Everything Looks Better Ch. 10

Auron could have slept longer, but the Pyreflies woke him, wagging his brain until it was thrumming in torment. Propping up on his elbow, he ground the heel of his hand into his good eye socket to pacify the Pyreflies and buff the sleep out of his face. It helped marginally, enough so she could at least squint around the inn room.

"Raine?"

Vocal cords gritty from sleep, he cleared his dry, prickly throat and dragged himself onto his hip, but as a dreadful thought gripped him, he examined the room with new effort. The bathroom door was open and the light was off. The bed was vacant.

Bracing an elbow on the bed, Auron snapped to his feet. "Raine!" he barked.

Of course she left him. Raine had limits and Auron had attacked those limits like a fiend in heat. No excuse for it. Even if he was in the midst of a near-sending. Even if he was desperate to stay out of the Farplane.

He stumbled to his leather plate on the chair and then swung around disoriented to find his cloak, which was missing. Strange. Popping his head into the bathroom, Auron scanned the floor, looking for Raine's pajamas. Her boots were gone, too, but her coat made of dingo hide was still slung over one of the stools, at the table where she had picked over a dinner of pork roast and strawberry cobbler. He realized she didn't intend to go far. If she was going to leave him, he expected her to have enough good sense to dress for the cold.

Space. A little would do them both some good. She needed to get used to the idea he was an unsent and he prayed it wasn't a deal-breaker, although part of her must have known. After they had tinkered with the shower's water temperature for ten minutes, she must have at least had a hunch something was wrong. Ignorance was bliss, he reasoned. She didn't want to admit he was dead as much as he didn't want to admit he was in love with her, ever since the night at the stadium, when she smelled of gum and hairspray. Eventually they would both have to face it.

Wrestling into his armor, he snapped the buttons on his collar. He yawned and massaged the back of his neck, throwing back an arm to stretch his shoulder. As he stood in the light sloping in from the main room, he gave the dark bathroom a casual glance. Earlier this evening, he had strode with stern intent to this spot, closing the door on Raine's naked back as she readied for her first shower. Thinking back, he should have compromised and only closed the door halfway, at least until he was better adjusted to their new phase of intimacy. After all, it was what married people did; they left the bathroom door open. She was bounding through the stages like a rabbit to a field of clover, and digging his heels in was the only way to slow her down.

He noticed Raine's kinked garter on the side of the sink and gave it a dry smile as he picked it up. He had promised her he would take it off her later. Zanarkand had some marital customs that differed from those in Spira and he wasn't familiar with all of them. This morning, when he saw the garter tying back her hair, he knew she had been expecting a wedding night customary of Zanarkand and it scared the shit out of him. Sure, he had spent the majority of his time at the houseboat staring at her ass when she wasn't looking, but she was still the little girl who once patted his knee to get his attention before she asked if he had any kids for her to play with. It took work to separate the two Raine's. But now that she was his wife, daydreaming of her in her cheerleading uniform didn't feel as immoral, although he speculated that had been part of the appeal.

Honestly, he didn't know what he was supposed to do with the garter but he meant to invent something when the time came. Something racy and derogatory that would probably involve his teeth. Just the thought of it made him smirk. Sniffing the garter once, it smelled like her hair and he nostalgically pressed it against his nose on his way back into the bedroom.

A wintery draft curled around his bare arms and Auron regarded the window inquisitively. It had been left ajar and wind was whistling through the crack. He approached the window to latch it.

However, what he saw outside made him forget about the escaping heat. The garter landed gently on the carpet. His boots were grabbed from under the table. The open door banged the wall on his way into the hall.

On the train to her wedding, Raine missed her stop and she wasn't entirely sure it was by accident. The instant it zoomed by, the pull of regret was sudden and unexpected, as if part of her had gotten off, while the other part stayed rooted to her seat.

