But I'll come back."

"If you're not Sin," Raine muttered.

"Little chance of that," he said. Finding one person with an appropriate bond was difficult enough.

"If you don't come back dead, then."

Auron clenched and stared at the ceiling.

"Look, I'm not faulting you for it. It's like Tidus and Blitzball, it's what he does."

"And what is it you do?" Auron asked.

"I don't know," she said with a light shake of her head. "My sports anchor job in Zanarkand...it's not who I am. I don't have a pull like you and Tidus do."

"You just haven't found it yet."

"Maybe it's Summoning, and I just don't know it."

"Maybe," he said automatically. He didn't think so, but he'd been wrong before.

"How long has it been since you've been to bed with someone?"

"Years."

"Was it Lulu?" she asked without hesitation.

He wanted to ask the relevancy, but he promised to show her cards. "It wasn't Lulu."

"Was it ever?"

"No, Raine," he said sternly so she would quit asking. Lulu had been a Guardian and a friend, as was the Ronso, the Al Behd girl and the red-headed Blitzballer. "The last time was before I came to Zanarkand. The first time." Before the Pyreflies reanimated him.

"Who?"

"Their names escape me," he said and when he felt her harden, added, "I've never been with anyone more than once." He wasn't sure that last part was helpful, either.

She pondered that for a while, emoting nothing conclusive and eventually said, "Well, you are a hard man to impress."

Auron grinned. Incidentally, after learning Auron was a recently dismissed monk, it was Jecht who orchestrated Auron's lost virginity, anticipating Auron might be less of a "stiff." The woman whose name Auron had long forgotten, if he had ever known it, had come up to his room after the party had retired for the evening and she declared there were no refunds, insinuating she had already been paid for. Auron suspected it was a lark, just to see what he would do, as if Jecht didn't really expect Auron to go through with it. But Auron simply widened his door and let her inside. If Jecht knew then what Auron was doing now to his only daughter...Auron closed his eye and tried not to think about it. It had a serendipitous feel, but Auron was convinced Jecht and Tidus wouldn't see it that way.

After a few moments of thoughtful quiet, Raine said, "No one's ever done that to me before."

"Done what?"

"Remember when you asked me if I was sure?"

Auron's lips twitched. "Yes."

"Everything after that."

He glanced over, questioning.

"Jory was the missionary-type," she explained and looked down at her hands folded across her belly. He could tell she was uncomfortable bringing up Jory, but this was probably the only context where Auron didn't mind.

"Ah," he said and tried not to sound too smug.

"You must have been with a lot of women with more experience than me." Raine peeked over uncertainly. "Do you remember the woman who liked your tongue in her backside?"

"Although they probably wouldn't have protested, yours is the first I've...tasted," he said with a chuckle.

"Tasted," she repeated with a shudder of revulsion.

Auron mocked insult. "The Summoner is not pleased with my technique?"

"Oh, the Summoner is pleased. I just never pegged you for an ass-man."

Remembering her on her knees in front of him, holding her ass up to him as an offering, Auron was glad he was safely under the covers. "What did you peg me for?"

"Boob-man, considering all the looks you used to sneak in the houseboat."

"You might think differently if you'd been aware of the stares when your back was turned."

She giggled and her hand reached across him until she found his hand. Pulling it down into the space between them, she laced her fingers with his. No one had ever held his hand before. He rather enjoyed the frivolous weight of it and Auron let his drowsy eye close, contently listening to her heart beat.

"I was thinking about shaving. Down there."

Eye opening, he said, "Is that what you were doing?" He faintly smiled at the recent memory of her self-examination on the toilet. "I hope you reconsider. I need fewer reminders of our age difference. Not more."

"It's only polite to clean up when expecting visitors."

"I prefer you looking as a woman, not pubescent."

"Speaking of pubescent..."

Auron regretted his choice of words. "Raine..."

"Why did you make me wait so long?" she asked ruefully.

"Had I handled you the way I had tonight before you were ready—"

"You were absolutely right to let me suffer in teenage angst, Auron, but I recall making you an offer in my early twenties."

"I was..." Auron wavered. "Not ready."

She dimmed. "I shouldn't have been so forward."

"I shouldn't have been so craven."

She rubbed his palm with her thumb, her nail catching a stiff callous and she absently picked at it. "How old are you, anyway?"

He chuckled. "I was 25 when I started my first pilgrimage."

She clicked her tongue. "You're forcing me to do math?"

Although he was still aging, he was actually 25. If he thought of it that way, she was really just a year older than him. And if he got really technical, he might remind himself her Zanarkand was 1000 years behind his Spira. But he had not gotten around to telling her these sorts of details and it made him slightly sick knowing these conversations were still looming. He had best stick to the numbers that would make sense to her until then.

"There are exactly 20 years between us," Auron said. Give or take 1000.