As Raine grappled with her thoughts, the train stopped anyway, so swiftly she had to catch herself on the seat in front of her and slap a hand on her dress to keep it from slipping to the floor, although it didn't appear to have moved from its spot, despite the universal laws of inertia. She leaned over to the window, waiting for the poor sap that had missed the train to come running up alongside, but no one came. Instead, Raine's attention was drawn to an older woman in a sunny-yellow coat sitting stoical on one of the benches, hands in her lap, zoning out on some distant distraction and Raine became entranced by her impressive concentration. She did not move a muscle. Raine's scope of vision panned out, encompassing more of the train platform and she gasped, her hands clawing the glass in shock and wonder.

Everywhere, statues in mid-step were on their way back to work, their lunch hours almost through. A girl who had been swinging her purse with every stride was stopped in place, her bag defying gravity as it was swung out in front of her and a woman with a leash paused to let her scruffy dog scratch its ear and it was left in that pose, squinting at its own back foot. One man was waiting for his train, his head bent, his wrist up to look at his watch, literally looking at time as it stood still.

Only Raine could move, initiating in her a strange sense of solipsism in a world where only she existed. She shifted in her seat to look at the back of the train, the other commuters frozen, staring out the window or to the front. Some were in mid-conversation, their hands up in a stationary gesture, their mouths hanging open on a vowel sound. She became aware of the air. It was syrupy, like clear honey, unmoving, hardening to preserve the moment.

Across the aisle, in the train seat beside Raine, there had been an older woman sitting by the window, knitting something long and emerald green, like a fashion scarf, but now she was frozen, her needles motionless in her fingers. She had been sitting alone before, but now someone was sitting next to her, a little boy. The air around him was particularly shimmery, always moving, a colorful transparent fog shifting around him, comets of changing light wandering around him in an aimless orbit. He sat with sage-like patience, even if his feet dangled and didn't reach the floor, his androgynous nose and chin visible under the purple hood as he turned to face her.

"Can you see me?" Raine asked. Her voice echoed abnormally, like she was in an empty room with high ceilings, instead of a tightly packed train car.

"You missed your stop," he said smoothly, lightly. It was more than just an observation, though. It seemed bizarrely like a second chance.

"How do you know what stop I intend to take?"

"That's not important."

"What is important?" she asked, rigid with distrust.

He gave a soft giggle at her suspicion. "That you get off the train and go to the Dome."

"To my wedding?" Raine laid a hand protectively on the bag with her dress inside. Raine's second wedding dress she picked out by herself, her only aid came from the clerk who helped with the zipper in the back and answered affirmatively when Raine asked about bringing up the hem.

"To Auron."

"You—you know Auron?"

"Of course." He grinned cheekily. Raine noticed with interest he had all his teeth and they were in perfect proportion. A boy his age should be shedding his primary teeth, smiling with awkward gaps and a mixed dentition, but he seemed strangely timeless.

Inexplicably, Raine felt the heat go to her face. Maybe it was the way the little boy was looking at her like they shared a provocative secret. "What makes Auron so special?"

"He will always be loyal and he'll always protect you."

"I don't need protection," Raine said stubbornly.

"I know," the boy said, nodding under his hood. His lips twisted ironically at her. "But it makes him feel useful."

Raine laughed, but she cut it short as she became aware again of the Zanarkand residents around her. Although surrounded by people, a peculiar loneliness came over Raine, that familiar feeling of invisibility at a party while she waited for her friends to arrive. "This must be a dream."

"Precisely," he said.

"How long can we stay like this, then?"

"Not long."

She nodded thoughtfully. "I will wake soon."

"If everything goes right," he agreed.

She tilted her head, expecting him to clarify. Instead, he was looking out his window, distracted, although what he could be seeing eluded Raine, since everything was immobile as a photograph.

"It begins," he said. "Don't think."

"Will I see you again?"

For once, the boy seemed at a loss for words. "I...hope not."

Raine's head whipped back against her seat as the train resumed movement, the explosive rumble of the train engine and white noise of conversation was deafening after experiencing perfect silence with the boy. Her surroundings played again, missing not a single beat, and in the seat next to her, the old woman now sat alone, continuing to knit, taking a moment to tug more yarn from her bag on the floor, glancing at Raine self-consciously when she noticed her staring.

Sitting up straight, Raine realized it was possible she had fallen asleep, but she didn't feel drowsy. Without another thought, she reached up for her cord and tugged it for the next stop. She scooped up the bag with her dress inside and laid it across her lap so it would be ready for her when the train stopped.

She didn't mind the 3 block walk back to the Dome's entry, except for the bluster of warm wind that threatened to dismantle all the work she had put into her hair this morning. In fact, she could tell she had bride-brain since all the downtown buildings were reminding her of crazy wedding cakes, stacked out-of-order and with more layers. She had never correlated the two before and smiled as she pictured the banded strips of windows were piped frosting and the turrets, steeples and pyramidal spires were the cake toppers. Normal sounds of traffic and train whistles were drowned out by the constant pour of rooftop waterfalls, collected in street-level basins and pumped back into the Zanarkand River, which jaggedly carved the city into a north and south side.

The Dome was recognizable from almost every part of downtown, a round historic building with columns on the outside architecture, the entrance marked with a colorful steeple and a statue of a goddess. Some people said the Dome used to be a place to worship old gods, but beyond guesses and rumors, no one in Zanarkand knew for sure what the building was for. Raine had been there before to have the deed to the houseboat transferred to her name and Jory would go there regularly to get his driver's license renewed. She had only attended one wedding at the Dome. A friend of hers on the cheerleading squad, who was now already on her second child, wanted a quick and fuss-free wedding right out of high school. But Raine never imagined herself getting married there. Then again, she never really visualized the circus wedding Mrs. Drake had arranged, either. When Raine thought about getting married, she only thought of the marriage. Never the wedding.

The Dome was busy this time of day. Zanarkand citizens completing their errands on their lunch hour and some employees sat on the steps in little cliques, eating from bag lunches. Inside, a woman behind a glass, crescent-shaped desk was talking into her headset and Raine loitered, waiting patiently for her attention.

Holographic monitors lined the walls, their volumes off, each one on a different channel: news, sports, a soap opera, and a couple syndicated sitcoms. The monitor directly behind the receptionist was replaying footage from her first wedding, which had begun as a fluffy, human interest piece, but ended as breaking news of the Sinspawn arrival. A smile played on her lips as she watched Auron wielding his katana, mowing down Sinscales on the beach, appearing very irritated when the sphere cams got too close. The media had made him into a hero, which he dismissed and refused all interviews, except of course, Raine's private interview that evening in the houseboat.

Despite her proposal, Auron insisted they sleep in their usual rooms at the houseboat during the few weeks leading up to the wedding and on the final night, in the interest of formality, he slept somewhere else entirely. At least, that's what he told her he would do, but since she'd never seen him asleep, she suspected he was still in viewing distance of the houseboat, reverting back to his stalking days when she was in high school. Auron wanted a swift wedding and he talked to the priest of the Zanarkand Dome himself. Auron was more pedantic than Raine realized and he had arranged for them a very traditional wedding.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm getting married today," Raine said, realizing only after she said it how lame she sounded.

The receptionist smiled knowingly. "Down the main hall, third door on the right."

"Thanks."

Raine found the corridor behind the desk, under the monitor replaying Auron's sword heroics, a long, arched passageway with high ceilings, intricate wall details, old marble, stone and bronze sculptures and random spurts of stairs. This wasn't the way she came for her friend's wedding but that had been a long time ago and maybe guests were directed down a different way. She found the right door, went inside and found another door directly in front of her, a double one without windows, closed for now. The floors were dark slate tiles, the lighting dim.

On her left, the door at the end of a short hall opened and a woman in a conventional skirt and blouse came out and smiled. "You must be the 1:00 bride."

"I think so." Auron did tell her to be there by 1:00.

"I'm Darlene. Come with me." She held the door open for Raine and they entered yet another hallway. The woman led her to one of the doors, but how she could decipher it from the rest eluded Raine. The Dome was beginning to feel a little like a dark maze. "You can change in here."

"Thanks."