"Forty-six," she said, as if testing how his age felt on her tongue. She cautiously sipped air. "My father was 25 when he had me."

"I've always been painfully aware how close in age I am to your father." Had he lived, Jecht would be 51 this year, but Auron refused to reflect on how much time had gone by since his first Pilgrimage. Only old men did that. "If this makes you uncomfortable—"

"Auron, I've never been more comfortable with you than I am now. For once, you're talking to me like I'm an adult."

He didn't want to ruin the moment by asking about her therapist's diagnosis or if Raine still thought their attachment was harmful to her psychological health. It couldn't be more destructive than her relationship with Jory, which Auron suspected Raine kept secret from her doctor. "I think I know why Jecht asked me to watch over Tidus and not you."

"Why's that?"

"You're stronger than Tidus, and he knew it. Smarter, too. He knew you didn't need me."

"And again I'm punished for my strength," she said. "Admit it, Auron. I pale in comparison to Tidus, Jecht's prized star-player. We all know a daughter could never be as good at Blitzball as the legendary Jecht."

"Don't be pessimistic."

"And I beg to differ on my need for you," she said with renewed frustration. "So would Tidus, I imagine, since Tidus obviously thought I needed your minding."

Auron didn't say anything. He was still trying to figure that one out, too.

"I hated how unfair it was Tidus got all your attention and you never included me in any of your activities."

"If it makes you feel better, I'll refrain from including Tidus in any of our activities."

Raine laughed and flashed him a sneaky look. "Activities? Plural?"

"One of us should stay optimistic."

She laughed again and Auron grinned at her. Her smile idled a long time and it was still there when she asked, "When did you start thinking of me like that?"

Auron blinked, startled, and furrowed his brow. "Ask me something else."

Her eyes widened. "How young was I?"

"It's..." He scowled. "Complicated."

"You don't think I know that? If anyone's going to understand our complexities, it's going to be me."

She was right, but it wasn't easy to explain.

"I'll tell you when I started," she offered.

He passed her a wry look. "I think I know."

"My childhood crush on you doesn't count."

"Then it doesn't matter," Auron said firmly, squeezing her hand. "Only now counts."

Smiling wickedly, she said, "You don't want to know when I started touching myself while thinking of you?"

The mental image goaded a jolt from his groin, but he disguised it with a disgruntled, "Hmph."

She rolled over to face him. "Seventeen."

He glowered at her persistence, but she had provoked his interest nevertheless.

"It was that night on Gagazet. Do you remember?"

"I remember." He narrowed his eye furtively. "Seems like an odd time."

"After you walked me home, I received a half-hearted lecture from Aunt Naya and I went upstairs to my room, changed into my pajamas, got into bed and—"

"I get it." He remembered that night he'd been standing in his usual spot within the clump of juniper trees, in the backyard where he could keep an eye on her window on the lower level. Of course, when the light had gone out, he thought she'd been sleeping.

"Sometimes I would imagine you were watching while I—"

He cleared his throat, trying to get his wits about him. "I said I get it."

"Other times, I would pretend I was in Jory's car again, and you would come barging in, throw Jory out and come into the backseat with me and lock the door."

A half-smile crept onto his face as he pictured himself in place of Jory in the backseat of his car, groping Raine with the frantic abandon of a Zanarkand raised teenager. He shifted the blankets around his emergent erection.

She smirked. "Your turn."

Gauging her with his eye, he inhaled a long breath through his mouth and held it appraisingly, judging if he should tell her.

She blinked. "Oh my, was I a kid?"

"No," he snapped and then gave a torn shake of his head as he tried to remember when he stopped thinking of her as a child, which might have been sometime last week and that was hardly an exaggeration. "Your mother's funeral."

Her head came off the pillow a fraction. "I was 14."

"You...appealed to me."

She wolfishly grinned.

He rolled his eye. "Not like that. It was platonic."

"I was such a mess that day." She jutted her jaw pitifully. "And as I recall, you were mean."

"I know, I'm sorry." He stroked his thumb over the bumps of her knuckles. "You surprised me that day. You were so cynical for a girl your age and I kept seeing glints of myself in you."

"That's nice, it really is, but it doesn't exactly answer my question."

With a sigh, Auron turned on his side toward her but his sunglasses dug into the back of his ear and he took them off. Folding them neatly, he handed them to Raine and she reached back to set them on the nightstand. She snuggled back into her pillow and waited for him. Light had a muted appearance through the filter of his sunglasses and without them, her golden hair now looked on fire, as if the sun was hitting it instead of the soft lamp light on the dresser. He had to squint to look at her.

"You were eighteen."

She lifted her eyebrows doubtfully. "Eighteen?"

"That day on the swings."

Groaning, she covered her eyes. "Another bad day? Why can't you remember the days when I looked cute and was having good hair?"