The room was not very big, but the window faced the Zanarkand River and there was a functional bathroom, a full length mirror on the wall and gently used furniture. On the coffee table in front of the sofa were a spectacular bouquet of purple moon-lilies and a small catering tray of biscuits and cheese.

"I'll check on you when we're ready to start," Darlene said with a smile and closed the door.

Raine hung the dress up on a hook by the door and approached the flowers. There was a card and Raine opened it immediately.

Eat something. –A

Raine wasn't surprised it was to the point, but she was surprised to see it was handwritten in neat cursive. She had never seen Auron's handwriting before, but decided it was probably the florist's script. The whole set-up was rather thoughtful, yet somehow, it was serving a practical purpose, even the flowers, which she couldn't help thinking were a persuasive medium to get her to eat.

She was actually a little nervous Auron wouldn't come. Before his 3 month disappearance, Auron felt like a stone in her hand. Since then, he felt more like beach sand, steadily slipping through her fingers, and an anxious thread tugged at her insides as she wondered if she was only getting married so he would feel like a rock again.

Eating was the last thing on her mind, but she nibbled at the cheese and went to put on her dress.

Thundering down the steps in his bare feet, Auron found Rin in the storefront, staring out the window. He seemed relieved to see Auron and held up his hands preemptively as if to explain something.

"Sir Auron, I was about to come get you."

"What is she doing?" Auron growled, hopping into his boots. He headed for the door without tying them. "How long has she been out there?"

"Not long." Rin sighed sincerely. "I may have said something to upset her."

Auron halted at the door and faced him. "What exactly did you say?" he shrewdly asked.

With a frantic shrug, he said, "The conversation just sort of evolved. Had I known beforehand you two really were married, I would never have let it—"

"What? What did you say?"

"I implied Yunalesca could never turn down a conjugal bond. When she told me you were married, I tried to congratulate her. But she just shook her head and ran out."

At first it didn't sink, but then Auron made an irritated sound deep in his throat.

"I know, I shouldn't have interfered, but the poor girl wanted answers."

"What if she'd jumped?"

Taken aback, Rin's mouth dropped open. "Why on Spira would she do that?"

With a scowl, Auron began to open the door, but Rin stopped him again.

"There's something else."

"More?"

"Something else may have slipped out," he said and hesitated. There was something about the way he crossed his arms just then, as if he were protectively bracing himself. "I may have mentioned Zanarkand Ruins—"

"Damn you, Rin," Auron said through stiff lips and swung open the door.

"Forgive me, Sir Auron."

Auron stepped onto the freshly shoveled walkway, his boots scraping on the salt. It was cold, but it didn't bother him. There was a lamp on the side of the building, but Raine was standing just beyond the fuzzy radius of light, and he could just barely see her against the backdrop of a navy blue abyss. She was standing with her back to him and a blast from the chasm snapped the cloak around her ankles.

"Raine, come inside," Auron called authoritatively from the door.

She didn't respond. She didn't even look over her shoulder to acknowledge she had even heard him.

So what if Rin mentioned Zanarkand Ruins? Tidus found out about Zanarkand Ruins this way, too, through word of mouth, and all the boy thought was that he'd somehow come forward 1000 years in time. It wasn't until much later in the pilgrimage when Tidus learned the truth of who he was and where he came from. It wasn't too late to tell Raine this truth in Auron's own way—and far from the edge of this gorge.

Advising Rin back inside with only a threatening look, Auron walked to the edge of the light. She was lingering so close to the drop-off. After his rough treatment of her earlier, he was afraid to go any closer until he knew exactly what she was thinking. At this point, it could be just about anything.

"I'm sorry," he called. "About earlier. Did I hurt you?"

It was a long time before she answered and her voice sounded small and far away in the darkness. "No."

"Is this about the Pyreflies you saw?"

Another pause. If it was possible, she sounded even further away. "Rin told me you're unsent."

Auron closed his eye and ground his teeth, more angry with himself than with Rin. "Do you want to come inside and talk about it?" Anything to get her away from the cliff; he didn't trust the cornice of snow at the edge to hold her if she stepped too close.